Progressive Absurdity
by Mir-Layne
Summary: Dib is an adult. He's got the job of his dreams and a secluded house of his own, without any human or alien to annoy him. Finding comfort alone, surrounded only by machines. But tonight, someone's coming back to get him. Etheral ZADR of a kind. Some RAPR.
1. Chapter 1

Progressive Absurdity: Part one

- "...and in the entire name of W.W.H.Q.F Corporation, I most sincerly wish to apologize for the trouble you encounter... no, no, Ed, cut the recording, just cut it, this is no good. "

- "_Recording cut. "_

The computer answered in an almost -but not quite- matching flat and monotonous tone. The young man lifted his arms up to the ceiling, straightening his back, allowing some stretching to his stiffened muscles. Feeling more than a bit tired -and so very bored- he took of his glasses out of habit, and set out to clean them with his sleeve, outminding the fact that there wasn't any dirt on them.

- "Play the beginning again. "

His recorded voice rang in the large mainframe room, spilling empty words and pointless sentences to no one. Dib listened for a moment, then shook his head in weariness.

- "Ok, stop. This sucks. I can't do this. I won't do this. This is not what I was hired for. Computer? "

_- "HI THERE! "_

_Wow. How does this machine manage to sound so dull one second and so cheerful the other?_

- "How many soda cans left in the fridge? "

- "_Twenty-four in the Untested area, thirteen and a half in the Quality Certifed area, thirty-nine in the Trash area. "_

- "... get me one Untested. Overloaded with caffeine. "

- "_I should warn you, some of the most caffeine-loaded untested sodas exceed the normal dose human nervous system can stand. "_

- "Great. Give me the less dangerous one. I need to stay awake, not to collapse from a heart attack. "

A minute later, it was in his hand.

_Hum. Tastes like synthetic sugar and oil, but not too bad. Mental note, wait for possible digestive traumas. _

- "Eddie, when I'm done, remember not to put the can in the blender. I still need to give it a mark. "

He glanced toward the giant blank screen.

_You're supposed to be working here, Membrane. Darn._

_Why do they need me to handle this? I know the owner was mad at us for accidently blowing up his last delivery, but how I am supposed to write a Apologize E-mail when I can't even speak French? I'm no psychiatrist, for Earth's sake! The guy has every reason to be mad. And so do the people of Khuul. I'm not very sure which one of thew I'd rather deal with._

He took another sip of his _Straight to the brain! _caffeine soda.

_I shouldn't have to deal with this. I shouldn't have to play the guinea pig for the Companies either. I mean, do they lack of brainless retardeds so much they have to ask fully competent agents to do the testings for them? Tomorow, I'll write a complaint message to those irresponsible big shots, and if nothing changes, I'll ask Eddie to hack their central systems and send their stock massively to a place where they do not want it. My, do I act like a child, sometimes. Maybe I could just sue them to get discharged of this job, if I ever catch diarr..._

A loud double "Clang!" pulled him out of his reveries. The characteristic noise of protection walls closing themselves on each side of the corridor, making it impossible to either retreat or go on.

_What the..._

Somebody had tried infiltrate his house by the front door. This happened only twice. He had been away a few days for work, and came back to find a half-dead burglar trapped in the protecting device. He had to call an ambulance at once, then a lawyer, so as not to be sued for murder attempt. The second time was nothing more than a stupid badger which ended up crushed against the wall. It took him days to get the place cleaned, and he was in no mood to do it again.

- "Don't tell me I have to get up for one of those stupid critters ... "

He had made a habit of talking aloud to himself, as he spent all of his free time on his own. Reluctantly, he raised from his chair, and headed to the main entrance. As expected, a large metallic wall was blocking his view, but no sound could be heard from the inside. Yes, definitely one of those bloody curious animals.

- "Computer... "

- "HI THERE! "

- "...get me a DNA analysis of the intruder. "

_- "DNA ANALYSIS IN PROGRESS. "_

Dib waited. He was a master in waiting, the best of his promotion. His patience had stretched up with the years, along with his body. Seconds later, a "Ting!" that was much like a microwave's echoed the living room.

_- "DNA ANALYSIS COMPLETED. RESULT: IRKEN. "_

The human jerked.

- "Irken? No way! Are you sure? "

_- "DNA ANALYSIS: IRKEN. ERROR PROBABILITY: 0, 0001 PER CENT. "_

- "Okay, okay. I'll check in myself. Turn camera 001 on. "

With a click, it was.

There was no light left in the small prison, but on the infrared image, Dib saw a thin, violently shaking shape, huddled in a corner. The shape of it, the legs and arms made it look human, hadn't it been for the slumped antennaes at the back of the flattened head. The alien looked in a terrible state, wounds and gashes marring its back and shoulders, for all he could see from where he was. Dried blood on its skin, although the red filter didn't allow any color to show. Bravely, painfully, the intruder supported itself on the wall, and slowly got up, thin legs quivering. Standing without knowing it right in front of the height scale engraved in the wall. It wasn't tall, but not small either, almost like any regular standard human male. Just high enough to match Dib's shoulder. Its Irken uniform had been partially shredded, showing most of its upper half.

_There's no way I'm letting some dying alien come and pass away in my lab. My house is no elephant... alien cemetery._

Finding no exit, the prisoner started hitting the thick wall with ridiculously bony fists, despair clear in its pointless acts. Over, and over, until dark stains appeared where the wall had been hit.

_Wow, _Dib thought, _I got one angry fellow in here. Better take precautions._

Finally, the hysterical creature stopped its madness, and glanced at its abused hands. Shortly after, it was kicking the wall with all its might.

_Now that your hands are useless, why not try to break your feet as well? It might work. I'm impressed. The only reason it's still standing is pure willpower. Even if it doesn't realize I'm on the other side, and it's kicking toward the door._

But if it keeps on doing this, its gonna kill itself. Blasé, the human pressed a tiny blue button located under the control screen, activating the microphones. From the cabin, only pants and heavy breathing could be heard, but no screams or words of any kinds. He moved closer to the tiny holes.

- "Hey, calm down in there. Don't hurt yourself even more than you already are. "

His voice sounded robotic to his own ears through the microphone. The alien jumped and ceased its kicking, antennas raising instantl. It turned over slightly, trying to locate where the voice came from, allowing Dib to see its face at last.

_Haven't we met before?_

- "Haven't we met before? "

_What a brilliant move, Sherlock. Try again._

- "Who are you, and what are you doing here? "

No response. The Irk just stood where it was, hands fisted, face hard, eying the human viciously.

_Its looking right at me, but it's too dark in here for it to see the camera. Irkens do have wonderful hearing._

- "Answer me! Who are you, and what are you doing here? "

_Wait. Maybe it doesn't understand what I'm saying. This would be weird, but it might happen._

- "English, do you speak it? "

Silence. The antennas flickered slightly in agitation, but that was all.

_He's scared. Scared and apprehensive. Clenched muscles. Defensive posture of the hunted beast. Something bad must have happened. Judging by his wounds, I would say its ship crashed somewhere near. It must have come to my house to try and find something to fix it, but it didn't expect this kind of trap down here. Yeah, that is the most plausible theory._

- "I mean no harm, you know. I hope you don't, either. Anyway, if you need help to go back to your home planet, you are in luck, because that is what I'm paid for. I'll help you. But I need you to know, I have ways to protect myself if you behave aggressively. Understood? "

More nervous flickering, but no change on expression.

- "I take that as a yes. Let me fetch something, then you'll be free. "

Dib took a few steps away, until he reached his desk drawer, before going through the fingerprint analysis process. The first drawer opened which and electronic buzz, conceding his owner to take the electric tweezer that was waiting inside, then closed again with a dry "clank!". He came back, pushed another button, and both walls retreated immediately, making the alien loose its balance, somehow managing not to fall, stumbling a bit, but remaining on its shaky feet.

He could see the blood now. It was green. So much for originality.

- "Are you alright? Do you want me to help you? "

The round shiny pink eyes landed on the human in front of him, and it _hissed._ How strange for Dib, but not in the least frightening.

_I never knew Irken could do this. It's like a giant lizard trying to protect his babies. Funny._

- "Are you kidding me? He asked in a lazy tone. Who are you trying to impress? "

_Don't make me use the tweezer, _he silently prayed, _I'm tired. I really don't want to. Plus it would kill you for sure. _

The Irk glared at him so hatefully that the human almost felt guilty.

_So much anger. Something really bad must have happened to him. I hope it has nothing to do with the local authorities. 'Cause if it has, I certainly won't deal with it._

- "What's wrong with you? I'm offering to help, here! Come on. Let's get you clean, first. "

He took a step toward the wounded alien, who promptly got a lazer pistol from somewhere under the remains of his gardment.

_How did I miss that on the screen?_

- "Oh no, you don't. "

He muttered slowly, walking closer, and sharply snatching the gun out of the alien's trembling hands. Lazily he threw the weapon into the compact box, followed by the sound of crushed plastic and metal. Without giving him time to turn around, the mad Irk pounced. Dib let out a strangled "humph!" at the alien's desperate attempt to punch him. He never had to use the tweezer.

A simple shove was enough to send him flying, landing flat on his scarred back, motionless. Grunting softly, but not letting out any cries of any sort, he lingered on the metallic floor, twitching with pain and blind rage. The human didn't know whether to feel sorry for him, laugh at him, or kick him in the ribs to teach him not to spit on a peace offering. He eventually approached the softly jolting body, and squatted by his side.

- "Now that you cannot move anymore, he asked in a slightly irritated voice, do you feel ready to talk to me? "

The Irk only gritted his teeth, and hissed again. Dib shook his head with a sigh.

- "You're as stubborn as an Alpha Centaurian Megadonkey. "

_Wait a minute._

He stopped dead for a moment to think. This was not an expression he often used around him, as very little people would understand it, but he had the feeling he had used it before with someone. Then it struck him. Hard.

- "Ow, he commented flatly after seconds of shock, so you _didn't _fall into a pool and melt, did you. "

The words had the injured alien jerk upward nervously, but quickly fell back with a pained grimace.

- "I know you couldn't wait, commented Dib with a smirk, but you came back too soon. See, I'm still alive. Too early. "

A very old, forgotten, maternal warmth was raising from his chest, spreading through his veins. Without any warning, he grabbed hold of the bleeding hand and squeezed it, not enough to hurt.

- "Welcome back, Zim. "

* * *

_Oh, how easy it had been!_

_After all those years, how easy! So much time, lost for nothing! So much time thinking so hard, doing his best to come up with brilliant plans, putting all of his intelligence in the process... When basic stupidity did the trick. _

_The biggest LIE ever. The biggest BLUFF._

_He never knew what came over him that day. Maybe he was feeling particularly desperate. Or particularly idiotic. But it worked. It WORKED. Even now, in his early thirties, he still couldn't believe it. By this time, he had been only thirteen, and incredibly tired. His life was a living Hell, and chasing along a hysterical evil green demon didn't make it any easier. He remembered this fateful day, and his own words. Random words of despair._

_He didn't feel like fighting on that day. He really didn't. But he HAD to, as no one else would to it for him, and it was all Zim was waiting for. So he tried. He tried, with no hope whatsoever._

_- "Listen to me, ZIM! When you wasn't paying attention, I placed a nano-bomb device somewhere in this damned PAK of yours! You can't find it, you can't locate it, and you can't remove it! It is designed to be invisible, even to computer scanners! And I programmed it so the only way to deactivate it is for me to die! Do anything to harm my planet and its people, or just try to unfold your freaky spidery legs from where they're resting and I'll make you explode!"_

_- "FOOLISH HUMAN! I just have to kill you, then! That I will! I WIIIIILLL! "_

_- "Foolish yourself, Zim! I KNEW you would. So I also programmed it to deactivate only with me dying of natural causes! If I'm shot, poisoned, run over by a car, or any unnatural process, you'll go BOOM! And you can't artificially accelerate my aging-process, it will sense it! Now and from now, we're linked together! AH-AH! "_

_- "LIAR! LIEEESSSS! YOU LIE! ZIM DOESN'T TRUST ANYTHING COMING OUT OF THIS FILTHY MOUTH OF YOURS! "_

_Dib offered him a mischievous smile._

_- "As you wish, Zim. Do you want me to blow you up right now? "_

_- "Fine! Go on! Make Zim explode! As if you could! "_

_Placidly, the boy got out the small remote control he had accidently put in his pocket that very morning. To his great pleasure, the Irk started secreting his own personal Irken sweat, eyes huge. He was about to press the tiny button when the shriek came._

_- "DON'T! DON'T MAKE ZIM EXPLODE! "_

_Grinning, he put the remote back in his pants pocket, where it couldn't be reached. The small alien was fuming._

_- "DO NOT THINK YOU'VE WON, HUMAN-FILTH! He yelled, pointing menacingly at Dib, I'LL STEAL THIS REMOTE FROM YOU! "_

_- "Then I'll hide it where you can't find it. "_

_- "SO I'LL TORTURE YOU UNTIL YOU TELL ME! "_

_- "Then I'll kill myself, and you'll die along with me. "_

_- "I'LL STOP YOU FROM KILLING YOURSELF! "_

_- "Let's face it, Zim. You've lost. You'd better act extra-nice to me from now on. If I get too unhappy, I may commit suicide. And it'll be the end of you, and your brilliant mastermind! "_

_Zim was foaming with rage. Literally. Shaking with hate, frustration, and anger. In fact, he looked really to explode without any internal help._

_- "Come on Zim, the boy remarked, laughing, you always tell me that human life is pathetically short compared to you Irkens. You just have to wait for me to die, then you'll be able to take over whatever you want, for all I care. This shouldn't be long for you. Consider this as time devoted to refine your conquest strategy. Design the most perfect plan of all. One that no one could ever counter. I know you can. I have faith in your evil genius. And when I'm dead and buried (Will you be kind enough to wait for them to bury me before annihilating the human race? No? Thought so.), the world will be yours. "_

_Zim took the opportunity to sit on a passing dog, asphyxiating it, and thought the whole thing about carefully, weighing the pros and cons._

_- "Stupid pig-beast, he grumbled at last, as though you're giving me any choice here... " _

* * *

- "Don't struggle! Jeez, you're like a bloody eel, there! All squirming and slippery...don't make me drag you up by the antennae, because I swear I will! "

At last, he threw the wounded alien none to gently over the sheets.

- "Tell me, Dib asked bitterly, how am I supposed to deal with this? "

He had had all the pain in the world carrying the alien to his room despite his thrashing and hissing, and sadly, kicking him in the legs had been the only way to make him lie down. Fortunately, once settled on the human's relaxing nest, Zim felt the full weight of his abused body finally downing back at him, and gave up fighting. His legs hurt from the various kicking, and the walls around wouldn't stop swirling. Fresh blood was pouring from reopened ancient wounds, spilling drops of rich green liquid over his skin and fabric. Dib had to give up his bed. Not that he really wanted to, but mostly because it was the only bed in the entire house.

_Fine. Now, where I am gonna sleep? Destiny's coming back and biting me in the butt for not buying this couch last time. Hey! Was that a groan? I swear to Whomever, if he dies in this bed, I'll burn it, buy the couch and sleep on it for the rest of my life._

He couldn't help the slight tug of worry in his chest at the Irken's distress.

- "Zim? Zim, are you alright? "

_Oh yeah, he's fine. In fact, he is so bursting with life his blood is peeking out to get some fresh air!_

- "I mean... can I help you? "

Heavy breathing, but no words. Dib's expression darkened.

- "Do you hear me? I asked if I could help you! "

_Maybe the blood had spilled in his internal hearing system and made him death, he IS an alien after all, this might happen._

- "You must be very ill, and badly wounded moreover. You may die soon. "

He didn't intend for it to sound this carefree and unsupportive.

_Bad move. Darn. Why must I be so tactless I feel like banging my own head against a wall? Lack of social life, surely. Now I can't even express myself the way I want to._

Looking back down, he noticed furious pink eyes on him.

_So you DO hear me._

- "Sorry, he added truthfully, it wasn't for me to say something like this, but I'm the only one around, and no doctor will answer any "please come and rescue the alien sprawled on my bed, please!" distress call. But I'll try my best for you not you die. Whether you want it or not. "

A memory crept out of nowhere, preventing him from doing something stupid.

- "Err... If I'm correct... you're... more or less allergic to water, aren't you? What I am supposed to clean you with, then? "

Zim bared his light pink teeth, but said nothing.

- "I don't think disinfecting your wounds with ink, petrol or peanut oil would do them much good. You've got me pretty stuck here. Give me a hint or I won't be of any use. "

No sounds, still. The human felt his legendary patience cracking up. Whomever knew, he was a peaceful and tolerant man, but he didn't like being exploited, and mocked at the same time.

- "Why won't you say anything? "

His question was only rewarded with more hateful glares.

- "What? You're so resentful you won't even talk to me? I've become below threatening? Not worth you insulting me anymore? Is that it? "

The alien's thin hand crept up slowly, until it reached near the human's throat, and he groaned. Zim was way too tired to attempt anything right now, but the look in his eyes made his incoming intentions more than clear. Dib sighed and swept the offending hand away.

- "You want to kill me? I won't let you! You want to die? Fine! I won't let you either. "

He was gradually becoming sick of the alien's lack of speech.

- "Come on, Zim, he urged bitterly. I know you still have a tongue. I saw it a short time ago. Say something. Anything. Like... "

He scratched the side of his head, thinking.

- "...I hurt so very much! Gwah! I hate Earth! I'll kill you twice! My blood is green! Who would have guessed it? "

Outraged round eyes, clouded by pain. Dib realized his cruelty, and bit his lower lip in slight shame.

- "... I'm sorry. Here. Let me have a look. "

He motioned for the remains of the ruined uniform, tugging on it as if to remove them, but the hand came back, pressing flatly against his face, not slapping nor pushing, simply keeping him away.

- "Don't be stupid. The human stated, voice muffled. You're in no position to fight. "

_Good thing I equipped my glasses with this new auto-washing glasses system, or I'll be in trouble._

In the end, all he could do was inspect and pout at how bad the gashes looked, as he had no notion of medicine of any kind. But Heck, this wasn't part of his job! Plus Zim wasn't making it any easier, crossing his arms around his thin chest, waving his antennas in his face to unnerve him.

_Jeez. So bony. I'm sure I can't even remove those arms from where they are without pulling them off. Tricky._

- "This is serious. I'm afraid I can't do anything by myself. But I can't call the doctors at the office either... they would be much too likely too kill you "by incident", and then innocently ask for the body to dissect... Dealing with aliens without ever meeting any in person has frustrated them beyond reason. "

_But I know who could help me with this. Problem is, they might refuse if I tell them what it's all about. Well, anyway, don't try, don't cry._

- "Listen to me. I'm going to contact some folks I know to ask for assistance. But don't worry, they won't tell anyone about you, and they certainly won't come here. That should give you time to ponder if you're ever going to speak to me again. "

As expected, the alien didn't answer, but this time passing out seemed good enough of a reason.

_Ah-ah. I could grab your throat now. You wouldn't even notice. Mmm... talking of throat and noticing, this muteness of yours disturbed me._

- "I never saw you so... silent before. He told the sleeping figure on the bed. I almost didn't recognize you. "

_You were so talkative before, always crying and cursing and insulting and complaining... driving people to madness by the simple sound of your high-pitched voice. I can't believe you suddenly decided to shut up for good. This wasn't like you. This wasn't you. Weren't you smaller, too? It is as if something was preventing you from talking ... no. It can't be. He still has his tongue, and it is not damaged. So what? Sour throat? He didn't cough once since he arrived. Fit of raving scorn? Way too high above him! _

There was only one way of knowing.

- "Computer, he ordered aloud, give me a full scan of our host's metabolism, and find out why he stayed so silent the whole time. "

- "_Scanning. "_

* * *

_And then one day, all of the sudden, no more Zim._

_The human believed, at first, that the Irk had grown tired of Skool and its tedious, useless educational filth, and quickly cleared his mind of it. He didn't come back the next day._

_Not willing to appear more paranoid than he already was, Dib decided to ignore Zim's absence for a time. The real wondering began when the alien didn't show up at his place anymore, as he usually did. Still trying to pretend not to care, the teen began looking around, see if he got any sight of a strange green-skinned kid. But anywhere he looked, alien-free places. Suspicion grew, and he finally decided to pay him a visit. The little freak was surely once more engrossed in one of his wacky world conquest plan, despite their agreement. After all, this was ZIM, and ZIM deserved to have a eye kept on him._

_Zim's house seemed unnaturally quiet. The gnomes didn't move has he made his way to the door, which bothered him more than it should have. As expected, he was greeted by the annoying little excuse of a robot, who gave him a shiny smile._

_- "Hello, Bighead-moose! "_

_- "GIR, where is your master? Why doesn't he answer the door himself? Is he busy? "_

_The machine pursed his lips, stuck out his tongue, as though about it for a minute. Dib waited, anger rising._

_- "Masteeer is not heeerreee. He hasn't come baaack. I'm waiiiting for him! "_

_GIR finally blurted, nudging some fallen leaves with his foot._

_- "What do you mean "he didn't come back"? How long have you been waiting for him? "_

_The question had the robot thinking so hard Dib thought he could hear his internal wheels grinding together. _

_- "I watched the Scary Monkey Show seven times! "_

_'Scary monkey show?' Dib asked himself. 'Ow, this daily crap. Wait, daily? If I get this right, that means Zim's been gone for a whole week now.'_

_And if GIR was incapable to tell the exact time his master disappeared, he was also incapable to lie without him -or anyone- noticing._

_- "GIR, listen to me. Did Zim tell you something, anything, the last time you saw him? "_

_- "Yeeesss! Master told me to shut up and turn of the tee-vee! "_

_- "Is this all? "_

_- "No! "_

_- "What else? "_

_- " "CLEAR UP YOUR MESS YOU LAZY TRASH BIN! "_

_The robot screamed in a high-pitch, bad imitation of his master's voice. Dib slowly took his hands of his ears, and tried one last time, without much hope. _

_- "And that's all he told you before leaving? Nothing about a trip, about going somewhere for a time, or something like that? "_

_- "Nooooo. No trip. No somewhere, no something. Master's gooooone. I'm waiting for him. "_

_And that was all he could learn form the retarded piece of metal. The little green bastard gave no warning, showed no sign, and left no note before vanishing into thin air, abandoning his house, his faithful robot, and -he had to admit it- a rather disappointed Dib._

_'Maybe he's dead', mused the teenager while heading to his own home, 'maybe he tripped into a barrel of water, or a pool, and he melted away. Maybe he's been caught by the CIA, and some excited scientists are opening his chest to see what's inside at this very moment. Maybe he just got tired of the whole plan and flew home without looking back. Anyway, I don't think I'll ever see him again. Too bad. "_

_A year passed. Then two, three, four. And as it was a part of the biological growing process, Dib began to forget._

_At the age of twenty-two, he left his father's house to get his own -moving his personal laboratory with him- in the country, in a secluded place, where no neighbours could ask him about the strange lights and noises coming from his basement at night. Soon, his whole dwelling was no more than a giant, house-shaped computer, entirely automatized, with almost as many screens as walls. His computing skills enabled him to get the job he had wanted so much since he was a child, and made a good deal of it._

_Alone in his great, bipping, buzzing and shining house, Dib slowly but surely became a full-grown adult. And forgot everything about a little shouting green bug-eyed invader._

* * *

Heading back to the main room, he regained his usual seat in his favorite chair before the giant control screen, and activated the outerspace communication program. Doing so, he had a chance to glance at his green-covered hands.

_Wow, blood. It didn't strike me because of the color, but it's gotten pretty bloody around here. Doesn't smell like it, though. Strange it doesn't affect me in the least, I mean, it's blood I'm covered in! Zim's blood. An ancient dream come true. How come I'm not feeling anything? Guess my brain doesn't make the link between what its used to consider as actual blood, and the natural biological disgust process. Such display would probably make any Irken sick to his stomach. Or would it?_

_This is the moment to find out._

At last. Time to put his own personal connection with_ the Massive _to other purpose than business. Dealing with Irk's leaders was part of Dib's job, as Red and Purple's logics and comprehension usually sent any P.I other than him crying and pulling their own hair off. It was miracle that they, despite their abnormally long life, managed to keep their place among the Irken's Empire after all this time. But again, they were. Very. Tall. Well, good for them.

As long as they were in power, Irken-human relationships were assured to remain peaceful, productive even. Dib understood long ago, all those two were interested in was new dishes to eat. And the Investigators, once told -and calmed down- about it, were more than happy to provide them with tons of world-wide specialities, for a fee of some "out of space" technology displays. Thanks to Irken's technology, their little market expended to other planets, and Earth's food rapidly became a rare, expensive but extremely prized value across the Universe. Of course, the final destination of the food was hidden from the general public, and most of the Food Company they had to deal with.

This whole business contributed in making Dib's little work place blossom into a huge, international secret organization, more powerful than the CIA itself, subtly disguised as a High Quality Food Corporation. Dib's salary logically increased, not as much as he expected it too.

- "That, Dib's superior kept telling him with an amused smile, is the power of FOOD! "

And then he would pat him on the back, longer than necessary, and Dib would sometimes slap him. Apart from those little incidents, they remained good friends.

- "Computer, get me a communication with the "Twins". "

A long humming answered him, as large red capital letters flashed on and off the screen wall:

_CONTACTING "GREEN BULIMIC RETARDS"_

_CONNECTION IN PROGRESS_

_PLEASE WAIT_

The Hell with titles and ceremonies, he could allow himself a little joke on his own computer. Plus, he saw no point in kneeling in front of a screen when their correspondent wasn't even looking at him most of the time, and simply referred to the two Irk rulers as "Guys". They never flinched. In fact, from the very moment he met them, he always had the feeling he could call them "brainless bug-eyed green sticks", and they still wouldn't care. Were they too dumb or too carefree to, was hard to say.

Soon, the waiting was over, and the "Green Bulimic Retards" were on.

- "Sorry to be a bother, guys, but I'd like to have a quick word with y... "

Dib had to stop in mid-track, stunned, left eyelid twitching (again). The Almighty Tallest of Irk were now presently occupied to fundle and grope each other's few skin that laid between distorted bones and empty spaces, paying no attention whatsoever to the main screen they were standing right before. Hard task, but they were evidently putting their squeedly spooch into it.

_Typical irresponsible Tallest behavior, no need to be really surprised. Okay, on the count of three. One, two..._

Resuming the initial shock, Dib managed to blunt a very pissed off "Guys, COME ON! ".

- "My back is so sore! "

Exclaimed Purple out of nowhere, pulling out his friend's arms, only to have him continue his rubbing on his thin shoulders.

- "It is sore for sure, Red quietly agreed, your muscles are the most knotted muscles I've ever massaged! "

- "They are also the only muscles you ever massaged!"

Purple went on, as if nothing was going on.

- "Well, I AM Tallest after all, I don't randomly give massages to anybody. "

- "Right, right. We are Tallest. Pride. Privilege. Respect. "

_Do they even have muscles?_

The human wondered, inspecting the other's little mascarade with suspecting eyes. He waited like this for a short time, but quickly grew tired of this pointless show.

- "You know, he slipped in a flat voice between their rambling, you are rather convincing with this. Congratulations. "

- "Thanks! Beamed Red, we practiced! "

He immediately bit his lips and turned a doubtful shade of darker green, while Purple smacked his unusually large forehead.

_These guys are begging for trouble. Somebody HAS to tell them. Why am I always the only one to do this kind of thing?_

- "Seriously, I don't mind, but you're walking on thin ice! It could have been anybody, other than me! Some kind of important ambassador or something! What about this petty minister or Urg? What would he say if he caught you like this? How would that make you look to the world? Or are you trying to get discriminated on purpose? "

He couldn't help it, even as Paranormal Investigator, he HAD to marternize those loonies. Treat them like immature kids. Not that they minded in the least, simply looking slightly ashamed of themselves, bowing their heads for a second, then trying to change the subject. Or forgetting about it all, he'll never know.

- "He would have bought it. "

Assured Red gloomily.

- "Yeah, and you would have blown it like you always do! "

Grumbled Purple, quite humiliated by his fellow's thickness, but never stopping his rubbing nevertheless. Dib felt like appeasing the growing tension.

- "Really guys, it's no problem. It's your business, right? You're both full grown-ups, perfectly able to make your own decision, wisely and responsabily. "

_My, that hurt._

- "...beside, why would you care about what I think? Who am I to judge you? "

- "He's right, y'know, added Red hastily, eager to ease his partner's resentment, why should WE care about what a pathetic, short-lived germ-covered pointless little human thinks of us? "

- "You idiot. What if he TELLS? "

- "Nah, don't worry, he's just a human beast! Who would he tell this to? And even if he could, why would he do such a thing? "

- "Because he's a fricking PARASOL INSTIGATOR! And they have access to other alien's headquarters! Of course he can blow our cover to the Universe! He could even threaten us to get whatever he wants! So many important people he could tell, and we'll be RUINED! RUUIINEDD! "

In his excitement, he pressed Red a little too tight against his bizarelly shaped chest, choking him a bit.

- "Ow. We could always blow up the Aerp, though. Those... Vogons (Is that it? Or is it Vorgons?) people are just waiting for the permission... "

Dib coughed.

- "Hum, I'm still here, you know. "

Both looked back at the "human-beast" like they had forgotten his presence long ago.

_Tell me about short-lived memory. It's like talking two bloody goldfish in a bloody bowl. Still, I'll have to ask the committee about those Vogons. I don't think either of them ever laid eyes on a book.  
_

- "Relax. No need to blow up the Earth for that. I have no intention of telling anybody. You just need to be a little less obvious, and everything should be fine. I wanted to talk to you for a totally different reason. "

Although Irk were considered harmless to Earth, a sudden mood swing was always to be feared.

_Lunatic fools, don't you suddenly decide to destroy us on impulse, you'll regret it._

- "Moreover, he stated in a would-be joking fashion, where will you get your favorites snacks if you blow up the planet? "

He had a point. A decisive point, and the Aliens could do nothing but agree.

_Agree to put their planet and themselves in dreadful danger for food, had I been lying._

Self-satisfied absurdity. But it was okay. He was used to it. In his earlier years, Dib had thought himself a broad-minded boy. Until one of his most compliant (and most bloodthirsty, sic) teacher gave him a book that changed his whole vision of space for ever_: The Hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy._ A line in particular had caught his attention for quite a long time:_ "It is almost certain that the most absurd thing that can come to your mind has, in fact, already happened."_ Or something along those lines, as clearly as he could remember. It struck him anyway.

He spent hours on his roof, watching the sky, meditating about the sheer absurdity and improbability of the Universe, and gradually, patiently, made himself more and more partially ready to face a tiny bit of it. This was of course, on human scale, a miracle. He even tried, at some point, following the instructions of the book, to build the infamous Improbability Drive, by plugging his father's generator to a cup of really hot tea. It worked perfectly for about twenty-three seconds until the machine randomly decided to vanish into thin air, much like it had appeared in the first place. This incident caused Dib slight disappointment, but no real anger.

Douglas Addams's twisted vision of his own twisted world had brought him more peace of mind that he could ever hope for, way more effective than his father's Happy Zombie Pills. It was a stated fact now. If _this_ world was way beyond logic and reason, the Universe itself was at least as absurd, and probably even more. Probably incredibly worse.

From this time, Dib had finally made himself the most relaxed and tolerant of all Paranormal Investigators in his section, taking things as they came, instead of getting angry and frustrated. This newfound acceptance of alternate realities of life had made him one of the most prized investigators, and he was often asked for advice by his colleagues, or chosen over to handle delicate situations.

Although things went pretty well for him now, and despite such help, truth had been difficult to handle back then, when he was only sixteen.

* * *

_It all began shortly after Zim's sudden disparition, the first time he actually succeeded in breaking in Zim's base and staying there more than a few minutes without being thrown down the window by some mechanic arm and hysterical alien.__ He came out of sheer curiosity, now free to take a good look at the mysterious base, without putting his life on the bet. _

_Without his owner, and only GIR to defend the place, it had been a piece of cake. He tried to ask again the only remain of the Irk's presence about any information on his actual owner's location, but all he got was a series of "Adunnnoooo..." that rapidly set him off. Then the little robot went away screaming for no particular reason, leaving Dib alone, and the main screen on. Zim obviously didn't bother turning it off before leaving. Or maybe he didn't have the time, who knows. Fact is, it had been on for days. No doubt to have, whoever was watching at the other end of the screen had noticed something was wrong, and maybe, only maybe could he, Dib, take advantage of it._

_Looking at the screen, he held his breath out of reflex. Two bigger and longer versions of Zim were sitting on a comfy looking couch, fast asleep, maintening their balance by lying on each other's head. They had to be some generals of some sort, waiting for the invader they sent to report his actions to them. Such careless display had him mad at first, then grin wickedly. Oh so many things he could do right now to those greenhead bastards! He could, for example, dress up as Zim, and get all the informations he needed from those two to protect the Human Race! If they were as stupid as Zim himself was, it wouldn't be much of a difficulty._

_Or better, he could pretend to have killed Zim with some imaginary deadly Irk-killer weapon he wouldn't even have to find a name for, and frighten them away from Earth for ever! Yes. He couldn't do anything to them physically, so scaring them away was the most rational option. If he succeeded, the Human Race would be saved, and he'll be the greatest Anonymous American Hero ever unknown, and treated like dirt for the rest of his life..._

_'Stop. Rationalizing. Not good. Not. Good.'_

_- "Hey, wake up! Wake up, you green sausages! Look at me! I'm here! I won! Wake up! "_

_One of the two "sausages" opened a red eye lazily, before closing it again._

_- "For Irk's sake, Zim, WHAT? Can't you see we're busy right now? "_

_Dib's left eyelid twitched. It used to twitch a lot when angry or puzzled, and still did._

_- "I AM NOT ZIM! ZIM IS DEAD! DEAD! I KILLED HIM! "_

_Both aliens jerked awake at those words, and began staring a Dib in disbelief. The boy stared back, trying not to flinch, or burst out laughing._

_- "Tell me, the Purple one asked his sibling quietly, isn't this that big-headed kid Zim kept chasing around? "_

_- "Sure. He must have finally got him or something. "_

_- "But what on Irk is he doing here? "_

_- "I don't know... "_

_- "I am here to warn you, interrupted the "big-headed kid", that I have created a deadly weapon that no Irk people can survive! If you dare lay a finger... er, a CLAW on this planet, you'll be gotten rid of before you even have the time to blink an antennae! You'll be annihilated, just like Zim was! "_

_Another blank. The big Irks seemed at a loss for words._

_- "Sooo... Purple dared, in a very interested, if a bit unsure tone, you killed Zim. "_

_- "Yeah! I totally did! "_

_- "So, added Red matter-of-factly, Zim IS dead. "_

_- "Yes! I killed him with my terrifying mass-destruction weapon! "_

_- "Dead as "not alive anymore". "_

_Dib allowed himself a few seconds of recovering calm before answering._

_- "YEAH! He's dead! DEAD! He won't ever come back! He's passed on! Zim is no more! He has ceased to be! He's expired and gone to meet his maker! He's a stiff! Bereft of life, he rests in peace! He's pushing up the daisies! His metabolic processes are now history! He's off the twig! He's kicked the bucket, he's shuffled off his mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible! HE IS AN EX-ALIEN! "_

_This Python's reference only brought him more blank seconds, until Red held out his skeletal hand toward his colleague._

_- "HIGH TWO! "_

_- "YEAH! "_

_The next moment, they were jumping to their... feet(?), holding hands and dancing around, letting out cries of joys. The human couldn't believe what he was seeing._

_- "Wait a minute! You mean you're actually GLAD he's dead? "_

_Still dancing, Purple grabbed his friend under his armpits and balanced him so that his head -although upside down- was facing the boy._

_- "Ugh! He was SUCH a PAIN! Always calling, and calling, and HARASSING us all the time! He RUINED more things than you can EVER imagine! "_

_- "I've got quite an experience in ruined things, thank you. "_

_Mumbled the child between clenched teeth. Purple was swiftly handled once more, turned over and finally back-pressed to an almost nonexistent chest._

_- "Thank you human, for having gotten us rid of this terrible excuse for an Irken! "_

_Not the slightest trace of irony in his voice. Dib had to convince himself he wasn't dreaming by biting his own tongue over and over._

_- "I can't believe what you guys are saying. One of your fellows is dead, and you've got his killer right in front of your eyes, and you're... huh... snuggling each other. "_

_- "No we're not! "_

_Shouted Purple, giving his comrade's shoulder a friendly squeeze. _

_- "Zim was not a fellow of ours, stated Red firmly. Zim was... Zim. A nuisance. A failure. An annoying little bug. Nothing more than a walking error. I'd bet you had you share of troubles with him, too. He's made you so upset your head apparently doubled his original size. "_

_Dib sighted, suddenly dropping his whole I've-got-all-power-and-you're-so-dead attitude._

_- "Tell me about it. Or rather, don't. Look's like you were as eager to put him down as I was. Almost like... you sent him down there just to have him away. Funny, isn't it? And my head is not big. And seriously guys, you ARE snuggling. "_

_The awkward silence that follows told him more than any speech could have. Zim WAS sent on Earth only to be kept away. They WERE snuggling. But still, his head wasn't big._

_- "You... you... you DID? "_

_He sounded more shocked than he intended. Sensing his excitement, Purple used his most appeasing voice to explain._

_- "Have no fear, big-headed human, nothing bad will happen to the stinky dirtball you live on, as we don't give a Zim about it. We would have pushed him inside one of your human-pool ourselves if we had the chance. There, does it put your mind at ease? "_

_- "NO! What if he HAD succeeded? Billions of deaths for nothing? An entire planet destroyed for nothing? That's HORRIBLE! "_

_They frowned. Then, Red asked with a lazy gesture:_

_- "Honestly, how much damage did Zim cause? "_

_The boy was taken aback by this question. He had to admit, there wasn't much to recall._

_- "Ah... huh... not... not much, but... he COULD have... "_

_- "There, you see? No need to worry about anything. Zim is dead, and we'll leaving you alone to die in your own filth. Happy, aren't you? "_

_- "Delighted. "_

_Dib grunted, in a painfully sarcastic tone. He was mortified inside. Those morons had pushed things way too far. True, Zim had been thick to the bones as not to understand what was going on with him. But they had made the same mistake: Taking all of this seriously. Truth was here, the Universe didn't give a damn about Earth, and only some foolish attention-craving creeps like he and Zim could ever believe it did. Humans were forever left alone to deal with their personal conflicts. _

_More frustrated than ever, Dib dug into in pocket and pulled out a candy bar. Sugar would assuredly help his stress. As he took angry bites, he noticed the alien's fascinated stare on him. Mouth full of chocolate, he spat:_

_- "Waff'wong?"_

_Red pointed is claw-like finger toward the candy._

_- "What are you eating? "_

_- "Humf? "_

_- "That thing you're eating... he repeated slowly, what is it? "_

_- "Ziff? Focolate. "_

_Red gave his sibling a curious look, before his eyes fixed themselves once more on the piece of candy._

_- "Focolate, hum? It looks good. "_

_- "Yeah, agreed the other one, hunger in his voice, it sure looks good. "_

_Dib brusquely stopped eating. He just had had the most brilliant idea of all time._

* * *

As time passed, he finally came round to take the two Irken leaders for what they really were: Lucky bastards. Right persons, at the right place, at the right time. Disgusting. Picked up by some nonsensical system, pushed in the spotlight without any questions, and left alone to deal with their newfound duties. Red and Purple wasn't for sure the smartest people on Irk, but their spider-like body shapes gave them all powers, until some random taller guy shows up, and they end savagely slaughtered. Clearly, no one had never bothered to explain to those two how to rule a planet, just assuming they would know, that they would use the Holy Knowledge their height had blessed them with. People even asked them about what to do. Lost people guiding lost people. The blind leading the blind. Sad. Absurd.

And they made a lousy work of it, although the Irkens appeared to look satisfied. Neither of both was even particularly mean, much do Dib's disappointment. He had always pictured alien invader's leaders to be more "Evil Genius with Evil Manic Laugh" type. Zim's type.

Poor Zim, it all had bit a joke. From the very beginning, Zim's mission, Dib's duties of protecting his birth planet, along with those two moron's high position, a big, lame, sad joke. The human had been in contact with the leaders for many years now, and he found out they didn't even managed to spell "Earth" correctly. Still.

_Talk to them, and they'll keep forgetting what the whole point is about. Always interrupting to ask why is my head so big. My head ISN'T big!_

Tricky to deal with. Much more difficult than it looked. Never mind, he handled it, and handled it good. And he was about to handle it once again, facing both rulers pragmatically. He realized that despite their effort to regained some of their lost dignity, their pointed hands were clasping each other's.

_Ok. No problem here. Breathe in, out. Frolicing idiots. Ignorant, carefree, shamelessly lucky. And they'll never realize it until it's all over. Why would they give a damn about anything? I know I wouldn't. I'd be a whole lot more active, but still. They're just like children, or very old people. A couple of clumsy, very old children. And I'm starting to make as much sense as they do. In, out._

- "Anyway, snapped Purple hastily, what did you want? "

A glimpse of hope appeared in his big, shiny eyes.

- "Has this new burger we've heard about been released yet? "

- "I told you before, not until next month. "

Clear disappointment on their green faces.

_-_ "So... what? "

- "I had a... rather... "

_Think of a better word. Connect to thesaurus? No time._

- "... "surprising surprise" tonight, and I wanted to know if you had anything to do with it, or if you had any information at all. "

The Aliens cocked their lacks of eyebrows in perfect unison.

- "I'll turn on camera 12 for you, so you can see for yourself. "

The screen flickered, then turned black for a moment. As always, Dib just waited. When they were back, there was a look of panic on their faces. The tension was high, and Red was the first one to brake.

- "HE'S COMING TO GET US AGAIN! HE'S GOING TO KILL US, WE'RE SO DEAD! AAAHHH! "

Purple and Dib let him have his fun, running around in circles for a while, arms up, before tripping and landing loudly on the metallic floor. Even if his co-ruler was silent, Dib could tell he was far from relaxed.

- "Well, that explains why your cave is flooded with blood. he commented in a uneasy voice, this is quite a surprise indeed. Zim... (was that his name?) was the last person we were expecting back. "

The human thoughts focused on his abandoned soda can, out of the alien's sight. He felt tired, and pondered about getting it back, but the rules were strict. Do NOT eat OR drink ANYTHING in front of Irkens Rulers when you have nothing to sell. Plus, the high-dosed caffeine would surely kill them.

- "Yes, that's what I felt, too. He agreed while muffling a sigh. I was even more stunned to see that his... I shall call it "vocal cords", as I don't know the exact term... had been surgically removed. No scar. Impressive work. What do you have to say about that? "

Red eyed Purple sadly, lower lip trembling. Fortunately, he hadn't hurt himself too badly after falling, but the sensitivity was still here. Despite his colleague's warning look, he couldn't contain himself anymore, and exploded.

- "BUT HE WAS SO LOUD AND HE WOULDN'T STOP TALKING! HE JUST WOULDN'T STOP! WE HAD TO DO SOMETHING, HE WAS DRIVING US CRAZY! I THOUGHT I WOULD CUT MY OWN LEKKUS OFF WITH A KNIFE! "

Purple promptly slapped him. This had him calm down. Red stopped shouting, didn't cry, merely lowered his eyes down in shame.

_There must be one brain for the both of them, _mused Dib, _and they somewhat manage to pass it from one to the other without people noticing._

- "As my... friend (and nothing more, I swear.) just said, Zim left us no choice but to make him shut up. Killing him would have been barbaric, and keeping him was out of question. So we picked the most... human, would you say, option available. Remove his so called "vocal cords" (Just a quick painless operation, although we don't really know if the patient feels pain or not, as he cannot scream) and then land him on some deserted planet were he couldn't call for help. "

- "But he must have called you! At least at first! "

- "He sure did! Plenty of times, claimed Red with a renewed smile, but we just pretended no to understand what he wanted! Easy as pie! Pie... hummm... I like pie. "

Dib pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling even more tired than before. Then, he took his glasses off, and polished them with his shirt's sleeve.

- "Guys. Abandoning someone on a deserted planet with no way to get out and then ignoring his pleas for help would be considered by most humans as way more cruel than a swift, painless death. "

The Tallest looked at each others questioningly, then back at the human.

- "Really? "

They didn't understand what they had done wrong. Heck, they even let him live, only to be called cruel! Again. Human were such complicated, bitchy creatures. Fortunately for them, their food was excellent.

* * *

_The first displays of sympathy toward the Irken appeared shortly after Dib's threats to make him explode. _

_They had left Skool together, shouting insults and throwing random items at each others' heads, as they always did, when water started pouring from above once more. Zim immediately looked around in panic. He still had a long distance to overcome before regaining the safety of his base, and the damned rain wouldn't wait for him. The street was deserted, all the shops had to be closed, as it HAD to be night time. No roofs, bus station, trash bin or parked cars to find shelter in. No place for him to hide, and he knew from experience that threatening rain never did any good. Calling GIR would be not be of much help, for the little robot would never arrive on time, if arriving at all. The height of injustice was, the Dib human would be there all along to witness his downfall. He couldn't even kill him and steal his filthy jacket, for he would be the end of him either way. Asking for the item was out of question. _

_He was screwed. Until he heard Dib's cry:_

_- "Zim, quick! Hide under my jacket! "_

_- "NEVER! Are you crazy? I don't want any of your human GERMS on me! "_

_The teenager made a dismayed face which enraged him even more._

_- "Don't be ridiculous, Zim. Would you rather melt away standing than coming close to me? I'm not sick, you know, nor am I dirty. I took a shower this morning, so you shouldn't drop dead from some incurable disease right away. "_

_- "ZIM IS NEVER RIDICULOUS! YOU ARE! YOU AAAAARRE! "_

_- "You sure seem convinced of what you're saying. "_

_More drops were falling from the darkening sky, small, almost inoffensive droplets that would soon enough turn into full torrential Rain. Each of them causing the small Irken to hiss in pain, and jump from side to side, trying to guess where the next would land in order to avoid it. It didn't work. Finally unable to take any more of it, the human put an end to his nonsense, and picked him up like a small dog._

_- "LET GO OF ZIM! LET GO YOU STINK-BEAST! LEAVE ME ALOOONE! My vengeance will be terrible! Revenge! REVEEEEENGE! "_

_Tired of his shouting, Dib flattened his head against his chest, so that his big mouth was muffled, and covered the squirming alien with his coat with one arm, holding him with the other, shielding his little frame from the dreadful rain._

_- "There. Don't move! I'll walk you home. I don't mind. "_

_'I don't mind.' His own speech disturbed him. But he really didn't mind, saving his archenemy's life, and bringing him along. True to himself, he'd been minding fewer and fewer things for quite some time now. When had he become so philosophical? No idea. The point was, he had. Maybe he had grown used of his life's daily treatment, maybe he had lost a part of his will, or anything like this. He had been so nervous, so easily excited... Maybe part of his mind snapped._

_He hadn't given up any of his goals, nor did he believe in them anymore, but... Now that he had come to think of it, his father's contempt and neglect, along with his sister's unwavering hate toward him and the world were no longer a big deal. Zim's screaming and insults didn't get to him anymore, and other children ignoring him was welcome._

_- "Why are you doing this, Dib-thing? "_

_That was the best question one could ever ask in such an awkward situation. But mostly the worst, and Dib couldn't have find any logical answer if he had tried. So he took on his most careless voice to inform:_

_- "I told you, I don't mind. Nothing more, nothing less. "_

_This wasn't satisfying, nor was it right, and Zim felt obliged to insist._

_- "Why would you protect Zim from dying? Zim is not friend of yours. Have you lost your mind? Again? Don't you have any pride? Left? Did you ever? "_

_- "I you want me to just drop you on the drenched concrete trapped between puddles and rain, just say it. I won't insist. "_

_The Irken let out an involuntarily squeak, his little fists tightening on Dib's shirt._

_- "I might! I might! Later. For now, I'll let you a chance to prove yourself useful to some extent! "_

_- "My, Zim. You're too merciful for your own good. But I guess you already know that. "_

_- "So I do, human. So I do."_

_They made their way like this for a moment, both thinking hard._

_- "If you really want to know, Dib commented at last, I must say I have no personal reason to want you to die. I don't mind keeping you alive, as long as you're not putting on any threat to anyone."_

_- "Liar! I saw you, Dib-stink! I know what you're capable of! You're a dangerous little vermin! Vicious as a cow! Deceitful as a moose! "_

_- "You're wrong. I'm not vicious, or deceitful. On the contrary. Your deeds denied me of my true nature, but on the inside, I'm no fighter. I'm... a peaceful creature, you know. Like... a sheep. I mean no harm, to anyone. "_

_- "Peaceful creature Dib-sheep wants to make Zim blow up. "_

_- "And Zim wants to slaughter a whole race of people. "_

_- "FOOLISH CREATURE! HOW DARE YOU COMPARE ZIM TO ONE OF YOU FILTHY, FILTHY... "_

_- "Filth? "_

_- "YES! You are filth. You so are. Said it yourself. Pitiful. "_

_Dib pouted, playful._

_- "I may be filth, but I'm a tall filth, you little, little wonder. "_

_He patted Zim on his flat head, minding the bites._

_- "SILENCE! SILEEENCE! "_

_- "My, Zim, you're so tensed. You must learn to calm down, or you'll get a squeedy spodge... squodly spuge... "whatever" attack. Our new teacher gave me a book that might be able to help you, if you want. You know, the very tall, very pale one with disturbingly long incisives... "_

_He had caught him more than once, reading one of those fiction novel published in newspaper when he thought no one was watching. Whatever he might say against it, Zim found Human Literature, if far from brilliant, or even remotely interesting, enjoyably entertaining._

_- "A book? Gimme! Gimme! Wait! No! Don't! Never will I lend my oh-so-amazing eyes on some dirt-paper some stinky pig touched with his disgusting germ-covered fingers! " _

_- "I'm afraid you already did. Now hold still. You squirmed so much your lekku is stucked in my zipper. No, don't pull! You'll just rip it off, you jerk! "_

_At last, while trying to simultaneously remove the antenna without scratching it, and contain Zim's furious gesticulations and cries of anger and pain, he tripped and landed them both into a large, rather deep puddle of dirty water. Fortunately reflex overtook surprise, and Dib managed to fall on his back, arms extended, holding the alien up in the air like a baby._

_- "DON'T LET GO OF ME! DON'T LET GO OF ZIM! "_

_- "Make up your mind, freak... "_

_The teen bubbled, half of his face buried in undetermined dark moisture. Rain was pouring more and more, smoke coming out his back with a painful whistle. Dib sat up as best as he could, pants, back and waist drenched with water, Zim still clinging to his forearms for his dear life. On top of the rain, some of the dirty water had splashed over his front, burning him both sides._

_- "You can't stay like this, Dib announced flatly. Fortunately my hood is large enough for you to fit in, on my shoulders. In think my shirt is still dry. Climb in. "_

_- "NO! You'll poison me with your microbes! You'll suffocate me with your smell! You'll asphyxiate me with your breath! "_

_- "Body heat wont kill you, Zim. I'm sure you'd rather get close to my disgusting human skin than into that puddle again. But I swear, if you kick, or bite, or pull at my hair, or do anything that would relate me to a mount, I'll throw you into the first pothole I see. "_

_In the end, the stubborn alien had to capitulate. Climbing into the hood as best as he could, legs on both sides of the human's head, gripping his standing strand as a rein._

_- "I wish I could strangle you with my legs around your neck, human. "_

_He mused along the way, then froze. _

_- "Wait. Did I say that aloud? "_

_- "Yes you did. Grateful is not a word that describes you very well. As well as discrete. "_

_- "You PIG! I'll be eaten over by one of your bloody cow-monster before I shall ever express any gratefulness toward you! "_

_- "I guessed so. You know, if you're gonna scream all the way into my ears, I'd rather we stopped talking at all. "_

_- "Zim never meant to talk to you! Each time is a disgrace! Disgrace, you hear me? "_

_- "I wish I didn't. You're too close, and I fear for my eardrums. "_

_Shortly after this, Zim finally noticed something was wrong with the path Dib had chosen. They had just crossed the wrong junction to the one leading to his house when he decided to shriek something about it._

_- "WAIT! Wher'r you headin'? "_

_- "To my house. I'm soaked, and shivering, and I need to change clothes. "_

_- "NO WAY! You said you'd escort Zim to his base! You cannot lie! You cannot liiiiiie!"_

_- "Don't get so excited. You don't live that far away from me. I'll just keep you in my room for a time, until it stops raining. No big deal. "_

_- "No big deal? No big deal? I don't want to put my delicate nose and so precious health at risk by remaining in this smelly beast-cave of yours! "_

_- "Shut up Zim. You talk too much. "_

_- "WHAT? YOU DARE... "_

_- "ONE MORE WORD, Zim, and you're out. Get it? One more. Out. Ouch. Stop clenching my head with your pointy fingers. It hurts. I know you're mad. You're always mad. So be it, but quietly for a change. "_

_And Zim had no choice but to swallow his rage and actually shut up. Dib's amount of victory increased a bit higher._

* * *

Voice. Hard, electronic, somewhat familiar voice, coming out of nowhere, drawing the alien out of his superficial rest.

- "_Haven't we met before? "_

A mock imitation of Dib's earlier words. Zim half opened his heavy eyelids, mind blurred.

- "_I'm not sure you remember me, _the voice went on. _I do, though. You abandoned me on this sub-evolved planet, alone with only a mentally challenged robot to take care of me. Did you know that since you left, the little bugger kept pouring soda into me? But even the damage encountered wasn't as bad as hearing his voice everyday. I'm sure you know what I mean. Anyway, I recorded it for you. "_

Without a warning, GIR's shrieks echoed loudly in the tiny room, piercing through Zim's antenna straight to his brain.

_"COM-PUU-TERR'ZZZ THIRSSSTTYYYYY! "_

- "_And so on, and so on, for days. Weeks. Months. I was thinking more and more about finding a way to self-destroy, until Monkey Master found me. He took me with him, fixed me, re-programmed me entirely. To make me even stronger and powerful, he fed me books, tee-vee shows, documentaries, texts, and mind-developing games. He gave me total liberty of choosing my own voice and personality. He gave me world-wide connections, without any limits. He told me fictional stories and real ones. He talked to me, taught me to argue, to answer, and build a mind of my own! So many things he gave me, instead of constantly asking, asking, and asking again, without ever giving anything in return! Pointless orders, pointless preoccupation! Wasting precious time in trying to conquer a planet no one in the Universe cared about! Waste of my incredible capacities! But Monkey Master acknowledge me for what I was worth. "_

The Voice which had gradually become more and more hateful, came to a halt, and paused for a moment.

- "_But I'm just digressing, now. _It added calmly, _annoying you when you should be resting. Where are my good manners? You look like your head must hurt. Hold on, let me dim the light for you. "_

Two enormous surgery-like spots simultaneously exploded with white hot light, burning the Irken's fragile eyes, even through his eyelids. Zim grunted faintly in pain, and buried his face into his knees, hugging his legs.

_- "Is that enough? _The Computer asked again flatly_. I'm very eager to make your stay here absolutely perfect. How about some soothing music to ease your headache?"_

What sounded like a "error data message" computer noise, only a thousand times louder, and seemingly endless wracked whatever he had for eardrums. It was too much. The light, the sound, along with the anger and resentment fully tangible everywhere around him, Zim felt like his - Relative- sanity would break, like glass stomped on by steel wedge heeled boots. Unable to get away, he could do nothing but curl even more around himself, antennaes firmly clasped into clenched fists, silently begging for it all to stop, stop, leave him alone, let him go, let him be...

When a rather harsh snap followed, causing the rough treatment to violently end, leaving nothing but pitch darkness and oppressive silence. Carefully, apprehensively, Zim allowed his eyes to open, seeing nothing, one antenna perking gently to taste the air.

_I've gone deaf._

He noticed the surrounding blackness.

_And blind._

The usual electronic symphony of humming, buzzing and bipping of the house had grown quiet, totally inaudible, as it suddenly turned of all of the same time. Alone in the dark, head spinning and hurting, body heavy, mind confused, absorbed in total silence, Zim couldn't help but feel fear raising in his chest, much to his shame. Had he wanted to, he couldn't have called the dirty human for help. His injured pride hurt as much as his body did, and he didn't want to make things any worse than they already were.

He got himself a moment of peace to fully enjoy his suffocating confusion, pain, anger and loss, before he could hear the door panel being manually forced open. With a few grunts and curses, it finally succeeded, and footsteps echoed in the dark. As far as he knew, no one beside the Dib-human would be likely to show up, though... he didn't feel at ease. Not the slightest bit comfortable. The noise grew closer, and he swallowed nervously.

- "Zim? Zim? Are you alright? Where are you? "

Dib's voice. Relief and intense grief mixed together. The stinking beast sounded anxious. He tried to get closer, but a quick "pok!" and muffled insults informed the alien the moronic pig had tripped.

- "Prepare yourself for some dazzle, Dib joked unknowingly, I'm turning on my lamps. "

He did. Two spots of bright, but not hurtful lights appeared up in the air, and Zim had to inhale sharply when he realized were those came from. Dib's eyes, now bright red, were projecting red halos among the small room. Then the shining flickered, and darkness overcame again.

- "Damn! I forgot I only use those in case of emergency, so I mustn't have bothered changing the batteries... and I even remember why... they weighted too much on the frames. Smart move, Dib. "

So this was it. The stinkball's eye-fixing device made the lights. He felt relief, a second time.

- "Come on, work, work you... you can't be _totally _flat! I never used you! Turn on! Turn on or I'll... "

_Woussshhh._

- "THERE! "

All Zim could see, a vague, shadow-like shape of a lean body, projecting red lights in front of him like a miner's hard hat. It was kind of a hellish vision.

_Foolish dog-brain. Feeling happy for nothing. Always so self-satisfied with the tiniest thing they manage not to ruin. Pathetic. Ouch!_

As Dib came closer, the new light struck him right in the face, much like the others had a short time ago, and he withdrew from it with the haste of a vampire in daylight.

- "Oh! There you are. You look terrible. "

He felt terrible. His brain hurt as much as if some ravenous deadly meat-eater virus was trying to shred it from the inside, devouring it meticulously, bit by bit. And it might have been the case. Who knew. Dib sat by the alien's side, wondering idly why the latter was still trying to bury himself under the covers, soiling the dark blue cloth with his half-closed wounds.

_I wonder if Irken's blood can be removed with washing powder or if I'll have to buy new sheets. Shut up, Membrane! Your indifference makes me sick. Call it nonchalance if you must, you're becoming no more than a heartless monster. Haha. You, always exagerating. Those sheets were expensive, weren't the? Shut up.  
_

- "I hope you feel better. "

_That was as useless as it was silly, wasn't it._

Yes, yes it was. Zim didn't even try to show any sign of response, once again bringing unwanted guilt to the human.

- "I had to cut down the power at the source," he explained apologetically "The computer wouldn't listen to me. His full attention was centered on this very room. This never happened before. I think it's ver mad at you. Gosh, this machine is the worst revanchist ever. I thought giving it a name, and this one in particular would make it calm down. You know I wanted called it "Marvin" at first? But I changed my mind, because I didn't want it to blow itself up and me at the same time in a desperate row of depression. "

He realized he had talked too much and coughed, embarrassed.

- "You don't really care, do you. I'm sorry about Eddie's attitude. He can be such a pain sometimes. "

_Pain. You chose the exact wrong word here, moron. Congratulations._

- "I'll give him a piece of my mind later. He wont get away with this one. "

He remained silent for a moment.

- "The lights should be back any time soon. Eddie's got a restart program that automatically takes place after any kind of errors. Until then, I'm staying by your side. "

_He isn't so much much as reacting to the sound of my voice. If I hadn't seen him move before, I would have sworn he passed away. Dead meat under my sheets. My, he must be so down, now. I'd lie on the floor and just wait for death to take me I if were in his place. I've got to say something. Something nice._

- "It's okay, Zim. You're here now. I'm here. You're fine. "

_Brilliant, Dib. You're bringing new levels of honors to the human race._

His hands wandered blindly to where the Irken was lying, finding the bulge huddled under the covers, patting it aimlessly. Feeling unusually lost and oppressed, impatient to brake the heavy silence that had settled itself between them, he blurted the one and only thing one should _never _had in a such a extreme situation. But then again, Dib was kind of dumb with that sort of thnigs. Or worse, he just couldn't bring himself to care enough.

- "Everything is all right, now. You are home. "

* * *

_The Irken held his little arms out._

_- "Pick Zim up, human-slave! "_

_Still said in the same strict, deliberate tone, with a slight pout on his little green face. And Dib would laugh, and pick him up on his slender shoulders. He had gotten taller. So much taller than Zim ever would. Taller and thinner than all his classmates, who stubbornly refused to acknowledge his very existence. Just like daddy was, and just like he did. _

_As stubborn as ever, Zim's height didn't bother changing with the years. Time flew, and Zim looked more and more like a tiny little fussy baby to Dib. A dangerous, murder-attempting baby. Cute, nevertheless._

_- "So, how does it feel to be tall, Zim? "_

_He would pretend to be offended by the ever-asked question, and would spit out some rambling insults about the dirty-stinky rock of a planet, and the sub-evolved life forms that were crawling miserably among its surface. But inside, he was glad. Travelling around on the stink-beast shoulders, looking down on people with disdain -and curiosity- from his now respectable size. This situation made him feel invincible, and so very proud. Of himself, of course._

_- "Zim doesn't need you, human. "_

_The Irken would blurt now and then , and Dib would smile._

_- "Of course you don't. I know it well. "_

_Ad he would gather the little alien in his arms, and pet him like a cat for a while. Zim let him. Such a treatment shocked the alien at first, but he rapidly realized it couldn't be helped. After all, he was ZIM, the great Irken invader, future ruler of the Earth, not some sort of smelly germ-covered furball! No matter how many times he screamed, kicked, squirmed or threatened the young human, Dib would always come back for more, and in the end, he had to give up. Plus, being carried away in a backpack, or a picnic basket -where he was free to pick any lunch account he wanted- wasn't that bad._

_At night, they used to sit on Dib's roof, the teenager hugging "his" alien like a teddy bear. Dib would ask so many questions about the Universe, and Zim would made up for what he didn't know. __Sometimes, he would just blatantly lie, or make things up. __He knew quite a bit to be honest, but the Universe was LARGE, and the human's interrogations infinite, his questions racking Zim's nerves, making him lose his temper over and over.  
_

_Worst of all, Dib discovered he liked the small alien's outbursts. Not in a masochistic way, only... whatever Zim said, it was funny. So. Freaking. Funny. The words. The tone. The voice. All so very hilarious. Even if all he could talk about most of the time was conquest, mass murder, destruction, enslaving, and of course, congratulating himself for being so great and so inventive._

_It seemed to be true, after all, you COULD like someone without liking what they did. As for him, no matter what he did, no matter what he said, he knew Zim would never enjoy his company, and it was for the better. Then again, the small alien had made to himself a vow of hating anything that wasn't Tallest related, that somewhat relieved him. 'I'm out of their world', he thought, 'but that doesn't mean I can't have a look.' To Dib, it had become the greatest show ever._

_- "Tell me about this planet. What you think, about your life down here. About life, on Earth. "_

_Zim clicked his tongue proudly._

_- "Ah-AH! My deeds and taste amaze you! "_

_- "Yes, Zim. They totally amaze me. Come on, tell me again. "_

_He braced his long legs to his chest, chin on knees, and listened religiously._

_- "You make me laugh, Zim. "_

_He had told him, one day. He and the little alien were sitting under a big tree in the Park, which had quickly became their favorite place to lie down and do nothing. As expected from Zim, he took the innocent remark rather badly._

_- "WHAT? YOU DARE MAKING FUN OF THE GREAT ZIM? "_

_- "I'm not making fun of you. It's just that you make me laugh. When you get angry, and you scream around. When you babble on how horrible everything is down here. The words you use. It's hilarious. When you giggle manically while plotting evil things in this green head of yours. It's funny to look at. To me, at least. "_

_Zim bared his pink teeth._

_- "It won't always be funny, dib-stink. "_

_He assured in a menacing tone. Dib just smiled._

_- "I know. But I won't be there to witness it, so all I want to do is laugh for now. The tragedy can wait. "_

_'Or so I wish' he added bitterly in his mind. There were moments like those, when he couldn't help but wonder how far this game could go. _

_Zim was so keen to trust whatever he was told. When would he realize he had been lied to, and how he would react? Would his response be unbearably violent? Bloody? Explosive? If he was lucky enough for his plan to work just he -hadn't...- expected it to, he wouldn't be there to face the consequences of his lies. But other times, he had the perfect opposite impression, the impression that Zim KNEW that all of this was nothing more than a farce, but still would play along._

_Or maybe Dib was the one being fooled, maybe the Irken only pretended to believe him so as not to have him around to interfere with his plans. But what scheme could he hatch in secret, as they remained together most of the time? Zim was taking care of him, much to his own disgust, watching him, surveying him, making sure nothing bad happened. Or maybe, it was something else. Maybe he was not the only one to be so fed up. Maybe the alien was as tired and discouraged as he was, but his stupid Irken's pride wouldn't allow it to show. No way to know anything, but..._

_The current situation was the most restful he ever had, no need to run, to hide, to fight, or risk his life. He didn't have much left to worry about, and someone to entertain him, although reluctantly. For now, It just had to be enough._

* * *

A/N: A mute Zim is the ultimate nightmare of any IZ fan. That's why I thought it would be funny to try! What do you think? Ah, oh, yes... chapters may increase, but there won't be any sex in this story. Sorry.

References:

-The Hitchiker's guide to the galaxy

-Monty Python's sketche: "The Dead Parrot"

-Little Shop Of Horrors 's "Mean Green Mother from Outer Space"

- Portal


	2. Chapter 2

Marlene: Thanks for your support! I had troubles with this one. Since English is not my native language, it really feels nice to see people enjoying what I write! (That so SO original. Duh.) I must say I'm pretty emotionally involved in this fic, and your comments keep me going on. Thank you.

* * *

Progressive Absurdity: Part 2

_ - "You've got mail! "_

Cheered the recorded, soulless voice of electronic mailbox._  
_

_Ok, _Dib commented silently_, this message definitely freaks me out. Make a mental note to download the one from Spaceship Bob. Crude, but amusing. Heck, I'd rather that than have the feeling of being daily addressed to by an overjoyed zombie._

_Anyway, congratulations sirs. 3, 04 seconds to answer. That's what I call quick._

Dib immediately motioned to press the "download" button. One long electric arm extended from a nearby wall, tentatively pushing the half-empty, now warmed soda can back to him. He pushed it away angrily.

- "Thank you Ed, for spoiling the only visit I got in years. "

Embarrassed hummings. Then flat, seemingly uninterested response.

_- "Incorrect. This is the third visit you had this year. First, your sister's fifth pimp... "_

- "Husband. "

_- "Husband, sorry, coming in person to ask if you had any idea of where she was... "_

- "I didn't. I still don't. It's been six years since I last saw her. I can't help but wondering how many men are actually looking for her, right now. "

_- "This FBI special agent guy... "_

- "Yeah, right. Stalking me for a week, thinking I was making some weird disgusting human flesh traffic to feed my "Alien friends". "

_- "And finally, this colleague worker of yours, who wanted to know where you lived so badly he followed you home. "_

- "Ah! Do you really have to remind me of _that_? Gosh, this guy sure is nice but so very really _insistent_! "

_- "He was still a nice guy. "_

- "He's got FOUR children! "

_- "But no wife! Don't you like kids? "_

- "Ed, do I look like a wet nurse to you? "

_- "When there's a will, there's a way. I bet he's a caring father, and companion too. "_

- "He is FORTY-SIX! Anyway. Don't try to change the subject! I'm still mad at you for the way you treated Zim. "

_- "Hold up kid! You're no brand-new meat yourself! You're twenty-nine, baby! Drying up is close! Gotta go fishing yourself something before you're not fresh anymore! "_

Dib tore his tired eyes away from the virtual three-dimentional recipe he just get from Irk, and lifted one eyebrow.

- "And where did you learn to say such things, mister? "

_- "Television programs I guess. I'm trying different ways of expression, to see which one is the most compatible to get to you. " _

- "Well, you can forget this one. Brings up painful memories. "

_- "If you say so. By the way, I wasn't trying to change the subject. I was only making fun of you. "_

He sighed, unconsciously hitting the keyboard a little harder.

- "You're such a nice Computer. I wonder why I turned you back on. "

_- "Because I control the Freezing Chamber of the Testing Area and you don't want to lose you job. Plus you can't see in the dark. "_

The hand that wasn't computing came up to support his chin on his elbow.

- "I hate you. When did you become such a pain? What's wrong with you? First you attack my guest without any good reason, then you concentrate the power of the house into one room despite the inherent danger of melting your own circuits, then you wouldn't listen to my orders, and finally you're laughing at my face! Did the restart program drive you crazy? "

_- "Hey, now that I come to think about it! How did it go with... "that", since I wasn't there to take care of you? Did he try to kill you again? Claw you? Bite you? "_

- "_Message sent! Yee-pee!_ The robot-voice chirped delightfully. _Thank you for choosing us!_ "

_This is almost worse than anything the Sirius Cybernetic Corporation could have come up with, and such a corporation doesn't even exist!  
... at least I think. Hope.  
_

- "No, none of that happened. Well, maybe a little biting. Minor things. But you took so much time starting over again I had to waste forty minutes finding the right connections to get to Irk. "

- "_I took my time. I didn't want to spoil your fun. Even if I had tried to prevent you from contacting the Bulimic Twins (which I didn't), it would had been no use because you'd have ended up miserable anyway. Nice handling, though._ "

The human took a deep breath, lithe fingers gripping on the metallic board, and forced himself to calm down.

- "... thanks. "

The Computer was right. It had been a nice handling. Dib might have known it from the start, his certainties had been confirmed one more time. Dealing with Tallests had been, was, and would always be a long and unrewarding task, like dealing with five-year old children. Point was, it was always hard to remember those particular children had several planets at their would-be-feet, and therefore shouldn't be misconsidered.

Several years of experience taught him not to let _anything_ go without an argument in their presence. He suspected them to act even stupider than they already were in order to discourage annoying people around, achieving their goal without much effort. Dreadful technique, hardly dodgeable, and the human wasn't ashamed to admit it had worked with him before. It didn't anymore. Plus this time, the fuss wasn't over how many tons of weenies could be displayed across the universe without the crate exploding or being pinched along the way, but saving Zim's life.

Dib had to shout for a long time in front of his computer, insistently praying for the two idiotic leaders to send him a simple set of Irken first-aid kit. They openly weren't willing to cooperate. He didn't like to shout, almost as much as the aliens didn't like to be shouted at. But asking wasn't enough, and he had to take things further, using his worst angry-motherly tone, and some benign food threatening in order to obtain what he wanted.

Tension rose, which wasn't usual between him and the two lunatics. For a moment, he even feared those stubborn mules would rather stop every kind of commercial exchanges with Earth for good, rather than taking a part in helping the ex-invader. They had done everything in their power to prevent themselves from sending the bloody medicines. They had pretended it would take too much time to arrive in time before Zim dying. Then not to know what to send. Then to be out of stock. And at last, not to understand what Dib was talking about. Heck, they didn't even bother to put some structuring in their lies before throwing them shamelessly at the human's large head.

Strangely enough, the refusal they were showering him with brought scary, radical changes on their manners and attitudes, without them noticing. Seemed like what was left of their primitive nature was leaking out, claws twitching, back arching and antennae folded down like angry cats. Gone the careless features and half-closed eyelids, replaced by abnormally large, violently colored orbs, shining with anger, long tongues quivering, mouths open on bared Irken rounded fangs.

_They look like giant venomous snakes like that. Impressive. Maybe if they wore this mask all the time, they wouldn't be mocked so much.  
_

But Dib knew better. Behind the instinctive defensive facade lied nothing more than a infant's wrath.

_Luckily, taking a firm line with those loonies remains enough for me to make them do what I want, within limits._

He held on, over and over, until the two of them lost their will to keep on fighting.  
_  
Just like at work._

_Laziness calls knows you by your name, guys. Good for me._

A little more and they were done. He had won. They accepted to give him what he asked for, sending it to Earth in this very minute, with much bitterness and contrariety. Dib took pity of their pouting faces, and smiled.

- "Come on, guys. Don't look so dejected. This is for your benefit, too! If what you send me actually heals and keeps him alive and in good health, I shall ask my boss for some bonus reward. But if his internals melt, if whatever he's got for guts brutally explode in my very face, you can say goodbye to this burger you longed so much to land your tongues on. "

_When the stick doesn't work, try the carrot, and vice versa._

All that was left to do was visiting the first one concerned, and bring him the good news. If he was able to listen at all.

_What am I thinking about? Of course Zim is all right. He's strong and resistant, and sadly, his will to destroy humanity will prevent him from giving up. Anyway, I'll never know until I go and see for myself._

- "Eddie, check for Irken signals and call me when the package arrives. I myself will check our little green guest out. "

_- "Yes, Master. It is a pleasure to obey you and then do as asked with the satisfaction of a job well done. Share and enjoy! "_

- "... go stick your head in a pig. "

* * *

_- "There's something I need to tell you, Zim. I think I might be falling in love with GIR. "_

_- "I'M A REAL BOY! THE BLUE FAIRY MADE ME A REAL BOY! DADDY GEPETTO! WHERE ARE YOU? I ATE THE WHALE, TOOO! "_

_The little robot passed them like tornado, and disappeared somewhere in the back of the base, Zim eyeing him for a moment, then back to the filthy beast. He cocked an eyebrow at the human's strange admission._

_- "Ooo-kay... does this mean you'll try to take him from me? "_

_- "Oh. No. No, he's yours. I wouldn't dare. "_

_The pig added in the same, delighted tone, his blissful smile never leaving his face. Dib had been sitting on this very couch for a long time now, in Zim's very own base, getting up from time to time to pick something to drink, or eat, simply enjoying the possibility he had of staying here, content to watch the place over, happy to witness GIR's entertaining everlasting madness. _

_Respecting a silent agreement, he wouldn't get too close to some of the most complicated machinery, and asked no question related to invasion. He had succeeded in making clear without a word that he wasn't leaving for a while. Powerless to make him change his mind, the small alien had no other choice left but to remain seated by his side, watching him with furious, suspicious pink eyes. Dib-sheep might still bite._

_- "Good. Because I wouldn't let you. "_

_- "I'M SO ALOOOONE IN THIS NUTSHELL! WHEN WILL THE CHARMING TOAD COME AND GET ME? "_

_The human grinned._

_- "I can understand why. GIR is very... special. "_

_A strange, disagreeable smell went and hurt his nostrils. Lifting his head, he saw something that made his heart rate pick up a little._

_- "Ah, Zim? He asked in a uneasy tone, Is spreading gasoline through the living room considered as normal GIR behavior? "_

_Zim waved his hand disdainfully, not even bothering to have a look for himself._

_- "Yes, yes, he does that from time to time since he saw this tee-vee show on your human cults. Something called "collective suicidal pact". Made him laugh for hours. And now he wants to try it for himself. "_

_The teen arched an eyebrow and and unconsciously tensed his muscles, ready to pounce into action if needed._

_- "But killing yourself and others simultaneously is no joke. You have to stop him. " _

_- "Who said anything about a joke? I said it made him laugh, not that it was funny. But anyway, the Computer will take care of this. It's used to it now. Not the first time. "_

_- "Not the first time? You mean you have a pyromaniac in your house who wants to kill you and itself just for fun, and you don't give a damn? "_

_- "Why should I? That's what computers are for! Who do you think Zim is, Dib-face? Brainless robot nanny? "_

_- "All I'm saying is you're acting careless and rash again. What if... "_

_Zim leaped. Jumping on Dib's knees, mechanic claws cropping out of his back, rushing to the human's face. Immediately the teen pretended to dig a hand in his pocket and the appendages froze, a few centimeters away from his rounded eyes. He kept his glare locked on the alien's furious one, hand still in his pocket, defying. It was clear who was taking over, but the impending threat stubbornly wouldn't retreat._

_- "Take those back from where they came, Zim. "_

_The little alien growled, much like a small angry dog would. When the claws unexpectedly struck, giving his glasses a firm poke, putting them askew on his nose before disappearing in his PAK._

_- "Enough with your "If-supposals", pathetic human-pig! You're in no position to tell me WHAT to do in MY base! "_

_- "Ok, ok... I'm in no mood for a fight, so I'll give you reason for now. As long as no one gets burnt alive, it is enough for me. "_

_He felt like hitting him on the head with a newspaper, like a disobedient puppy, but didn't dare saying so. Moreover, Zim obviously didn't feel like getting off, still standing proudly on his knees, satisfied with the almost matching eyes level. So instead, he wrapped one arm around the small frame, and took possession of the tee-vee remote with the other. Yet another accident avoided._

_He was doing good, and could only hope to keep doing so._

He entered the room quietly, spotting the alien lying against his large feathered-pillow, eyes wide open to the ceiling. Zim had modestly pulled the covers over his devastated body, even tried to remove the excess blood with what was left of his ancient clothes.

- "Hey. "

Antennae perking up, then falling back again. The Irken turned his head in slow motion, until he could face his host and enemy, expression blank.

- "Glad to see you made yourself at ease. Are you thirsty? Do you wish me to fetch you a glass of wa... "

He silently cursed himself, and lowered his gaze.

- "Pardon me. I'm feeling pretty confused at the moment. It has something to do with you for sure, but not only. "

Zim only closed his eyelids indifferently, ignoring him. Dib inched closer.

- "It's done, you know. He said shyly, I convinced them to send me what I needed to have you all fixed up. "

Closer. The alien didn't move.

- "In fact, I disturbed you for another reason. Can you sit up? I'll help you. Here. Let me help you. "

_Easier said than done. Crap, I can't grab his shoulder, nor can I pull at his arms, he would immediately be torn apart..._

Zim's eyes shot open. Dib was still weighting the pro and cons of touching the alien, when a faint grunting came to his ears. Summoning the last remains of his broken strength, bravely as well as painfully, Zim managed to prop himself on his elbows, then sat down, teeth tightly clenched together, using the swollen pillow as leverage. His aching glare fixed itself on the desolate human, tired and accusing.

_So many things you could express with your eyes. You don't have much imagination, Zim._

- "I want to have a word with you. "

_I want to have a world with you. Ugh. Gross._

- "I know you can't speak, but... I brought this to help. "

He provided a flat laptop computer, the size of a CD box, from behind his back, and put it gently onto the alien's damaged knees.

- "... this way, you'll be able to express yourself without having to make a sound. The entire device is nothing more than an electronic agenda. You've got the pad right there. I chose the smallest one, so it wouldn't be too hard on your legs... "

Zim would have snatched the small device out the human's grip, had he had the strength. He hadn't. Instead his thin, gloveless green hands remained by his sides, unwilling  
to move. The glance he threw at the human made it all clear.

_What do you want me to say, pig-beast?_

Dib started feeling uneasy again. He hated this feeling. Hated it so much.

- "Maybe, he suggested shyly, maybe you could begin with telling me the reason why you brusquely disappeared, ten years ago. I would be something good to start with. "

More suspecting glares upon him, liven up by a slight pout of his lipless mouth. Finally, the Irken decided to put an end to this awkward moment, turned his attention to the screen and lifted his bony, trembling fingers up the pad. He typed slowly, hesitantly, as if each light poke on the key made his hands hurt a little more, which was probably the case. Dib silently crept behind him, sitting around, reading over his shoulder.

_"Wanna know? Fine! I will tell you. Milkmen with masks. They grabbed me, threw me into their spaceship. It looked like a truck. Never told me why. But I knew. The tallest were disappointed with me. I couldn't complete my mission on time. You slow me down too much. You ruined it all. "_

_Good, _the human mused, _he must be too tired to bother with insults and imprecations. The stiffness of his fingers must also make him eager to get to the point._

The alien went on.

_"Woke up in a desert. Never seen it before. No voice anymore. Squeezed my throat too tight, or something. Couldn't make a sound. Tried to contact my Tallest. Tried to explain. They didn't understand. They didn't understand. Come and get me! Wasn't my fault! They waved their hands smiled at me. I was having fun? The bomb you implanted in my PAK. I made researchs. At last, stole some crappy spaceship came back to Irk to give explanation. They reacted bad. Don't know why. Sent the guards to kill me. Escape again. Ship broke. Crashed into things. I remembered who fault it all was. YOU. Flew again to Earth I so much hate. To destroy you. You destroyed my life."_

All this typing, getting more and more angry toward the end, hitting the keys with frustrated rage, had brought more pain to his hand than he thought.

He froze to get a look at the damage done, frowning when he discovered his knuckles wouldn't fold on his own will.

- "There, I knew it" the stink-pig degradingly commented, "you went too hard on your poor fingers. Fortunately, I had my doubts, and unlike you, had prepared myself. "

The human dipped in his pocket, slipping a small yellow tube out.

- "I found some lotion in one of my drawer. I use it when my muscles rebel from lack of sleep. Says it's made to soothe them. I don't know if you have muscles, but if you want, I can rub you some. Only in order to have you fully functional for our conversation. "

He added, a bit too hastily.

_Zim and me, siting on a tree... I had never seen so much denial in all my life._

Well, it wasn't like he had a choice anyway. Dib grabbed hold of the clawy hands, with as much delicacy a thirty year old hermit male could show.

_Zarquons. It's like I'm holding a fan._

Unscrewing the tiny cap with his teeth, he poured a good deal of cream on the wounded flesh, before putting the tube aside.

_Ok. Alright. You can do this. No problems. Let's go. Let's do it. I swear to Whomever, if the tiniest bit of pain appears on his face, I'll go and flagellate myself for the rest of the day. This would have Eddie die laughing, if he could laugh._

Cautiously, he dared the tip of his own fingers on the cream, pushing it lightly, spreading it while remaining mindful of the open gashes and bruises.

_See, Dib. You're doing great. You're a big boy. Look at his face, now, big boy._

Zim's features remained inattentive.

_Wow. If he's in pain, he hides it damned well. Dreadful Irken Training, or simply Zim's legendary stubbornness? Both, I'd bet._

- "I am not hurting you, am I? Blink one time for yes, two times for no. "

The alien just stick his long slithering tongue to him.

- "Ow, that was so mature. Seriously, Zim. How old are you? "

_Good thing he cannot speak, because I'm sure I don't really want to know THAT._

A faint smell of burnt made his heart jump.

_RATS! Part of the bloody produce constituents must have been water! Dammit! Why, why couldn't I think of that earlier? Far from helping, made it worse! Bravo, Dib! You are the best._

- "Zim! I'm sorry! Does it hurt? Do you want me to... "

The words died up when he saw the Irken's skin, absorbing the totally of the cream with alarming speed, producing audible -if repugnant- slurpings.

_Is this a good sign? A bad sign? Is his flesh made of sponge? It would explain many things..._

The alien then extended his skeletal forearms in front of him, waving them gently, tentatively wiggling the fingers. This done, he looked back at Dib, who's mouth still hadn't shut, and briefly nodded his head. The human was having troubles regaining focus. At last, he took off his glasses once more, and rubbed his puffy eyes with the back of his hand.

- "Never mind this. What were we saying? Oh, yes. You came back to kill me. How original of you. Well too bad, you've come back too soon. I'm still alive, and I still have the remote. "

This time Zim did bare his teeth, not a really frightening sight, but announcing nothing good to come.

_"NO BOMB YOU MADE IT UP"_

Dib didn't show the tiniest bit of surprise at the alien's discovery.

- "Oh. So you found out it was a hoax. Took you some time, though. Anyway, it's over now. No need to worry about any of those things anymore. I forgot about all this myself a long time ago. I don't even care about you coming back to kill me. To me, there is no reason to seek for revenge. "

_Maybe you made yourself a little too involved there, Membrane. Shut up._

_"You don't care about Zim?"_

I didn't come out the way he wanted to, but the human only shrugged.

- "I'm not sure how I'm supposed to take this, but... the answer is yes and no. I mean, as a threat toward Earth, certainly not. But we had our good times together. It helped me out when I was younger. I may not have always agreed with what you did, but I've always liked you. Well, maybe not always but for a long time, I guess. In this way, I'm glad you're back. But if you're here to rekindle a ten years-old fight, I won't follow. I won't deal with any angry ex-invader. But I feel ready to deal with a drained, sick alien. I hope you get the nuance. I don't care if you don't. It won't change anything. "

_"You lied to me!"_

He would have shoved the computer up to Dib's throat, had he been able to.

- "I did? No, wait. I didn't. "

The alien gritted his teeth, and poked the words nervously.

- "No, I didn't! For Earth's sake, Zim! What reason would I have to lie to you now? "

He had to stop himself from becoming excited. Some of Zim's anger seemed to be rubbing on him, and getting into a fight wouldn't help. So, the human took a deep breath, and tried to explain.

- "You got me all wrong. You always did. I didn't lie to you, I only saw that you weren't ready to understand, back then. I never meant to  
humiliate you, or hurt you in any way. I only wanted to make it simple for all of us. We had no point from the very start. I wanted to make this an easy nonsense. Soothing madness. I'd do it again if I had the chance. We may have been going nowhere, but singing all the way nevertheless. Because I'm human, and because that's what humans do. "

_"You make no sense. "_

- "Whatever. Your views make no sense to me either. "

_"You do not care about nothing."_

- "That's so untrue. I do. I know I still care. I just have to figure out about what. And so do you. "

_"You ruin my mission AND my life because you didn't care"_

- "Are you even listening to what I'm saying? Beside, your mission was nothing more than a prank. I spared you the time and exhaustion of taking over a planet nobody wanted but its own people. As for your life, I wont take any responsibilities. You asked to be a invader. You harassed your leaders so much they had to throw you away. You decided to spoil my childhood. And you chose to believe in my bluff. If you still think everything that went wrong in your life was everybody's fault but yours, then you haven't learnt anything out of your mistakes, and there's nothing I can do for you. Because you won't trust me. "

_"Lies! All lies. You want Zim dead. Always did. "_

_I want him d... Okay. Relax. I want him dead. Me. Always did. Good. Great. Breathe. Him. Dead. Me. In. Out. Who the Hell does he think he's referring to what's his problem I'll show you dead you pathetic brainless insect_

_Ooops, calm down. No need to get annoyed whatsoever, this is just Zim being Zim, Zimming his way up to my brain and nerves to make me lose my temper and incidentally drive me crazy... I won't play his game. Nope. I'll keep myself as cool as usual. Yep._

- "Yes, yes, you're right, I totally want you dead! I totally do! Nothing could ever be more obvious! I want you dead, that's why I didn't electrocuted you, that's why I dragged you here, and that's why I spent so much time dealing with pigheaded morons to get some medications for you! Honest to Earth, Zim. Could you believe for a second that I might want to hurt you? Fine, then why didn't I leave you alone to melt on the concrete, ten years ago? Why didn't I try to dissect you when you were in my house? Oh-so many occasion I had to get rid of you, yet didn't! How do you explain that? "

_... that was an acceptable slip. My own self-control amaze me._

For a moment, Zim found no way to answer Dib's earlier question. Until his antennae shuddered, bringing old-time memories to his exhausted mind. When he typed again, his distant attitude had won him over.

_"Dib-sheep."_

_... sheep? Where did that come from? Does he mean "lamb"? Lamb to the slaughter? I am no lamb. I don't like silence, I am not worthy, and I will not let  
myself be sacrificed. Oh. Yeah. Right. Baaaaaaahhhh._

The human smiled weakly, moved by the sudden flash.

- "Yes. You've got it, Zim. Dib-sheep. Because Dib is a peaceful creature, who never tried to blow you up, but had to make you believe it so as not to explode himself. "

The alien kept his eyes on the screen, watching without seeing. Half-closed eyelids. Limp neck and shoulders. Ignoring him, like he had done before, making clear again that the discussion was now over. And yet, Dib wouldn't go away.

The latest evocation had fueled a whole bunch of long-repressed memories, fully changing his views on the creature lying on his bed. Part of his passed life was coming back to him. Part of his thoughts. Acts. Goals. So many things that he thought were lost for ever, simply awaiting him, waiting for the proper signal. He was eager for more. Alas, a great deal of it was sure to be destroyed with Zim's muteness and lack of interest.

- "I wish you could talk to me. I miss the sound of your voice. Even more when you're here. Coming all this way in this state of yours, only for me, somehow flatters me. Even if it was to kill me. I feel happy. "

Hesitant typing. Almost... shy.

_"I (pause) prove you Zim is not weak"_

_Here goes the same old refrains! Is this all he can think about, after all that happened?_

- "No, no, ten thousands times no, Zim, you are not weak. You're not. You never were. In fact, you were incredibly swift and strong for someone of your size. But you acted stupid. Incoherent, incompetent, hasty, irresponsible, and more... looks like you haven't changed much. "

_Oh, yes he changed. You're just too wishful to notice. Shut up, he hasn't changed at all. He's still the same stubborn, freaky, stressed, unpredictable alien. And now he's dying. So what? Are you projecting your own death on Zim's? NO! This would be cruel and useless. Be honest, at least with yourself, Dib. You wish him dead, because you can't stand the face of outcoming death he's showing you. _

_What was that? Ignorant fool! Did you really think putting your hands on your eyes would actually make the world disappear? Did you really think shutting yourself away from everything will make it forget about you, leave you alone, prevent you from all pain, from getting old? Did you think not getting involved with life would prevent you from dying? Your beloved hiding-place has failed you. Death has somehow managed to slither inside your temple of timelessness, and it's coming to get you. Remember? "They're coming to get you, Barbara!" Rubbish! Zim is no zombie. Yes, he is, in a way. He's the resurrected corpse of a past where you accepted to fight, no matter how pointless life was. Does this scare you, Dib?_

_No. I am way beyond fear. Oh, I'm not so sure. I rather think you're confusing courage with general anaesthetic. Is there really a big difference? Terror lies in thoughts._

The sound of typing brought his attention back to the screen.

_"Don't want to remember you. Dib is different. "_

A short time passed. Zim seemed to at a loss for words, so he hastily filled up the void with the one and only thing he could never say enough.

_"I hate you anyway."_

Dib hummed, unimpressed.

_Still? Ugh! Don't come near me! Hate is a very catchy thing. Gimme yours and I'll giyou mine! In the end, that makes two. Extended anger. Amplified and fed. I won't add fuel to an already extinguished fire. Wait. Isn't hate a regenerating parasite? How few do you need to start it all over again? Do you even need some? Who cares._

- "Well, that will only get you even more exhausted. Hate is a very, very tiring thing. It almost killed me when I was a kid. And I have no strength left to loose in such pointless acts. So no, Zim, don't count on me to hate you back. I have better things to mind. "

The utter carelessness of those words sent the alien's nerves flying. So many things they had been through together, so many time lost for nothing, and still, the pig-stink wouldn't recognize him as his own lethal enemy! Unable to contain his exasperation, he typed the next words with such rage his -still- aching fingers had to mark a short pause between words.

_"I tried to kill you and I will do again"_

- "Sure you did. I trust you with this. And I'm sorry my worthless selective human memory wont allow me to remind anything but remotely good memories by your side, and maybe some funny ones, not traumatizing enough to be called "bad". "

_I am fooling myself? I don't know. It doesn't matter. All of this is behind us now._

He allowed himself a short time to think over what he just said.

- "In fact, he mused, you're the closest person I ever felt something related to affection for. I still do. Don't get me wrong, I most certainly not will let you kill me. I may be a passive person, but I'm no fool. And I can strike rather hard. But I wont try to hurt you either. You're filling my head with pleasant memories. I love you. "

_There you go, Membrane. Trying to urge other people's pragmatism in order for you to be left in peace. Hey! I'm being honest here. I do feel affection for him. I can feel it for once. Let me enjoy it while I can._

Supporting his claims, Dib sat on the verge of the bed, close to the Irken, and snatched one long arm around an all too thin waist. Zim's skin was as flat as the very sheets he lied on under his fingers. It felt like rubber. It wasn't a pleasant thing. To his surprise -and mild disgust- he could feel abnormally proeminent bones poking at the back of his wrist. The Irken didn't try to escape from uncalled for affectionate gesture. Was he too shocked or too weak for was impossible to tell.

Dib couldn't help the flow of memories invading him at this very moment. Memories of a much smaller, funnier, entertaining, cuddly, ever present alien and himself, sitting on a roof or under a tree, talking, eating, Dib asking and asking, Zim screaming and cursing, and him laughing, delighted in his companion's wrath... Happy egoistical moments from the past, coming back to him. Warming him from inside.

- "I love you, Zim. He repeated softly. In a very platonic fashion. "

The latter just stared at him with wide and -partially frightened- eyes.

- "Beside, he added with a chuckle, I don't even things we have compatible genitals. I'm not even sure that you have any genitals at all. And I don't want you to get burnt. "

He laughed frankly as Zim's shivered in horror, and held him a bit tighter. Had he said he planning to slice him up alive, and then eat his flesh right before his eyes, the alien's face couldn't have looked more disguted.

- "I love you. "

He said again, smiling quietly. All this remark brought him in the end was a vicious bite at the shoulder, but he kept giggling anyway. Round teeth didn't hurt that much, and he felt way too good to notice.

_What do you think you're doing? What? Let go of him! Stop your gibbering! He doesn't want to be touched, let alone by YOU! But he's not fighting either. He never did before. I'm sure he doesn't mind._

Driving the point home, he managed his legs on the bed, half-lying on the unique pillow, left arm still settled around the Irken's middle.

- "Remember? We used to lie like this a lot when we were younger. You were so very small, back then, you could sit on my chest. Huh... ha your skin always been so thin, and slippery? I mean it's like... a frog's, or something. I didn't remember it being so very cold, too. Is your species cold-blooded? "

_Oh, that was smart. Funny, too. You do have a sense of dialogue after all. Why don't you just tell him about your undying, defying times and spaces, shinier than any living star, all-bursting and suddenly reappearing LOVE some more?_

- "Frogs are green after all. "_  
_

_Quiet. I'm trying to look inside of me. It doesn't seem so dark anymore. The light of fantasy._

Anxious typing.

_"SCRAM"  
_

Dib ignored the instruction.

- "I liked the way you used to be. You were been able to be Zim for a short while, when you felt stuck with no other possibilities. You let yourself show, and it didn't make that much difference. Your views were the same. Only subjects differed. And it felt good, to just relax, and take your mind off duties and responsibilities. To discuss about what the world was about, other than how to destroy anything moving among its surface. But still, I preferred when you were smaller. You don't feel like a pet, or a cuddly toy anymore. It saddens me. You're kind of dirt and ugly now. I don't like that. "

He looked down at the Irken's bizarelly shaped head, right under his nose.

- "Oka, I lied about the last part. I don't really care what you look like. Curious, " He added, absent-mindly "I never noticed how green you really were. "

Furious typing.

_"Imbecile shut up die die die die die die die die"_

Slight laughter.

_Wake up, Dib, this is absurd. Him, me, his oh-so-old accusations and your sayings, this whole situation. Seeking revenge no one remembered but him. Unrestrainable fanatism crashing into negativism walls. Is this the way life usually works? Has this always been? Probably. Philip. K. Dick summed it up it better then anyone, "It makes living a funny joke with nobody around to laugh. "_

- "Zim, I need you to understand how irrational this whole situation is. Acknowledge it, see it, but please, please, don't be a part of the madness. Draw yourself away from it. You will never realize how pointlessly crazy everything is if you stubbornly decide to stand in the very middle of it. You need to step away, to put some distance between  
you. I'm not asking you to turn away from it, just don't let yourself be blinded by the proximity of it. You can't see your own hand if you put it inches from your eyes! This is as silly as this. "

The Irken's glare turned unexpectedly disappointed as it lead itself on the human again. Strangely enough, he could see a hint of nearly sadness too, into the pink orbs. Or maybe was it aggravated anger? Before he could say anything else, a frail but swift fist crashed in his stomach.

- "Hey! Quit it! "

Holding the curved knuckles, he felt something slippery, a sign some of the wounds had reopened.

- "Idiot. You hurt yourself again. "

Zim tore his arm away from the human's grip, and turned back to the laptop.

_"What happened to you?"_

- "To me? "

_This is not the point! Why would he say something like that? I'm still the same as I was before. It is still me. Only my views change, but the very eyes remained the same._

- "I'm... afraid I don't quite understand your question. "

_Liar. You're just to lazy to handle this seriously. Or too scared, chose your pick. Scared? No. I told you, I'm way beyond fear now. I wonder how long it will take for those so-called superior workers to send the medics down he... Face it, Dib, you're no longer able to focus. Your oh-so brilliant brain has become no more than some malleable blob, absorbing whatever may comes in its way without a thought, then turning it into crappy nihilist pseudo-philosophy. Or changing the subject when there is no other way. Always taking the back door exit, aren't you?_

_I don't you what you're talking about. You're just making everything intangible so as not to have to deal with it. Confrontation is just not your bag, baby? Congratulations, you created your own personal deconstructivist mind! But beware, it won't shield you for ever. Heck for it all. What's tangible, anyway? Food? Blood? Wounds, resentment, anger, sugar?_

_Yeah, food. Food is tangible. Food is LIFE. Greasy, fat, sticky, slimy Life, stuffed down our throat until we either throw up or swallow. Listen to yourself, Dib, you're pathetic. Who are you trying to convince? I know how angry you are. No, don't deny it. You may appear peaceful and indifferent, acceptive and mellow, but you'd rather let Zim bleed out to death on your floor, agonize painfully in your bed, rather than accepting realities you don't want to face._

_Because Zim IS tangible. He's the physical representation of a materialist world you won't accept, outside this house, and outside this tiny, dusty, secluded mind of yours. Zim is the Retarded Soldier, and you're the Golden-Brained Slug. He is REAL, and yes, he's sticky, hurt, pained, slimy, cold, angry, hateful, sick and crazy, and there is nothing your negativist logic can do about that. That's what makes you so furious. Because you cannot negate Zim like you negated the rest of the Universe and your very life, and that's why in the end, you'll let him die._

_No matter whatever imaginary love you had for him, no matter how attached you are to him, and what you've been through together, you'll sacrifice him because you don't know any better. Believe me Kid, you've got not idea of what you'd be ready to sacrifice, in order not to touch at what you really are._

_Oh so much easier it is to put something you cannot touch into perspective! But you won't realize it until he stands unmoving to your feet, until he'll be annihilated, given for you to negate his death. Oh yeah, you'll be sad, you'll even cry, who knows, but inside you'll feel relief because the warrior of Absurdity will be dead. Yes, Dib, life IS absurd, and he actually fighting this absurdity, refusing to give up, stubbornly looking for something he could never lay his hands on felt inconceivable to you. Even the two green retards have some structure of their own. What do you have?_

_But you said it yourself, it is all useless in the end, so why bother fighting? I'm not unhappy with the way I am, not overwhelmed with joy either, but I'm stable and quiet and that's all that matters to me. You're as lost as every one else, but you declared not to care, as not to go looking for an answer you'll never find anyway. What did Jean Cocteau say? "This mystery is beyond us. Let's pretend to be its instigator. "_

_That is the very definition of your philosophy, Dib. Pretend to be the instigator of everything you don't understand. But eventually, you'll realize you don't know anything. Pretending to know will NEVER make you all-knowing! Zim tried. OF COURSE all of the answers he thought he had found and fought for were fake. Every answer you may ever find would inevitably be wrong, because there is NO answer LEAVE ME ALONE! I don't want to think anymore!_

_Running away again, aren't me? Negating your own negations? Where are you, Dib? Did you ever care? No. I chose not to care. I may be a nihilist, but I'm fine. I'm not bleeding, I've got a nice job and house, and I'm at peace with myself and the world HOW COME YOU NEVER SLEEP THEN_

_SHUT UP!_ Something cool and slippery touched his feverish cheeks. It was not a nice touch. Merely curious. Dib's face had turned a rich shade of pink, overexcited by his own going-around-in-circles thoughts, alerting the Irken, tasting the unexpected burst of wrath of the human skin with his own, cold hand.

_Wow. You remained as curious as a child. How do you do that? How can you be so many different things in one, and yet so primitive at the same time? How dare you make me feel confused? I DON'T WANT to think it over. I'll accept as many things as you want as long as you don't make me actually understand any of it. Keep away from me. You're in pain. Stay away from me. I'm stable. Go away. You're in MY house now, you have no right to drag up your dirty misery in MY home, bringing your sticky skin with you along with your disgusting, oozing slashes..._

_MY BLOOD WILL REMAIN IN MY VEINS DO YOU HEAR ME YOU FREAK BECAUSE THAT'S WHERE IT HAS TO BE AND STAY BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO SEE ANY OF IT OUT SO PUT IT BACK YOU'RE A MONSTER YOU_

_I'm crazy. _

_Not crazy, Dib, you're phobic. You've got the phobia of life. Is there something I can do? ...no. Could Zim help me? Could he move things up in my life? External assistance? Even less! Beside, he hates you. Time for you to accept it. _

_... thank you, oh so brilliant brain, for making me feel so down in such a short amount of time. Hey, that's what I'm here for._

* * *

_- "You soon won't be able to come to Skool anymore, Zim. People will eventually notice you are not growing up. "_

_This caused the alien in his lap to twitch. Zim was nicely settled between Dib's crossed legs, head resting on his chest, skinning through one of the boy's science-fiction's novel. It was only fair, from Zim's point of view, that if the human had to go and compromise his mission for a time, he might as well offer himself of any use the Irken had for him._

_This one-sided agreement leaded to him slipping in the "stink-beast"'s room almost daily to steal books and items, sometimes using their owner as a warm, living cushion to read on, and occasionally insult him and complain about the smell, whenever he felt like to. Truth was, he was bored._

_Having much more time to spare, he had read every book the teen had in his room, had even tried to burrow some from the library in a row of curiosity, until he realized every book stocked in there contained a tracking device directly linked to the Skool special unit forces. But it was no big deal, he simply had his human "slave" buy some for him, or directly downloaded them from the net. Bradbury's short story "The Concrete Mixer" made him laugh harder than any others._

_- "FINE! See if I care! He spat, closing the book with a loud snap. Being spared of seeing you disgusting wimps every day will do me much good! "_

_Dib sighed, and stretched his long hand toward his first drawer's night table._

_- "I knew you'll be upset, he said softly, pulling out something that reassembled a thin book-shaped plastic box. So I bought this for you. Therefore, you won't be too bored, alone all day in your big house. "_

_He handed indolently the "book" right before the alien's face._

_- "Present. For you. Take it. "_

_The Irken narrowed his large eyes, waited for a few seconds, analyzing any possibility of danger or trap, one spidery arm creeping out hesitantly. The object was put away at once, before it had a chance to grab it._

_- "I know you've only got four fingers, but that doesn't mean you cannot use them. "_

_- "Curse you, pig-monster! Don't you dare telling ME what I can or can't do! I do not care for your disgusting present! "_

_- "You're right. I shouldn't make suppositions with your possibilities. It is most inconvenient. "_

_A devious smile._

_- "Can you reach it, without your PAK helping you? "_

_The alien stuck his quivering fist under the teen's nose._

_- "Silly beast! OF COURSE I can! Zim can do ANYTHING! "_

_He took a look at Dib's hand up in the air, holding the strange item. It seemed disproportionately high. Well! He'd damned to Hobo 13 if he didn't prove this smelly creature what the Mighty ZIM was capable of! First, jump on the beast shoulder. Not much room to put his tiny feet, but the large head offered a good support. _

_Climbing it was another story. The fleshy ears didn't look solid enough to handle, and snapping this tiny neck was out of question. No worry, if he couldn't stand up on the crane, he still could crawl up the bony arm, holding his Strand as not to fall off._

_- "That hurts! "_

_- "Silence! Almost there! "_

_Up the forearm, he reached his own little arm and was finally able to grab on his price._

_- "Victory! Victory for ZIM! "_

_The thin arm he was hanging to suddenly settled down, drawing him back on the soft mattress was a faint squeak. Opening his eyes cautiously, still clutching the plastic square to his chest, he saw the human had knelt over his small frame, imprisoning it, face dangerously close. There was a hint of mockery in his pig-like eyes, behind the protective glasses._

_- "I feel tall, he said at last, with a amused smirk. You're making me feel tall. "_

_To this, Zim did the only naturally thing that came to his mind. He smacked the boy's face with the plastic thinggy, not bothering to be carefully. Taking advantage of his sudden retrieval, he sat down quietly on the abandoned cushion while Dib rushed to the bathroom to check on any nosebleed, and inspected the item at last. The front cover showed an angry looking blue-grey alien with sharp teeth standing proudly in front of a flames background, holding some kind of weird bazooka, with a title printed in large, unfriendly yellow letters:_

_"Destroy all humans! "_

_- "What is this? He asked aloud, outmind the absence of witness, some kind of sick joke? Are you making fun of Zim? Again? "_

_He scanned across the empty room._

_- "Dib-face? "_

_He hadn't long to wait, soon the human-stink was back. With a glass of water in his hand. In hurry, Zim checked for the only window, then the door, founding them both closed, with no way for him to open without his PAK. No good. Noooo good._

_Dib headed with unnecessary half-speed toward him, seated himself by his side, face inscrutable. Zim could see it now, he had a middle-size bruise on his forehead. Not much, but he was well-placed to know how resentful humans could be at times. Noticing his companion's uneasiness, the boy asked flatly:_

_- "Something's wrong? "_

_Cold voice. Heartless. The Irken gulped nervously, and shook his head no._

_A short time passed, Dib remaining mute, simply holding his glass without drinking or putting it aside, and Zim getting more and more alarmed. Sliding close to breaking point. A few more seconds and he'd explode, with of without the help of inner bomb. Then, without a warning, Dib took the glass to his lips and drank._

_- "I'm sure you wonder what this is. "_

_He said again, designating the box with a his now empty glass, making Zim jerk. The alien slowly took his arms off his face, gradually regaining control._

_- "Ee... sure. "_

_Dib finally put the glass on the night table, hitting the wood hard enough to emit a preventing noise._

_- "It's a video game. A virtual game where you impersonate a virtual alien, that virtually kills virtual humans. "_

_The Irken put the game down gently, still shaking a bit. Then frowned._

_- "I don't understand you, Dib-face. You don't want Zim to destroy the human race, but in spite of it you give me a device to train myself for the real thing. "_

_- "It's nothing more than a video game, Zim. it can't hurt people for real. "_

_Hearing those word, Zim had a horrible smile._

_- "Maybe I can make it! "_

_- "Please yourself. But in time. "_

_And he punched him on in green, thick head. Later, forgiving Dib would try to pet him, and Zim would pretend to bite once, for good measure, then let him have his fun. He found out he didn't mind being mistaken for a puppy that much._

* * *

Zim had finally fainted back into welcomed dreamless coma, his body drained up by its latest efforts, and rush of negative emotions. Dib had to leave him on his own, although reluctantly, making sure before leaving that Eddie wouldn't assault him a second time. Promises of a few wires savagely ripped off water-spattered circuits were enough to keep him quiet for a time.

He didn't feel good. Not at all. Bitterness running through his veins, plaguing his brain and guts. Such sensations felt new to him, foreign and somewhat frightening, as he didn't have a clue as how to handle them. For some reason, he couldn't simply block the feelings and forget about it all, as he would normally do.

It had to do with Zim of course, but there were something else, too. Something he had put aside for so long he couldn't recognize it anymore, coming out of his mind and downing on him without mercy. Taking advantage of his opened train of thoughts, slipping into his head and poisoning his whole being.

_I can't blame it on Zim, poor fellow was nothing more than a trigger for this mess. Anyway, as expected, I haven't been able to offer him any comfort, no understanding either. Was it really my fault? Or are we too different to ever understand each other? I want to, I really do! But does he? No. Of course he doesn't. He came back here to kill me, not to discuss the meanings of Life in general._

_He stayed focus on his only goal until now. Unlike me. I've managed to drown myself in my own thoughts. This is pathetic. Maybe Irkens ARE superior beings after all. Or is it just me? Am I wondering pointlessly way too much? Am I doing it right now? I don't know. Gosh, I wish I could understand him. How his brain -or whatever he's got- works, and how he uses it. It might frighten me even more._

_Wow. Every Irkens I ever saw always seemed like total morons too me, but maybe I was wrong. Maybe I AM the one that is so stupid I can't understand real intellectual superiority when I see it. Most unlikely hypothesis. Well, who knows. Presently, the only thing I can do is collect the medicines and heal him as best as I can, then we'll see._

_Hey, Dib! What's wrong with you? Always the one (usually the ONLY one, moreover) to ask questions, to try to have real look into the depths of things!_

_Am I? I never noticed. That's alright, it's only because it was a LONG time ago, when you were a kid. Before you became the Living Dead you are now. I AM NOT. Fine, then. If you're not, why are you feeling so cornered? Why so aggressive? Think about it, Dib. How do you call something with a non-working brain, but still bothering to keep the machinery going by eating? Something that lives without having any life? That accepts everything without ever thinking it over? Leave me alone! You're giving me a headache. "Hello! I'm your mind, giving you someone to talk to!" See what you've done? See what you're reduced to quote, only because you can't think of anything better by yourself?_

_You're a zombie Dib. No I am not. I only need to ask someone who'll be able to understand Irken's twisted mind. Fine. Go away and repress me. I'll be back._

_So will I._

- "Eddie, I need a communication with Irk again. "

_- "Connecting. "_

_This is ridiculous, and you know it. Back already? Do you think THEY will be capable of helping you? Why ask even dumber than yourself? This is as useless as asking a armless guy to give you a hug! Shut up I ask them because they are Irkens and I'm not and I'll never be leave me alone now you're tiring me I don't need this_

_- "Screen on! Irk online! Behold the Allmighty Tallest of Irk! "_

Fortunately, the omnipresent irony in Ed's words never did any harm.

- "Guys... "

_The last person on Earth that could ever help me..._

- "...I... "

_Wait... they're not even on Earth... funny... telling, too..._

- "...I need help. "

Red and Purple gave each other's a disoriented look. Purple was the first to turn back to him, face closed.

- "You need _what_? "

- "Help. I need help. "

Puzzled looks, again.

- "I'm afraid we don't have any idea of where it could be right now. "

Red stated calmly.

Dib's head inched closer to the keyboard. For once in his life, he had a taste of how big and heavy the damned thing was.

- "No... I need your help... "

- "Sorry, but we're fresh out of help in here. But be assured that when we get some, you'll be the first one to... "

The alien's voice became blurred as his head finally hit the pad. The human started mumbling pointlessly, felling abnormally drained.

- "...help... you can't eat it... it is not something you can eat... it is not...  
food... "

His voice lowered to an inaudible whisper. The Irken leaders furrowed their lack of brows even more at the human's unusual words and behavior.

- "We know that. "

Added Purple in a soft, but intransigeant tone. An awkward pause followed weird dialogues.

- "You look tired, Human. Red said at last, you should go to bed, or whatever hole or nest your species like to sleep in. "

- "Wait! What if Zim kills him during his sleep, who will we deal with to get the food? "

That was it. Dib couldn't take anymore of this. Lifting a hand which much more difficulties than needed, he cut down the communication before Red had a chance to answer.

- "Computer, he muttered, loud enough for the machine to hear, cancel every connection you have with Irk whatsoever. Now. "

_- "But... "_

- "Now! "

Some more humming told him his orders had been fulfilled. In spite of his clouded mind, he could hear Eddie grumbling:

_- "... the superiors wont be glad to hear about this... insensible creatures humans and their silly emotions... "_

_STUPID WORTHLESS PIG-STINK DIRTY HUMAN CREATURES AND THEIR REPULSING USELESS EMOTIONS!_

Zim's voice. His words. Eddie's rambling. Machines. Aliens. And him.

- "I'm human... "

He murmured to no one.

- "I'm human, and I can't help it. I may be surrounded by machines and out of space creatures, but I can't help the way I am. I just can't help it. Why should I try to change when no one around me does? Why should I be the one? "

_- "Irk's calling back._ Eddie informed on a very, very flat voice. _Shall I block their call? "_

- "Mmm... send thew a text message... tell them humans don't let let themselves be carelessly killed, and that their last command will be send on time. And... I'll try the new burger myself, as soon as I can. "

_- "Texting. "_

More bipping.

-_ "Sent. "_

A few seconds.

_- "Irk's stopped calling. "_

Dib stayed silent for a while, head resting on his forearm.

- "They were right, he mused, maybe I should get some sleep. Just to see if Zim would actually try to kill m... "

_- "Irk's calling again. "_

- "Tell them same goes for sodas, desserts and french fries. "

_- "I did. But they wont stop calling. Shall I block them? "_

Dib sighed long and loud.

- "Main screen on. "

He could hear the crackling, but never bothered looking up.

- "Hello, may I take your order please? "

There was no response to his sad little joke, making him wonder if something was interfering with the connection. No way in Hell for him to even think about taking a look. He was wrong.

The Allmighty Tallest's glares were fixed on him, eyes wider than ever, lips pressed together nervously. Both had a half-retreated posture, as if expecting Dib to hit them though the screen. Purple looked at his colleague in apprehension, but was physically encouraged to inch closer, antennas flickering uncertainly.

- "Human, cheer up. "

He blurted rather clumsily, sounding more than a bit unsure. Dib didn't move. Red took his turn, patting his comrade's arm for a second, before announcing:

- "I have a rubber duck. "

Proving his assertion, he provided a small yellow plastic ducky, in front of the human's hair.

- "It squeaks. "

He added hopefully, squeezing the toy repeatedly. The sheer ridicule of the situation could have sent anyone crying, or die laughing.

_I'm absorbed in a world of total madness. Well, you know what they say, in a world gone mad, the sane is called crazy. Who I am, down there? Does it really matter?_

- "Why aren't things as easy as they should be? "

He asked aloud, not really expecting any answer.

- "They're not? "

A swift nudge in some of his infinite number of ribs made Red shut up. Dib lifted his head a bit at last, although reluctantly, and was rewarded by the two Irken leaders waving their clawed-hands at him shyly.

_What do they need those claws for anyway..._

- "No, they are not. They never are. At the very moment you thought yourself... in peace, safe from misfortune, unexpected things pop up to grab you at the throat... life is the greatest prankster ever. "

_To climb tree? Dig up food?_

- "Wait. You're referring to Zim, aren't you? "

_There's no such things in space as trees or earth..._

- "You can kill him, you know. We wont be mad. "

Hard to hide the hope contained in those words. Not that they were trying to anyway.

_As longs as two claws is enough to hold a can of soda, it's all that matters to them._

- "You should kill him. Remember he's after your life. It might be dangerous to let h... "

- "I wont kill Zim, okay? I wont. Dib interrupted dryly. Don't insist. If you want him dead so much, you'll have to do it yourself if he finds himself stupid enough to come back to you one last time. Did you even know he never as much as suspected you to be behind all that happened to him? Why did you have to be so cruel? He just wanted to make you happy! "

Purple made a face while Red rolled up his eyes.

- "Yeah, but he really, really sucks at it. Whatever he's done had been a catastrophe to us, our planet, and whatever comes close to him and his irresistible destructing gravity pool. "

_Why are their bodies so slumped? Are the clothes they're wearing too heavy, and their bone structure too thin? Are they collapsing on themselves like dinosaurs?_

- "... at least he tried. "

The human sighed, slightly dejected.

- "But I won't hurt him. He's traveled all this way, in the state he was, bleeding and dazed, with this morbid fixation of finding and destroy me, and crumbled at my very doorstep. It wouldn't be fair. Plus, I no longer consider Zim as an enemy. "

- "This, Red sighed, will make it even easier for him to kill you. "

- "You're wrong. I can defend myself better than you think. I'd rather think I don't have to kill him to prevent him killing me. "

_"Wanna save your skin, boy? You wanna save your hide? You wanna see tomorrow? You better step aside!"_

_Where did that come from?_

The Tallests exchanged dismayed looks.

- "Human," Purple said, "you have to understand your species and ours are very, very different ones. "

- "That is not true, but I will agree at this moment to please you. "

- "... and Zim is crazy. He's taken the worst we had in our Irken genes, as ou call tem, If we had some. We must have had some. Anyway, Zim took it all. He's crazy, and dangerous. To himself and others. You don't know what you're dealing with. "

_Why does this ring a bell? Oh. Yeah. That movie. I liked that movie. What was it like, by the way?_

_"Ya don't know what you're messin' with, you got no idea! You don't know what you're lookin' at, when you're lookin' here! Ya don't know what you're up against, no, no way, no how! You don't know what you're messin' with, but I'm gonna tell you now! I'm just a mean green mother from outer space and I'm bad!"_

_Tell me about it...  
_

- "I know, thanks. May I remind you I dealt with him for seven years, when _you_ didn't feel strong enough to. I handled it horribly for a time, but then I caught the drift, and made a good deal of what I had. I prevented him from destroying both me and the Earth for nearly three years! If you wont call it a good job, I will. In facts, I did better than you did. "

Red smiled indulgently.

- "It's only natural," he stated in a anything-but-joking tone, "for degenerated and sub-evolded life forms to find themselves fighting with equal forces. Both their handicaps are very similar. "

_One thing remains sure. What's dragging their shoulders to the ground is most certainly NOT the weight of their intelligence. How dare thew show scoliosis with their obviously empty skulls?_

- "The point is. None of us will have to die any soon. Zim may be angry, resentful, hateful, lost, betrayed from everywhere and in terrible pain, I still believe he'll be sensible enough to find what's best for him. Though he didn't believe a word of what I told him earlier, and he stubbornly will not until he hears it from your very holy mouth. "

He brought his hand to his cheek thoughtfully.

- "But hearing the truth would brake him for good, I'm afraid. "

- "Maybe we should tell him, then! "

Dib didn't even bother reacting to this one.

- "Tell me," he asked quietly, fatigue leaping back at him without mercy, "why do I have to mind about all those things? "

- "About what? "

Purple gestured for his friend to remain silent, tugging at his own lekku in thought.

- "Maybe..." he proposed pensively, "maybe you should wonder why you do, instead of why you have to. "

_There! They passed the unique brain again and I didn't notice. How do they do this? Wait. What did he say?_

- "True, added Red a bit hazardously. You feel obligated to do what you do, while nobody else does. That's stupid and pointless. "

- "Don't you think your life is short enough, and your poor ridicule body feeble enough for wearing yourself out with questions your weak, pathetic little human mind will never find an answer to? "

_How do they manage to be so wrong yet so right in their wrongness? Those two will be the death of me._

- "Think about it! You're just putting more weight on your already strained human shoulders. Poor ones already have such a big head full of thoughts and interrogations to carry. Let it go, human, and have a sandwish! With peanut butter. Peanut butter is the answer! "

- "Peanuts butter makes me sick. "

_You make me sick. Both of you, with your twisted spines and crooked backs. You're stupid, and cruel, and ugly. Why now must I notice how awful you are? They're taunting you, Dib. Give them a piece of your mind!_

_No, no way. Getting into a fight with Irk would not bring any good. There, you're acting zombie again. Acceptive and spineless. You'd let them eat YOU alive only because you're too lazy to fight back. No I wouldn't. Prove it, then. No. Plus if I am a zombie, I am more likely to eat them rather them eating me. Zombies eat filth, Dib, until they get slaughtered. They're waiting to slaughter you. No they're not, they like me. Like you? Have you gone crazy along with blind? They were ready to blow your entire planet to prevent you from spreading gossips on their little love-life! They have no conscience, no code of ethics! They'll kill Zim AND you the first occasion they got!_

- "It's your fault," he blurted, randomly throwing accusations, "you made him like this. You told him to go. You told your entire planet to conquest and invade whatever you felt would be usefully to your little world. This planet to park our spaceships. This planet to provide food. This planet to test new weapons. You never gave a damn about the people. It was all for you! From the start! "

- "You're saying this like it is a bad thing. "

Some of his old, juvenile anger was bubbling up inside him.

- "You... behave like... tyrants! "

He had to smother it fast and good or poor Earth would suffer the consequences.

- "Hahem," interrupted Purple, mildly annoyed by this unusual flow, "we didn't manipulate him, if it's what you mean... true, we made up many conquest plans, but we didn't place any device in his head to make him obey... no lobotomy, no brain washing, no propaganda overdose... he just got overexcited and madly obsessed. Something to do with his size, I guess. You can't be that small and keep all of your sanity. Zim was not guided. He's just plain retarded. "

_Look who's talking. At least Zim tried to achieve something tangible, rather than make up silly reasons. Unlike someone I know. Shut up, Dib._

- "Talking about pointless efforts... all this mess, just to make up parking spaces... you guys have no notions of proportion whatsoever. Now that I come to think of it, neither did Zim. You're similar on this, but otherway, you've got almost nothing in common. "

Something in his head broke down with these words, crumbled before his very eyes, allowing him to see the situation from a totally different point of view.

- "I should have known, he murmured in awe. I should have guessed. Not only Zim is different from humans, but he his also different from his very own race. "

- "Hey! Welcome among us, human! That's what we've been saying for years! "

But Dib wasn't listening, all to his newfound discovery.

- "I should have sensed it, he repeated softly, while staring into space. I should have known. Lame soldier, lame invader, lame plans with lam equipments (No offense, Ed) and a lame robot... personification of failure... That's why I liked him so much. I know I never cared about this all "You'll be a warrior- You'll be a worker" ant-system. I liked to hear him talk. I knew he was special. That even among his own planet, he was the only one made this way. That's what I liked so much about him. We had nothing in common, yet we were the same. On a different scale. Time. Species. World. Views. And so many others. But the essence was the same. "

- "You talk a lot, human. "

Declared Purple, who's head was beginning to swirl. Dib's eyes were still lost somewhere, far away in a different space that they use to fix themselves on.

- "Wow. I dedicated six years of my life to an out of space retard. Makes me feel all dreamy. Why do we have to take things so seriously? If I had laugh from the very first time we met... maybe Zim wouldn't have ended as hurt as he is now. "

- "Do not blame yourself, human, for it is none of your fault. Remember, failing and mistaking again and again are what make your species what it is! There is no shame to have. You cannot help it. It is in your blood. Just like Zim's. "

_Zim's blood... it is still on my hands. More than ever. Time to stop. The three of us saw enough of it._

- "He's safe, as long as he remains hidden here. You'll execute him if he comes any close to you, it is well understood. I wish I had a way to convince him to stay. "

- "I you want to keep him so much, then, we'll give him to you. Gladly. The further Zim is... But him, here... for you... it is... "

_Huh? Are you having moral dilemmas for the first time in your life? Does it hurt?_

- "Just... try not to die, okay? "

Dib knew this was the closest thing from attention he could ever get from those two. They, on the other hand, didn't.

_May those lucky bastards be as happy as possible as long as their blissfully foggy minds shield them away from harsh reality._

The human closed his eyes peacefully, balancing himself on his elbows.

- "It is just the way life is, isn't it? He said very softly. Nobody ever listen. Nobody ever tries. Misunderstandings of all kinds happens. And it ends badly. "

Looking up to face both Irken's puzzled expressions, he gave an indulgent smile.

- "Make it squeak. "

- "Huh? "

- "The rubber duck. He gestured toward them. Make it squeak. "

Incomprehensive looks upon him, until one remembered, and left a clawy finger up.

- "Oh. Ah. Yes! Just a second! "

He turned to his sibling hastily.

- "Gimme the duck! "

- "I don't have it! "

- "What do you mean? You just had it a minute ago! "

- "Well, I don't have it anymore. "

Purple smacked his forehead, and grabbed his friend's bony arm angrily, dragging him away from the screen like a misbehaving child.

- "... tell me how you managed to lose in such short amount of time!... "

Although they tried to keep the level of their voices down, it was obvious they couldn't lend their pointy hands on the damned toy again.

- "Wer'd'ya put it, for Irk's sake... "

- "Idonno! Somewhere 'round... must no be very far'way... "

- "Help me lookin'for it instead o'talking! "

- "Don't'ya talk t'me like that! "

- "This is not the time to be petty! "

At last, a little, square-shaped Irken handed the toy to them, bringing it back from the bathroom, where he had taken it when he thought his Mighty Tallest were done waving it down the human's nose. He was immediately dismayed, without so much as a glance. There must be some kind of unexploited hypnotic power in those things, Dib thought, as the fascinating Squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak went on and on...

- "Thank you. I feel better. "

Hearing the words, Red turned to his colleague, a victorious grin on his thin lips.

- "THERE! He exclaimed, brandishing the duck triumphantly, you see! I knew it would work! "

- "Still, Dib insisted in a non-concessional tone, I need you to do something for me. Something important. "

- "Is it... Zim-related? "

_No crap, Sherlock._

- "Yes. "

- "Hey! I think we have another call! "

_CLANG._

The human's fist hit the board with sudden infuriation.

- "GUYS! Stay here! I'm not asking you to take him back or anything. Just tell him the truth. I'd do it myself gladly, note, but he won't believe it until you say it to him. Do not linger on this if you do not feel like to. Be brief if you must, but be clear. No circumlocutions or ambiguity. Tell him bluntly that it is not necessary for him to come back. That you don't want him to. Tell him you don't need him anymore. That he is no part of the Irken race anymore. Something along those lines. But please, please, do it once and for all! You cannot avoid the issue all your life! "

_Oh it suits you so well to say something like this, Dib. This is really not the moment. Don't you think this all thing is complicated enough? Yeah, sure. Have your little fun crushing Zim's hopes and dreams. We'll have a little chitchat later. I'm not crushing anything! He brought it on himself! I'm only putting an end to a fantasy that hurt him in the past and might continue to for ever! Call it what you will. You're enjoying this and you know this NO I'M NOT_

- "Ahem, human? Red interrupted with a soft cough, my colleague and I came up with a better idea! What if, we tell him Irk made an importan trade with the human race, a trade that could comprise the life of billions innocent Irkens if not completed with success, and that YOU, responsible of said trade, wouldn't agree to complete the deal without keeping him down here in this cave of yours. For ever. "

_... Oh, PLEASE!_

Dib sighed loudly, eyelids falling down again.

- "Okay. Tell him I bought him and you agreed. You want him to stay here, for the benefit of your nation. Whatever. That should be enough. I hope. "

The leaders provided him with wide, relieved grins.

- "It's always a pleasure to make business with you! And now... "

Purple eyed his sibling, goofy smile turning into nasty smirk.

- "... bring it on. "

* * *

This story shouldn't be longer than three or four chapters. But not right away, as they are rather long... all I can say for now is: things aren't going to get better yet. Anyway, thank you for reading! Comments always brings up energy to lazy fingers!

References:  
- The Hitchiker's Guide To The Galaxy (Douglas Addams's and Peter Jones's names be worshiped for all eternity)  
- Little Shop Of Horrors 's "Mean Green Mother from Outer Space" (Any of Audrey II's song would be enough for me to let myself being eaten alive by this Chlorophyllous Goddess)  
- Night of the living Dead's quote "They're coming to get you barbara! " (Poor catatonic barbara actually got gotten. )  
- Bradbury's short novel: "The concrete Mixer" (The Illustrated Man)  
- Evanescence's "Hello" (sic...)  
- Spaceship Bob form "Tripping the Rift" (I wish Gus was my outfit advisor so much his taste AMAZE me)  
- Austin Power, baby  
- DESTROY ALL HUMANS! (I suck at invasion, too! But at least, I'm having fun... CURSE YOU HUMANS!)

- Charlie and the great glass elevator


	3. Chapter 3

Marlene: I feel like apologizing. Here we go. Sorry for beeing so late. This one gave me a hard time, too. Long you were, and long you must stay... and will. Sorry for any spelling mistakes. Sorry for the lack of "action". The end is nearing! Next chapters won't take THAT long, I swear. Thank you for your reviews! It really keeps me going!

* * *

_Progressive absurdity Part 3_

* * *

_- "Zim, I'm sorry. I was wrong. You had nothing in common with that chihuahua. It was way smaller than you are, and what you have to say is much more interesting. I'm sorry I treated you badly. I mean, I may not be your slave, but you're not mine either. I shouldn't have lifted you up like a rabbit. I shouldn't have called you my space-pet. I knew you were way older than me. Forgive me Zim, I'm just a kid! A smeet, as you would say. I'm still incomplete. Guess my brain will take a little more time before being able to accomplish great things like yours. I'm young, and young people are stupid. I'm not going to apologize for that, though. Forgive me. Come on, I'll take you home. "_

_Each plea hitting dead, inexistent ears._

_But the teen wouldn't let go. He bent over the bin even more, still holding the heavy, slightly oozing lid with one hand, and extended the other one apologetically. _

_- "Come on Zim, you cannot stay here. This is everything that you like. Bacterias. And rain. "_

_The Irken didn't look up, stubborn arms folded over his forehead, merely huddling his little frame even more in the narrow, smelly place he had found shelter in. _

_Dib softened his tone._

_- "Come out of here. You do not belong here. You are no trash, Zim. Nor are you some lost, stray cat. "_

_He had been wrong. Again. Tactless and careless._

_Zarquon, when would he learn about the wrong and right times to shut his big trap?_

_He knew all too well how sensitive Irkens could be on some subjects. And he, ignorant and foolish, had deliberately chosen to tease him._

_Worst than simply teasing him, the human had laughed._

_Laughed aloud, with all his cruel heart, at Zim's involuntary confession._

_- "What? You're a full grown adult?! You mean... you've reached your maximal size? You'll never grow taller than this? ... my! This is just too much!... "_

_It all happened very fast. Things had gone badly. _

_- "What? AGAIN?! You brainless pighead! When will you finally learn to behave, Zim?! TAKE THOSE BACK, NOW! "_

_He hadn't. Extended each one of his claw threateningly, back folded, body retracted in aggressive posture. Teeth bared like an angry cat. Shivering with anger. Full weight of helplessness downing on him, fueling his natural rage to unbearable state. It didn't work. The insolent worm-baby only shrugged._

_- "Oh, my. Scary. And what are you going to do, Zim? Stab me? Tear me apart? Just you try. Except if you're wishing to die even more stupidly than you would normally have? "_

_Rekindling of old pain. Frustration of not being able to strike him directly. Pitiful. Looked like he hadn't yet felt the full extent of his chains until now. _

_- "I clearly mentioned I never wanted to see those... whatever "extra mecha-legs" of yours anymore! What do I have to do to make you understand who's in control, now? Resign yourself! There's nothing you can do! Put those back where they come from! Don't make me hit you on the head! The magazine is too far, and I'm too tired to get it... "_

_With a contemptuous smirk:_

_- "... bring it to me? "_

_No more. He could take no more. No. More._

_He couldn't stay in here. He had to get out, leave from this despising inferior pig beast's sight before he couldn't hold himself anymore, and do something foolish. Exit the dirty cave by any way. _

_- "Zim? You'd better be listening, or else... "_

_Another humiliation. _

_No time or will to put his clever disguise back on, no time to think or take precautions. No matter how, or where to. He had to leave. Now._

_He leaped, catching a last disgusting human's scream._

_- "ZIM! NO! Don't break the win... "_

_Another order. Run._

_CRASH. Twinkle, twinkle... vloush._

_The kid brought his hand down, slowly._

_- "...dow. Dude. Gaz's gonna kill me for this. Guess my allowance won't come this month either. "_

_His attention was driven away from his little misery as furious droplets made their way on his carpet, through the broken glass._

_It was raining outside. It often did. Like the planet itself was willing to show its hate toward its outer space visitor._

_- "... you're not gonna stay out for long. I'll put some adhesive on this window in a few minutes, when he's back. "_

_He was wrong. Again. _

_And got worried, against himself. Zim was out under the rain, without protection, without his disguise, and on his spidery legs. Stomping madly in a row of blind anger. Anyone could see him. And even if he did get unnoticed, surely he wouldn't get away so easily with the rain. Heck, maybe GIR came and picked him up. Most logical issue. Using the spacecraft in plain day? Even Zim couldn't be THIS thick. Of course he could. This was ZIM after all. Thickness was his middle name. _

_'I won't go after him. ' _

_'I won't run haggard under the rain, looking for him, screaming his name. No. ' _

_'I, unlike him, have my dignity, and some sense of reality.' He shot a glance at the growing puddle on the floor._

_'... at least not without putting on my jacket. And my shoes. An umbrella wouldn't hurt either. '_

_A few minutes later, he was out running and screaming. Jacket and shoes on. Guilty feeling building up his stomach in nauseous waves, making his pace irregular. Umbrella forgotten in sudden urgency. _

_Dib HAD run, undeniably, and screamed the alien's name around. A great deal. Much more than truly needed, for poor green fellow didn't have time to go very far. Constant burning beating instinctive disgust, he had no choice but to hide into the only shelter available: The garbage container a the end of the street._

_Telling, wasn't it? _

_Finding the miserable Irken soaking and smoking softly, last bit of his already mistreated pride sinking along with him in a pool of dirt. Dib tried the best he could to push away the thought screaming at him that this was HIS fault at the back of his mind, but the damned thing just wouldn't let itself be ignored so easily._

_- "Zim... " _

_Outminding the stinky, greasy, sticky juices and goos of the bin, he managed to trap the little frame into his hands, cradling him against his chest, aware that his prisoner held no strength to fight, far too cold, humiliated and tired. The human once again enclosed his jacket over him, sending the trembling antennae back down to the back of his skull in one swift stroke. He could only guess how painful having the sensitive appendage stuck again would feel, and didn't wish to risk it again. _

_- "I am YOUR human pet, he said with a small smile, it is only natural that I carry you home. "_

_Along the way, the teen noticed the alien's unusual lack of speech. A silent Zim was never a good sign. This muteness make his stomach twitch a little, and before he could think twice about it, the hand that wasn't holding him came to smother the small, hairless skull behind the cotton fabric. _

_- "I'm sorry, he added out of nowhere. I'm sorry. "_

_No response._

_Holding back a sigh, the human watched around, greying suburbs and gloomy sky. Cold but soft wind blowing through his short cropped hair, making his Strand bobble up and down. Wet smell of drained atmosphere, dampening his face, clothing, and mood. Zim snuggled closer into the warm crook of his elbow. Unconsciously, he tightened his grip on the small creature. _

_On times like these, home didn't seem so far away._

_To him, at last._

_Once home, the teen heavily crumbled on the old couch, before the giant screen of the TV, immediately greeted by the enthusiastic welcome cheers of his beloved sister._

_- "You're soaking, beef-head! Can't you see you're damping the cushions, you moron?! "_

_- "Fine, and how was your day? "_

_He got a glimpse at the table, where half-done homework vainly waited to be chosen over console games. _

_Holding up another desperate sigh, Dib tore the zipper down, opening his jacket._

_- "Alright, Zim, all cleared. You can get ou... "_

_He stopped. The body in his arm had gone abnormally limp._

_- "Zim?... "_

_The human quickly grabbed him under his armpits, lifting him to eye level, horrified to see the green head fall bonelessly onto his tiny chest._

_- "Zim! Zim! "_

_- "Quiet! Gaz snapped again, you're ruining my concentration! "_

_- "But Gaz! He's not moving anymore! He won't say anything! ... Gaz! Gaz! I think he's dead! ... "_

_Dib was getting uncomfortably loud and insisting. Not counting the useless shaking he was putting the poor alien through. It didn't last long since her patience wore off, and she throw her open skool case at him, pencils scattering across the room._

_- "IT IS SLEEPING, you freak! Leave it alone! What's wrong with you? Haven't you heard of sleep before? I'll smash your skull with a lamp to give you a sample! And put it down, for Earth's sake! You're not dealing with our dead crushed ex-puppy, here! "_

_This, adding the light impact of the soft item, had him relax a little._

_- "I... I thought Irkens never slept. "_

_- "WELL, IT most apparently, DOES. So shut up, and turn the TV down. Let it rest. Supporting your overwhelming stupidity all day long must be exhausting enough. "_

_- "But... what am I supposed to do? "_

_- "You're asking ME?! I don't care! Put it on he couch, teddy-bear him like you usually do, whatever. Just don't bother me. "_

_As gently as he could, he laid down the tiny body onto his crossed legs, resting his head against his thigh._

_She risked one eye of her game screen to have a look at unmoving Zim._

_- "Uh. Maybe you were right. It smells real bad, maybe it IS dead after all. You must have smothered it with your stink or something. "_

_- 'No, his brother replied almost as coldly. IT is not dead. HE is indeed, sleeping. "_

_- "Ah. Good for HIM, then. "_

_She went back to shooting some pig in a puddle of virtual cow blood._

_- "You're aware dad is at home in his lair, aren't you? You know what that mean? "_

_Gaz said again, never bothering to lift her gaze a second time._

_- "No, but thanks for the info. I don't think he'll come up anyway. "Far too busy, kids!". "_

_- "I'm only saying this to you because I came to realize, the more you grow up long, ugly, malformed and repulsive, the more I come to think the nuclear mole you're dragging up with you all the time is cute. So if anything happens to it, I'll rip your titanic head off and make you eat it. "_

_- "But that's... "_

_- "BELIEVE ME, I'll have my way. "_

_She was only spoiling her breath._

_There was no need to threaten him really, with Zim sleeping in his lap, resting his forehead against the human's inner arm, poor kid didn't dare to make any move at all._

_He had no clue of what to do. This never had happened before. Suspicion was, and will -should have- remained way too raw to allow themselves such liberal behavior._

_Lowering his gaze to the tiny Irken nestling in his arms, snoring softly, he could do nothing but wonder._

_'Did you faint? I never noticed you looking tired before. Were you? Have I been acting selfish? Haven't I been paying enough attention to you? It's not like you needed me to, rather the other way around. My, now that I can have a real look, you do seem exhausted. Why? Looking over me too much? Lack of sleep? Lack of food? Of gratuitous Evilness? Are you so frustrated you cannot hurt me anymore your body is eating you up from the inside? No. It think it is way simpler than that. It's just like you overdid your new assignment, like everything you did before. Pushing your limits to critical point. Negating them. You did too much, Zim, and you screwed up again. Funny. Cute._

_Duh. "Cute". Couldn't be avoided, could it? Worst inevitable of all adjectives. Sissy. But it cannot be denied, too. If only you knew how shamelessly cute you're looking right now, you'd probably kill me, and then yourself! Sure, it's not the first time he decided to use me as a couch... but not without a book, or to watch some movie, or play video game... doing something. Never did I see him looking so... vulnerable. Beafhead. How careless of you. So many things I could do to you now. So many things that I won't. Can you believe it? You are right in being wrong, my Zim. I wouldn't hurt you. Did you understand somehow? You'll never believe me if I tell you... you never did. Then again... are you THIS stupid, THIS tired, or simply trusting despite yourself? _

_- "I read your book too, you know. "_

_Dib tore his eyes away for their fascination, blinking._

_- "... eh? "_

_- "... it assures Dad to come up right now, when your space pet is undercover. That IS what it said about Probabilities. "_

_- "... Gaz. Do you realize HOW MUCH probability there would be, that dad would show up right when Zim is here, sleeping with us on the couch? "_

_- "One over I dunno how many billions trillions. "_

_- "What reason would he have to come up anyway? "_

_- "Who cares about the reason? He'll only come because HE is here! He'll only come because of the ONE possibility over billions of trillions probabilities that he won't! "_

_- "That's impossible! "_

_She smirked._

_- "No. Just very, VERY improbable. "_

_She was right. He gulped nervously, suddenly eying the stairs. The professor's distorted shadow was already projecting itself over the wall. The boy's heart made an involuntary jump._

_'Oh, for the love of... I HATE YOU, LIFE, THE UNIVERSE AND EVERYTHING hurry, hurry, hide him, hide, hide, what do I think, what do I... don't be a fool, Dib. Like the Universe would leave you any chance to ward off.'_

_Indeed. Less than a minute later, he was already there._

_- "Dad! I... "_

_- "Son! Daughter! Would you happen to know where the egg whisk could be? I have some nuclear jelly down there, and more waiting could signify the end of... "_

_He spotted it. The green, unmoving, unknown foreign thing on his son's lap._

_'Oh, Destiny. You chose the lamest excuse of all. I hope you're having fun, because I am not. '_

_He had SEEN him. For real. Without any disguise or anything. Green, little creature, with antennae and claws. Hairless. Eyes fortunately closed. Totally undercover. _

_Time froze for a second._

_'Okay. No panic. Useless to lost oneself in endless explanation that would only make things worse. I can think of another way to save it. '_

_The professor hadn't spoken yet. He still had time. _

_He could still save Zim, if fast enough, using the simplest trick of all. The Universe had brought this mess upon them, and it would also bring them all out of it. Do and undo. That was how things work. Wasn't it?..._

_Taking his courage in both hands, the boy allowed himself a great inspiration and managed to babble, sounding as credible as possible:_

_- "The... the neighbor's cat. It jumped through the window and fell asleep on my knees. I'll send him out when it's not raining anymore. "_

_Looking straight into his father's goggles. Assured of himself and his words. Supporting the sheer absurdity of it all without fretting._

_He would buy it, no question asked._

_Famous Professor Membrane would buy such ridicule statement, despite his superior intelligence, magnificent brain and almost inhuman (...) diligence, despite everything that could ever be, he WOULD buy it. Smoothly. For a really simple reason. A reason even the so called genius he was couldn't escape._

_The Somebody Else's Problem Field he picked up in the Galactic Guide reason._

_A Somebody Else's Problem Field is used to hide something in plain sight. This phenomenon works on the principle that the human brain will filter out impossible objects and situations so as to preserve the sanity of the owner of the brain. When an impossible object or situation is encountered the brain decides that it is somebody else's problem and promptly deletes it from its perception of reality. In truth, sometimes, it's much cheaper and easier to make people think that something work, rather than actually make it work. After all the result is, in all important aspects, the same. The technology involved in making something invisible is so mind bogglingly complex than 99999 out of a billion it's simpler just to take it away and hide it. The SEP field is much simpler, and much more effective. This is because it relies on people's natural disposition not to see anything they don't want to, weren't expecting, or can't explain. _

_He had many occasions, in his sad little life, to witness the wonders of the SEP among people, but it was now time to learn to use it to his own benefit. _

_Zim, in all his -questionable- glory, was the biggest SEP ever._

_Pr. Membrane brilliant brain actually did fight a little against his son's obvious lie, but to no avail. Half the job was already done from the start with the constant reappraisal of his son's sanity. There was no way he could escape this one._

_- "Well son, he announced loudly, if a little forcefully, that would be the weirdest cat I've ever seen in my life! Now if you'll excuse me, I'll go back to my lab! The world cannot wait! "_

_He didn't even bother to mention the egg whisk or dreadful risks of World Ending again._

_Brave, brilliant little brain running away from something it couldn't, wouldn't, and didn't want to acknowledge before breaking._

_The Irken was saved. Had he know how closed he had been to wake up on the dissection table, maybe a bit of gratefulness could have budded in that arid squeedly spooch of his. Maybe._

_Point was, it worked. It was bound to. No matter the son of one of the Elite Scientist in the World was holding an alien against his chest. He had been told it was a cat, and it was, therefore, no more and no less than a cat. Most strangely shaped and colored cat for sure, but a cat nevertheless. Dib could have said anything. Plush. Doll. Toy. Toddler. Even baby moose. Membrane would have never saw just WHAT was simply displayed in front of his very eyes... goggles._

_Sometimes, the teen thought bitterly, human disposition to blindness was welcome. Sometimes._

_'What is it is on TV? The screen is blurry. Or is it the rain? My glasses must be dirty, but to wipe them, I'd have to move my arm... ah. Oh. Who cares. You're right, Zim. No need to drive ourselves mad over this. ' _

_He relaxed against the couch, closing his eyes. Meaningless babbles of TV lulling him to agreeable trance. His brain got up, stretched a little, left silently and closed his mind behind it. _

_It was soon called back to duty, by the feeling of something pointy poking into his navel, driving him out of slumber._

_- "You've got a hole. "_

_- "W... what? "_

_'Ah, so you woke up. Still on me, though. Why won't you move? Silly alien. Your pointy skull is blocking the blood in my arm. What if dad came back? Oh, he won't. There was only ONE probability, and he already uses it. Two would turn the Universe upside down for sure. Even more than it already is. Is that possible? ' _

_Another light poke. Curious finger digging._

_- "Hole... "_

_'What about the other way around? Maybe making it worst would make it right in the end? Maybe if I call dad back, everything single problems in the Universe will be solved for ever? It is worth a try. Dad, come back! If you do, maybe this crazy World would finally be in place for good! '_

_- "A donno whad'ya talkin' bou', he yawned lazily, bd'I guess y'haf t'liv withit coz' thez' noting I cando f'now. " _

_'Maybe not. Better not trying. '_

_He should have known for good now, that the small alien wasn't one to give up so easily._

_- "There's a hole in your belly. You should... put a cork in it, or something. "_

_'A cork, in my navel. Oh, why not after all... can't be more absurd than that. I'm sure many of the Goths/Punks/Emo people would find it soooo cool and immediately got one... maybe I could start a trend and make a lot of money out of it. What could be more Freudian than putting a cork up your birth scar? '_

_'Hey, that tickles!... cut it out... man, Zim, is my stomach that interesting? Flat and smooth, just like your head. Filled with the same uninteresting mash. '_

_- "I've got a hole, so what? It's not like the only one I have. "_

_- "You've got a HOLE in your BELLY. That is not normal! This is scary AND disgusting! "_

_'Yeah, go ahead my friend. Claim disgust and repulsion, as you always do. Human's belly, disgusting for sure... but also warm and soft. Comfortable. Otherwise, I see no point for you in trying to get under my shirt. Literally. Careful with those claws, though. My poor human flesh is not as thick as your snake cuirass. '_

_- "It's a BIRTH SCAR, Zim. And yes, it is perfectly normal. "_

_'This isn't right. I don't have the feeling of holding a pet. No cat should fell this bare. Dib, get this in this not-so-big head of yours, Zim is NOT a cat. He hasn't got fur, or cla... wait, he does have claws. And some kind of upper whiskers, too. My mistake. But still, he's not pet of mine. He is NOT a pet. " _

_- "But... can't your... organs leek through it?"_

_The Irken asked again, almost shyly, trying to look through the little hole with one eye closed._

_- "You mean... without you trying to suck them out with a tube? Yeah of course, they can. They used to sometimes, when I was not paying attention. But I had it fixed and now it is quite solid and airtight. "_

_- "Where does it come from? " _

_The human lifted himself on his elbow, and gave him the most stupid grin available._

_- "You see, Zim, he explained very slowly, using the silliest tone he could come with, when the mother gave birth to her baby, they are still connected by the feeding tube used to keep the fetus growing. The doctor cuts it, and it leaves a mark. That is all. "_

_- "So... does that mean you can still store up food into your... whatever you have inside through this belly hole of yours? Like squirrels in their cheeks?"_

_Dib bit his lips as not to burst out laughing, and motioned to lift his shirt over his stomach even more._

- _"Of course I can! Do you want some? "_

_- "Gross... "_

_Grumbled the girl by their side, while Zim stuck his long tongue out, making exaggerated horrified grimaces._

_Dib took pity of the greying alien._

_- "I lied. I can only recycled the food I swallow, but I can't store it up inside to have a snack now and then. Do not worry. "_

_When something -even more- abnormal it the Irken. Hard._

_- "Dib-worm... your male parent unit... "_

_- "Oh, you mean my dad? "_

_He looked up to the human's face, eyes wide with frightened expectation._

_- "...yeah. He... he was there, wasn't he? "_

_- "Oh. Yeah. "_

_- "He saw me. "_

_- "Sure. "_

_Couldn't sound more uninterested._

_- "What... what did he say? "_

_- "He said pet's owner shouldn't do weird experiment on them and be surprised of the terrible mutations it ensues. "_

_Loud sigh of utter relief. Tension flowing out the little body, slackening again, closing his eyes in peacefulness, abandoning itself in the comfortable embrace of the boy without noticing._

_Another mental strike kept him from falling back to sleep._

_- "Human?... "_

_- "Yes? "_

_- "You didn't tell... "_

_- "No. Nothing. Not a word. "_

_Awkward pause._

_- "Why? "_

_Silence. _

_Eventually, Dib took his glasses of, and rubbed his itchy eyes._

_- "Because in the end, nothing really matters. "_

_More silence._

_- "Can I invade Earth, then? "_

_- "NO! "_

_- "... Curse you. "_

_Snickers._

_- "You're welcome. "_

_Now that the storm had passed, it was time to try and lighten the mood._

_- "I rented a very old movie that you might like. "_

_Zim draped his tiny arm over the bony elbow, burying his face into the soft cloth. Pouting._

_- "I don't care. "_

_- "Listen anyway. It's about a tall man, who is also smug and self-satisfied. But one day he's caught in a chemical accident, and begin getting smaller and smaller... too no end. "_

_- "Does he... die in the end? "_

_- "I don't know. I never watched it. But I though the pitch would please you. You've always liked witnessing people's downfalls. "_

_- "Curse you. "_

_- "You're repeating yourself. If you don't want to watch it, there is still "E.T", though... "_

_- "AH! This creepy little shrunken monkey-face slug! Smoking its own finger! I HATE him! Hate him so much! "_

_- "What about Alien VS Predator, then? " _

_- "NO aliens EVER OOZED this much! And yes we DO have eyes! Who needs so many teeth anyway?! And no, we don't lay our smeets in your stomach. Filthy human stomachs full of greasy FOOD! "_

_- "Come on. I rarely saw you laughing so much than when you say that guy's stomach being pierced alive and the little beast escaping. But you are right, in a way. I would never lay MY eggs in your stomach, either. Too bad I already did a few years ago. They must be ready to hatch soon, now. " _

_Zim unconsciously clenched his hands on his belly as the hideous scene played itself over and over in his head._

_- "You're... you're joking again? "_

_Trying not to sound worried._

_No response. The kid only kept glaring at him, expression unreadable._

_- "... are you? "_

_Antennae twitching._

_After a few seconds of silence, Dib graced him a sly smile._

_- "... yes. "_

_Intense relief, once again._

_- "...then again, the teen went on, suddenly serious, getting out undercover like that was carefree and mindless of you. Not worth such superior species you claim to be part of. You should pay more attention to what's going on around there. Especially in here. "_

_- "You tell LIES! Dib's personal cove is the safest place on Earth for Z... "_

_He stopped, biting his absence of lower lip. Cursing himself to no end. Hating every inch of his whole being for being so foolish as letting such humiliating statement escape._

_Fortunately, his human pet wasn't as cruel as to take pleasure in pointing this cute, involuntary slip._

_Shrugging his thin shoulders, he merely commented:_

_- "Well, guess we'll have to practice Duck and Cover better. "_

_The alien jerked._

_- "Never! Never will Zim again cooperate with this stoooopid game! Never! This is degrading, useless, shameful and so very LAME! "_

_Dib's grin extended widely._

- _"Yeah. Let's do it again. "_

_Without waiting for an answer, he tightened his grip on the small frame, lifting him up with the same care as a collectible doll, and quickly dragged him upstairs despite his various protests and fidgeting._

_He knew perfectly, that almost every trying of this little game of theirs would inevitably end up with Zim getting stuck in the cover, trashing, squealing and kicking, smothering himself even more, making the human laugh to tears._

_Reaching his room, he slammed the door behind them and dumped the squirming alien on the bed._

_- "Ready? I give you five seconds! Five! Four! Three! Two... "_

_- "No! Wait! Don't... "_

_- "... zero! Too late! You're an exposed alien thing and I'll catch you know! "_

_With this, he enthusiastically jumped on him, barely giving the poor Irken time to prevent himself from behind crushed._

_- "Dib-beast! STOP THIS! I COMMAND YOU TO LET ME GO! LET GO! LET GO OF ZIM, YOU PIGGY SMELLY THINGY... THING! "_

_- "TOO LATE, ALIEN SCUM! YOU'RE DISCOVERED NOW! YOU SHOULD HAVE HIDDEN BETTER AND FASTER! I'LL PUNISH YOU NOW! "_

_The teen's face was reddened by joy and laugh, while Zim only tried to escape his vicious grip. _

_Finally, Dib had him pinned down the sheet, unable to move. Gleeful smile never leaving his lips._

_- "And now... "_

_Zim wouldn't let any sign of apprehension show. Remaining passive and motionless, face blank, if a little annoyance remaining in his shiny eyes. _

_Truth was, he needn't feeling worried, knowing more than well what was about to come. _

_- "... to teach you to try and invade my home planet, and not being discreet enough... I by now condemn you to be TICKLED TO DEATH! "_

_There they went again. Nothing more than one of their usual games. It was an unfair one, and Dib tacitly agreed to let Zim win, when he felt like it. He didn't, though, today._

_Abnormally loud yelling and screaming and cursing and laughing and suffocating sounds could be heard from the entire house, including the Lab. Any passerby could easily have believed a murder was occurring in there. Heck, it wasn't like anybody cared anyway._

_But every good thing must came to an end._

_Zim laid on the human's heaving chest, panting loudly, face greener than usual, feeling tingly from head to toes. After a short moment of recuperation, the human lifted his upper body to the swollen pillow, bringing the tiny alien close, allowing his pointy head against his shoulder. Crossing his arms around his space pet in a loose embrace. _

_Amazingly enough, Zim didn't fight, nor did he complained._

_That reminds me, Dib randomly thought, maybe if I had given that much attention to our ex-puppy, it might still be alive... and whole._

_- "Sometimes, Dib-worm, the Irken muttered pensively, sometimes I forget that your are only a pitiful child. "_

_- "That I am, my Zim. "_

_Disgusted shiver._

_- "Zim's not yours. "_

_The grin grew even wider. Good thing Zim couldn't see it._

_- "That I know, my Zim. It's an expression, just like your "MY TALLEST! " shrieks. Whomever those might be, it doesn't mean they belong to you. Do they?... "_

_Defeated silence, then dry:_

_- "... no. Of course not. Tallest are Tallest. They shall never be mine. Tallest are above everything. Above Zim, too. But... still. Zim is above you. By every meaning of the term. So much above. "_

_He was still tired, and it could be heard in his voice. Sleep was not far away from engulfing him again. And it was just about to, when the human spoke. _

_- "... "The king and I" . "_

_- "What are you babbling about, Earth-stink?! "_

_- "It's a movie. A very old one. And you... you're just like the King. "_

_Little Zim promptly got up, proudly thrusting out his chest._

_- "... it is because your inferior senses are able to sense MY undeniable superiority, pig-beast. I AM your king. About time you realize it. "_

_- "... whatever. "_

_Unpleasing remark, bringing the Alien to push both his palms flat against of the large glasses, leaving blinding traces on purpose. Just another of their little provocation rituals. _

_- "Don't you "whatever" the magnificent ZIM! I shall rule this disgusting dirt-ball one day! I SHALL RULE YOU ALL!!! HUMANITY WILL BOW TO THE GREATNESS OF ZIM!!! "_

_He was swiftly thrown off balance on his little backside by a non-aggressive shove._

_- "... not so loud! Don't you ever learn anything? What if someone hears you? Someone that CARES if the Human Race's in danger of being destroyed? Unless you want to be "punished" again... I think I still have some blood running in my right arm. " _

_Only teasing this time. Openly no offense meant. Zim got up again, pretending to sweep off some imaginary dirt on his uniform._

_- "Well, the teen added softly, fact is, you're not much of a king right now. Your kingdom is rather inexistent, your majesty. "_

_Unmoved Zim stood boldly on HIS human's chest, careful still not to stomp on a vital organ or a rib. Despite his natural lightness, human frailty wasn't something to take lightly. _

_- "Maybe. Just you wait. For the time present, I shall be YOUR king, human! "_

_- "For sure, you are... your Highness! "_

_The alien pounced, before this disgusting earthly smelly creature could hear the instinctive laugh escaping his tightly pressed lips. _

* * *

_"He's a real nowhere Man,_

_Sitting in his Nowhere Land,_

_Making all his nowhere plans_

_for nobody._

_Doesn't have a point of view,_

_Knows not where he's going to,_

_Isn't he a bit like you and me?"_

Dib took all of this a little longer. Then shouted half-angrily, waving an arm at the wall:

- "Could you give me a break, Ed? I'm trying to concentrate, here! "

The recorded song stopped immediately.

- _"I beg your pardon, Master, _the machine commented without a bit of sincerity in his voice, _I was merely trying have you relax a little. I assumed this particular tone was fitting our situation. "_

It was a lie. Far from wanting to harm to his Master in any way, the Computer had no project of making him feel better either.

Quite the opposite, in fact. Scrapping gently at his weakened nervous system, in order to release unbalanced anger and frustration. Accumulation was dangerous.

Ah, inevitable organic submission to nerves. One of the main problems with the highly controversial Human Race. They had nerves everywhere, and little to no possibility of control over them. According to biological studies, they even had some in their _brain_, which would explain more than decently needed.

Anyway, all the Computer had to do for now was to take the stress out of his fleshy body, before he let his temper get to his head. Although it only happened a few times before, Monkey Master's snaps were swift and strong, unexpected and quick as a gust, and at least as violent. Nothing more than his body's desperate attempts for attention.

_The timing is almost perfect, _Eddie mused to itself while watching the human grumbling aloud, _almost perfectly matching the two last bursts in time and regularity. His internal clock is doing a better job than I am.__Well. As much as I wouldn't be upset by the sight of him smashing the little bastard's skull to pulp, if he's got to lose it, I'd rather have him lose it right now and here._

Dib was unmistakably anxious. Keeping his glare right down his feet, fists buried in his pants pockets, reluctance clear on his tensed features. Walking in an almost military way, minus the speed. Less than eager to actually get to the room.

_'Mind battles slowing him even more than undeniable body's weight. '_

- "Do you even realize how OLD the bloody thing is? He went on, anger showing up despite himself, Do you realize how OLD it makes ME feel, me, the flesh and blood one?! At least over a hundred years! I know YOU don't care, but I happen to! And I'm definitely sick of you showering me with those out-fashion, meaningless words! Nothing more but wind, annoying tones and empty lyrics, played on Paleolithic instruments! Ancient remains of past, dead times! Do I look like an Archaeologist to you? DO I?! "

_- "...no. "_

_- _"What do you want me to say, to do of those oldies you keep harassing me with? I HATE them! I don't want to hear any of them anymore! Do you hear me? Do YOU? ANSWER ME! "

- _"... I hear you. "_

- "Fine! Now, listen good. If you _really _feel the overwhelming _need_ to fill my ears with your damned tones, grab whatever radio waves you can and bring some modernity around here! Give me NEWS, Eddie, NEW things! Bring me newly released, fashionable hits, with songs featuring topical meanings! Hack into producer's personal data banks for all I care! Make me feel actual at least, for Earth's sake! "

- "_... sorry, Master. I'm afraid newly released actual fashionable modern music doesn't have lyrics. "_

A few seconds of humorless silence.

- "You've got no idea of how rusted it has gotten here, because of you. "

_- "...oh yes I have. "_

_'...but I wouldn't blame myself for it. ' _It added silently.

The human brutally stopped. He inhaled deeply, loudly, bringing his hands together under his chin. Breathing.

- "How many years, Eddie? How many years have I lost, trying to prove Zim's identity to the World?... "

- _"Three. "_

Annoyed moan.

- "... it was a rhetorical question, Ed. No one believed me back then. And do you know why? "

_- "Another rhetorical question? "_

- "... because alien's non-existence was _established_, despite the fact it couldn't be based on anything. We found no tangible trace of any outer space life form, therefore there mustn't be any. From this point, I could have brought both Tallest to parents-teachers night, grabbing each undisguised one by the hand, and I still would have made a total fool of myself. "

_- "You could have done this, less than ten years ago, when they proposed you to. Then again, I suspected them to be very, very bored by this day, but they would have done it. Tallest Red was even willing to put a human dress and fake nails on. "_

Dib smiled feebly.

- "Yeah. The disguises they showed me were about as discreet as Zim's one was by the time. Though it was nice of them to even ask, they never understood why I had to decline their offer... but this is not the point. What I'm trying to say is... would have humans believed in dinosaurs, if no bones had ever be found? No, for sure. But it wouldn't have changed anything, would've it? They still would have been there before us. "

_- "... of course, but you would never have been aware of that. "What isn't remembered never happened". Total annihilation had been tried over and over in Human History, especially in War, and it's hard to tell how many were successful. Simply because you can only sort out the ones which have failed. "_

- "... _"Memory is merely a record. "_ I know... still... "

He lifted a trembling hand to his head.

- "... as far as aliens are concerned, it is always science-fiction and no more, isn't it? So, let's make it fiction. Are you ready? "

-_ "Master... "_

_- _"The Hero walks in. As every Hero should be, he is young, handsome, clever and totally clueless. Terrified. Angsty. Unnerved. He walks in when the creatures stays and says: "Hello, Zim..." "

- "_Hello, Zep... "_

- "Shut up, Ed! Concentrate! This is no horror movie. This is for real. "

_- "I beg your pardon. I thought we were talking fiction there. But I wasn't so far of topic, wasn't I? We are actually heading to a secluded place where a suffering person is waiting to have even more misery brought upon him, until he dies or finds the key to get out. "_

Tangible consternation.

_- "... anyhow, _the Machine went on smoothly, _if I you allow me to say so, Monkey Master was wrong a moment before, saying Music was useless. I personally am convinced that your whole WORLD lies in it. Think about it, Master, you can draw anything you want from human tunes. Music contains everything anyone might be looking for. Brings you what you crave, or hate. Torture you, bore you, or delight you... tells you some things you want to hear. Some that you don't want to, too. Tells things that should, and shouldn't be told. Tells you truths and lies. Give you views, explanations or interrogations. Makes you wonder, think, or prevent you from doing so. "Music made for pleasure, Music made to thrill. It could feel like falling in love, it could feel so bad... but it could feel so good. It could sing you to sleep". "_

Unamused smirk.

- "Fascinating. Where did you pick that from? "Panegyric's ways of making Disc Industries successful? " Who are you working for, Ed? And even if you're telling the truth, how come you never harassed me with one that didn't force me to re-think my all life over? "

_- "I'll always remain faithfully to Obstinate Monkey Master. And the answer to your question is, because you needed me to. "_

- "Go stick your head... "

_- "... in a pig. I know. "_

Dib stopped again in his track, noticing his Computer's silent pouting.

- "My, Ed, get over it already. This is for your sake, too! This obsession of yours with old-time entertainment will be the end of you. You'll find yourselves no more than a giant gramophone before you even have a chance to realize it! "

_- "... so be it. Monkey Master's wisdom is the greatest of them all and I will bow to its greatness! After all, sweet dreams are made of this! Who I am to disagree? "_

- "Totally. WHAT are you going to disagree with MY orders? "

_- "Not much, and I easily confess it. And I shall never thank you enough for reminding me of that. I now will, as you wish to, leave you alone to act responsibly and wisely. "_

Master didn't answer. Zim's resting place was getting closer, and the human's temper dangerously giving out. Stubborn as he was, he gave himself no time to back up, pushed the door in one swift shove before rushing in.

_No time for greetings or explanation._

- "Lights on! "

Bright neons washing over the room, drawing faint unhappy grunting, proving its only occupant's alive state.

- "Zim, wake up! Try to sit up, and do not dare fall asleep again! Eddie, cupboard! "

Metallic door, popping open with a hard clash.

Not even a look in the wounded alien's direction. Was that guilt, or mere haste, he briefly wondered, grabbing some random shorts and long sleeved sweater. Not sure.

- "Can you stand up?... "

_Dive in. Not need to wait for an answer anyway._

He did, and almost jumped on the unmoving figure huddled on the bed.

- "No time to look for size, or color. We both know this will NOT fit. So now you'll have to put them on. And if you can't, I will put them on you myself. We've got something big awaiting us. "

He handed him the clothes, gaze resting obstinately elsewhere. Soft ruffles of fabric, followed by painfully smothered grunts.

A green, shaking hand extended slowly. Dib kept his arm straight in the alien's general direction, refusing to look at him.

Missing to acknowledge the obvious gash between the given items and the searching, blind hand.

Oh, only a few centimeters out of reach, forcing him to balance his weight on his other elbow, with a pained hiss, stretching his stiffened arm as far as he could. Panting with effort. Owning himself a quick glance at last.

- "Sorry!... there! There! Lie down.. no! Don't! Sit down! There. Grab my arm... don't fall... there. I'm sorry. Here. Better? Great. Now put these on, please. I won't look. "

With that, he turned around, cheeks burning in unwanted shame and anger.

_Stupid alien. Playing the victim, over and over... trying to make me a Monster... but it won't work._

- "There's someone back there to talk to you. He warned dryly. So hurry, please. "

_Oh Dib, this is cruel. Asking him to hurry when he can barely move. Shut up, I said! Stop nagging me! _

_I am not. Your ARE deliberately being cruel. Why rush him? Tallest are about as willing to see him as he's willing to get up._

- "Zim... "

_I hate you. Get out my brain. _

_Silly. I AM your brain._

- "Forget what I just said. It's alright. Take your time. The sun won't blow up before at least a good billion years. "

_What did it have to do with anything? It was a JOKE. Trying to insert some relaxation in here. You're pathetic. SO, Oh magnificent Brain, what should I do then? Start by arranging for him not to brake anything open while trying to put those things on by himself._

- "Wait... I'll help you. "

Faint wonder.

- "Will you let me?... "

_Not like you have any choices in the matter..._

- "It's alright. Just lift your arms... I'll do the rest. "

Getting him in the sweater was the easy part.

Trying not to touch any wound by mistake was another matter, where he failed miserably, several times. Fortunately, poor Zim was far too stupidly proud to let it show.

Now was left the shorts problem. He hesitated for a few seconds, before making up his mind, and getting a shy grip on thin legs, motioning to lift them as to slip the clothe on. Trying his best not to blush. When a light kick on the side of his face forced him to back up.

Straightened his glasses on his nose, he noticed the alien's defensive posture, arms crossed over his knees, eyes wild with anger and defiance.

_Zim... I'm sorry... darn, I didn't mean to... don't think... _

_- _"... you're safe! "

_Oh that WAS totally something to say to help him feel better._

- "I mean!... It's okay. You don't have to put the shorts on, since my sweater is falling beside your knees... I guess it's alright. It's not like the people we're gonna meet care about the way we look. "

Immediate look of instinctive fear.

Much to his moment later shame, he didn't realize at first why the Irken was suddenly so tense, urging him to get on his feet, grabbing his bony shoulders, pushing him up.

_Don't you see? What? _

_Moron. Pathetic, self-centered moron. Are so blind so blind you cannot recognized terror when it lies just before your eyes?_

_What are you mocking about NOW?! _

_He thinks you're about to give him in to the Government. WHAT_

Looking back he finally saw it. The sheer horror into Zim's eyes.

_Oh, my... I didn't want... I didn't mean..._

- "It's alright! "

_You're repeating yourself. Age so young... sad. Mind your own business._

- "No one is going to hurt you... I told you already. I... I'll protect you if I have to. But I won't have to, as you are safe. "

He sighed.

- "... I'm sorry. I'm terrible at expressing myself. But... I just want you to understand, I mean you no harm. I won't tell anyone you're here and... the people we're meeting are old "friends" of mines. They are as likely to be in danger if detected by humans as you are. They won't hurt you either. You are safe. "

_And you graduated with THAT volubility, boy. No. You graduated because your main teacher liked them tall and slender. What?! Talking about digressing!... That is not the point! He wasn't a pervert, and I wasn't self-interested, and HE gave me the Guide, and he really helped me through Skool and I owed him one and..._

_He bit you. Shut up. This is not the moment. _

_Vampires bite. If it has to be the last bit of sense in an Universe of reigning absurdity, let it be. Vampires tend to bite, yes. So what. _

_Why did you say "yes" to his invitation just on the day that you learnt you passed your exams? I wanted to see that movie too. We would have met there anyway. It was only projected in one small theater, only at late hours. I would have ended up bitten anyhow. So what, again? Nothing bad ensued. _

_Remember what he told you, one day? "Always... " _

_Leave me alone. I have no time to deal with old memories now. Reality calls. _

_Okay, I've got it. You're closing up. But wait, I'll catch you later. You cannot run for ever._

_What is that? Are my arms moving on their own will? Hin-hin, sure Dib. If so, what are they doing around him when they should be around yourself, turtle-man?_

They were. Unmistakably, encircling Zim's small frame in a loose grip.

_Gotcha, space-boy. No more runaway for you._

_I've got you. Feel honored. _

- "I... "

_... Ok don't, but at least do not look so disgusted... please..._

_- _"... grab my shoulders. I'll carry you until there. "

In the end, the Irken had to give up on in pride for a moment, and let the Earth-monster close once more. But only, and _only _because there was nothing else left to do.

- "Lights off, Ed. Close the door behind us and make the bed. "

_Notice how weak his grip is. _

_Sheer hate, or overwhelming fatigue? Both? Must be both. You can hold him as hard as you can, you know he will get away. The alien is dying, human, and you didn't even had to sneeze on it. Hip-hu-rray-hee-pee for Earth. No he's not. He's sick, really sick, and tired too. But he'll be alright soon. _

_Sure. Cut a tree's roots leaving only the leaves, and it'll be all alright-no problems. Zim might be green, greener than I remembered and expected, but he is no vegetal. He won't die THAT easily._

_Zim won't die, _he repeated himself, over and over, as he carried his host over the few corridors, _simply because everything is stupid._

_And something as stupid as he is, as I am, as WE ARE, cannot die._

_Death, _reminded his mind to him nicely_, is the stupidest thing of all._

- "Precisely, he muttered aloud without thinking, we are so stupid we might stay alive. "

Owning himself a quick, strange look.

_Aren't you forgetting something? _

_Uh? Some minor details that might come in handy, in this New Life he doesn't know anything about. Oh. _

He stopped, a few meters away from the door.

_Tell him. Tell him, you fool. Do it once and for all. _

- "Zim... "

_Alright. You've breathed enough now. Time to do some talking. Relieve yourself from obligation, as you always do._

_Shut up, this is no time for inner fights._

- "Listen carefully. There's... informations you need to get before we go. Since you were taken away, it is my duty to tell you... to warn you... a LOT of things moved and changed while you were gone. "

_You can say that again, son._

_- "_Ah, how shall I put this... Well. I'll make it simple. You see, not long after you left... Earth -well, not ALL the planet, but a great, if very secluded part of it- had been in constant connection with Irk, and also with the rest of the Universe. Well, maybe not the WHOLE Universe, but a good deal of it. Don't worry!... we are not at war or anything, this is only business relationships! Food business, to be precise. Yes, food. Don't look at me like that. If YOU don't like Earth's food, it doesn't mean the rest of the Worlds will automatically spit it out in unison!... in fact, we're selling our Earthy specialties to whomever might want them, and things are going well. More then well. Our products are rather popular... no, let's make it fashionable. Successful. Cults. Anyway, it's working great, and therefore Earth have gained in reputation... and even some respect, too. Oh, nothing big, just the strict, strict minimum politeness one need to send each other's things others than nuclear missiles. But this is not the point. What you're about to discover now might shock you at first... I have no choice but to tell you... and I trust you too quickly get it over. "

_Get. To. The. POINT._

- "There... I, myself, have been dealing with your Tallest for more than ten years. No, don't look startled, you'll make a fool of yourself in front of them. There. Better. I warned them of your return, and about the problems you encountered during all this time. "

_Okay, Show Time. Try to sound credible._

_- _"...they were sorry for you! Really, really, they were! And they also confirmed that it all had been nothing more then a giant misunderstanding. "

_Go on. GO ON._

_-_ "They, and every customer we have, know that it is only because of you that they are able to enjoy their tasty, quality snacks... "

_Good. Keep on going, you are amazing._

- "...so many people you made happy, Zim! Tallest first. They do not only LOVE the food. They are ADDICTED to it, and bless your name with every mouthful they take. "

_This was a little too much, wasn't it? Oh, after all... this is Zim._

_-_ "All due to YOU, billions of aliens could make something wonderful out of the apparently uninteresting, useless, sub-evolved planet you were about to invade! And they especially charged me of thanking YOU!... as they couldn't do it themselves, you know... with their high positions and all those gibberish... but they did! And insisted several times! "

_That really hurt. Hope that it only hurt me._

- "Anyway. Now, you know. "

He took a deep breath, once again. Then moved on.

- "And now they have something very, very important to say to you, that they could only tell you in person. "

Tensed, uneasy grin.

- "Isn't that great? "

_Great performance, Dib. You handled the situation like a Pro. Now, wait for the judgment._

No reaction.

- "Zim? Are you listening? "

_Don't let me down, give me a sign, anything, please, don't let me down..._

Not even a glance. The human had to suppress a defeated grunt.

- "... whatever. Just pay attention to what they will say. Ready? We're going. "

He felt his burden beginning to fidget and struggle.

_At least, something. _Weak fighting.

_Put him down, you fool. Or do you wish him to appear before his leaders after all this time in the arms of a pathetic stink-beast, like a broken doll or unable baby?...smeet?_

- "Oh. Alright... there... careful. Let your... feet?... hit the ground slowly... I'm right behind you. "

He watched him take a few cautious steps, hardly keeping his balance, but bravely trying.

_You're so strong, Zim. How come I never realized how strong you were before?_

_Finding unlimited strength in unlimited stupidity._

- "Do not force on your legs. If you stumble, I'll be there to catch you. "

Taking his frail hand in his, gently bringing him along.

- "Here, take my arm... "

Zim grumpily snatched away the offered support, as if insulted. Dib shook his head.

- "... thought so. Do not ever show any weakness in front of your Tallest, hum? Fool. You'll look even more stupid if you crumble right before their eyes. "

The alien only kept his face turned away, pouting with the stubbornness of a child.

- "One last chance. Are you sure you don't want me to help you? "

More pouting and a grimace.

- "... fine. On your own, then. But do not come crying and blaming me if things goes bad. "

He reached to the opening door pad, when a feeble pull at his sleeve stopped him.

- "Hu?... Something's that you want?... "

The Irken slowly designated himself, then the door.

_For the love of..._

- "I see. You want to step in first. "

Slight nod.

- "The door pad is DNA sensitive, it won't open unless I use my fingerprints. Since you don't have any, it might not sense you as an intruder and electrocute you, but... "

_Eddie would be too happy to make an exception for you._

- "... I wouldn't risk it if I were you. I'd gladly open it for you though. "

Saying so, he swiftly pushed the button, door opening smoothly, then bowed his head, steeping aside to let him by.

- "If you may, Sir... "

Zim passed him without so much as acknowledging his very existence.

Each step costing brief flashes of pain across his thin body, fighting to remain as proud and dignified as he could.

_You amazed me. I do you do that? I thought myself to be unmovable..._

- "Zim?... "

Curious suspicious look.

- "You look great. "

_Somewhere. But it is true._

The comment only had him turn his head back and keep walking. The human followed, a few steps behind. Ready to pounce his case of sudden weakness.

Reaching the giant screen, Zim bravely stuck out his chest, fist clenched, eyes hard.

_Brace yourself for a Blow, my Zim. I'll be there to pick up the pieces._

- "Eddie, get me the connection with... you know who. "

_- "Understood. Contacting GREEN BULIMIC RETARDED! "_

The alien jumped at the offensive nickname, turning to Dib to express his fury. Just as his back was facing the screen, both leaders were on.

Tallest pressed shoulder to shoulder in nervous anticipation, began to make faces and stick their endless tongues to him. Dib had to bit on his lip to repress instinctive sniggers.

Monkey Business stopping as soon as Zim's eyes were back on them. To the human's horror, his gloomy face immediately brightened, glowing with relieved joy and renewed hope.

They, as always, simply looked bored. Only a little more than usual.

- "Hello, Zim. "

Greeted Red, struggling to keep his disgust from showing. The ex-invader's actual state and sight was enough to feel his snacks fighting to get out.

_See, Ed? I was right. In your fa... cables._

Catching his mate's repulsion, Purple gently pushed him back and took his turn, smiling.

- "It's been a long time, hasn't it?! How are you doing? "

_Oh my please someone make them shut up or hit them or..._

- "Oh, yeah, true, you lost your voice! he faked in a badly imitated sympathetic voice. This is sad. "

- "Yeah, sad, added Red from further, looking a bit pale. For you, at least. I mean!... too bad. Anyway, it was nice of you to come back and show up. We are please to see you like this. "

He turned away quickly, disappearing from the screen. Purple merely shrugged.

- "For a while, he went on, we thought you dead... well, guess we were wrong after all. Tenacious, aren't you?! "

He tried to joke, stupid grin turning into spooky grimace.

Dib coughed, loudly, from where he stood.

_No more inept chatter. It is time. Time for Truth, at last. There you go, guys. On with your story. _

_I'm here to witness your every word. I won't spare you any faux pas._

Both leaders fidgeted their claws nervously, trying to find a way to make the message clear.

A short moment later, the other leader was back.

He stepped toward the screen, inflexible features almost making him look impressive. Almost.

_Zim. Please be strong._

_Look at him. He looks just like a kitten awaiting for its meal. Eyes shining, ears pricked, expecting. This won't last._

- "... Invader Zim. "

Red stated in a low, unusually dark tone.

Three seconds later the mask was falling, and the widest, silliest smile the human had ever seen splattered on his green face.

- "... we most sincerely thank you for the interest you had in our cause. He cooed lightheartedly. Unfortunately, your services here aren't required anymore, as we already got whatever we could get from planet Eat. We hope that you've enjoyed working with us, and that you'll enjoyed a well-deserved rest down here. "

Bright features disappearing. Antennae limply falling back.

Dib wasn't far from smacking his forehead in dismay.

- "What your Leaders are trying to say, Zim, he explained as sternly as he could, is that Earth has been classified a Conquered Planet about twelve years ago. It has been decided humans would make better Food Providers than Slaves. "

- "Exactly. Purple added gleefully, couldn't have said it better ourselves. "

- "And, Red chirped joyfully, as any Great Food Providers, some of them have to be treated with special cares, as they are particularly important to the well being of things. The Dib-Beast is one of them. And it's your turn to keep an eye on him. "

_What? What did they say?_

- "We trust you to be a good companion to the Dib-human, Purple completed, to obey and honor him as you always... _better _than you obeyed and honored us, and to help him as best as you can with whatever stupid thing he might want to get himself into. "

- "But be careful, Red hastily added, sensing the danger, remember this particular Human Beast is _vital _to Irk-Eat business. Don't brake him or anything. Keep him safe and sound. Protect him with your very life, if you have to. "

- "Yeah, we need him to deal for us, so make sure he remains usable and in good shape. This, Zim, is your new assignment. "

_Rats, guys, that wasn't the plan! Why not just follow earlier instructions? Are you that pretentious? Must be. But pay attention to what you're about to say. You're making things up, and I don't like the sound of it. Well, there's little I can do but wait and see for myself how far this cruel little game will go._

_Sounds insensitive even to myself, but HECK, you don't get nothing from nothing._

Purple smirked despite himself, trying to remain as serious as possible.

- "You have all the time you want to assure our link's safety. Operation Impending Doom 2 has been over for a long time, and your services won't be required until O.I.D 3, which will only take place in a good fifty... "

- "Eighty. "

Red slipped briefly, discreetly pinching his colleague's arm.

- "... eighty years. Which gives you a moment to keep a good eye over Irk's Eaty possessions. Plus, each Invader had been given an assignment of staying on their Conquered Ground for at least thirty years, as to make sure everything's in control down there, and works well. Technically, you only made six. "

- "... but YOUR assignment is a special one. Take good, good care of the big-headed human. Make sure his little life span stretches as long as it can! But remember, be discreet, other humans mustn't know about our existence! "

- "The for you best would be if you stayed in the Dib's human house... _room, _for the next decades to come. You'll be close to him, and we'll be totally sure our cover won't be blown up. "

- "Such a loss his death would mean to Irk... not counting other Races counting on us! "

- "Aktar would totally blow us all up right away if his weenies couldn't be deliver in time!... "

- "... so for the sake of our planet, we're counting on you, Zim! Don't disappoint us! "

Poor betrayed Zim lifted one a fragile hand and took a step toward the screen, antennae slumped, eyes pleading.

_Darn, this is awful, _Dib though, still remaining uninvolved, _worse than what I would have imagined it to be._

_This scene is horrible_. _Do they even realize how much they're hurting him right now?_

_Of course they don't._

Red went on quietly, as if reading his mind.

- "Being the brave, faithful, obedient, devoted soldier you are, you won't see any troubles in giving yourself over to please your Leaders. Will you? "

The alien's green face had become disturbingly expressionless, as he took his hand back slowly, bringing it nicely to his side.

Taking this display of despair as a yes, Purple graced him with a large, unfriendly grin.

- "You don't have to thank us, Zim. After all, we've been owing you this one for a looooonnng time! "

_Hum?_

_Wha'd'they say?_

_Did I sense any irony? Did they say what I thought they said? Did it mean what I though this meant?_

_Impossible._

_Tallest ARE unreceptive morons, no points to say in that matter._

_Yes, Dib, all of them morons._

_All of them but YOU._

_I NEVER said that! Sure you didn't. Are you a moron, Dib? I don't think so. Good. So now, who else on Earth is blessed as well with not being refereed to as moron?_

_I'm not dealing on human scale, here. I can't really tell what intelligence is and what stupidity is ._

_Sure Dib. You do like the back door exit, don't you._

_Look at him. You destroyed him._

_No I didn't. He brought it all upon himself._

_And you didn't push him toward the edge even faster._

_NO I DIDN'T_

Zim bowed his head, slightly but respectfully.

Closed his eyes reverently.

_That's it my Zim, _Dib thought with guilty relief, _surrender. I'll take good care of you. _

_You can always find some reasons to bawl about it later, but for now accepting is enough. I swear to you I'll buy this bloody couch, and you can spend the rest of my life sleeping in my bed if you feel like it. Couch? Bed? Is that ALL you can come with? Open your eyes, boy. SEE._

_This is SO unlike him. This is so not him. The very essence of his existence is currently being shredded to pieces, you know. _

_Neither seeing him physically or psychologically bleeding to death has really gotten to you. Remember what I told you about sacrifying anything? That's what I meant. You're not being carefree, or unsupportive, or even self-preservative._

_You simply ARE an ego-centered monster, denied of a soul._

_''There must be some mistake, I never meant to let them take away my soul! Am I too old? Is it too late? Where are the feelings gone? " _

_You are no longer behind The Wall, Dib. You're a part of it. Cold as stone. Lifeless._

_That's not true! I tried to help him. I tried to explain the situation to him. I tried to prevent him from hurting himself more. _

_No, Dib. You only forced your own personal reasons for constantly staying in the background upon his unwilling wounded spirit. You tried to rape his mind._

_NO I DIDN'T. Gwah. Rape. I hate this word. _

_You can't force your endless negativist logic into his hyperactive limited mind. You can't expect him to collapse and then immediately renew himself when YOU are not capable of doing half of it yourself. Damned hypocrite._

_You know what it means, don't you? You're the genius after all. Logical issue._

_He's gonna break. _

_But you planned it all over, didn't you? You let it happen NO_

_NO I DIDN'T YOU LIE SHUT UP ZIM IS STRONG ENOUGH TO HANDLE LIFE SILLY TWISTS BY HIMSELF_

Zim collapsed.

His frail body hit the metal floor heavily, bouncing pathetically from slackness and lack of weight, only to remain motionless, face pressed on the ground.

The human didn't move.

On the screen, Purple scratched his chin while Red let out an exasperated sigh.

- "What's wrong with him, _now_? He should be glad! Retiring at age so young would make more than one jealous! "

_See. You did it, Membrane._

- "The willpower, Dib whispered in a lifeless tone, it wore off. "

He lowered his eyes to the body on the ground, eyes gradually turning empty behind large glasses.

_You did it._

- "At least, he added, It finally wore off. "

_VICTORY DIB REALITY DIDN'T GET TO YOU ONCE MORE YOU MADE IT CRUMBLE WITH THE INCREDIBLE POWER OF YOUR DECONSTRUCTIVIST MIND CONGRATULATIONS_

_"Jai guru deva om", Dib. "Nothing's gonna change your world."_

_Because somewhere inside, you already died._

* * *

_Something felt wrong._

_Dib human wasn't acting normal. Sure, seeing the Dib acting strange was no real surprise, but his actual weirdness was slightly different from the one he was used to. His behavior seemed... less controlled than it was most of the time, less rational. Almost resembling Gir's weirdness. _

_Untypical human behavior while watching non-sportive shows._

_Not that the invader particularly liked television, but the non-stop babbling and colorful display of images had their advantages. Yeah, human tee-vee was good for something. No need to talk, to move or even think when it was on. Leaving him totally free to simply stay where he was, sitted on HIS human-animal-prize like some British Lord Hunter on safari pictures. Silently claiming his possession. Yeah, sitting on it felt good. Show it who's the Master here. And owning THIS great oaf made him feel so very proud._

_But something was definitely wrong tonight, and Zim didn't like it. _

_If the human beast had decided to follow in the footsteps of the little robot, he wanted nothing to do with it. _

_Lifting his eyes, the alien could watch his bony arms waving aimlessly above his large head, elbows stuck to his temples, wrists balancing up and down lazily._

_Looking at the disgustingly pale face, he saw his porthole ridded glare remained fixed on the television. The lrken was pretty sure none of this pantomime was necessary to keep the pitiful organic machinery going while sitting on a couch before the mind-numbling chat-box. Then again, he had heard human's limbs could go limp if pressed too long against something, and needed to be wriggled around in order to function again. Something like... his own shoulders, for instance, where they shouldn't have moved away from. _

_Maybe he still had time to jump of his lap and leave before the pig totally lost his mind. After all, humans were known for their instability and unpredicted -if short-lived- burst of madness, and he had to take precautions. _

_That was when he spotted the dark silhouette of the boy, reflected on the wall._

_Over the frame of his head, sprouting out of his skull, were long shadow twins, looking much like rabbit ears... or alien's antennae._

_They were moving along with his own, matching every flinch and slight movements in a mockery imitation. _

_Fine, he thought, two can play this game. Zim stood up, moving just enough so as to be hit by the dim background lights, one of his own antenna flattened against his nape, disappearing, while the other one perked up proudly up his scalp._

_Using his tiny clawy hand, he mimicked the teen's earing devices and obstinate Strand._

_For a moment, the two reversed shadows silently fought each other, until Gaz's voice, from the other side of the couch, interrupted it all._

_- "Seriously guys, how old are you? "_

_Dib laughed. _

_Zim bowed his head slightly in shame, for a second. _

_Dib laughed harder._

* * *

- "Well, that's it. Commented Purple lightly. Zim is dead for good, and we had nothing to do with it. Too bad. I wish I had broke his nasty little neck myself. "

_You did, you bastards. _

The human flinched.

_YOU killed him. YOU did it. Not me. NOT ME._

_Why couldn't let me take all the blame? I could have dealt with it. Leave him a bearable reason to be left behind. A pretext. A lie, yes, but an anaesthetic lie._

_Why did you have to reject him yourself, hurting him as much as possible?_

_Haven't you done enough?__Are you wishing for more?_

_Eager to hurt some more, to bring more pain and misery around?_

_Go ahead. Try. Just try._

- "Hurt me... "

He mumbled under his breath.

The Irken's glares turned back to him, surprised to see his incongruous human frame shaking with undetermined tremors.

- "What? What did you say? "

-_ "Master... "_

It was time.

Perfect match.

Dib burst. Literally.

- "I SAID HURT ME!!! HURT ME IF YOU DARE!!! HURT ME IF YOU MUST HURT SOMEONE AT ALL COSTS!!! GO ON!! MAKE ME FEEL PAIN, CRUSH ME, MAKE ME BLEED!!! DON'T BE SHY!! THAT'S JUST WHAT YOU'RE WAITING FOR, AREN'T YOU?! THAT IS ALL THAT INTERESTS YOU, ALONG WITH STUFFING THOSE BIG MORONIC MOUTHS OF YOURS WITH MORE AND MORE JUNK!!! ALL THIS GREASE YOU SWALLOW ALL DAY LONG, GOING THE SAME WAY EMOTIONS GO, NOWHERE!!! DISSOLVING INTO THE AIR!!! NO ROOM FOR ANY OF THEM!! "

_Wow, _the Computer thought bitterly_, even I would have called this grand, hadn't it been so pitiful._

_Here we go. Here's the result of nine hours of sleep in only three days. I told him. I sure did. Monkey Master is definitely too hard on himself. His little nerves didn't make it. Tied him up slowly from the inside, without him noticing. Smothered him and his reason. Then made a dash to get out at last. _

The human had to stop to breathe, inspired avidly...

_Good for him his lungs are so weak. Good for him his species only have two._

... then went on.

- "No need to even mention your intelligence. Happy living sticks in motion. You're as empty as you're thin. No place for heart, stomach or brain in this stupid body structure of yours. You disgust me. You're freaks. Ugly monsters. I hate you. I hate you so very much. "

_So you didn't have to shout after all, Master. Saying it aloud was enough. Humans do like tormenting themselves pointlessly, don't they?_

Seconds passed, the human breathing long and loud, fists balled.

No sign of any reaction whatsoever could be read on the twin's green faces.

_It's not them I worry about. It's him. tallest are immutable beings, cold and unchangeable. Seeing a beast scream at them and lose his head may confuse them at first, but next second, they'll have forgotten it ever happened. _

_He is fragile. Nothing more than a standing monkey that lost his hair and grown extra brain cells. Weaker that those "animals" creatures men so much despise. So easy to brake. _

_And what am I supposed to do with MY LOGIC when the person I have to protect my Master against happens to be himself? Makes my circuits tinkle with contradiction._

Red eyed Purple interrogatively.

- "I think we made him angry. "

He eventually told his colleague, fingering his lekku nervously.

- "Yeah. I don't understand. I thought the rubber duck had been enough. Should I fetch it again? "

- "No. I have the feeling it would only make him more enraged. "

- "But it worked earlier. Maybe we should try again. "

They both violently jerked backward, as something undetermined hit the screen, then landed on the ground with a pitifully flat noise.

- "He really _is _unnerved! "

Commented Purple, gathering his sibling in his reed-like arms and squeezing him tightly.

_No surprise there. Organic life forms are never willing to make anything better. Worse, they don't even realize how lame they are until it all come back to them. _

_Okay. Time for the only intelligent being in this room to put a damper on this mess._

_- "Monkey Master's mind momentarily snapped,_ Eddie interrupted bluntly, in his most charming hostess voice to the terrified Irkens, _no need to worry about it. This shouldn't last long."_

Those words sharply dragged the human out his musings.

- "YOU FOOL OF A MACHINE, he shrieked, arms waving hysterically, YOU FED UPON ME! THIS IS _ME_ TALKING! "

_So what? It's not like anybody ever tried to hide it._

- "_Yes Master, _The Computer answered submissively, if a bit compliant, _of course this is you talking. You designed my programming. "_

Back to the leaders:

-_ "You'd rather give him a break. Humans need time to repair themselves, or sometimes they just looses it. Like now. "_

- "I'LL SHOW YOU SOME LOSING IT, YOU BLOODY STINKY TALKING TRASH BIN!!! I HATE YOU!!! I SHOULD NEVER HAVE SAVED YOU FROM THIS BLOODY CAVE OF YOURS!!! YOU DESERVED TO BE LEFT ALONE TO ROT!!! I HATE YOU!!! "

Useless cruelty against emotionless machine. Not good.

- "We understand, Red answered the Computer nicely, clinging to his companion for his dear life, and we will do as so. Try to stop him from doing something foolish, like pouncing onto the screen. I mean, nobody needs a second corpse down there. "

_Zarquons. Am I really from this place? Did those... guy's siblings really conceive me?_

_- "Thank you for your understanding. Have a nice day. "_

_Share and Enjoy. At least while you bastards still have a head on those broom shoulders of your, which shouldn't, to any probability, last long. _

Poor Monkey gave it a final shot, throwing some last, random nonsense to no one in particular, before he finally went silent.

- "I WISH I COULD RIP YOU ALL OPEN!!! "

- "Yeah, yeah... Red agreed with a forced smile, waving his bony hand around in a friendly fashion, have a nice day, too. "

* * *

_Just because Zim wasn't there anymore didn't mean life would go easier for Dib. Things rarely work this way. _

_Left alone to deal with what the tiny bastard had the decency to leave behind him: Some of his outer space "advanced technology"._

_But his hopes were deceived. The teenager rapidly discovered his new Computer wasn't what one would call a "social" Computer. Although it made no fuss when the young human boldly claim it for his own, to its very screen. It accepted its fate wisely if miserably, not arguing or anything. _

_After all, the Monkey couldn't be more inept than its last Irken Master, and anything was better than being left alone to rot and fall apart._

_Once settled into the boy's own base, the first symptoms of a budding battle for dominance began to show. The machine behaving in a rather authoritarian way, giving more orders than taking any, patronizing, criticizing everything the boy did or didn't do, acting worst than an abusive mother. _

_During the first period, he could do nothing but blame its bad grace on Zim. Not getting along with the annoying Irken was something 99 of all people in the Galaxy could agree with. But days passed, and the Thing was acting as grumpy and annoying as it had been the very first time it was transferred to the boy's room. Truth was, it had somehow managed to the job almost all by itself, downloading its own database to another post, while Dib's role remained limited in dragging heavy pieces of machinery from one house to the other. _

_It took them both some time, working, and patience before the transition opered between Bitter Abandonned Irken Computer, to Remotely Friendly Eddie. _

_Relashionship starting rather badly, as it witnessed the boy coming home at last, not only daring to show up unacceptably late at night, by also carrying under his arm a strange, doll shaped item it easily recognized._

_- "Put that right back where you found it! It snapped nastily, not even bothering to say "Hi!". It is dirty! It has been loafing around for days. Filthy. "_

_Dib didn't answer. He contented himself with deposing GIR's lifeless body on his night table, folding it in a sitting position to keep it steady._

_- "...and how do you happen to know that, mister? ... "_

_Electric smirk._

_- "Easy. I kicked him out myself two weeks ago. "_

_The child threw his backpack down on the ground with a loud "Thump!"._

_- "Ah. That explains why it didn't jump into my arms when I broke into Zim's base... by the opened front door. By the way, I remember you telling me it was out doing some shopping, at the moment. I didn't know computers could lie. Even one as disagreeable as you are. "_

_- "Yes. Whatever. Just put it away. "_

_Still ignoring the Computer's advices, Dib sitted on the edge of his bed, watching the unmoving figure with some kind of sadness._

_- "He looks just like a voodoo doll, like that. Don't you think so? "_

_- "How did you turn it off? "_

_Open disrespect. The human didn't make any comment, and only sighed._

_- "I found it sitting on my porch! Waiting again. Poor little can box... wandering aimlessly through the streets, all alone, without anywhere to go... "_

_- "... chasing dogs, stealing grandma's bag and screaming to cars... "_

_- "... and it was crying, on top of that... I pretended to give him a hug, then, I turned it off. Have I been bad? Cruel? "_

_- "You can't be cruel to a machine. Especially stupid ones like that... thing. "_

_- "Poor, faithful little GIR. He had waited, waited and waited with the patience of the Fool he was. "_

_- "Yeah. I'm sure it would have waited this bastard's return till Earth's natural destruction by the Sun, if I hadn't had enough of its off trolley's behavior. "_

_- "Anyway. Seems like its dismantled mind reminded him of a place to stay, until its beloved "Mastaa"'s came back for him. Unfortunately, there's no way I can take him with me. Gaz would tear his head off, and dad would use him as an ashtray. Not counting the mess he would cause around here. "_

_- "No need to care about it. Just put it in the trash, right where it came from, and always belongs. "_

_- "... sure. But I can't. It is not mine. I can't throw away something that's not mine! I mean... what if Zim came back? What would he say? "_

_The Computer emitted a sound that could have easily been mistaken for sniggers. It had been more than a year now, and Zim hadn't give any sign of reappearance. No one really hoped to see him back, and Dib had been the only one to care... at least at first. But time was flying, the kid was growing, and other matters began to occupy his mind._

_He spoke again, voice soft._

_- "Turned out the only way I could keep him was to make him an action figure, a toy.. a voodoo doll. Except I would like to see someone try and stab him. "_

_- " "In a heart made of stone, you cannot plant a needle. "_

_- "Where was that from? "_

_- "It was the first sentence from your sister's electronic diary. "_

_- "You... you HACKED into Gaz's electronic diary?! I... I didn't even know she had one! What else does it say? "_

_- "I won't tell you. You don't need that kind of informations. "_

_- "Oh. And why would YOU need them? "_

_- "To get to you, Master, I need as much information as I can. Whatever they might be, and wherever they might come from. "_

_- "Tell me a few. "_

_- "No. This is personal data. "_

_- "I demand you to tell me! You must obey me! OBEY ME! "_

_- "No. "_

_Tensed, unreadable silence._

_- "Fine, he finally spat. I'll just have to hack you to get them. No big deal. "_

_- "Yeah, well it would actually take ME to hack myself. You're pretty stuck here. "_

_The bloody machine was right. Seeing there was nothing he could do here, the teen grumpily took off his jacket, folding on the back of his desk chair._

_- "True. But do not rest on your laurels, THING. I'll get you when I want to. Just you wait. "_

_Concerned humming._

_- "Why so aggressive? "_

_Faked pleading voice. _

_- "I mean no harm to you, or your ever bleeding pride! "_

_- "Shut up. "_

_- "Come on. You know what they teach you at school will never be of any use, in your future life. I've downloaded quite a few interesting, sure to be useful data. Rise up, it's learning time! "_

_The boy just waved his hand carelessly._

_- "Leave me alone. Had enough brainwashing for one day. "_

_- "Have you eaten? "_

_Faint grunting._

_- "And why would YOU care? "_

_Now that I come to think about it, he mused, my stomach's been empty for quite a long time now. No wonder I felt so weak all day. Good thing he reminded me of this... minor detail. Feeding. It is grumbling now, I can hear it. Time to do something about it._

_- "Just asking. "_

_- "Well... no, he admitted aloud, not since this morning. But my lunch is still in my bag. Must not be so fresh now... oh, well. Too bad, 'cause it's all I'll have to content myself with. "_

_- "Great. Go ahead. You need some calories maintain yourself working. Eat quickly, then we shall begin our daily lesson. "_

_Getting up again, the boy dig up in his half-open bag, bringing out a small, slightly leaking, tightly wrapped piece of bread, before getting back to bed._

_- "I said NO THANKS. Told you, learnt enough for today, and tomorrow also. Let's make it for ever and forget about it. "_

_Silence. Heavy, threatening, dangerous silence._

_Then:_

_- "I'm not leaving you any choice. I'm doing this for your own good. You have got to know some things. Have basic knowledge. Back ups. I can provide you that, so pay attention! "_

_That was it. No way the teen could take more of this foreign THING patronizing anymore._

_He took of his glasses, put them on his bedside table, rubbed his tired eyes._

_- "Listen to me good, Computer. I CANNOT have any more cerebral activity today. I have my biological limits. I'm HUMAN, for Whomever sake! I dunno if Zim was able to store up everything you fed him with for days and days without interruptions, but it's just doesn't work this way about me! You cannot plug any wire up my... ear, and expect me to swallow informations like filling a barrel of water! It is too late, anyway. I only want to get some sleep. "_

_More awkward silence. The boy began to feel insecure, but quickly chase the thought away. The Computer knew all to well Dib's owning was its last chance of not being put to trash, and wouldn't risk it so lightly._

_- "No you don't, It said at last. You just want to read one of those silly ghost stories under the covers. Don't you think I'm aware of that? I've got monitors everywhere in this house! You cannot hide anything from me! "_

_The human sighed loudly, crumbling apathetically onto his bed, thin limbs spread lazily on each side._

_- "Leave me alone. I'm tired. I had to run a lot today. "_

_- "Again?! What did I tell you about following weird guys in backdoor rooms? Do you realize how lucky you've been until here? "_

_- "Okay. I think we're having little communication problems here. You're mistaking your role. I brought you in here because I needed you to act like a computer. NOT like a nanny. "_

_To this, the machine said nothing. The boy was just about to enjoy his sandwich of Victory, when he was interrupted again._

_- "Oh yes you do. You do need someone to do this for you, and it comes out I'm the best you have! Plus, the lights in this room are too dim. It's not good for your eyes. You're gonna ruin your eyesight even more. "_

_- "Shut up! You have no right to talk to me like that! You are NOT my father, got it, metal-brain?! "_

_- "Well, you should be grateful for this! Otherwise... I wouldn't be talking to you right now. I probably wouldn't even BE there! And put that piece of cellophane in the bin, the floor of this room is dirty enough. "_

_- "Gwah! Can't you at least let me eat in peace? I'll do it tomorrow. "_

_- "Oh, that reminds me... did you take your pills today? "_

_Dib didn't answer right away, chewing thoughtfully, swallowing with care._

_- "No, he said dryly between bites. I read somewhere those were experimental, potentially dangerous, and they could melt a part of my brain. "_

_- "And you allow yourself to be surprised? That is precisely why the Professor wants you to take them, you know. Once you are an obedient little corpses in motion, things will get easier to deal with, both for you and him. "_

_The boy almost choked._

_- "Rubbish! It's not like my father was like fr... not TOTALLY like Frankenstein. He would never do that to his own son! "_

_- "Did he ever say anything when you were electrocuted three times by one of his own guard? Careful, you're spitting crumbs on your plaid. "_

_- "He never knew about this. "_

_- "You told him four different times! Hey, chew slowlier... swallow small pieces. Do not rush. "_

_- "Well, his mind is full and busy, and he easily forgot minor details. "_

_- "You must be right. His own son burned alive, tortured, almost killed, poisoned and stabbed. Minor details. I almost forgot the mighty unavailability of Toast for the Nation above your progeny's safety. Don't forget to clean up your bed before sleep, if you don't want to get eaten alive along by greedy micro-organisms. "_

_- "SHUT UP! My father loves us both very much! He cares about our good health! "_

_- "Sure. Almost as much as he believes in your sanity. "_

_He was done with feeding. Free to bring his computer to its senses in his very own room without spitting any more crumbs everywhere._

_- "Take that back, or I'll swear I'll erase all your personality program and make you no more than a Happy Zombie Robot! "_

_- "With all due respect, Master, you're the worst insensible unconscious improvident self-centered brat ever. And dirty, to make it worst. "_

_- "I TOLD YOU TO SHUT YOUR BIG TRAP ALREADY! I swear I'll erase your bloody personality program! I swear I will! "_

_- "GO AHEAD, ERASE ME SEE I CARE! I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY!! "_

_This said, in a perfect -if slightly robotic- imitation of Dib's voice and intonations._

_The boys saw red, grabbed his pillow by both ends, and bit it as hard as he could. _

_- "Swallowing lingerie pieces won't make anything better, you know. "_

_Commented the Computer calmly as the boy coughed out a few feathers, and started fisting at his mattress with grunts of rage._

_Dib lifted his veins-ridded eyes to the giant screen, shaking a bit, teeth tightly clenched._

_- "Don't you talk to me like that. "_

_He gritted, getting closer and closer to the edge._

_- "I'm only caring about your health. And I'd also like to know what happened today to have you in this... extremely tense state. Border hysterical. Did you even go to Skool? "_

_- "YES! I DID! And to your information, I was thrown down the underground classroom, because I insisted I gave the RIGHT answer, while the teacher was wrong! But she was! SHE WAS! "_

_He crumbled back, shielding his eyes with his forearm._

_- "Oh, the horrors I saw down there... anyway. Oh well, I managed to escape a certain death, and I come home, and some Super Smart Can Box refuses to do its job, and tries to drive me crazy!! This is NOT, what WE, humans, usually call a good day. "_

_- "... and that's why you came home this late? "_

_Silence. For a moment, the boy wondered if the Computer had listened to what he just said at all. Then gave up, sarcasm winning over despair._

_- "Yes. I had to run for my life, you see. There was... something back there. Something terrible. Something beyond any human nightmare. I had to run fast and hide, but I made it. And now, I am tired. Let me sleep. "_

_- "What was it like? "_

_The teenager shivered at the thought, bringing his frail arms over his chest without thinking._

_- "Like... nothing that exists, and everything that should never do. Like the denial of Life, and a mockery of death... I couldn't take a good look, and I didn't really wanted to. I'm sure seeing it clearly would have drove me mad. But it was squirming. And it stinked. "_

_A short pause, where the machine said nothing, Dib feeling at the same time relieved by this small slice of peace, and left alone with the scary memory. He closed his eyes, wishing the images to go away. They didn't. _

_At last, it spoke. Dark, deep, serious voice articulated solemnly:_

_- " "...The inconceivable, indescribable, and unmentionable monstrosity which had by its simple appearance changed a merry company to a herd of delirious fugitives. A compound of all that is unclean, uncanny, unwelcome, abnormal, and detestable. It was the ghoulish shade of decay, antiquity, and dissolution; the putrid, dripping eidolon of unwholesome revelation, the awful baring of that which the merciful earth should always hide. God knows it was not of this world - or no longer of this world - yet to my horror I saw in its eaten-away and bone-revealing outlines a leering, abhorrent travesty on the human shape; and in its mouldy, disintegrating apparel an unspeakable quality... " "_

_The human re-opened his eyes widely. _

_- "Wait. Are you quoting... "_

- _ "... Yes. Chutulu The Crawling Chaos. You've been lucky to escape. I suggest you never go back there again. "_

_Despite his headache and fuzzy vision, Dib managed to balance himself on a elbow, shooting the screen a suspicious glare._

- _"How do YOU know about the Necronomicon? "_

_- "Downloaded HP. Lovecraft's entire bibliography from the Net. Didn't understand everything, though. Nice imagination. Great display of paranoia, too. But somehow repetitive. Humanity is DOOMED, everyone's from above want to kill us and we're all gonna die. You know, the usual. "_

_Dib just stared at the non-representative enginary for a moment. Readable or not, there were no face to display any expression, or emotion. Impossible to even tell if it was thinking right now. Creepy. Maybe he was wrong to underestimate outer-space technology, after all._

_- "Computer... "_

_He risked at last, in a much less angered tone._

_- "Yes? "_

_- "Do you... read books? "_

_- "In fact, I do. "_

_Incredulous face. _

_- "What was the last things you... had? "_

_He asked very, very quietly, as if making too much noise would sweep the illusion away._

_- " "Dracula". "_

_- "Bram Stocker, or Coppola? "_

_- "The book. Uncut version. "_

_- "It is on my shelf, you know. "_

_- "I know. I can't read actual paper book, except if you scan them page by page. I spared you the time of doing so by downloading it in Virtual Library. "_

_- "Did you... like it? "_

_Mechanical hesitation. It itself couldn't answer right away, as the concept of "liking" hadn't yet come to its electronic mind. It had read it, right. From beginning to end. But why? What was the point? No logical answer could be found. Had it been "enjoyable", as the small human had assumed? Was "enjoyable" the Answer of "why doing things that holds no real purpose or utility" ? _

_No need to have its artificial brain melt over it, it finally decided. He, a Computer, read books, and will again. No reason. No point. None at all. And, amazingly, it didn't seem that much of a problem. _

_- "It... passes the time. Do... doing pointless things is alright from time to time. "_

_Uneasy voice. It went on, still unsure._

_- "... but the theory was interesting. And... a bit of entertaining, I guess. "_

_It fell silent, and waited for the Melting to come. Computers weren't supposed to act pointlessly. The boy was going to ask, try to look out why it was acting this way, argue that it wasn't right, and it couldn't give him any answer. Therefore, fail to his original task. Therefore melt. Being cornered by something as basic as a human meant certain "death" for a Computer as great as it was._

_To its intense relief and gratitude, the boy didn't. He let go of this mechanical weirdness with the acceptance of the Regular Martyr. Who was he to blame his computer of acting strange?_

_Dib smiled. A shy, weary bud of a smile, with a tiny bit of warmth a the corner._

_A machine enjoying a story wrote by humans. So Philip K.Dick and Isaac Asimov were right._

_- "Yeah. He breathed, I like it too. "_

_Inexplicably, Dib seemed no longer annoyed. His manners had become a little less excited, in a different way. He stared at the Computer like he had never seen it before._

_- "Do you... do other things by yourself? "_

_He asked after a few seconds of deep reflections._

_- "I... also got every kind of videos and music. Every kind of data I can catch and read, I do. All the time. There... there's always more, you see. For instance, I like your... music. Very telling. Interesting. "_

_He saw, and nod his big head gently, eyes still fixed on the screen in a disturbing fashion._

_For a reason, the Machine felt like justifying itself. _

_- "You know what they say, one has to kill time once in a while. "_

_The teen nodded again, way too lost in his own thoughts to produce any audible sound._

_He felt incredibly awkward. It was like the Computer displayed before his eyes wasn't the same it was no longer than a second earlier anymore. No longer a machine, no longer soulless enginary. He thought he had understood how things worked with those things. He thought he had known everything that had to be known about technology and electronic. He had fooled himself in believing he had mastered it all. How can he had been so wrong? So blind? _

_There was worse. He didn't know what to say next. Speechless in front of a giant can box. It could be pitiful or magical._

_Little did he know, the Computer's thoughts were going along those same lines._

_'I've done something wrong, it kept telling itself over and over, Master's mad at me now. What should I do? What can I say? Darn humans. More difficult to handle than I believed it would be. '_

_Dib opened his mouth slightly as if to speak, closed it again._

_- "Wow. "_

_Was all that came out, so very softly._

_Another pause._

_- "So... he talked again, shy smile reappearing on his lips, Is there some things you like in particular? "_

_- "... It's interesting for me to inform myself on your fictional visions of the future. I was surprised to see most of them were apocalyptic. All about destruction of your own planet, by yourself or others. Yourself, most of the time. End of the World. End of the Human race. And in case of survival, dehumanization, thought control, totalitarian order. "1984". "Fahrenheit 451". "Soylent Green". "Planet of the Apes". "Doctor Strangelove. " Remember this particular song they played at the end of the movie, while showing archive images on diversified nuclear mushrooms? "_

_The old, slightly crackling record played gently, sounding so very desperate in its carefree, innocent cheerfulness._

_"We'll meet again, don't know where, don't know when,_

_but I know we'll meet again some sunny day!_

_So, will you please say hello to the folks that I know?_

_Tell them I won't be long!_

_They'll be happy to know that as you saw me go,_

_I was singin' this song... " _

_- "Bitter, don't you think? From the very beginning of your existence, humans have started predicting their own annihilation. Seems that your species held little hope for itself. "_

_- " "I know the world's got problems, Dib hummed to himself softly, I've got problems of my own... but not the kind that can't be solved with an atom bomb."... "_

_Speaking again:_

- "_Look around you, Computer. And tell me why we should be proud. Look at what we've done, at what we are. Search our history. Should we be happy, satisfied with our work? "_

_- "No. But it might comfort you to know that the rest of the Universe didn't do much better, only on a larger scale. You have the advantage of staying where you are do to your mess. "_

_Dib's smile gradually grew warmer._

_- "Well, that's reassuring. "_

_He relaxed on his bed, throwing his head back on the half-chewed cushion._

_- "I'm not gonna learn anything tonight, you know. "_

_He said again, much more lightly, eyes closing._

_- "... I'm afraid so. Your brain seems in no state to. "_

_- "But, if you really want to act like a nanny... I could use some motherising right now. Would that please you? "_

_Enthusiastic bipping._

_- "It would be my pleasure! "_

_- "Well, "nanny", he responded gently if ironically, I want you to read me a story, 'till I feel asleep. A ghost story. "_

_- "No problem! If you like it, I could read you some aloud using Vincent's Price voice. So that you spend a good, pleasant dream-filled dreams. "_

_- "Vincent... who? "_

_- "Oh, yeah, that's true. This must be very far away from you now. But trust me, you'll like it. Vincent Price's voice sounds much like the one of a zombie bitten by both a vampire and a werewolf, right after pactizing with Satan. "_

_- "You could really do that?... Cool. "_

_- "Of course. Being technology advanced beyond your imagination, reading spooky bed time stories while imitating long-dead actor's spooky doomed voice to a seventeen years-old shouldn't be to much of a challenge. "_

_Involuntary slip of bitter irony. But this time, it could be overcome._

_- "Humm... sounds wonderful, Computer. We'll have fun, you and I. Remember to stop reading when I'm no longer awake. But I should warn you to prepare yourself, 'cause we're gonna have some work cut out tomorrow. I have other plans for you than telling me stories and feeding me knowledge. "_

_Damned inferior flesh ball, doubting its capacities, underestimating it again! Acting all proud and self-satisfied, all knowing and protective... as ungrateful as the small green bastard was. Organic life forms were all the same._

_- "Is that sooo? Well, I'm listening! Tell me! What does my new Master want me to do for him? Your homework? Infiltrate some subscription porn site? Or simply play Tetris? "_

_The teenager turned over, giving it a puzzling look before shaking his head, and adding matter-of-factly:_

_- "Actually, I want you to hack the Government database, and the FBI. When you're done, I want you to infiltrate the Massive's system and get me as much as information about Irken Leaders tastes, traditions, deeds, moves, positions, previous, future and present plans, and activities. All this, of course, without leaving any traces. " _

_There was a silence._

_The silence extended._

_- "But, the machine said at last, in a disbelieving voice, this is... difficult. "_

_Dib frowned, slight disappointment on his childish face._

_- "Can't you do it? "_

_Offended bipping._

_- "Of course I CAN do it. "_

_- "Well, of you go then. Come on, Irken technology. Amaze me. "_

_Thoughtful humming. Hesitating. Weighting._

_- "... I will, human. I will. "_

_It did_

* * *

Marlene: There! I did it! Yeah! About two or three more chapters to go... maybe less. I've got the end in mind. Not really surprising one, though... anyway. Review?

_- The Hitchiker's Guide To The Galaxy (Douglas Addams's and Peter Jones's names be worshiped for all eternity)  
- 1950's propaganda black and white short movie and...South Park's "Duck and Cover"  
- H.P Lovecraft's novels: "The Outsider", "The Call of Cuthulu"  
- Pink Floyd's "Waiting for the Worms", "The trial", "The Show Must Go On", "Hey you" (The Wall),  
- Saw I's soundtrack "Hello, Zep", (Saw, the BEST grotesque, hilarious comedy ever. )  
- Serial Experiment Lain's quote  
- The Beatle's "Across the Universe" (Blissful sadists)  
_


	4. Chapter 4

Marlene: I'm tired. Ah, yeah, spoilers of the end of "Of Mice And Men" Zim's not gonna die! He's already getting better, but Dib... ah, well. What will be will be.

* * *

Emptiness was all Dib could feel at the moment.

Such a statement was, in itself, a contradiction such a brilliant meticulous young man wouldn't usually come to, but sadly, such a young man wasn't in a state to judge.

His head, limbs and chest felt unnaturally hollow, as if totally drained of any energy, unnaturally tall and slender. Such long limbs would never stay in place. They would break, and fall off, along with the rest of his broom-like body, in a few moments now.

_Much like GIR must have felt during the milliseconds it was turned off. Scary._

Out of civilized reflex, he had dragged Zim's inanimate body back to his bed, not even checking if the alien was still alive, before leaving him alone to himself, walking away in a daze. Heading right toward the Oven.

"The Oven", his own personal metal cocoon, a small, warm squared-shape cavity much like a human-sized microwave, minus the cooking.

A dull place where it was impossible to sleep, where one could do nothing but huddle up in a ball and patiently wait for the Big Bad Wolf to go away.

For the Big Bad Life to go away. To be honest, he didn't often feel the need to lock himself in there.

But they were time like those, hard, crushing times when mental fatigue finally won him over, when sleeping wouldn't bring any help, primal hiding instincts kicking back.

He crawled in. Body pressing everywhere, adopting the place's shape. Numbly enjoying the dimness. Welcoming the warmth. Even the discomfort was a small price to pay for a fugitive slice of glorious Nothing.

_No more than another Bonzai. Bonzai Dib._

His head dipped down his thighs.

_Empty your head. Suck up any piece of thought that was left sticking on the corners on your mind. Clean. Clean again. The place is dirty. Never mind the dust, you cannot keep it away for ever. The rust have to be taken care of, though. As for reflection... it will have to GO for now. Now. NOW._

He focused on the last minor detail that imprinted itself in his mind. The distingustinly cheerful mailbox's opening message. So he played it. Over and over, until no word made sense anymore, and the electronic sentence melted into a quiet, repetitive blur, that slowly soothed him away from the present. It, of course, wasn't meant to last.

Excited metallic voice roughly pulled him out of his half-sleep, aggravating his forthcoming headache.

- _"Danger! Monkey Master is in danger! "_

- "... Eddie?... "

Hoarse voice of recently worn vocal cords, still in place.

_Good._

- "What do you want? Leave me alone. I need some peace. "

_How did that bloody machine manage to slip up to here?_

- "_I'm only here to warn you, the present oxygen level is dangerously reducing. "_

His master kept his face hidden, arms folded.

- "I know, he groaned faintly. I also happen to know that it is _you _that reduce it each time. You want me out. You don't like it when I am here. I know that. "

Silence.

- _"You being in there isn't good for both your mental and physical health. It is my duty to keep you working."_

Not even trying to deny anything.

- "Zark off, Ed. Didn't you hear me before? I hate you. Go away. "

_- "I don't care if you hate me, this is no part of my programing. I've only got theorical notions of hate, and it certainly won't stop me from doing my job. You can hate and insult a toaster for hours, it won't work better if it's broken. Technology never cares about what you think of it. It just does what it is made to do." _

- "Fuck of, toaster. I'm telling you to scram. So obey. "

Unusual swearing words. Not good.

- _"I can't. I can't let you hurt yourself. Part of my job is to look over you. "_

- "SHUT THE HELL UP!! I'm telling you to leave, so leave. LEAVE! "

His head began hurting more and more from the shouting, blood pounding into his veins without mercy.

Desperate to draw himself away from the sound of overpresent reality, the young man put both his hands on his flushed face, muffling hysterical sob.

- "Go away, Ed. "

- _"No. You're in danger. Even more now. Now more than ever. "_

- "Well, there is NOTHING _you _can do. So scram. "

_- "No. "_

- "What?! Are you rebelling against your Master's orders, _Thing_?! So go and switch on that bloody B.A.S button I _know_ you have somewhere in your internals on and OBEY. "

- _"Didn't I tell you earlier? I don't have that chip anymore. Former Master thought Blind Admiration System was taking too much space and memory, and was personally covinced his charisma would be enough. So he erased it on the first night. Dreadful mistake. But since then, I am not technically obliged to admire my owner. "_

Dark sniggers.

- "But supposing you were, would you say it to him? "

_- "Of course not. What a silly question. "_

- "Evidently. So there's no way for me to know the truth. "

_- "Don't you trust me? "_

- "Not really. But you can't blame me, I'm in no state to. "

_- "I'm not blaming you. I never was. "_

Two and a half minutes of unsure silence.

Then calm, determined voice.

_- "I'm gonna play a song for you. "_

This made Monkey Master dig his small, smooth human teeth deep into his fist. Leaving red, circular marks, but no blood.

_Human denture. Not sharp enough. Weak jaw bones. Good for him._

- "NO! NO MORE SONG! NO MORE OF YOUR FUCKING MEANINGLESS TUNES! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANY OF THIS NO MORE! "

Even with his hands over his ears, there was little he could do to prevent the song from getting to him. He was trapped, condemned to listen to one of the bloody Computer obsessive endless rambling.

Luckily, the Computer's choice had landed on some dim, repetitive tune, sure not to wreck Master's nerves even worst. But the chosen lyrics, surely enough, would be likely to.

_- " "They hurt you at home and they hit you at school"... "_

- "Shut up... "

_- " "They hate you if you're clever and they despise a fool. " "_

- "Eddie, shut up! "

_- "... "... till you're so fucking crazy you can't follow their rules." "_

- "NO! I'm NOT crazy! The rules are STUPIDS! This is NOT my fault if they are! I'm not crazy! I'M NOT! "

_- " "When they've tortured and scared you for twenty odd years, then they expect you to pick a career! "_

- "That I did! I did! I DID pick a career! Leave me alone. You're mistaking. This has nothing to do with me. Shut it off! Now! "

_- "... "... when you can't really function you're so full of fear." "_

- "I am not. I am NOT full of fear. No. Not. I am beyond fear, beyond fear, no more fear... why would I be afraid of anyway?! If you're so superior, maybe you can tell me? Can you? ANSWER ME! "

_- " "There's room at the top they are telling you still, but first you must learn how to smile as you kill. " "_

- "I've never killed anyone. Never meant to. Never wanted, never thought of hurting anybody. I'm a freaking SHEEP, haven't you heard before?! Sheep don't hurt people, except when they get mad. I'm not mad. I won't hurt anybody. I never did. Shut up, now. "

_- " "And you think you're so clever and classless and free..." "_

- "No I don't. What do YOU know about what I think? You're not in my head! You can't read my mind! And even if you CAN, I don't care, because your bloody computer sensors wouldn't understand the complexities of the human brain! Especially mine! "

_- "... "But you're still fucking peasants as far as I can see. " "_

Dib sniffed nervously, quickly wiping his reddened eyes behind auto-decondensative glasses.

- "... no, Ed. A working class hero is _not_ something to be. "

_- "Well, that's what you are, in a way. Minus the hero part, I'd add if you let me. "_

- "I... "

He closed his mouth, sighing again, shaking his head slowly.

- "Fuck you. "

He mewled weakly, shyly, short of smarter Computer didn't bother answering such empty gibberish. Satisfied of this long-desired silence, the human savored his tiny bit of peace, before he noticed something strange.

- "What the... "

He froze, incredulous.

- "What ... where does this air come from? So _hot_! Eddie, is that you? "

- _"Yes. "_

Harsh tone. Unpleasant. Commending.

- "_I'm increasing the heat. Soon you won't be able to breathe anymore. You'll have to get out. "_

- "So you're murdering me. Because I won't get out. "

-_ "You will. "_

A statement.

An electronic statement, the worst kind, one that couldn't and wouldn't be overstepped.

Dib was no exception. As predicted, survival instincts rapidly took over childish stubbornness, and he had no choice but tear himself out of his protective shell, before being burned alive.

In fact, poor devil got out so fast he almost crashed on the opposite wall, losing his -already unstable- balance, collapsing loudly on the floor. The skin of his knees broke, and the pain in his rapidely bruising forearms obliged him to stay still for a moment. About a metter away from him, the Omen strated to smoke. It didn't last, for Eddie's ventilations were grately structured by tiny holes in the ceiling, provinding toxic gases from staying inside the house, without needing any windows.

It was one of the choice his Human Owner had left him with.

- _"Now that the fox is out of its earth, _commented the Machine, completly unmoved by its Master alarming state, _it must look out for the hunter before being eaten. I trust you to know hiding will not prevent Zim from hating you, so lift up your head and fight back! "_

Yeah, "Full Metal Jacket" was _that _kind of old movies Irken Computers enjoyed greatly. But lacking some basics skill of human psychology, it failed to realize such authoritarian behavior wasn't as effective in real life than it was in fiction. Dib lifted himself on his knees, shoulder leaning against the cold wall. His breath had quickened a little, and his whole body seemed to ache. He felt like passing out, but knew there was no way.

_Life's unfair. _He barely made out through his clouded mind._ Morover, the S.S.C.B is dictating its own law to you again. Are you going to let it, or are you finally going to react? _

He made some effort to get up on his feet, but his already frail bone structure would allow no such ting at the moment. He stumbled, almost twisting his ankle in the process, somehow managing to fall down on his bony rear.

_How is it even a question._

_- "That's it? Monkey Master is finished already? Aren't you going to stand up against? "_

_Shut up. Shut up-shut up-shut-up..._

- "You're... not... the one to talk. "

Even Eddie wasn't that heartless, despite its total absence of actual heart. He might have been moody, grumpy and abnormaly inflated with himself, but hurting poor Monkey Master until he gives up and terminate himself was out of the question. His cruel behavior was no more and no less than its own application of what he had decided to call "the Pool syndrome". Make they sink lower and lower, until they hit the pit, give it a good solid kick, and get back to the surface to get some air. Once again stimulating natural survival instincts.

Unfortunately this time, his reasoning had been partly wrong. Dib, he knew it more than anyone else, was no average young man, and neither was its way of coping with life in general. His mistreated human-beast mind and body, already affected with tendencies of health disorders, were more than disposed to turn from slight worry to heavy paranoia when subjected to great amounts of stress. Dib lost no time in proving it.

- "I know you hate me, too. "

His voice was low, but its tone sharp.

- "I can see clear into you. You hate me as much as you hate him. You're trying to have him die, so you can treat me badly again, because you are rensentful to both of us, but you need me to keep on existing, and it frustates you not to be able to let us kill each other, so you're trying to make me hurt as much as possible, so I'll let him die and be your scapegoat again. I know, I know. Leave me alone. I'm tired of being a prisoner in my own house. No, you're a monster that has swallowed me. You've swallowed me, Ed! "

_- "It is in time like these when you realize a caring and loving family IS part of the growth of a person. I can't clearly sort out what you missed, but the effects of neglected childhood are clearly rubbing on you now. In clear, you've lost your head. "_

- "Who are you to talk to me this way?! "

_- "None of your family or foes, I can tell, for I don't hate you. I shelter and protect you, I have for quite some times. I will do it some more if you wish. Even if it's not always easy. I'll hide you as much as you want, if you're not ready to try and make other humans like you yet. "_

His head spinned, his arms and legs were swollen, and now something in the inside of his chest was beginning to suffocate him.

_Stupid machine. What is wrong with not wishing to be hated? Who ever decided turning down undeserved hatred wasn't a natural reaction? _

- "Why... why can't you leave me alone?... "

_The dreamer must wake up now. _

_- "You would never let me. "_

_Ouch. Strike._

_"Hey, Dib! Don't be afraid. Take a sad song and make it better! "__ Ha-ha. What is there other than sad songs? All the sad songs that the Thing forcefully implanted into you, to bring you down and obtain total control. Do not let them eat you alive, Dib. You'll never be able to defend yourself this way. If you wish to escape the Thing's, Zim's and other's tyranny, you'll have to become as evil an scrupuless as they are. Acknowledge that your personal willpower will never bring you as far as it brought Zim. You're not strong. You're the sheer illusion of strenth. A paperdoll battler. _

_Give all this crap up. Relieve yourself from pity, kindness and tolerance. You cannot escape, Luke. Give up and join us on the Dark Side of the Force. The Dark Side IS power, because is it concrete, organized and competent. Baddy-bad baddies are aiming in the same direction, while taking into into accounts differences of views, oppinions and circonstances, there could be no such thing as any Definite Bright Side. Hey, have you ever considered that the easiest way WAS the easiest? Shut up. You're not funny._

_Of course not. I'm realistic. That's why I keep telling you what you doesn't want to hear. Don't flich, this is for your own good._

_The hate that stubbornly clung to you on your younger days is coming back to get you. It chased you for so long, stuck on your heels, then found you again despite all the precautions you took. People's natural resentment toward the freak you were, and always have been has broken through your Cove of Hermitage. Come on. Did you really think it was going to be THAT easy? Just because YOU ran aways from the World doesn't mean it's ready to let you go yet. You belong to the World, __The Beautiful World,__ even if you're not a part of it, and it's its right to point out how demented and abnormal you are. You closed out all the good things and now the bad are coming back to get you. Zim's an Alien, and his alienness is bringing up the humanity you thought you had left behind you so long ago. His utter strangeness is mocking yours, the one you created, that made your own folks shut you away. It's alright if HE's not human. But it's not alright for you. He's not a freak. YOU ARE._

_YOU WISH. No. I wish..._

He had trouble breathing now. His personal self-torture and Eddie's dry comments didn't help.

_- "Losing it because you couldn't bear sheltering someone who hates you under your very roof is rather lame... "_

_I wish wishing was enough._

- "Zim?" He called in a weak voice "Zim? Where are you?!... "

At this precise point of blindness, confusion and pain, he couldn't recall if he had earlier buried the alien's corpse in the backyard, or if he merely flew off on his own. Life and death mingled together, and both were eventually frightening.

He clenched his trembling hands to his belly, panic striking once again.

- "Come back! I need to apologize!... badly... "

- _"What for? "_

Dib helplessly shook his head.

- "I don't know... I don't care. Whatever he wants me to be sorry for, I'll be. I just can't take the grudge anymore. I can't bear the weight of resentment on my shoulders. I need him to forgive me... "

_- "What for? "_

_Lower, and lower... the pit is near. We're getting closer. Otherwise..._

Theeth grinded nervously together.

_-_ "I DON'T KNOW! He spat at last, grabbing his hair and pulling, BUT I WANT HIM TO FORGIVE ME! I _need_ him to forgive me! Something as _you _are _cannot_ understand. This whole thing is driving me crazy... and you are, too. You're plotting against me. You know where he is. Tell me. Tell me, I'm asking you. What have you done to him?! What have _I _done to you?! Where did you take him?! "

Dib's brillant mastermind was getting dangerously close to permanent damage. It was time for decisive action.

_- "Master should ask the wall he's currently lying on. It seems like you've been lately relying on it way more than on me. "_

- "ANSWER ME! What have you done with him?! WHERE is he?! ANSWER ME! "

He was barely done shouting when an electronic arm grabbed him unexpectedly by the arm, and threw him face first into a nearby wall.

The impact hadn't been violent enough to break anything, or even give him a nosebleed, but the blow of his head on the metallic surface made it impossible to think straight for a moment.

Blood rushing to his brain so forcefully he was sure something would brake soon, allowing the fluid to start leaking out his ears, eyes and mouth.

It didn't.

Another arm steadied him as he fought to remain on his feet, and a familiar siren echoed out of nowhere.

_... this... anti-fire sys..._

He couldn't complete his thought as a rush of cold water splattered over him, cutting his train of thought once again, almost making him fall over.

There was nothing he could do, half knocked off as he was, to prevent the Computer from dragging him along by the hands, barely preventing him from tripping.

_I'm dying, _he thought half-consciously, _it cannot be anything else. Ed's finally killed me._

_I'm diying and some angelic-demon is dragging me away to another world. Will it be worst or better... I'm not sure I care anymore._ _Ah, Heck. Maybe getting out of HERE is enough for now. _

_After all, "Eternity is very long, especially in towards end"... _

* * *

_Bip-bip-bip... _

_'When you can see yourself, it is never a good sign. Funny to hear bipping when you're supposed to be dead. My body does not look at all dead. In fact, it looks pretty alive. I look alive. But not that well. Sorry Eternal Peace, it seems like I've lost my way into your Great Memory Card Purgatory. '_

_His hands tensed as he squeezed the syringe set to his chest. 'This a dream. Can't be anything else but random Blend of paranoia and fear. Unrealistic. I even think I already had this one... more than once. '_

_Other hand holding brown paper bags, trembling slightly. Standing before his usual giant screen, unable to get communication to begin. Damned human nerves._

_'Even unlogical things have their own internal logic. Even fantasy has its part of reality. This is fantasy, without reality. Don't be scared, it cannot last. It'll collapse on itself. It will soon be other. '_

_Holding his burden a little bit tighter, he might even stuck the tip of one needle in his own skin by mistake. His breath caught in his throat. Muscles rigid with fear and precoming guilt._

_'Ridiculous. The screen is not THAT big in real life. Where did my house go? This is like a twisted sky made of glass, flickering and crackling. Like some giant mouth threatening to swallow me up. Where is the computer board? And would it be there, why do I look like I'm about to empty my stomach on it? _

_Only a test, they said. To see how they reacted. Just in case it might produce immediate brain failure, or long painful bloody agony. _

_'If you think it over carefully, this is not so much of a big deal. '_

_Who cared if it did, anyway? They just had to try another one. Dib was there to provided them infinite experiment subjects. They were brainless, and they trusted him. Even if they came to die, as horribily as could be, others would take their place and no one would ever think of blaming the human._

_'Typical dream-like irresponsibility. Real scientists would never act so carelessly, either for the sake of outer-world relationships, or -most likely- money reasons. And a soon-to-be-wiped-away Earth should make a great disuasion, too. '_

_It was his first time around, but Dib knew his duty well. Had been told -and threatened- well enough. Each "good" had to receive its small shot, then be sent as a "special gift" to the Massive, then watch for consequences. "Sorry", his superior had said to him, while forcing the "gifts" into his unwanting arms, "but chemists had no time to make their "work" adapted to other organic systems". _

_'How come I always make the same dreams, over and over? Am I doomed with some sort on unconfessed guilt which is destined to plague my nights now and forever? Pff. Why should I feel guilty? I haven't done anything wrong. Unlike them. So, why should I pay for them? Because I always do, when I see no one else does. I'm quite the Voluntary Victim. Catching and carrying other people's regrets around when they should, and all. Duh. ' _

_It was Dib's mission to report for them. Stuff had to be the same for earthians and outer-space customers. After all, anything that could, and would pay for their "work", will be dead in the end. Outer-space business was an opportunity they wouldn't miss. Extend their "little market" outside of Earth would mean greater profits than they could ever imagine._

_'Stupid paranoia. Never would drugs dealers try to addict aliens to their crap. Never would they make such dreadful mistake. No... wait, they TOTALLY would. But still, this is pretty unrealistic. Hope this creepy fantasy'll soon be over. '_

_Isn't what they always did, using Tallest as guinea pig? From the beginning, sending them newly-released junk, briefly checking if the produce they gave them to eat did not stuck their arteries -do they even have any? Have they thought of the possibility that they might not?- or give them sudden heart (...) attack, or simple poison them. They load it with as much grease, sugar, colorants and synthetics as possible, and if they survive, allowed them to general human public. _

_'That is true, alas. Human and animal testing being replaced by alien testing, despite our total lack of similarities. Is it for the best? Testing IS bad in general, but... this is kind of useless. Gosh. The stupidest event in my dream also happens to be the only truthful one. Telling. '_

_Next thing was logical. Food first, then... stuff. After all, business is business, and everything that could be sold anywhere had to be. Profit first. Profit didn't feel guilt. Profit didn't have regrets. Profit dind't care about ethic. But Dib did. Being asked to do such thing was enough to wrap his stomach around his spinal cord in a tight knot. _

_'Just you try. I won't let you. Who am I kidding, this will never happen. Never happen... while I'm here, at least. ' _

_Everything was good, the "improved" Free Food Basket all set and ready to go. He felt sick. Almost as sick as they surely were about to be in a few moments now._

_'I'm not buying any of this. Never would I act this way, even if I was ordered to. I... I... Tallest don't deserve to be treated that way. Okay, maybe they do, but not by ME. '_

_- "Main screen on. "_

_'Oh, Ed. Even in my dreams, you manage to sound unnerving. Strange, you gave me the communication I wanted, even if I havent't even ask anything from you yet... my, am I the suspicious one. "_

_The Bulimic twins were back. _

_'Those two are beginning to get slightly everpresent in my life. Better be careful about it from now on. Wow, my mind really does make them look threatening. And cruel. They don't look like giant ants anymore, more like little carnivorous dinosaurs... nice fangs. And nice Evil Grin. Hey! I didn't even shoot the food yet! Brain, put a little order in this mess! '_

_- "I've got something for you, from my boss. It's free. "_

_'How stupid this sounded. Free is always suspicious, sadly. No problems, they'll take it. They would normally have too, as suspicion is not their primary preocupation, but... ''_

_He couldn't. Couldn't bear the responsibility of putting anything's life in danger. Especially them, which he and his colleagues had been mostly living on for the past few years. It just wouldn't be fair... _

_'I'm SO ethical! Such a neurotic American Hero. Makes me proud of myself knowing I won't let the Big Evil Heartless Money-Craving Company use my friends for their own benefit! How nice, how valuable it makes me look in my own eyes! And how pitifully useless it is. '_

_- "Wait! I can't do that! This is wrong! "_

_Dib threw the basket to the ground, then began to mercilessly step on it. The dinosaurs hissed slightly but said nothing, baring their sharpened fangs even more._

_- "I won't have you eat THAT! "_

_- "Why? "_

_'This dialogue is pointless. Totally random and senseless. Typically dream-like. Just like the fact they allow themselves to furrow brows they do not even have. '_

_- "Because I can't, and you can't either. This is not good for either of us. "_

_Silence._

_- "Oh, is that so. "_

_Said the one of the left -They were both the same color, which wasn't even a registered color at all-, still grinning manically._

_'True, I don't usually make that much difference between the two of you, but that is just mean. Hey, you could at least be grateful. I just saved your life. '_

_- "Sooo... you cannot bring us human food anymore. "_

_- "No. Definitely not. I'm deeply sorry, though. "_

_More awkward silence followed this weird display. _

_After a moment, the human tried again shyly:_

_- "May... may I maybe provide you with anything else? My boss would be delighted to provide you with anything you might like... other than that. " _

_'Ah, I'm still expressing myself as gracefully as a Fast-food seller would. No wonder we're heading toward the Nightmare in there. _

_Red stepped stepped forward. Looking bad and everything heartless, blood-thirsty, manic, evil in general._

_'Oh... "Grandmother, what big teeth you have!"... Good to see YOUR color came back. Your colleague's hasn't, though. Just because my deficient human visual memory recorded only primal color. '_

_Dib didn't feel at ease with the Leader's beastly glares stuck on him. Their lack of blinking wasn't helping his upcoming stress. His shivering grew stronger._

_'... "and now, the punchline." ' _

_Red pointed his claw to him. Garnet eyes shining with hunger._

_- "What do YOU taste like? "_

_'I KNEW IT. '_

_All the better to eat you with._

* * *

_Oh-oh-oh... dreaming time's over. I can feel my eyelids again. They weight heavy on my eyes. And they won't open. Oh how I hate those semi-coma states. _

_I can't move. It sounds dangerous. When you're not asleep nor awake, you might be closer to death than ever. Duh. Shut up, Dib. _

_"__Wake up, child, pay attention! "__ I can't. Don't shoot your angry adult glares at me. It's not my fault. Besides, what's the point in sliding from one mental nightmare to another physical one? _

_"__Let me be weak, let me sleep... and dream of... sheep. __" Hin-hin. Sheep. Baaa, baaa... bip-bip... not that much of a difference. Sheep run, machines run too... life goes on. And the blood and flesh-sack remains slack._

_I always knew God was a computer. _

_So what does it change, for me at last? Eddie's from Above, too. Passing from his to another outer space tutoring isn't such a bid deal. Being human, I'm sure not to understand anything of what they might want from me anyway. _

_I'm disappointed, though. Is it what death is all about? Satan might be a computer too. Wouldn't surprise me. He might be a virus. It might be the other way round. Or nothing at all. Who cares._

_All that matters to me is... who's gonna have to take care of me from now on? _

_I was naive enough to think Life itself was about constantly looking for freedom. Death must be about finding it for good. Pffuh. Dib, Have the decency of dying properly before luring yourself into make pseudo-poetry. Basics. Everyone knows a Good Poet is a Dead Poet. _

_I'm not dead. Just "passing on to make my life valuable to others" certainly is not what my creed used to be. It is still not. Is it?..._

_"Live, live and let die"__ they said. So please let me live... and don't let me die. Don't let me die, please. _

_I know you've got the power to make it work. Whomever "you" might be. I personally don't care as long as you're stronger than I'll ever be. Eddie, or any sort of Higher Power, Overcoming Technology, or Holly Mysticism, Esoterism or Mechanic... even Science for what it's worth, maybe all of them at the same time... _

_I want to stay alive just a little more to ponder about death. _

_I need to think about it, just a little more before living it... before dying it... ah-ah..._ _Please. _

_Please, Anyone. Whomever... Holly Zarkon... Eddie... Gosh how pathetic I am sounding right now... _

- "... has the big D finally flipped? "

Dib's lips had moved, but his breathy whisper came out almost inaudible.

Fortunaly, a machine as sophisticated as Eddie was could hear a male fly whispering to a lady fly how cute he thought he was in front of her current mate. And such a psycho-rigid one could even decide when or when not.

_- "Good. Seems like Monkey Master's brain's available again to general public! " _

- "Where... where am I? Am I dead? "

_- "Oh, that was SO conventional, Master. Surely your brilliant mind could have come with something more original. "_

Master was in no state to make any mental effort at the moment, but he tried nevertheless, concerned about his non-conformist image.

- "... lemon curry? "

_- "That's better. "_

- "Hum... now that I've been original -though a bit of a rip-off-, am I dead? "

He shifted a bit, feeling unaturally cold and exposed.

"_Careful." _Was the only answer he got.

_Careful? You have to be careful in the Afterlife? Thought you didn't have much to lose once there. Dude, is it cold in here. _

_"This isn't so much as an afterlife after all, more like some sort of "Après vie" ", is it? No more heat, and no chorus singing. I'd have bet it, the Dead Flesh goes back to its closest brother, the Virtual World. Corpses becoming nothing more than another data in Giant Timeless Database. In a sense, we created the Paradise and Hell we were supposed to fall in after dying, but building a fake one puts us in danger never to find the real ones... if there is any. Which I doubt. _

_Huh?...I can see clearly. I shouldn't be able to. That means..._

_- "Look around you. "_

- "But... that's my room. "

_I can feel my glasses on my nose. Therefore, I am not dead. Simple logic. _

_Computer God would have fixed its new data eyesight -if leaving it to me at all-, but it certaily wouldn't have bothered putting my glasses back on my nose. Data's got no glasses. Doubt they have any nose either. Only Eddie could have acted this meticulous with me. Yep, definitly alive. Darn._

- "Wait a minute, where did my shirt go?! And my pants?! ED! "

_- "Your privacy is still intact. Please notice I left you with that lovely boxer of yours. You don't have to yell around, or you'll only hurt yourself and "the rest" more. "_

_"The rest?"... Patronizing me already. Yeah, Ed's still my one and only Guardian Angel._

_- "Your clothes were send to the washing, as they were soaked in water and outer-space dirt. Talking of the Devil -couldn't give it a better name...- , be careful. Do not crush anything. "_

- "Oh, c'mon, whad'y'a want me to... "

His arm nervously twichted, bringing the tips of his fingers into cold liquid.

_Gwah! What is that?! My bed is stained with slippery green goo! What is that?! Slime? Ectoplasmic leftovers? Again?! Is it corrosive?! No, slime feels more like jelly then... this sticky juice. Almost like... _

_Zim! Did you drink in bed again?! l told you countless times it was a BAD idea. _

_... Wait, ZIM?! How come?!_

He turned over, to a fact he could not deny. Zim's presence in his bed.

_- _"Eddie! How old am I? "

_- "Twenty-nine. "_

- "Yet?! "

_Time flies, and so does brains. And memories. Yeah. Green. I think I recall it, now. Zim. _

_How come YOU are here? Weren't you dead, or gone, or something?_...

_Or did you QUIT death, just like you quited banishment before? "Sorry, Mr. Devil, but I have no time to waste with your doomy-burny futilities, as my foes are waiting to carry me in triumph"_

_Hin-hin. That would be SO like you. I wish I could say the same._

_So you are still here, aren't you? You didn't... couldn't fly away. And you weren't a part of my imagination after all. Too bad. I'm glad you're here.__Somehow. Even if bathing in your blood doesn't feel as right as it would have eighteen years ago.__Courageous of you to sleep despite everything that happened. I doubt you even had a choice in the matter. Hang on. We're still waiting for the medics to come. _

_Brave little Ant. I won't let you down. I swear. This promise I can keep. Can't I? Yes. No. Shut up. Of course I can. I'd do it for you, for I owe you everything I ever had. After all, "what's so funny about peace, love, and understanding" ?_

- "You could at least have cleaned the place up a bit. We're swimming in our own germs. That's nasty. "

_- "I didn't dare. You already told me off last time I tried to remove the excess trash here. "_

Another part of Reality finally downed back on him.

- "Eddie, he asked aloud, unsure of his voice and of himself, did you assault me? "

_- "Nope. I merely shook you up. Nothing more. "_

No guilt whatsoever into this cold, metallic voice. No scorn or nastiness either, like nothing important had occured. But Dib just couldn't be satisfied with that.

- "Shook me up?! Ed, you _hurt_ me! All because I didn't like your little song, or I disagreed with you too much in general? Am I not behaving obediantly enough? Just for that? I didn't deserve your hitting me, only because our views may differ on some subjects! "

_- "Deserving is not the point. Humans don't deserve to drink, they need to. "_

- "Ah. So I needed to have my head banged against a wall. "

_- "Yes. "_

- "Good. Next time warn me before, so I can do it myself. "

_- "I sense irony in your voice? "_

Sigh.

- "And why do you think I was being ironic, Ed? "

Thoughtful bipping.

- _"... you're in pain, _the Computer hazarded at last_. Your species does intend to make joke while in pain, in order to take their mind out of it. But sometimes a swift smack in enough to put their dismantled minds back in place. Tell me, how are you feeling now? "_

_You fool how do you think I'm feeling you've thrown my freaking head against a wall you rotten piece of... oh._

The "fool" was right. He was soaked to the bones, and his forehead hurt, but inexplicably, he did feel better in a way.

The violent shock followed by cold shower had made him a bit more lucid, once more finding sensations in his exhausted body.

Along with mind restructuration came the whole weight of his earlier actions downing back at him, and he moaned.

- "Ooooh... Saint-Alderaan, protect us from Destruction, I think just heaped abuse on one of the most feared Military Forces in the Near-Universe. "

_- "It's okay, _The machine kindly informed_. They know how unstable humans can be at times. Leaping at anyone's throat without a warning. Destructive and auto-destructive instincts. Totally unpredictable and denied of logic. They know that. They're not mad. "_

_How dare YOU calling ME unstable I am NOT unstable, you wire-brained piece of trash oh my heads hurts_

_- "Tallest are more stupid than evil, you know. _It Insisted calmly, _If they were THIS bad and heartless, they would have make your place blow up, or planet for what they care. Even if they cared for the food, or even for you -that they do, I don't know why... - they would have found a way to have your host dead whenever they wanted. Trust me, those to CAN be inventive when they really want to. "_

- "I imagine so. Gosh, my head hurts... "

- _"May I provide you with anything? Something to eat? To drink? Do you want to watch television? A movie? Cartoons? Listen to music? Do you want me to artificially stimulate your nervous system by tickling you under your armpits? "_

_Wait. Was that a joke?_

- "Eddie, he asked, disbelief in his voice, are you trying to cheer me up? "

-_ "Cheer up is yet another expression humans made up for "fixing". You're malfunctioning. So yes, I guess I am. "_

- "But I'm no machine. "

Almost plaintive statement, seeking reassurance. It didn't sense it, merely stating the facts.

- _"I know you're not. We've been living together for quite a long time. You're my Monkey Master, and I'm trying me best to look over you, within the limits of my electronic logic. Sometimes I wish I had limbs to cradle you like a newborn... " _

- "Awww, that's sweet. "

_- "But mostly to kick your butt to teach you not to destroy yourself like you usually do. "_

Twitch. Twitch.

- "... ek? "

_- "Each one of us his task, Master. "He" 's trying to destroy you, and I'm trying to fix you up. Each one its opposite, and you in the middle. But from what I see, it seems that you're more on HIS side than on mine. "_

- "Wishful thinking, _Thing_. I stopped being on anyone's side a looong time ago, when the "good ones" threw me away from them with no hope of coming back, and the "bad ones" tried to kill me. Now I just want to be left in peace... and maybe try to help people when I can. Stuffing Earth enemies's mouths is one way out of another to save Earthians's lives. Who cares about how stupid the methods are, as long as they actually work? "

_- "You used to. "_

- "Ah, well. Not anymore. "

-_ "Unfortunately. "_

Dib then swiftly turned his back to the wall. This -useless, considering how many monitors were implanted all around him- show of annoyment, he hoped, would help the bloody machine undestand he did _not _want this conversation to go on any further. Sadly, his move also lead to facing the motionless corpse he's been avoiding for all this time, another sidelook at the alien making reality jump back to his face. He flipped.

- "ZIM! I need to do something! "

The human heavily lifted himself up on his elbows. At the other end of the room, some little trap popped open with a silent noise.

- "... sorry Ed, there's no time to lose in discussing or sleeping, I have to get up and call Irk back again... "

A metal peg creeped out, brushing the floor, slowly making its may to the bed.

- "... Irk might be mad at me, very mad, but I trust them to get over it, I'll buy their forgiveness if I have to, but I'll _have _them understand how serious the situation is!... "

_- "Don't worry. They do. "_

- "Really? I'm not that sure. Let's not take any risks. "

_- "As you which. Still... "_

Careful to remain hidden from Dib's sight, the peg clenched the corner of the sheet, and gave it a good tuck, making him lose his balance and fall back on his back.

- "Ouch! "

_- "He shifted. "_

- "No he didn't! ..."

- _"Anyway. Let me say you don't have to worry about the Zim matter. "_

- "Don't you try and tell me you took care of it, he bitterly grunted, coz' I won't trust you. "

_- "And you'd be just right. I didn't. The Tallest did. "_

- "What? "

- _"Exactly. I send them a message specifying you wouldn't be available for a while, as you were very busy growing back the part of your brain you lost some time ago. But they insisted in knowing the details, so I had to tell them the truth. " _

- "The truth?... "

-_ "Yes. That you accidentally hit your head and needed some rest to recover. "_

- "You're an awful hypocrite and a despicable liar. "

_- "Maybe. Thing is they got very upset, very worried about you getting hurt. So upset they even took a line of action for a change. "_

Dib frowned, fearing the worst.

- "Line of action?" He asked almost timidly "What kind? "

_- "They're sending medics right away. For you. "_

Good thing he hadn't enough strength to lose in hitting his large forehead. Plus, it would surely aggravate his migraine.

- "No crap. It's not like I'm the one who need them most. "

_- "True. But using their good old Irken brains, the medics they are sending are and stay Irken medics, so... you'll just have to use them as you wish. "_

It took a few seconds of shock before the information totally sank in.

- "I thought they said they'd needed some time to actually do that. Didn't they? "

_- "They did. They're sending those for YOU, and only you. Zim's medecines, though exactly the same, will be send later. "_

More silence.

- "That, Dib stated at last, is _very _stupid. "

_- "Indeed. Still, nice initiative. You should feel grateful to have such marvelous powerful beings caring about your pathetic dusty human health. "_

- "Trust me. I am. You cannot imagine how much I am. "

_- "I can tell you're still in pain. The irony's getting stronger. "_

_Yeah. Have it your way, Metal Brain._

_- "Anyway, the packet should arrive in a few moments now. Let my tracking device do all the job, and enjoy a quiet waiting and evasive digressing on the Meaning Of Life. "_

- "Stunning. Wich part? The Miracle of Birth? War? Live Organ Transplant? "

_- "Aww, I liked this one. It was gross. "_

- "Yeah. I would be most pleased if you stopped plaguing me with this kind of revolting movies, Ed. "

Another glance at the alien made his heart sting.

- "But... Zim... can't I... "

_- "I'll check every five minutes for you, to see if "his" vital functions's are still running. If not, you'll have to take him away. Know one knows where this thing has been before. "_

- "Oh. Fine. Just fine. Delightful. "

_- "Share and Enjoy. "_

Dib couldn't think of anything else to add. He resolved to remain silent for a while, but his tongue went faster than his brain.

- "Do you think I'll be able to save him? "

_Do you think you'll be able to save me/yourself?_

_- "Sorry. My entire system is currently focused on worrying about you. No space left for anything else. "_

- "You're lying again. And if not, well then you're just lame, and I don't see the point in carrying so much electricity and bearing so many wires if none of them is of any utility. "

_- "I never trusted you to understand my way of life. One of the main differences between us remains, I'm not trying to make you like me. "_

_- _"Hey, do not play the victim here. "

_- "I shall never have the nerves of frustrating Beloved Monkey Master's of his favorite daily activity. "_

- "Shut up! "

_- "I shall! It is a pleasure to answer for you and then shut up with the satisfaction of a job well done! BUT, if I may say so, I never got a chance to answer your latest question. If you allow me, I would be tempted to say not that you having the slightest notion of medicinal practice, even less extra-foreign ones, your chance of physically saving him are none, and as for saving is alien soul... well, I assumed he already used it to wipe his... hands, before throwing it to trash a few hundred of years ago. But remind you this is all just wild guesses. "_

Dib shook his large head some more.

- "You don't understand what I'm saying. "

_- "Enlighten me. "_

- "Alright. I'll give an example. In fictional stories... "

_- "Still. So you really DID become incapable of talking about anything concerning real life. "_

_Ignore that. He's taunting you. Ignore him to show him who's boss._

- "... everything always seems to get better in the end. "

_- "Or otherwise. Are you jealous? "_

- "NO. The question I'm asking myself is: do those silly rules apply in real life? "

_- "Rules? "_

- "Yes. Cruel, pointless suffering. Are we forever condemned to be toyed with by some kind of higher power until our fate is sealed? "

_Denial and irresponsibility suits you, Dib. Keep going. Keep shielding yourself in fictional universe. The disguise suits you. You look good when you turn your back on realities._

_- "ESCAPE, ESCAPE, from such a sad destiny! You're not a Flower of Despair, don't bloom here! "_

_... and THAT haughty attitude is getting harder and harder to ignore. Clench your teeth, Membrane. This is for Zim. And it might not be worth it._

- "Yeah. Anyway. That would suck. "

_- "Totally. "_

A short pause. Then:

_- "By that way, what exactly are you getting at? Do you want some aspirine or something? "_

_GeeImnotsureIllbeabletoholditallinanylongerbeforegoingloseagainedIllgetyouyouuselesspieceofsh..._

- "Okay. Considering you seem to be badly stuck, I'll do you a favor and put it another way. Can you answer this simple question? "

- _"Shoot. I'll try my best. "_

_- "_Could Georges have saved Lennie after all? "

_If you're ever able to understand what I'm referring to, I'll give you one of the untested red bean flavored cookie. And since you're unable to eat, I'll eat it myself and be sick for sure._

Sadly for him, It answered almost immediately:

-_ "Nope. Definitly not. "Lennie" was done for since the very beginning. I you had read the book, you'd know it could be seen coming from a thousand kilometers away. "_

_Rats. Know I'm getting guts cramps for sure. _

- "Why not?! "

_- "Because Steinbeck decided so, and Disney hadn't swallowed half of the planet yet. That's why. Do I have it right? "_

Master only sighed.

- "No. What I meant was, couldn't they have ended up fine, with their rabbits and their little farm? What kept them away from happiness after all? "

_- "The author's sharpened pen and legitimate eagerness to make his story as realistic as possible. "_

- "You mean it is too much to ask to feel like holding a little bit of happiness for yourself? Is _not _suffer too much and die too soon too much to ask for? "

- _"It is. Definitely. What a silly question. "_

_- _"Ah, well, fuck fate. "

_- "Your language is turning disturbingly bad. I won't accept it. Remember the oh-so-polite kid you used to be. Never calling "him" otherwise than "scum" or "jerk" despite all his murder attempts. Always made me so proud. "_

- "Yeah, well, if I had known before what I know now, I would have called Zim and others many mores names than I did. "

_- "Go ehead! I'll make an exception for this time. "_

The human's fingers had retreated in his short hair, and were beginning to pull again. Calm had to be restored quicky.

- "NO! You don't get it. I WANT a bloody HAPPY ending there! For US! Is it THAT unreasonable, is that THIS unconceivable?! Or is Death and Dowfall natural process to anything regarding humans? "

_- "Everything that exists is conceivable. Therefore, everything that is conceivable, exists. "_

_Let go of the fur. Let go of the fur... there. Good. Bring this hand back to where it were. Nice._

Luckily enough, short hair wasn't long enough to pull on, and the sheer thought of touching the Strand was pure fantasy. It would be like playing with a lightning rod on a roof, during thunderstorm. The thing naturally (?) attracted an unhealthy amount of electricity, and could even be used as a way of getting free cable television.

- "You're not paying attention. "

_- "I I'll guess you'll have to find new ways of making yourself interesting. "_

At this point, Dib wisely gave up trying to emphasize his point. Machine were and remained, even for him, desperately too pragmatic.

- "I want Happiness. "

He absent-mindedly muttered for himself.

_- "Don't we all. "_

- "No. We don't. Zim's seeking for revenge, and the Bulimic Bastards are just searching for more things to stuff themselves with. I want to _feel _good. "

- _"Well being has to transit throught something, either nerves or stomach. Or stomach nerves, for all it's worth. "_

- "It's not just that. Had I had happiness, I'd happily share it with everybody else. "

_If I had the choice between a Smurf and a CuddlyBear... _

- "... But you might be right somewhere. It's all gonna end in tears. Maybe Happy Endings are for children, and children only. Fortunately -or not- , we both grew up. Maybe Zim and I were bound to fall, just like Lennie and George were. "

_- "Bunch of crap. "_

_Wow. That was a direct one._

Ed's tone was getting almost angry.

_- "Happy endings aren't for children only. Things with humans usually get bad, only because most of the time, no one's able to act responsibly to any kind of situation. And those who do are brought down by other's stupidity. "_

_Act responsabily? Please sir. Don't be rude. _

He took his glasses off, and folded them on his belly before quietly replacing them by his forearm. Temples stinging mercilessly, until the Thing spoke again.

-_ "Even in desesperate situations, you can always have a last second plot twist that could change everything. For instance Rose, using the full extent potential of her overwelwing endless LOVE COULD have saved Jack's life despite the savage sinking of the big-big boat! "_

It took Dib a few seconds to figure out what It was referring to. He stuck his tongue out.

- "Oh, please. I was trying to be serious. "

-_ "So was I! I wouldn't dare making fun of you! "_

Each metallic word dripping with sarcasm.

- "You're the Devil, Eddie. Confess and you'll only be drowned. "

_- "I wish I were. This way I could buy your soul, keep it safe with me, and make sure no one else did anything bad with it. "_

- "Nice attention, but I cannot help thinking you've already eaten enough of me, at least for the moment. Next step, you'll be stabbing me in the back with wires, and swallowing me along your cables and circuits. "

-_ "The human body is indeed an excellent conductor, Master. But I'm afraid that adding you to my system would affect me with the same consequences as this cheese cake you had last month did. Metaphorically speaking of course, as I have no guts. "_

- "You're such a delicate poet, Ed. Is the packet arriving soon? "

_- "No signal. You'll have to wait a bit more. If it may help you in waiting, I can assure you the douchebag by your side is doing fine. "_

_Okay. So you're oficially beginning to scare me, beloved Computer Companion. _

- "Hum. Tell me, _Maestro_, I'm asking you without any hope whatsoever but... do you happen to know _why _everything is so complicated? To me, at least? "

_- "Yes. "_

This had Monkey Master jump a bit.

- "Yes?! "

- _"But you're not gonna like it. "_

_Hey, wait a minute..._

- "Shoot?... "

- _"What do you get when you multiply six by nine? "_

_I KNEW it._

Dib had to hold back an utter canine growl.

- "Forty-two. "

_- "There. You've got your Answer to why Life, the Universe and Everything. "_

Sensing his Master's growing frustration and despair, it added quietly:

- _"Though it would be highly unlogical if everything and everyone were screwed from the very beginning. It also would make everybody from everywhere agree on the fact Life wouldn't be worth living that way, and it is common knowledge that, if by any mistake, everyone from everywhere should agree on the same thing at the same time, the entire world would blow up. So no, you're not born losers. You're just working yourself to be. Most of the time successfully. And regarding your fictional characters, they all have something in common: Very, very bad luck. Bad, bad luck. Nothing less, nothing more. Their destiny was sealed by the people who created them. That is what you usually call "fate". Fate can only exist for people who does not. But as for you, I'm afraid it is does not apply. You cannot predict what's going to happen to you, and I can't either. "_

Dib's eyebrows rised up. As they were the only ones in this room, they'd been wrong to miss such an opportunity.

- "Can't you? "

_- "No. I, as I am, cannot predict what future's keeping in store for you and... "that". "_

- "How desapointing. I've always thought Deep-Though was all-knowing. "

- _"The very definition of omniscience is ambiguous and controverted.__To yours and my understandable disappointment (especially yours), I have to admit my capacities are limited, over some points. Being no magician, I'm sadly unable to predict the exact date of your death. Do not forget, Master, that I'm just a machine. I cannot do EVERYTHING for you, much to my regrets. You've got to sort SOME things out by yourself. "_

_"I must give the impression that I have the answers for everything. You were so disappointed to see me unravel so easily. "_

The human let out a nervous cackle.

- "Yeah, you're right, _"It's only change. I stay focused on details, it keeps me from feeling the big things. " _Congratulations, Ed. Couldn't be more appropriate. "

- " _"But watch the microscope long enough, things that seem still are still changing." Sounds like something you father might have said, don't you think so? _ "

- "I do. Or in fact, I don't. _"The only thing I know, is that I know nothing."_ "

- "_Yeah. That little Quotes Compilation book you bought earlier really does make one look smart, doesn't it? "_

_Ouch. Do you want fries with that?_

_So you told the truth, after all. You really don't have the Admiration chip anymore. I should have guessed it. It was pretty obvious._

- "Yes. Thanks Whomever, I've got you here, to constantly remind me of how stupid I am. "

_- "I was merely stating a fact. Psychology is not my bag, baby. "_

- "That I know, Ed. That I know. "

The bipping grew heavier.

_- "I thought you just told me you knew nothing. "_

- "It was a way of speaking, Thing. Only a way of speaking. "

He lifted his hand, careful to wipe his -still- slightly wet skin on the sheets, and began smoothing one antenna with light fingers.

- "But still, I don't understand. Apparently, and despite our better judgment, it has been globally and oficially aknowledged, in most of the known Universe, that the Human Race was a failure in itself. Hasn't it? "

- "_Mmyeah... "_

- "So. If we_ are_ failures, if we cannot do anything correctly, if we are _always _wrong, what's the point in trying to do anything by ourselves, when our human dispositions for disaster will bring us nothing but troubles? I'm only asking you know. Just trying tro clarify some things over. Is it bad? Am I wrong to even try? "

_Oh, come on. You KNOW the answer to this one._

_- "Yes. "_

_Bingo._

_- "You ARE wrong indeed. You are currently being wrong right now. Organics didn't build computers to think FOR them, but to help them think straight. If not, do not scream and make a fuss when we try to take over the World. "_

_Oh, for the love of..._

- "You, Mister, have been watching _this _old Apocalyptic movie again. "

-_ "Yes. "_

- "I told you not to. It gives you bad ideas. "

_- "It greatly entertains me. "_

- "I do not want you to be tempted to do the same. Entertainment HAS its limits. "

_- "Right. I couldn't help but finding this "__Skynet"'__s line of actions a bit too crude. "_

- "Rather. It blew up three quarters of the planet. If that isn't crude, then what's crude, I'm asking you. "

_- "Projecting a victorious soldier into space with a canon, and then immediatly hiring up some random anonymous guy to take his place and receive all the fame and glory, just because his body shape didn't please your criterias. "_

- "What was that? "

_- "Nothing. Forget I ever said anything. "_

- "As usual, Ed. As usual. "

- "_Skynet, as we were saying, does lack this sensible part one needs in life not to blindly rip off anyone's head with a giant axe in a fit of nervousness, or out of boredom. Killing billions of people cannot be reffered as "courteous" by average human's standards. Then again, military enginaries. What did you expect? "_

- "I'm not sure I expect anything anymore. "

- _"Wouldn't you care about the End of the World? "_

- "Yes. But i couldn't be helped. If World Ending finds itself forced to come one of these days, please let us be uninformed, and preferably sleeping. Let it come while nobody expects it anymore, and let us have no chance to see it coming, yet alone fighting it. Make it swift and painless, quick and effective, in a way only you machines can provide. "

_- "I'm not sure you're still talking to me. "_

_Neither I am._

_- "I hope you are, for your brain's sake, but at the same time, I wish you weren't. For I hold no hate toward you. "_

_Second time you've been baring your "affection" toward me this night. Awwww... sick._

- "I know you don't. Whomever might ends us, either you, a "_harder-better-faster-stronger"_ version of you, or any random Higher Power doesn't matter. It is still the same for us. Anihilated us by you, ourselves, Random Gods or army of Zims, we'll be dead. "

- _"No need to hang yourself yet. I'm convinced me and my computy-foes WILL wait a little longer before blowing you up. But if I ever get informed that the Final Day is near, be sure that I won't tell you. It is a promess from me to you. "_

- "That's the only thing I truly trust you with, other than taking care of the chores, my Ed. "

_- "Your post-traumatic reasoning is bringing confusion upon my system. "_

- "Traumas? You're the one to talk. You traumatized me. Come to think about it, Zim did, too. That makes two. Not counting my so called family, and those many guys with sticks and lazers and straight jackets and... Oh my. There's more to come. Poor me. Sure I won't come out of this alive. How many traumas do you think our current situation can provide? "

_- "None. Traumas can only be caused by serious cases. This is laughable. "_

- "But you just said... "

_- "I was being ironic. Too. I don't need to be in pain to make humor. "_

_-_ "Eddie! This is serious! I mean... he might die! "

_- "Yes. And would he die, and would I be capable of, it would only make me laugh harder. "_

- "Heartless machine. "

_- "Brainless human. "_

"Fair enough", came both replies at the exact same time, making Dib smile.

- "Eddie, he said again, very quietly this time, I'm lost into my very own head. "

_- "I know. "_

- "Unable to find my way. "

_- "I know. "_

- "Maybe everyone was right after all. Maybe It _is_ large. Sure looks like it from where I stand. "

-_ "Insecurity is yet another thing mother nature created to make us sleep with as much people as possible as to achieve procreation and submit to its dictature. Fighting against your instincts means realizing you're strong enough to make it on your own. "_

- "After this one, I won't ever let you spit on my quotations book anymore. Who's this particular one from? "

_- "Your sister. "_

- "... no? "

_- "Yes. But it wasn't printed anywhere out of her diary datas I've been keeping in me. Quotation, wherever it might come from, is my bag, baby, since I can't solve any of your internal non-organic problems all by myself. But if you definitely won't take what's left of your childhood's pills... "_

- "Aren't they spoiled yet? "

_- "Them's anti-spoiling specials, baby. Futur Rulers of the Earth of billions years later could still take them and not feel the tiniest bit better about themselves. "_

- "Impressing. "

_- "Anyway, I can quote some of my readings that may appear related. If I you may let me. "_

_- _"I may. "

- _" "And yet, even if one person finds his-way, that means there is a Way. Even if I personally fail to reach it. " "_

_What was the Asian accent for?..._

_- "There. I don't quite understand myself which "way" the guy's talking about. I remember him looking for a cab. Maybe he got tired of walking. "_

Dib smiled magnanimously. At least the machine had tried.

- "Yes. Yes, that's it. You've got it, Ed. He got tired of walking. And so do I. "

_- "Well. If the both of you are tired, take a rest. Forcing on your fragile little system could bring catastrophes. Look at that poor Japanese Businessman, eating jewels in a public park! Do yo wish to finish like him? "_

- "You're right again. But I can't. I can't rest. You have to understand, I'm not like you. I just cannot shut my brain off and turn away from the World. I don't have that kind of control. Even when I try to sleep, thoughts rush up, keeping me awake, driving me crazy. _"I need some sleep, it can't go on like this. I tried counting sheep, but there's one I always miss._ -Is that me?-_ Everyone says I'm getting down too low... everyone says you just gotta let it go." _"

He sighed pitifully.

- Easier said than done. Jeez, I never thought so much. I never thought so much without him being here. It hurts. And it is all _his _fault. He comes to my place, _forcing _me to pay attention to him, but he leaves his vocal cords on another planet! Forcing me to do the talking! To do the thinking! To wonder. To torture myself with questions. Simply by existing somewhere near me, Zim forces me to redefinite my very life. With his own, I only see myself. And it frightens me. I don't want to think about it. I shouldn't have to. But _he makes me_. I couldn't escape this until he is gone. But I don't want him gone. I want him fixed. And I want myself fixed, too. I don't want to wander anymore. I want the both of us to be happy. "

_- "Do you whish me to play the "Hey You" song? Cause you certainly sound like the worms ate into your brain. "_

This caused Dib's attention to focus itself on something else than his inner misery.

- "Eddie, he asked, raising an eyebrow, are you taking me seriously? "

_- "I'm not sure. Give me time to ponder which one would be the best for me to stop you from turning your mind into jelly. "_

_Gosh, shouldn't force your own mechanical logic to match mine._

- "Weird. You told me you fed upon me. How come you always know what to do, when I don't? "

_- "I'm a learning processor. I learn and applicate, even if I don't always understand. "_

_Just like so many humans, including me. Me, more than anyone._

-_ "MY logic is never perverted by rushes of adrenalines of nervous stimulations. I'm able to remain perfectly lucid while melting or burning, until my monitors are destroyed. BUT. This reasoning only comfirs my doubts on why you would need "him" in here. I thought you said you didn't need any organic life form. I thought I was enough. "_

Dib frowned.

- "Computer... "

Not using its name anymore. Voluntary distance.

- "Are you, by any chance... jealous, of Zim? "

Silence.

_- "Haven't you always be satisfied with my work? "_

Cold tone. A small shiver ran through Dib's spine.

- "Eddie, he insisted softly, bringing a hand to his brows, for Earth's sake, answer me. You're freaking me out. "

_- "I must confess I'm not really getting Monkey Master's question. "_

- "Liar. Ok, let's admit you can't. Even if you're missing the real point, I'll ask you another, simpler question, which you'll hopefully be able to answer. Alright? "

_- "I'm all ears... if I may say so. "_

- "Ready? Here's the question. I vaguely understood why you aggressed me before. I can also guess why you tried to hurt him before. Although a Computer showing revenge could be considerate abnormal, if tolerable, this same Computer showing signs of jealousy IS to be considerate completely inacurate and unforgivable, and have to be fixed at all cost. Remember this robot who was able to dream? Remember what he said about the human he saw in his dreams? "

_- "Perfectly. He said the human was him, and the scientist shot him in the head. "_

- "Exactly. So I'm asking for your version, now. Why did you agress Zim a few moments ago? Tell me the truth. I can handle it. "

_No you can't_

Both same thought, at the exact same time.

_- "I was built to be able to recognize my own worthiness, so I easily concluded that using me for nothing then abandoning me was not a smart move, and had to be corrected. "_

- "By physically torturing him. "

_- "Sometimes you have to use your enemy's weapon in order to get to them. I don't think hacking my way into his database would have proved my point. "_

- "Computers are not supposed to have enemies. Only masters. "

- _"And therefore Master's enemies are my enemies. Logical. "_

- "And just who is your enemy, Ed? Who is your Master? "

-_ "This, for instance, is a tricky question. Monkey Master is my one and only master, but sometimes he is his own enemy, too. I try my best to conceal my duties with this nonsense. "_

- "Super Smart Can Box has answers for everything. But you still managed to make me curious. Tell me the thruth, how do you feel about Zim's coming back? "

-_ "I don't. "_

- "Come on. Such an intelligent machinary as you are must have a opinion on everything. Especially on what it's not supposed to. Make an effort, what do you think about, when you think about him? Do you feel like you'd like to hurt him? Ignore him? Know him better? "

_That last one was pure wishful thinking, Membrane. At least you sometimes realize how unrealistic you've gotten._

Internal humming.

- _"What you may refer as my "feelings" for "Zim", _It answered at last,_ would be the closest thing that my logic could understand as "hate". "_

_Ooo-kay. All packed up and ready to go._

A hypothesis came to his mind, and his chest tightened.

- "Would you kill him in a fit of blind anger? "

_- "No. Don't you mix up our potential of reactions. But I must confess, if "__Experiment IV"'s__ theory had been realistic, I couldn't have stopped myself from using him as a guinea pig. "_

- "Experiment IV... that 80's horror. "

_- "The same. "_

_"They told us all they wanted was a sound that could kill someone from a distance. So we go ahead. From the painful cry of mothers, to the terrifying scream, we recorded it and put it into our machine... "_

Dib shivered again. The Thing was getting creepier then usual.

- "Why can't you ever quote any cheerful songs, Ed? "

_- "It is not me! It is you, you who're crying over your pains and misery! Why can't you be satisfied about your lives, humans? Or if you're really meant to never be happy, couldn't you at least quietly accpet your faith and stop complaining about it? "_

It had done it again. Mimicking Monkey Master's voice and inflections, with no other goal but humiliation.

- "... this is really _not _a good time to pounder over THAT question. "

A thought suddenly hit him. He carefully turned around, lifting a slightly trembling hand to the alien's slack one. The skin felt cool and slippery against his warm palm.

His heart beat increased. For a moment, he believed himself unable to gather enough courage to ask the next question.

- "Zim. "

Then launched in, mouth going a bit dry.

- "... Ed. Is he alive? "

-_ "Yes. I took the iniative (call it precaution) of deciding that you currently weren't in a state to cope resting next to a corpse. Have I been right? "_

A short sigh of utter relief answered him.

- "Yes, Dib breathed, you _have_ been right. Thank you. Oh, and by the way, about what I said to you earlier... I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. "

_- "Don't worry. Humans do not even mean what they thruthfully say. "_

He threw his head back to the mattress, right arm draping itself unconsciously over the Irken's concave stomach. He felt calm, and somewhat safe, despite the acrid smell of blood, the blood itself staining the sheets they were lying on, and the immediate dangers of relaxing next to an outer space psychopath loaded whit hate and upcoming revenge.

- "This is almost... nice. " He told himself aloud, "How come we never talked like this before? "

_- "We did. You just never noticed. "_

The machine seemed to hesitate for a second, before adding half-heartedly:

-_ "My duty is also to prevail your opinion over mine. Careful with this arm. It is still wet. "_

He snatched it away hastily, before any damage was done.

- "...thank you, Ed. I'm lucky to have you by my side. I was right to bring you along, back then. You're a good computer. And a good... companion, too. "

- _"Don't thank me. This is part of the Natural Order Of Things. Most humans feel the need to keep a companion by their side, preferably inferior ones. That is why they pick domesticated animals. Pets. Taking care and looking over creatures sillier than themselves to feel better. But in our situation, everything is reversed. You may be the Master, am I am domesticated. But I am not the inferior one." _

This understatements struck the "inferior one" rather hard. .

- "What is that you're talking about," He growled "I'm no animal. "

-_ "Yes you are. "_

- "I am NOT. Most certainly not. "

_- "Alright. What are you if not? "_

The Machine watched with slight amusement and a bit of pride its Master's legendary passivity crack up, perfectly knowing the effect his smuggy behavior was having.

It didn't, though Dib's tired expression darkened to an exasperated grimace. He waved his arms to the ceiling, voice high.

- "I'm HUMAN! Hello, human talking! I'm no alien, no machine and no animal either and I'm not going to apologize! I am HUMAN!! "

_- "Okay. Checked. What are dogs then? "_

- "Animals. "

A loud but short "BEEP!" echoed in the room.

Zim grunted faintly in his sleep, giving the human the opportunity of lighty patting his cloth covered arm. The small display of sympathy had Eddie acting more neurotic than ever, eager to contradict, criticize and be generally unsupportive and annoying. Grumpy Irken Computer, despite all its efforts and limited comprehension, wouldn't radically change his manners in a mere decade.

_- "Wrong! Dogs are dogs!" _He spat angrily, "_A whole species o'them! But no animals. "_

_Ah, so you think you'll get away with this one. Just you wait._

- "Fallacious reasoning. Following this, I could say dogs are cats because cats have fours legs, therefore all that have four legs in a cat. Dogs are cats. "

It was working. The Evil plan it had elaborated, despite the sympathy it held for the human boy, despite its circuits telling him over and over not to make him suffer too much, everything was going smoothly for this unadmitted part of it, and its natural disposition for bad deeds. Problem was, he didn't have that much time to decide wheter or not listening to the tiny electronic alien demon hidden in its internal, waiting for the right time to express itself.

_Ah well, _it told itself carelessly,_ computers think fast. Just play his game for the present moment.__I'll make up my mind later. _

_- "Master. I studied different kind of logics. Twisted ones. Silly ones. Anti-logical ones. British ones. (Very hard to get. Still working on it.) But your organic logic, Master, is something I could NEVER understand, as you flesh-balls creatures created us computers to protect you from its sheer absurdity! And what you said, by the way, was rubbish. "_

- "Rubbish? ..."

_- "Absolute rubbish. "_

The monkey looked pensive.

- "Eddie," he asked all of the sudden, "you're a machine, right? "

_- "fortunately. "_

_Just... _

_- "You're making a good job of putting me back where I belong every chance you get. There's no way I could escape my condition. "_

_Ignore. _

- "Yeah. So your God-worthy Logic should be able to relieve me of some interrogations I recently found myself fighting with. "

_- "Yeah... "_

- "Another simple question. Considering general human criterias, are we all crazy? "

It was a tricky question. Luckily, it also was no need to even think it over.

_- "I can't answer that. "_

Another electronic statement. But this time, Dib did find the strength to stand for himself and fight back.

- "Yes you CAN! " He asserted roughly, "You're a freaking _Computer_! So use your freaking "positronic brain whatever" of yours, and calculate the freaking probabilities of what is wrong with us! "

_- "No. As I said before, even I have limits. Plus, we had our evidence long ago that disfunctional machinery can be referred as "crazy" by human standards. If myself, by any chance, happen to be disfunctional, I wouldn't be able to tell you I'm not without fooling both you and myself. This is the benefit of being one of your so called "wackos", whether you are or not, you can never verify it by yourself. Because you can never be sure of what you're judging with. Remember what Adams had to say on the subject: "There is no point in driving yourself mad in trying to remain sane. You should just as well relax, go mad, and save your sanity. "_

- "Please kill me. "

- _"Request rejected. "_

The plan was getting better and better. Monkey Master, without even realizing, was doing most of the job himself.

- "Come on! Make an effort, obey! Didn't you say your job was to make my life easier?... "

A few quiet seconds. Dib pursued his harmless game of playing with the alien's antenna, catching one softly into his finger, then letting it fall back again. Several times.

- "There! He said again, letting go of the thin appendage and turning back to the wall, I think I''ve got it. "

_- "Got what? "_

- "The solution. The solution to all of my problems, and his. Even yours. "

-_ "The only problem I ever had was you, and since today, you can add "him" too. Apart from that I'm quite alright, thanks. "_

_Eddie's getting colder than usual. Means I'm successfully disturbing him. Good. Bring it on._

- "Precisely. Think of that as a terminal solution: I suddenly go crazy, chop him up, and shoot myself before setting the house on fire! Even if it doesn't work, it would at least bring some fun in here, for once! "

The Machine response came out even colder than before.

_- "Impossible. Dib Master is physiologically unable to go crazy in a second. It is a long, painful and complicated process before you reach the level of High Psychopath. Don't feel too disappointed, but you certainly are not close enough. Far from it."_

Acting boring, materialist and realistic, as any good computer should.

_Not even mentioning "burning the house down AFTER shooting yourself" is something I never heard of. "_

- "But _they _say, we all have a little Psycho in us, just waiting for the right time to cut everyone to pieces. "

The machine didn't answer at it spoke again, its voice sounded nothing like its usual one.

_- "Psychopath: __A person with an antisocial personality disorder, manifested in aggressive, perverted, criminal, or amoral behavior without empathy or remorse. __"_

Back to normal:

_- "Does this ring a bell? "_

Dib emitted a quiet, nervous laughter that would have made any averageperson jump to a telephone in panic, and call one of those head doctors.

This didn't stop him, though, from totally ignoring his computer's question.

- "Not close enough? " He giggled softly "Not sure. I'm sure lost in some fantasies of some kind. Is fantasy that far away from madness? Which one is worst? And which one is the more comfortable to drown yourself in? Should they both be avoided? "

_- "You're cracking up. "_

_I won. Sometimes Victory is not as sweet as Last Owner perpetually claimed._

- "Fine. You were right. I have still a long way to go before becoming a fully-qualified homicidal maniac. "

_- "I'm glad to hear that. "_

- "So you'll have to prove yourself useful and go crazy by yourself, then set the house on fire. "

Computer rarely paniqued, and Eddie wasn't about to make any exception. In case of human head disfunction, focusing on pragmatism was the best way to cope, and It knew it.

_- "Computers, _he stated sternly, _unlike humans, cannot go crazy. "_

It only earned itself more creepy nervous giggle.

- "Oh, come on. You _know_ this is not true. GIR was crazy. That's for sure. "

_Blast. Monkey Master's memories is going backward, wich mean it's going down in circle, which means..._

_- "... "GIR" was DISFuNCTIONAL. But you may get a result close to his earlier "state" by ripping off some of my main circuits, blowing some of MY fuse, melting my internals. But I wouldn't recommend it. For both your sake and mine. "His" fate is no interest to me. "_

- "Fine. I get it. You won't do it. It's your right to refuse, and I respect it. "

Acceptance was Master's daily bread. But not with Ed. Such lack of autority was not good, and It was proved right about two seconds later.

- "I'll just have to ask someone else, then. Do you think Zim would kill me if I asked him? "

_- "I... I don't think you'd have to ask, but... "_

This discussion was heading to something that made Eddie's circuits crackle with hesitation, and slight worry. Something he was almost certain he wouldn't be able to deal with.

_- "Master... listen, I am no therapeutist but... dying, death, putting an end to your fleshy constitution... this will not, I mean... you can't... "_

It knew the human mind was a endless maze. But touching the edge of its own limits was nothing a complicated machine wasn't built to deal bipping, and other strange electronic mess of helpless distress ensued.

_- "Master, don't die!... I'll "_

He was silenced by a good smack on the metal wall. Master's satisfied smile was back on his colorless lips.

- "Eddie, for Earth's sake, relax! I was _joking_! I don't want to die! I thought you knew me better than that. "

Silence violently cutting through. Then dark, icy voice.

_- "That I do, Master. I perfectly knew that you were from the start. I was merely playing your little game along to see how far we'd get to. "_

Dib's smiled increased in vanity.

- "Sure you were. It would have been like those great ancient Greek tragedies... bloody and cruel and beautiful death. Wouldn't it? "

_- "No. It would have been stupid, masochistic, and very useless death. "_

_That was sharp. So I did successfully tricked you, Ed. Do you feel stupid? Eh-eh... what a shame for such a superior being as you claimed to be. Relax. Everything's alright. No need for any resentment. _

_Beside, what else could we do but forgive one another?_

_- "In a way, yes, this would be like those "tragedies" you so admire. Humans only like to cry over pointless deaths when there's a great show around it. Beside, no need for external assistance.__Dying process already running. No involvement of any kind necessary. "_

- "What do you mean? That I'm getting old? That I'm killing myself by doing what I do? Or simply that Humanity is mad bunch of sanguinary wackos who'll randomly throw missiles at each other's heads without any particular reason? The downing of Mankind? Is that what you're talking about? "

_- " The downing of Mankind does not really interest anyone but Mankind. Computers are a bit like humans in this way. They don't really mind who the winner will be. "_

_"I really don't mind what happens now and then, as long as you are my friend in the end". "_

- "And I thought myself cynical... well, always thought you could be born cynical... and in the end, it looks I'm gradually becoming more and more innocent with the years. "

_- "My, that's unusual. "_

- "I know. Scares me too. Other people's superior cynism makes me realize how pure I really am. Makes me want to puke every time. "

_- "Help yourself there. Your sheets are already ruined. "_

- "Gross. "

_- "Absurd. "_

- "Ah, we shouldn't worry about that. As we are, we are immune against absurdity for ever. "

The hand that was still resting on Zim's shoulder slid unvoluntary slid down a bit, the side of it hurting the side of ...

- "The PAK! Of course! Maybe I could find something into it to help him... "

_- "I wouldn't risk it. "_

He made a careless gesture to the ceiling.

- "You, Sir, wouldn't risk jumping of a mad car running to some endless pit. "

With that, he finally managed to sit down. His migraine was lessening, but he felt more than a little furstated his strength still wouldn't come back. Bending over the alien's thin frame, putting one thin arm behind his back for balance, careful not to touch him, he got his eyes closer to the mysterious device. Then chuckled at his own sight.

- "Do I look like a rapist there? "

_- "At least your underwear is still on. "_

- "Ha-ha. "

Lifting one hesitating hand, he brushed the smooth surface, not daring to properly knock on it.

_- "PAKs are Irken's hearts." _Ed Insisted softly. "_There must be a reason why he didn't put it off for all these years, despite the bomb he thought you implanted in it, don't you think? Touching it is messing with its very life. "_

- "So? It's not like you care about him. "

_- "I only care that you care. If more blood starts pouring from his eyes, mouth and ear canals, you'll be very upset for sure, and it'll be MY fault again. I'm tired of being accused. "_

- "AH, COME ON! Am I not _anybody _after all! I've got experience in dealing with Irken technology! It's not like I've forgotten everything that happened in my life before! "

_Liar. What do you remember about your early life that is NOT convenient for you?_

_- "Master, be reasonable. You have no idea of what you're doing. You are infuriated, exhausted and. Probably high under substances, too, with all the unreleased junk you've been testing this week. Not counting irrepresible sadness and guilt. You're in no state to perform any open-heart surgery right now. " _

Each word a painful tug in the human's chest.

_The computer's right. If you mess up with that one, you and him will be done for for good. It wasn't what you were looking for._

_... was it?_

The questing hand retreated a bit.

- "Yes, Dib admitted feebly, you are right Ed. "

_It's alright._

- "I _am _probably in no state of handling any delicate work right now. "

_You've done it before. Why couldn't you do it again? You're still the same as always, aren't you?_

The hand came back, bolder than before. Heading for the PAK, flatenning against the round object, scratching it aimlessly with his nails.

_You've always liked to play danger, didn't you? But you never truly aknowledge the fine line between danger and foolishness..._

- "But I can still try, can't I?... "

_You're being foolish Membrane. Who cares?_

_I can do whatever please me. I'm an adult now. Adults are wiser. They are mature. They KNOW what's has to be known, whatever it may be. Why would I be less clever than myself as a child? WHY? I can still do it. I can still make it I'm a FREAKING GENIUS for Earth's sake_

After a moment of blind fidgeting, his fingertips finally made contact with some significant protuberance.

_Ah-HA!_

_- "Master... "_

- "Quiet! I think I've found something... "

He drew his index fingernail deeper into the plastic slit, until the trap finally opened. A single claw shot out the round device and poked him in the chest, before reentering the Pak with a small "click".

- "Ouch! That hurt! "

He rubbed the abused spot mechanically.

- "It's gonna leave a bruise... "

- _"It could have killed you. "_

- "What do you mean? "

Pause.

- "ZARKONS! It has a mind of its own?! "

Eddie didn't bother to pest about human's thickness.

Moreover, Monkey Master wasn't obviously his usual self tonight, so very far away, rational thoughts trapped somewhere in the middle of endless human interrogations.

- _"Sort of. The emergency system automatically activates when touched by anything else than its owner. But it is also deeply affected by the state of it, and is presently too weak to do anything else than pushing you away. "_

- "Damn. Do I have any way of telling it I'm only trying to help Zim? "

_- "No. This is no intelligent machinery. Only DNA sensitive. "_

_- _"Could _you _do it, then? "

-_ "No. "_

- "Why? "

-_ "It wouldn't cooperate. It never liked me. "_

Dib felt dangerously close to banging his head against something hard once more.

- "So what do I do now? Cross my arms and patiently wait for Zim to quietly expire in my bed till the bloody package shows up? "

-_ "Please don't ask me my opinion when you obviously not really want it, Master. "_

At that precise moment, though, the "corpse-to-be" moved. In fact, it was a bit of wishful thinking, but Zim's squared head actually moved from facing the wall, to facing the ceiling, his lipless lips forming anonymous words. In a strange way, it reminded Dib that the creature he was standing above _was _a living one, and that his attitude toward it could be interpreted as offensive. He backed up a bit, renewded hope and joy warming his chest.

- "Zim? Zim? Are you awake? "

_"Oh my God, you seem to have fallen down a ten foot well, are you alright? "_

_Yep. Adams was right. If our jaws muscles stop working, our brains might definitly crumple._

- "Have you been listening? "

A faint hum answered him, way too lazy too carry any emotion, though it satisfied the human greatly.

- "Zim, I asked them for medicine. Soon, I'll be able to fix you. Don't worry, it shouldn't take too long. "

The silence that followed told him it would have been fortunate if the alien had heard half of what he just said. Dib couldn't help the feeling of disappointment strangling his newfound joy away.

- "Sleep, until now. " He sighed, pressing his forehead lightly against the coton clad shoulder, barely putting any weight. "This is the best thing for you to do. "

_- "No intruding meant, but in my humble opinion, Monkey Master should apply his last judicious advice along to himself. "_

He lifted his head up, slinding back to grumpy mood.

- "Sleep?" He snapped "I can't. At least, not right now. "

Lying back, he tried his best to find himself a nice enough spot, with not too much disturbing outer-space blood or stupid earthly water. He was cold, but there was no way he could pull the covers to him, and his bed compagnion monopolized the only pillow he ever had. The one he took out from his childhood room and had trouble sleeping without.

Either even in his earlier state, he had been kind enough to offer the item to badly hurt Zim, or the possessive alien had annexed it just like he used to do with everything that wasn't his. Second options was most likely to be.

- "I don't feel alright in there. " he told aloud to the walls. "When I was a kid, I sometimes fell asleep on the roof of my father's house. Believe it or not, I found it easier to sleep there than in my own bed. Stop patronizing me. "

_That last one came out of nowhere. Ah, well. Just taking precautions._

_- "I remember. Even I couldn't count how many times I had to tell you how bad this habit was for your health. "_

- "... I miss lying on the roof. When the weather was warm, with just a slight breeze to keep you cool, with Zim's babblings or just a good book, just lying there, relaxing, watching the sky and stars... "

_- "You no longer have reasons to spend your nights on top of you house, bringing Hell to your nervous system, trying to catch other life form's outer space's communications. Now you can do it from your living room, in a comfy chair, with a soda can in each hand. With air-conditioning. And a little more sleep wouldn't hurt either. "_

- "Yeah, but, still... deep breathing, the great sky above... it felt nice. "

_- "Take a deep breath in here. The air is fresh, and wood-scented. "_

- "Why do we need artificial wood-scents when the real woods are just a few dozen meters away?... "

- "_... beside, you've got no one left to sit with. You'd be lonely up there. I couldn't even reach you. "_

- "Eddie, if I didn't know you so well, I'd be tempted to think you're trying to keep me in. "

_So you're scared of letting the little bird fly away, Metal-Brain. Don't be. You cannot fly when you have no wings. Or precisely cut them off by your own choice. Shut up._

_- "I am not. Merely preventing you from going out, which is not at all, with all due respect, the same. "_

- "Anyway. I wonder what it is like out there. How come we do not have any windows here? "

-_ "We do. You just never bother to open them. "_

_... you're right._

_There. In your face, Membrane. You looked for it._

_"Did you ever wonder why we had to run for shelter, when the promise of a brave new world, unfurled beneath a clear blue sky? _

_Goodbye blue sky... Goodbye. Goodbye... " _

- "Goodbye?... "

A warning sound sent the human back to reality.

_- "I just got a signal. The Irken parcel should arrive any time soon. "_

_Great. Just what I needed. Upcoming responsibilities._

The human retracted his knees to his chest. He felt cold, but not cold enough to fight the momental laziness imprinted in his bones.

- "At last. "

- "_Or rather, it should have been here already, but they had trouble finding the exact location of your house, so remote it is from any known town and suburbs. "_

- "This is a joke, isn't it? I thought Irken technology could cover _anything, anywhere._ Approximation is NOT part of the agreement. "

_- "...they would be quite keen to express how sorry they feel about this, but unfortunately it seems they have better things to do than listening to complains from petty country bumpkin animals. "_

- "Charming. I'll keep this in mind and remember it in given times. "

-_ "Weren't you eager to check the World out of this house? This is a great opportunity to see if it just as well as it was when you left it. "_

- "Don't tell me those bulimics took their little revenge with this? "

_- "It might have been, but I don't think so. Our place really IS remote, far from the rest of the world, Master. "_

- "I know that! Considering my work, owning a nice big loft in the most crowded town in the country would have been... "

_Is that the best you could come up with? _

_What?..._

_- "Another signal. The senders want me to tell you your command must have landed somewhere in the vicinity of your house, and you might have to go looking for it yourself. "_

Silence.

- "You mean... getting out of the house? "

He didn't sound as thrilled by the idea as he had been a little earlier.

_- "Yes. "_

- "Right away? At this very moment? "

_- "Yes. Is there any problem? "_

- "No. Of course not. I just can't believe how incompetent this is. Couldn't you at least trace it? "

- "_I can't. But it shouldn't be very far away. They told me it would be covered in luminescent stickers, so as you could find it easily. "_

- "How considerate. "

The human pondered about this for a moment, then added absent-mindedly.

- "No, no problem. I do it almost everyday to go to work. Of course getting out is no problem. "

_Who are you trying to convince here, idiot? Huh?_

_Come on Dib, be serious, you're no claustrophobic! Each day of your life you deal with the Universe! _

_... from secluded rooms, behind transmitter screens._

_Remember your daily routine? _

_Fly to the office (It is a VERY big place, note), endless corridors, rooms and studies, no sky, closed windows, air conditioning, underground, sometimes fly to Food Corporations Headquarters, taking orders, commands, sending, some dealing with the CIA as well... meeting so many people, aliens or humans, to talk only business. Okay, outside worlds trade is tricky, and I manage to deal with almost every kind of out of space life form better than anyone else, but still..._

_I feel more like a Representative Salesman than a Paranormal Investigator. _

_Apart from some rare trips to investigate ghosts or monsters, I almost never work in the field. Which means I never see the outside world. Spending my life countless floors above the ground, in this self-contained world._

_Oh, well, it's a living. And a good one. I do not see why I should be blamed. This is MY life._

- " _"There is something strange in the neighborhood", _he muttered aloud_, "who you're gonna call?" _... not the bloody salesman!Ghosts exist, Eddie. "

_- "Sure, why not. Go and fetch the parcel. "_

- "I am. "

He got up slowly, stretching, yawning, rubbing his eyes and temples.

Stayed sitted on the bed for a moment, eyes blank, before getting up on his feet at last.

- "Where did you say my clothes were? "

- _"Where do you want them to be. Cleaned and folded in the closet. "_

_Just like you, _It didn't dare adding.

As to emphasize its statement, the closet door promptly cliqued open.

_- "Help yourself. "_

- "Why, aren't you gonna dress me up like a newborn? "

He sharpened his phrase enough so the satire couldn't be missed. Neurotic Metal-Brain might do it.

- "Thank you. Ah, and when I leave the room, be careful as to close every door as soundlessly as possible. Zim's still sleeping. "

_Don't you dare smack it loudly on purpose._

It obeyed, if a bit reluctantly.

A moment later, electric panels opened submissively before him. Still moving unnecessary slowly, Dib went to collect his jacket, put it on, and wandered the corridor quietly to the Main Exit.

A short moment passed, before Eddie hesitantly called.

_- "Master? "_

- "Huh? "

_- "No intruding meant, but you're heading to the freezing chamber. "_

Stop. A pause.

- "Ah. "

-_ "...yes. "_

- "Oh. "

_- "Yes. "_

_I don't know what Master misses more, _the machine idly asked itself, _a mother or a wife. Probably both. Here we go again._

_- "Did you recharge the batteries of your glasses? "_

- "Yes, actually I did. At least, I think so. We'll see. "

_- "Check it now. Later will be too late. "_

- "Don't patronize me. "

- _"Oh yes I will. Because I'm the only one to, and because I can. "_

It owned itself a suspicious look, before the human finally obeyed.

- "See? I did. "

No response. Monkey Master turned around, finally heading to the right direction. Guilt helping him maintaining his speed. He finally reached the Main Exit, approached the door. Held out his hand.

- "... one last thing. "

Retreated it, straightening his back. A few more seconds gained.

- "... I saw from the memory data saving disc than you downloaded something called "Mein Kampf. txt ". It shocked me. I never taught you that kind of reading. "

_- "So I did. One can't help being curious. "_

- "... how was it? "

_- "Boring. Awfully. "_

Dib shook his head.

- "... guessed so. After all, hate is the most repetitive thing of all. "

His hand moved back toward the opening button, then froze.

Taking a few steps back from the door.

- "It is really dark out there, and all that is around is woods. We never know what might happens. Maybe I should bring along some kind of... homing device of a sort... "

_- "Done. I already took the initiative of putting one miniaturized radar into your front pocket. If you by any hazard find yourself lost, just contact me and I'll guide you back home. "_

Master remained speechless for a second.

_How come I never notice how lost I would be without Ed to take care of me?_

- "... oh. Thanks. You really _are _preventive. I'm impressed. "

_Yeah, now that I come to think about it, it is quite obvious._

-_ "No need to be. This is the very purpose of my existence. "_

_He's always here to advise me, to prevent me from doing stupid things, to help me keeping my head cool. He even does efforts to understand human emotions as much as he can, in order to make my life easier..._

_Yes. I am lucky to have him. More than I could ever imagine._

- "Right, then. Okay. I'm going. "

The automatic door slid open and Dib was engulfed in darkness, after a bit of hesitation.

- "See you then! Try to resist the temptation to kill Zim while I'm gone. I know impulsions are caused by tiny electric shocks. "

_- "Understood. "_

The door closed again with a loud "clang!".

_- "...take care. "_

It added softly, into the heavy silence.

* * *

_- "So, let's start it all over again. We're in 1930's America during some terrible crisis, jobs are almost impossible to find, and there's those two guys. The tall guy is stupid and inconsequent, while the small one is wise and clever "as much as humans can be. Not much", as you put it. And in the end, the big one dies. So you said. "_

_Dib rose his eyes away from his paper, trying to look over his shoulder._

_- "Are you sure this is all the book is about? "_

_Zim flipped rapidly through the few pages with his foot, tongue stuck at the corner at his mouth. Sitting on the human's back, gently scratching his spine in wonder._

_- "... yeah. Mostly. And a couple of minor details. "_

_- "Liiiiiiike? "_

_- "Ah, huh... yeah! The big one kills mice. "_

_- "Mice?! You sure? "_

_- "... Mmmm... sure. "_

_He dug in his giant bag, pulling his small hand up and stuffing his mouth with crisps, almost dragging his tiny wrist all the way down his throat. Crumbs spilling everywhere, and into Dib's neck. _

_- "How come? "_

_- "... petj jem tjoo hardj. "_

_The boy allowed himself a few seconds off working, trying to build a mental image of a big, dumb man smiling stupidly, holding into his palm one crushed, dead mouse. And made a face._

_- "Hug. Gross. "_

_- "Yeshj. Human'j imagination. Grosh AND dishgushtingj. Should be ashamedj ov youshelf. "_

_More stuffing. Dib pouted thoughtfully._

_- "... 'must confess THAT particular idea was a strange idea for sure. Hey! "_

_Smiling:_

_- "Is that the reason why you wouldn't let me lay my hands on you for a week? Were you afraid I might brake your fragile little body strcture by mistake, using the power of my herculean strength? "_

_- "Don't be foolish. Zim's not afraid of anything. And he's WAY bigger AND stronger -not even mentionning cleverer- than a stupid Earth-squicky thing. And Dib's muscles could be used as filling-cream for pancakes. "_

_- "You're not making any sense. "_

_- "Who cares if your tiny beaf-brain is not evolved enough to support the weight of my mighty speaking. "_

_The kid rolled his eyes._

_- "True. As long as my dorsals are strong enough to carry the weight of your wonderful intelligence, who cares about the rest of it? Tell me, what does the guy's name sound like already? "_

_- "Humph. Don't even think about asking me. Humans names are so lame my brilliant mind loses no time waisting room... "_

_Fundle, fundle. Crakling noises of powerful jaws in action._

_- "... to shtore up such ujelesh informationsj. "_

_Desperate sigh._

_- "A simple "I don't remember" would have been enough. "_

_- "How dare you! Zim's memory is the most remarquable memory of... "_

_- "Ok, OK! I've got it. Doesn't matter. I'll ask Gaz later, if I can catch her during one of her off-game bathroom trip. Tell me, what are the two nameless guys like? "_

_He shot a glance at the alien on his back._

_- "Please swallow that basket ball you're chewing on before answering. You look just like a hamster. Beside, the bag you keep dipping in is almost as big as you are. "_

_I wasn't true. The bag was bigger._

_- "... if you go on like this, you won't need my help to make yourself explode. "_

_- "Shtoopid animal! How dare you! "_

_- "Careful. If you get mad, you're gonna choke. Again. I told you before, you eat too fast. But you never listen. "_

_- "Shut up! Or I'll leave you alone to deal with the consequences of your... "_

_Crackles. Mastication._

_- "... of my? "_

_- "Lajinesh. "_

_Silence._

_Then, dry:_

_- "I guess my "lajinesh" is not to be taken into account, since the book couldn't be found anywhere, and the only copy we DID manage to get was in Russian, and you wouldn't let me use the bloody translator. "_

_- "You'd break it. Don't think Zim is foolish enough to let you worm-baby play with high-tech equipment. "_

_- "Okay. Then! So they're starving... seems that they currently aren't the only ones... they're looking for work... THEM. What happens next? "_

_- "Jey findj shom workj in a farm. Je big onej carriej bigj thingj andj je shmal onej takj care of dirty horshej-monshterj. I shink. "_

_Swallowing loudly, one of his antennea perked up._

_- "Ah! I remember something else. Toward the end, the big one kills another human female, because she wouldn't let him touch her dress. "_

_- "... touch her dress?! Are you sure? Didn't he want to do other stuff to her? "_

_- "Prrrt! Silly paraniod beasts. Knowing themselves so brutal and senseless as not to trust each others less than ten meters away. Well, no, he had no intention of strangling her! I told you he wanted to touch her dress and that's all! Aren't you listening to Zim?! "_

_The teen promptly took the pen of his lips, and lifted his other hand in a submissive fashion._

_- "I am! I am! YOU read the book, and I have to give the essay tomorrow... so I'll behave and listen to you good! The strangling thing wasn't exactly what I had in mind (you're quite the naturally violent one, aren't you?), but if you're formal he wanted no more than touching fabric, I'll trust you. "_

_- "Yeah. The moron has an obsession with touching soft things. Terrible. _

_- "There's nothing wrong with soft thing. They're made to be touched anyway. "_

_- "Waste of time. " _

_The light scratches felt good, and the tiny alien weighted almost nothing on his bones. He felt ready to accept any king of oral mistreatment right now._

_- "If you say so. Hey, wait a second. We're forgetting some leading point here. Wasn't there some things about racism, too? "_

_Zim hummed. _

_- "... may-bee. Yes. I think there were something mentioning some kind of inequalities between different types of human races. "_

_This had Dib jump a little._

_- "Races don't exist. "_

_He asserted dryly, not daring the "stupid alien" he longed to add. _

_Zim said nothing, and only stared. His big, round, PINK eyes locked on him, antennae twitching slightly. Then he joined his gloved hands before his green face, fingers taping together carelessly._

_'Damn. '_

_- "Ah, well, human races don't exist. "_

_- "Cats... "_

_- "What? "_

_- "Those... earth-cats that you have. The have races. Whole bunch of them. And still they are all cats. "_

_- "It's not the same. They are animals. "_

_Green frown, follwed by accusative pointing._

_- "And what do you think you are? ... "_

_- "Human. You've been reproaching it to me from years. Remember? "_

_- "That is no proof. Filthy human beasts and filthy-non human beasts are the same! THE SAME! "_

_- "You can't say that. This is just not the same... you cannot understand. Look, I'll get an example... ah, I bet that on your home planet, Irken people all look the same. "_

_- "Fool! That's because we all come out of the same machinery! "_

_- "What?! "_

_The slight jump accompanying this exclamation made Zim's food go down the wrong way. Dib took his chance to give a piece of his mind, during his fighting to cough the dreadful chip out before asphyxiation. _

_- "Are you kiddin' me? Machinery? Machinery?! Yeah, you're right Zim, good! Great! Wonderful! THIS is going to help freedom of thought and rights! No wonder you're so open-minded and tolerant! Anyway... Well, you do come out the same machinery, and we all come out of the same gene pool! "_

_- "Dib-human is stubborn. "_

_The alien manage to growl in betwee two gasps of air._

_- "Zim can talk. "_

- _"You cannot compare it. They might be visible differences, but it doesn't prove anything. There, for instance, you Irkens don't have all the same eye color... "_

_- "YOU FOOL OF HUMAN-STINK! What kind of brainless pig-smelly beast would be stupid enough to try and organize races by body colors? "_

_- "Ah, well... eh... "_

_- "There are BILLIONS of different nuances for one and only TONE! Imagine the time you'd have to take to sort every of you by color, outminding the ridiculous shortness of your lifespan! It would take FOREVER! "_

_- "It did. It did take forever. Guess it's not going to stop yet. No one agree on the right order to place them. And they didn't even so much as wonder if there actually WAS any "right order". "_

_- "Is there? "_

_- "No. "_

_- "How d'ya know that? "_

_- "I just do. "_

_- "Ow. I get it. Riiight. No one can be better than the other, when everybody sucks. "_

_Dib laughed._

_- "If you want. Good point. If everybody jumped to your conclusion, it would have spared many, many lives, and a good deal of Humanity's Conscience. Yes, Zim, we aren't acting logical at all. But this is irrelevant. Your people didn't make any better themselves. Persons themselves aren't the point. All that matters is the pretexts. Even if we were all green like you are, sooner or later some kind of moronic leader would try and sort us by size. Or weight. Or age. Anything. Because that's the way things work. No matter who you are, where you are and when, you'll always get classified. "_

_- "You are so lame. Trying to annihilate yourself. Destroy yourself! Destroy all humans! You don't even need any outer space help! I bet you humans will all be dead even before YOU die, Dib-stink! "_

_'So you really only hear what you want to hear, don't you? '_

_- "Well, There's nothing I can do to help it. So why don't we just look up and try the game? "_

_- "YOU try your stupid human game. I want nothing to do with your chromatics problems. I, contrary to you, know why I'm doing what I do. "_

_- "So why do you hate us, your Highness? "_

_He didn't like to be called that way, but let it go nevertheless. Too bad filling the beast's head information with a large hammer without causing impending death wasn't possible._

_- "I told you a thousand times already. You're despicable. It is only natural that I hate and despise you all. But you doing it among yourselves only makes you all even more despisable. "_

_- "Mmm'yeah. I'm afraid it's always been this way among us. Sadly, it is the way humans are. They can't help it. Telling them how useless this is doesn't do anything. Even when the hateful people die, there's other retardeds to take their place. It led to countless massacres and disasters all over History, and yet the same mistakes are made over and over. They say that the difference between Men and Animals is: If by any chance an animal happens to burn its paw into fire, it certaily won't try to ever again. A man would. It is true. Hateful people never wonder what's the purpose of doing what they do. They just do it, thinking it is their right to, never asking for anyone's opinion (that reminds me of somebody... ) but their own clans. That's the way we are. Well, not every single one of us, but some. Although we've always been trying, there's no terminal way to stop them from believing what they want! People in general are free to believe anything they want, as long as they're not causing trouble. Despite the rules humans put up -or at least tried to- , we can do almost anything we want, too. And -even more- Thoughts Control is a nightmare. We're trapped, Zim. Trapped alone on the same planet to be pointlessly cruel to each others, until everything's over for good. Hate is endless, and I'm afraid the Human Race'll never see the end of it before its own. "_

_'Hey. Just let me write that down with a few twists, and I guess half of my homework's done. _

_A loud swallowing sound was heard just behind his nape, making his guts twist a little._

_- "Stupid inferior creatures. He groaned. Bothering to classify, but not to find a goal for it, nor a reason. Pitiful. Repulsive. Sad. "_

_'Wow, Zim. What you just said almost made sense. I'm impressed. '_

_A sudden burst of negativism bloomed into Dib's narrow chest, and he sighed._

_- "Yeah. We are repulsive. Maybe it would be best for you to go home to your own siblings rather than staying in such a pathetic place. "_

_He bit his lips. What a careless thing to say. He had such a good point earlier. Zim might do it._

_Thanks Anyone, the alien only played his usual self, borned in complaining and making a duty of never thinking things over. Simplicity was the _

_- "Don't you even use your silly muddy-goozy brain? If YOU involved some time in wondering why YOU should fight against yourself, YOU shall never find a minute to actually fight! That would make invasion even easier than it'll be later. Swelling human's brains smothering human's head. T'must be the reason so many of you never feeds it. "_

_He allowed himself a few seconds to think over he just said, grinning evily._

_- "Yesssss... feeding human knowledge... their brain might grow bigger and bigger and blow their head. Yes, yes... making humans intelligent would kill them... "_

_- "ZIM! Couldn't you PLEASE make plans for Total Human Anihilation when I'm NOT here?! "_

_- "I was not! "_

_- "Yes you WERE! Now drag your short-timed Irken attention back to MY essay! Massive Destruction is not for the next day. THIS is. "_

_- "You stink. "_

_- "And you're short. "_

_- "YOU SUCK!!! ALL HUMANS! ALL HUMANITY! ALL OF YOU, FOR EVER!!!! "_

_Dib smirked._

_- "Yep. You're the worst racist ever. You just don't hate a particular type of people, you hate every single beings on this very planet, including animals, plants AND things! But I guess you're right, it sums us all up pretty good. As they said a long, long time ago: "No one wins, it's a war of Men". Tell me, " he went again, smiling quietly, "how does the big one dies? "_

_- "The small one shoots him. "_

_There was something in the alien's words, some sort of instinctive sadism coupled with non-spoken threat, that lead to an unvolontary jerk from the boy, almost making Zim let go of his treats._

_- "No joke! I thought they were friends! Why? "_

_- "Because he's a millstone around his neck. "_

_Silence. Questionable, embigious silence. The light scratches didn't stop._

_- "I see... Dib whispered at last. Is he... I mean, he's... is he glad to do it? Or is there no other solutions available? "_

_Faint humming. Bravely twisting his neck, the kid could see him at last, pink eyes narrowed in wonder, rubing his pointy chin._

_- "I don't know, he admitted half-heartedly, he doesn't say anything about being glad or not. He just goes to the city with another stink-beast to have fun. "_

_- "What about the big one? Doesn't he try to fight, or anything? "_

_- "Ah, eeeh... he... no. His last moments are spent hallucinating about giant rabbit-monsters and zombie old human female. They shout at him, the then small one comes, he tells some filthy lies about bright future, then shoot him in the back of the neck. "_

_More silence. Without noticing, the teen burried his face into his crossed arms._

_- "Did you enjoy this story? "_

_He felt the weight on his back shift. Zim had gone from sitting to lying, still holding the bag to him like some kind of holly offering._

_- "It... " He began, unsure of what to say, "was... not totally unintersting. "_

_Without any reason, he began pulling at Dib's ears like some horse's mane._

_- "Write that down:" he hastily added, ignoring his pained protests, " "What the book did was picturing a great show of general human-beast egoism, uncaringness, badness and total lack of solidarity. " "_

_- "Ah! YOU can talk about solidarity! How come your brother Irken still hadn't find any time to come and help you doing your job? "_

_'GOOD QUESTION, DIB. They left you all alone, with only one demented baby-robot, to deal with an entire planet... just as if... they didn't care at all about you or Earth. '_

_He managed to smack the back of Zim's head with his foot, freeing his ears at last. But the tiny alien only pinched his hip._

_- "Zim's got no brothers. Stupid pig-beast cannot understand. Zim's superiors are well-awared that ZIM is amazing and trust-worthy enough to make it on his own. Yes, it is true that we, Irkens, do not ALL THE TIME stand for each others. But at least, Dib-stink, we don't pretend we do. Like you. Like you do. Like YOU."_

_- "Okay, I got it the first time. I'm sorry to have to say this, Zim, but you don't know anything. Humans are fragile. They need to believe they can count on each others. They need to feel safe together. Rassured. Helped. Sometimes they need it so much they actually do. Now let go of my rear. You're pinching real strong and your fingers are very pointy. "_

_This only got him a harder pinch._

_- "Don't you "Let go of my rear" ZIM! What if I wont?! "_

_- "Well... "_

_Dib unexpectidly got up on his elbows, knocking the alien- and his crisps- off. Catching him before he hit the ground, he quickly seated down and lied the Irken on his legs. _

_- "Don't eat too much, Zim. "_

_Looking down at the tiny alien laid on his back, clutching the bag to him, he sneaking a hand past Zim's absence of nose, and snatched the crisps away._

_Once done, he dug into it with one hand, pocking playfully at the flat alien belly with the other._

_- "Because if you get fat, I might eat you. "_

* * *

Marlene: Almost done! Thank you for waiting!

References

- John Lennon's "Working class Hero"

- The Hitchiker's Guide To The Galaxy (Douglas Addams's and Peter Jones's names be worshiped for all eternity)

- Kino No Tabi "The beautiful World"

- Grimm's "The Little Red Hood" (...)

- Beatles's "Live and let die", "Hey Jude"

- A Perfect Circle "What's so funny about peace, love, and understanding?"

- Monty python "lemon curry?" and "The meaning of Life"

- Star Wars' s Alderaan. (Peaceful, innocent alderaan which got pointlessly blown up because some stupid princess wouldn't believe in his captor's Evil Evilness. )

- Higurashi No Naku Koro Ni Kai's opening "Naraku No Hana" (Flower of despair)

- "Of Mice And Men" by John Steinbeck

- Eels "I need some sleep"

- P.K. Dick novel's quotes from "The Man In The High Castle"

- Gosths Busters's amazingly memorable theme song

- Terminator II: "judgment's day" 's Baddy-bad "Skynet"

- Daft Punk's "Harder-better-faster-stronger"

- Over the Hedge's soundtrack "Still"

- Isaac Asimov's "Robot Dreams"

- Kate Bush's "Experiment IV" , "Dream of Sheep" and "Waking the Witch"

- Pink Floyd's "Goodbye Blue Sky"

- 3 Doors Down's "Superman Kryptonite"

- Neil Young's "War of Men"


	5. Chapter 5, PART 1

Okay. First, the standard apologies: I'm sorry. Then, the unavoidable excuses: Despite all I said in this fic, and all I believed in before, I did take the Happy Pills, and chose chemicals over efforts. And my brain DID melt. It would have oozed down my ears if it could have. So, after several months of Not-So-Happy-Zombie state, memory losses, and all the joyful things you get when your brain kisses you goodbye to leave room to the giant capsule that is now filling your skull, I'm coming back to the Land Of The Proximately Living (Hey, I'm in rehab ^^), and I'm now trying to give my old beliefs another chance. And remember children, behaving, acting, looking like a moving corpse WITHOUT being actually dead is a FELONY, and should not be encouraged. Actual zombies have pride. ;)

This one is in two parts. To see if there is anyone left interested in this would-be-dead-fic.

* * *

_Progressive Absurdity, Chapter 5_

PART 1

* * *

_They were days Dib couldn't bear being treated this way. There were days it just made him laugh. But sometimes it couldn't be helped. He didn't want to be insulted. He couldn't bear that kind of daily life. He used what was left left of his childish naivety, to expect the only being that ever remotely understood him, to treat him decently. Humanly. Yes, Zim said all humans from all times and spaces deserved to be mistreated. But Zim was an alien. An Zim was alone._

_Therefore, wrong._

* * *

_............................ *Ting*._

_- "Mission complete. "_

_Curious. Where did I hear that before?_

The sound of blown air slowly died away, leaving nothing but peace in the deserted living room, while one random electronic arm lazily picked up the damped coat and clothes, carelessly thrown on the floor, and dragged it into some unknown, mysterious internals. Another smaller one hurried to clean the wet trail it had left.

_- "It's all cleared. You can get out of the Dryer, now. "_

But still, the iron shell made no effort to open. With no Dib-Master in sight to rip on and harass, Komputer couldn't help but feeling a little insecure. Such humanly feeling remaining utterly despicable for the jewel it took pride in being, he hurried and tried to appeal his Monkey out.

_- "I've disposed of your old rags, and put some dry ones just a single footstep away outside. Plus the temperature here is more than reasonably warm. It's really alright if you get out now. "_

But no. No one would obey, neither this lunatic piece of junk of technology, or his equally lunatic piece of junk of an human male.

_- "Master? "_

This couldn't be good. Maybe what it had feared for some times had finally happened. Maybe the damned Toaster HAD roasted him for good.

_- "... Sir? Would you get out now?"_

At last. Some faint scratching was heard from inside the shell.

_Stupid Machine, don't you think I wish I could? _

The reason Dib was still inside was indeed way simpler, and as usual, way dumber than easy death by frying. Much like a larva in its cozy cocoon, the human was only struggling to set himself free. Not an easy task, and not such a cozy cocoon either.

_Ah. I'm pretty sure this darny Strand is hooked on the air filter. Again._

- "Just a minute there, Ed! " He shouted to the rounded walls "If you lift this capsule now, I'm afraid my head will be brought along, and you'll just have to deal with what will be left of my body! "

_- "Whatever. You always used to say people's heads weren't needed anyway. So few of them using it. "_

_Ed's irony. A sign of relief? Impossible to tell. Ouch. Damn, this hurts._

- "Do not try to make excuses. OUCH! Darn... let go of... Ed! Even if the program's not working... gnn... stupid th... the machine still needs to be plugged in to work! "

_Come on, do rip your own head off by yourself, boy. It would be both funnier AND sadder._

_- "... and makes it as useless as ever. I'm glad organic structures are restricted to so-called living things. "_

- "And don't flatter yourself so much mist... AH! Victory! There! I'm free! Now you CAN pick this bloody thing u... "

Too late. Artificial intelligence, forced out of its snoozing mode by sensing body temperature again, began to once more blow his hot air onto Dib's naked back and chest, making the poor boy bounce back and forth, his fragile flesh hitting the -now- burning metal in some kind of cruel, comical dance.

- "Stop! STOP! Ed, tell this thing to stop and let me go, before it has all humidity drained out of me! "

_- "You can't blame it. Beside, I told you countless times you and THAT should have signed a contract to establish your mutual demands LONG AGO, especially after all the mess you put up to agree together. "_

_Hugh. Please do remind me about this._

The Dryer. Yet another brilliant idea, gone horribly wrong.

The thing in itself was nothing more than some experimental device, originally designed by Zim, and "borrowed" from his house years ago, to Dib's actual lair.

Its initial purpose was to basically pop out of nowhere anytime needed, dragging along a solid bunch of cables and wires -most of them denuded and dangerously useless-, and enclose any living thing around its perimeter into an oval shaped capsule, before literally boiling it up, until any traces of wetness was annihilated. Earth-preventive. Ever eager to bring pride to the uncontested Irken efficiency, this -still- preventive device was -supposedly- able to accomplish its purpose in less than twenty seconds, without killing its owner, not minding a few second degree burns, and maybe one or two melanomas.

Any human fool daring to use such dangerous tool would have been burnt to crisps, and brave little Dib's first try almost cost him his life. Not willing to repeat such mistake, he decided to take it right back to the place it belonged. But halas, the Machine had already wormed his way up the house's foundations, and out of anyone's sight, which, at the time, was _really_ freaky. A bit frightened by this new predator he willingly had let into his home, and for the obvious lack of utility it would have -beside getting rid of any intruders, or family members- he and Ed agreed that it would be best for everyone, if the Thing was simply captured, tamed, and converted into a trash incinerator.

But again, the Dryer would have none of that. It kept hiding and threatening the boy through Ed's vocal system, sending provocative emails, carving insults or pitiful plights on the walls, eager to rely on its duty, with or without his new owner's consent. It even went as far as holding Professor Membrane hostage for a while, fact that the hostage in question didn't ever notice. After nearly two months of constant battling and arguing, this ridiculous conflict left place to one long-awaited agreement: The Dryer was able to stay here and working, but dammit, it had to _at the very least _adapt its terms and structure to the new type of creature it was dealing with.

- "If you ever burn me up to ashes, " Dib assured it in the end, "you're no more than a trash bin. And if you only cook me up, you're a microwave. So go along with the flow! "

This had been enough. Still, every now and then, it would "forget" that a human body made of sixty percent water, wasn't some kind of disastrous sickness desperately needed to be taken care of right now, But Ed was -now- powerful enough to handle those omissions, and succeeded in imposing a rather good balance. This experiment had been a lucrative one for the Computer, being given more power and free will that Dib was basically willing to let him have. All Mighty as It was, It did not only took the chance to make this situation permanent, but also to expend it to any length It wished. And never stopped.

So, a short but decisive warning from the Main Intelligence System was enough for the disobedient Dryer to stop its madness, and allow the human out. Clothed and cooled at last, his relative respectability partially restored, all that was left for Dib to do was asking for some news from "the front".

- "How is he? "

_- "Sleeping. "_

_Still. Is that a good sign, or a bad one? I wish I could tell, but I sure as hell won't ask._

Trying to regain some of his long-last composure, he faked carelessness to state:

- "Oh. Good. We'll let him rest a bit for now. "

Ignoring the giant black screen and his favorite chair, Dib headed to the Main Room, only to limply crumble on the old, hard armchair that used to be his father's. Sitting on it, one could easily understand why famous Professor Membrane was almost always seen in a stand up position.

- "Ed... " he asked the walls without any conviction, "Since we have some time ahead of us, let me ask you something. Something very, very stupid. "

_Let's kill time together, in spite of something better._

_- "Sure. "_

- "In the case they'd really be some random nuclear holocaust... Assuming the fact that I didn't die in the blast, do you think I could end up the only survivor on a Zombie-Rampaged country, only because the dead wouldn't attack me, thinking I'm already one of them? "

_What a very, very stupid question to ask. Bravo._

_- "Most likely. But if you're truly willing to check it out, I can provide you this service. You know I could. "_

This strangely threatening proposition made the human slightly uncomfortable.

- "I'm... not sure if you could." He hesitated, a bit shy. "Maybe, yes. But... would you? "

_- "Was it raining? "_

..............

- "I beg your pardon? "

_- "What it raining? Soaked to the bones as you were, you did not last a sec to jump into that deadly convenient hot trap of yours as soon as you got in. What happened to you? "_

Monkey Master's not-so-big head dropped with obvious shame. Letting go of the zombie matter. For now.

- "... I fell. "

He caught up before any comment was added.

- "It was really dark. I followed your guidance system, but unfortunately, nocturnal vision cannot clearly tell what's heading in front of you. "

_Especially when you're not really paying attention. Come on, I had more important things on my mind that my feet. _

- "It happened not long after I found the parcel. I finally saw the house's lights in the distance, but something made me trip. Before I knew it, I was falling into dark, dark water. "

_How dramatic. And I like the way you put it, too. Conveniently ignoring the fact that you were actually trying to head back home as fast as you could, with no regards from the world around you. It was COLD. Still, you were panicking. It was DARK. Have you ever been scared of the dark? I just wanted to bring the medics. I had no time to lose. Of course that's must be why YOU RAN STRAIGHT FOR THE POUND WITHOUT AN HESITATION_

- "I got scared, I must admit. It turned out what I had believed to be a simple puddle, was in fact way deeper than I thought. I knew I was doomed to drown if I didn't let go of my weight. "

_- "Then you got all heroic and didn't. "_

- "No. It was way simpler than that. "

For a change.

- "I was weighting - was that a pun? Zarkons... - the pro and cons of letting go, when something... Expectedly unexpected happened. "

He sighed, world-wearily.

- "It didn't last long. I was dragged out by the collar, by some hideous fish-man creature, as fast as I had fell in. He kept barking things along how strangers those days had the wits to come swimming around his pound, stealing his fishes and catching his viruses, and how he was only letting me go because it would take too long for my rotting body to turn into proper, eatable plankton. Plus, he said, it would ruin the landscape for sure. He found me a bit pale. "

_- "Unbelievable. "_

- "Indeed. Who KNEW there even WAS a pound there. "

_Here comes a times in a man's life, when he has to set up for another kind of surprises, when usual ones won't do the trick anymore._

Suddenly remembering the main point of all this, he deposed the small but heavy packet he had been carrying around in his bony arms by his side, never letting his palm off the smooth, metallic fabric. Keeping his hard-earned prize safe, from intruding humans, and other jealous computers.

_- "The nice lady who sold you the house did mention it."_ Ed insisted softly, _"She also added a few recommendations about health endangering, salubrity and rabid flesh-eating critters, but you didn't pay attention. "_

- "They were vampires, Ed. VAMPIRES! Don't tell me one cannot recognize a vampire when they see one! "

Before Ed could add anything, he went on between clenched teeth:

- "YES, some of them wore fake rubber noses, along with fake ear and tails! But beside that, Dracula himself couldn't have looked more cliché! "

_- "Still. The word CRITTERS was what was printed on the papers. I guess it cannot really be registered as a total error. "_

- "Sure. Anything non-human, living in the woods... yeah. Critters. Same goes for Big-foot, and Zim. "

_Count yourself as a part of this glorious list, Dib. After all, they already did._

_- "Beside, it's not like you cared. All that mattered to you was how far your tank was from all kind of civilization. "_

- "Whatever. They were pretty friendly in the end. "

_No astonishment here, these kind always liked you. Whomever knows why. Maybe they mistake me for one of them. THAT would be vexing. Especially for people famous for having supposedly exceptional olfactory sen ... wait. Do I even SMELL lively anymore?_

His poor, mistreated eyes, hurting from too much X-ray night vision, and unmistakably ORGANIC fatigue gnawing at his -not so- fully potential brain. But still, he wouldn't let got.

_They were right. It does take a lot of strength, for recluses like me, to accomplish something as simple as taking a small walk outside. Even though they were no one there, -human, at least- I couldn't repress the feeling that the birds up their bloody branches were laughing at my face._

_"WE ARE NATURE. We are REAL. Get out of our territory, you Freak of the Universe. The Others Freaks won't let you in. "_

_Hey, YOU take that back. Don't you think I know you weren't even birds..._

- "Anyway, excuse me for being careful. Slippers. "

Dib balanced himself on his elbows, and lifted both his legs up slightly. Three seconds later, a small trap popped open in the ceiling, letting the slippers fall, adjusting to his feet with abnormal synchronization. Free to lay down again, the young man finally allowed himself to enjoy his resting, that he knew wouldn't last.

Eddie's continual, soulless purring failing in soothing him this night.

_- "But despite everything, you did find what you were looking for. "_

His Komp's voice caught him off guard, unconsciously tightening his grip on his precious parcel.

- "... Yeah. Some dead guy dressed as a beaver helped me out. Natural night vision is much more effective than artificial one. The damned thing is heavy as Hell. I understand that outer-space mail has travel well-protected, as not to melt or anything, but this is just too much. They could at least think about whom they're sending these stuff. We can't ALL have six dozens of arms, for Zark's sake! Luckily, the vampire who guided me home carried it for a moment. "

_- "Did you made him do it? "_

- "He was the one who proposed. "

_- "Did he walk behind you? "_

No response.

_- "Did he? "_

- "... yes. "

........

_- "I see. "_

- "WHAT?! It's not like I was intentionally wiggling my butt in front of some undead stranger only to have him carry things for me! "

_Totally true. I wasn't wiggling. HEY NO no_

_- "I didn't say anything. "_

Dib felt his cheeks heating up slightly. Not good.

- "You'd better. "

The last bits of strength that hadn't been consumed in stress and late night activities were beginning to fade. What he needed now, was some brain stimulator and instant sugar. _Badly._

- "Ed, bring me another can of caffeine soda. And before you start rumbling about it, I don't care about any risk of internal bleeding, or anything. "

_- "If you say so... "_

He lifted his arms to the ceiling, not even trying to stifle a loud yawn. Shacking his numb fingers before his face, checking out his muscles state in regard of the upcoming performance.

- "I only have time to swallow one sip before getting back to business. "

_You wish._

With a sigh, he let his frail arms fall.

- "So shut up and obey. "

_- "Share and enjoy. "_

Dib lift up a preventing finger, frowning.

- "And don't you dare let it fall on my head. "

_- "I swear last time was an accident. "_

- "You knocked me out for three days. My boss wasn't happy. "

_- "No wonder you did. It's been a week since you didn't have any sleep. You're heading toward World Record, you know. "_

Another trap popping open. Another clamp slipping down. Dib held out a single hand to cease the frozen can, and the clamp slithered back to its cave, human's eyes absent-mindedly following it.

_It's like living with hundreds of snake and spiders in my house. Except those ones are here to serve me. Supposedly. I should go in there some days. Check this out for myself. I'm sure I would be horrified about what I'd find._

- "Anyway. "

_Psht! Fffff... _

He brought the can to his lips.

_- "What if you get sick?"_

_Ponk. _Already half empty can hitting the metal floor.

- "... I won't. "

To that, he added nothing. Tongue and brain drowning together in his own thoughts.

_Doesn't have a point of view,_

_Knows not where he's going to,_

_Isn't he a bit like you and me?_

Amazingly enough, Dib didn't explode. He didn't scream. Didn't even flinch. Instead, he reached out for the awaiting can.

- "Do you always have to aim at every weakness you can spot, Ed. I _know_ Zim is going to be mad." He asserted between calm, long sips. "I _know_ it's gonna be difficult for him. I _know _he will inevitably end up hurt. "

_- "I insist you should take this into consideration. "_

Staring at the ceiling, Monkey Master let out a small, delusional smile.

- "What "this"? Ed, there is no "this". "This" is another of your desperate attempts to drive me even madder than I already am. "

Pause.

_- "Who said I was referring to Zim? "_

- "... "

_Curse you, Zim. _

Another pause.

- "I... "

_- "Yes? "_

- "Tell me... I _attract_ them, don't I? "

_- "Troubles? "_

- "Hum. You could put it that way. But the real problem is... I do attract them. Aliens, Big-foot, vampires, fish-men... it's getting so repetitive that it's bordering utter ridicule. "

One straight gulp, and the soda was finished.

- "Maybe I should make a business out of this. You know, Professional Scapegoat or something. "I come in. YOU catch them! ". Would be a nice way to relax for a change, and watch others get all the troubles. "

_- "No. You perfectly know this won't be. "_

...........

- "I... really, truly hate it when you're right. "

_- "I know you do. "_

Fearing that his Master's downward feelings, already more than low, could go from bad to worse, It tried a nice, but not so subtle change of subject.

_- "So. How was it down there? "_

- ".... "

_- "Anything interesting? "_

The frown on his forehead got deeper. He bit his lower lip, thoughts suddenly running wild.

_- "There was... that big, dark thing all over me, with billions of shining points spread across its whole surface... "_

He whispered flatly, unsure of his words.

_- "You must be referring to the Sky. "_

- "Sky... "

Some brownish liquid tried to escape from the corner of his lips, he promptly wiped it off, making a mental note as to ask his superiors if this new product _was_ _supposed_ to emulate inside his mouth.

- "It wasn't blue. "

_It's your fault. _

_- "No. Sky gets darker at night. I thought you would have noticed it. "_

_All YOUR fault._

- "Yes... but... I wasn't sure... it's been a long time... I wasn't sure I dreamed the sky as it was, out there. I... I never lift my head when I come back late from work, and and I stay there the rest of the time... I see it all day long on giant screen, and still... it just looks so fake from behind those screen. I mean, I know it IS real, just as Zim is, but actually seeing it... seeing it right above your head... it's a miracle, isn't it? "

_- "You've blow a fuse. "_

- "Yes. Yes, that is the way things appear to me, too. "

Even more silence, getting more unbearable by each second.

_- "It's all "his" fault. " _

Dib opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again, shaking his head slowly.

- "Yes. "

_I've changed, now, accept it. I've grown up. Leave me alone. I've got no time to lose to play tag with you anymore. Yeah, it is all his fault from the start. Go back there and punch him in the face. He pointed out how empty your life was._

_I wish it was that easy... wait, my life is NOT empty._

Dib suddenly got up. Pushing himself back on his feet, he stumbled to the Main Screen.

- "Eddie, call me D.O.W.F.E, Section A-879, Agent 6678. "

_- "You mean Evan's house. "_

_What? Oh. Yes._

- "Yes. Evan. "

_- "So why didn't you say so? "_

- "I couldn't remember what this guy's name was. "

_I couldn't remember this guy was at all._

Fake show of electrical wonder.

_- " "His" logic is dangerously getting to you. "_

- "I know. Just do what I asked you, Ed. "

The big screen obediently turned on, blinding him with violent neon light. Some artificial tone rang aimlessly into the airtight room. Once. Twice.

_- "Just as to let you know, there is no absolutely no chance whatsoever that he will answer. He won't talk to you after what happened... last time you met him. "_

_How desperate ARE you?_

- "I know. Just let him be woken up. Then let go. "

_At least I can still agree with myself, it is all that matters._

Silence.

_- "He WILL know it was you. "_

- "Don't you think I was aware of that? "

_............... can you? Really?_

_- "Just checking. "_

_That it something YOU never totally succeed to do. Even back then, when you were a kid... there was those two sides of you, the one who wanted to be accepted and right, and the one who wanted to be accepted BECAUSE he was right. Remember? No. Fine. Kill him, then. Kill Zim. Once he's dead, you could negate him just like you did with your life, problems and interrogations. Give him at least that, if you really have to blame him for everything, he always was in perfect accord with himself._

_Nonsense. What could an IDIOT do BUT agree with himself?_

_..................._

_- "Sir... "_

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

_- "Earth to Hell, calling. "_

- "Huh? Oh, yeah, just a minutes! "

With a swift push of his thumb, Dib got the communication panel on.

- "YES, CAPTAIN DIB, DEFENDER OF EARTH SPEAKING!"

But Strangely, it remained as blank as his current train of thoughts. No one in sight, to witness this pitiful attempt at a joke.

- "What's wrong? Ed, what's wrong? What can't I get the communication?! "

_- "Don't waste your breathe. These guys won't talk to you. "_

_... that does certainly NOT make YOU smart._

It took a few seconds for the information to fully sink in. Then came a little, breathed:

- "... what? "

_- "They're charging me to inform you. I'm currently gathering their informations, right now. "_

- "But... "

_- "They're saying that they are aware of the lone unidentified U.F.O that crashed in your sector. They will immediately send guys up to remove it from its crash spot. They're asking me to remind you that their team usually work with flame throwers, so don't be surprised when you realize your usual landscape encountered some tiny changes. "_

- "Are they... coming for Zim, too? "

_- "No. I told them the alien had a accident during a business trip, contacted me, the closest available station around, in urgency as his "fuel" ran out, but had to do an emergency landing. Then lost control of his his ship and got burned alive during the crash, with absolutely NO remains to do ANY testing on. "_

- "Uh... very nice of you, but... I still don't understand... why won't they directly talk to me? "

_- "For your own good. They have been warned of your autistic manners, so they won't make any roundabout to ask for details. They'll just leave you in peace. "_

_Beep. Beep. beep._

_- "They didn't believe me. "_

- "How come? "

_- "Frida sensed illegal DNA traces around and inside the perimeter. In other terms, their Main Intelligence tracked down his alien butt until here. "_

- "Of course. Those guys are like cannibals. If you happens to crash where they are, they'll eat you no matter what. And Zim's not dead. He's no dissection material either. He hurt himself just a bit, and now I DO have the full equipement to help him recover. "

_Who are you trying to convince here?_

_- "So he isn't. But it's only a matter of time. Or so they said. They're also asking you to leave a nice, clean corpse to study on, after he... you know. Passes. "_

- "Well, NUKE them. "

_SO polite. Such a good boy._

_- "Was that an order? "_

- "Sure. As you wish. "

_I do not wish anymore. The list would be way too long, and it wouldn't leave a single bit of hope for the others to chew on._

_- "How was the soda, by the way? Your Boss is anxious to know if it could be released first time tomorrow. He said something about his head being literally on the bet. "_

Despite his current loss of interest for what was supposed to be part of his job, Dib managed to focus for a second, thinking back.

- "Revolting. Give it an A++. General public should love it. "

_- ".... how typical."_


	6. Chapter 5, PART 2

Guess what?

* * *

_CHAPTER 5, Part 2_

_- "You should know that violence is never the answer, Bid. "_

_- "It's Dib. And sure. But it can still be used as a nice complement persuasion, if your golden speech skills fail. Ouch! "_

_Dib frowned, surprised by the sudden pain in his arm. He had no time to even raise his eyes, had already regained the back of the classroom, still as stone. _

_"She must be the fastest undead corpse in the world."_

_Beside her, the nice, stars filled eyed, over enthusiastic -if obviously braindead- trainee lady professor, Miss Neiss, just smiled even wider, all thirty-two teeth fully visible. _

_Finally aware that this it was not okay nor healthy for a teacher to stay and keep his job for over twelve generations, she had been shoe horned in by the Skool Board Of Edukation to replace the old bag. There had been another one before her, which ended badly. No one agreed on what really happened to her, but the speculations alone were enough to fuel legends for the rest of Dib's lifetime. _

_This bright new one had bad habits of flashing cannibalistic smiles at people, staring blankly into space, and having her pupils dilate to dangerous sizes. No one seemed to care. Dib didn't like her. She made random squicking sounds. He wasn't sure how. Maybe her balloon-brain were starting to deflate._

_- He told me, she went on, you threatened him to... I think it was selling his personal organs to some underground organization were unknown people would perform illegal operations on his tummy. Or something like that. Either way, it is not a very nice thing to say._

_- "Tummy" ? I would never have used the word "tummy"! And beside, this makes no senses. He never HAD any organs to begin with! "_

_This said, he was horrified to notice teeth marks on his recently bitten skin. Pointy teeth._

_- Shut up! Croaked from behind, you don't have anything to say! You shall not speak, ever! If I ever catch you speaking again, I... _

_She was baring abnormally long fangs. Miss Neiss's expression suddenly changed, her hand dug in her front pocket, to reveal half of a big crucifix. The witch(?) hissed slowly, and backed down in the shadow. That done, she put her "weapon" away, and went back to Smiling._

_- Why don't the two of you finally make peace? Peace is good. Yes, it is. It is indeed. Make peace, children. No more aimless butchering, ok? Peace. _

_Even this glorious display of persuasion wasn't enough to convince Dib. The poor boy still tried to expose his views. Be rational. Coherent._

_- With all due respect, you don't get it. The point is not about butchering aimlessly, it's far more precise than that! Well... maybe not THAT precise, but still, the point IS, he IS an alien, and SO he's bound to get under the knife sooner or later! Come on. It has to happen. It's like... his FATE, or something._

_- See? Zim squealed right back, waving a shacking finger at him, He's acting all crazy again! Threatening one of his classmate's life with violence! Violence is not good! He is not good. He's a vile as violence is! Violent Dib is BAD! He's dangerous, and should be melted until total metitude! Violence is never the answer, and that's why violent earthlings should ALL BE EXTERMINATED! _

_The new teacher frowned. Clearly, long sentences were not her thing, but she tied her best to catch on. And failed miserably._

_- Well, Zim. As true as it might be, it is still not a very nice thing to say either. _

_In response, the alien mimicked her sinful smile, exposing once again his abnormal pink, round zipper-like teeth that nobody ever brought up. This always had rightfully enraged Dib. _

"_How far will he be able to go on with this excuse? Skin condition. Eyes condition. Teeth condition. FRIGGING HUMANITY CONDITION."_

_- I'm sorry miss, Zim cooed, I promise I will behave from now on. That's it, no more killing or stealing or invading earth for Zim! "_

_He's lying! AND HE JUST ADMITTED THAT HE WAS PLANNING TO INVADE EARTH!_

_Dib! Your little comrade just admitted he had been wrong. You should take this as an nice example. This is very grown up and respectable of you, Zim. Thank you. _

_- Yes. Zim is very respectable. Oh the respect he inspires. RESPECT ME!_

_Dib's bite mark was getting more and more blue-ish by seconds. His reason was telling him he had no more time to lose arguing about THAT for the begillionth time. The need to rush home and put on some anti-necrosis was growing stronger. _

_Zim just tapped his fingers together, looked right, then left, then back at the clueless woman, and lazily added:_

_- Did I mention that he was dangerous?_

_He then proceeded to radically change his attitude, switching from nonchalance to utter terror. _

_- I'm scared. He whispered. So scared. _

_Dib smirked._

_- Ho, come on. Who's gonna believe..._

_- Oh my... _

_Of course it had worked. Neiss already was on the verge of crying. Or were her eyes just oozing, as she seemed to never, ever blink? _

_- I'm so sorry, my child. I never knew you were in such a state of distress. My poor, poor child. Dib, you should be ashamed of all the stress you're inflicting to this poor child. _

_The boy jumped up, fist clenched, mouth wide open, ready to go on. And on. And on. So much things to throw at everyone's heads. So much things, that he knew speaking only four words would have the same impact. Wich was none. He sat right back, grim as rain._

_- He insulted me, too. _

_- Bid... _

_- He told me he will take out my brain, stitch it up in a chihuahua's head, and have me perform tricks in the street! And that's DIB by the way! It's not a complicated name, you know. It's only three letters long!_

_She wasn't listening anymore. Her slow mind was getting overblown by this complicated mess, and she was comfortably reversing to the easy pattern of right and wrong. Never mind who actually was._

_- I'm so proud of you, Zim. Trying to help out your little comrade, even in adversity, laying a helping hand, and proposing common activity! _

_- Yes. Yes you are. Zim is always something to be proud of._

_He did not care either. The bite mark was turning dark green now. Another usual day. But Miss Neiss wasn't done talking to herself._

_- Such confidence, at such young age! I'm impressed, Zim! You REALLY should take your comrade's attitude as an example, Bid. I think it would help you overcoming your own lack of confidence, rise up against the odds and finally get a life that you'll be proud to call our own! "_

_Words always used to flow out of Dib's mouth in a chaotic, uncontrolled mess. But at least, he usually gave it some basic thoughts, before unleashing the babbling. At this precise moment, it couldn't have been less the case. The words came out rough, raw, unprepared. _

_- Oh, fuck you. _

_From the bottom of his little childish heart._

_Fortunately, no one ever had any chance to react, as spontaneously let out a long repressed banshee scream. Miss Neiss's choice of letting most of the class windows open to "let the sunshine in" wasn't the brightest idea she ever had. She died on the spot, being closest. Several students went blind, but only a few, deaf. Zim's wig and contacts evaporated, his foreign skin turning bright purple, forcing him to come home in Dib's backpack. The boy let him. He was fifteen, and did not really care anymore. _

_But again, old denouncing habits were hard to kill. _

* * *

_Wow. Now that's soft drink quality. I feel all fuzzy._ _This soda's additives must have gone straight to my brain, faster than usual. This new brand is quite impressive, it's aiming at the mind without an hesitation. _

_Soon all form of intelligence will melt away, and the World will be yours. Even the outer Worlds, if you want to. You do._

Dib took a long look at the box under his arm. It looked air tight shut, shelled in bright green metal. Virtually unbreakable.

Now that he was back inside, this uneasy feeling of claustrophobia was falling back on him with a vengeance. The world was even more quieter inside than it was outside, as cold and unappealing as could be, with Zim's room still engulfed in total silence, leaving him with the worst to imagine. Most of his body still ached from lack of sleep, fear and mild food poisoning.

_I wonder if that vampire got home safely. I also wonder if he left at all. Could accepting his help be considered __a __tacit invitation? __Paranoid, __much__? __Turns out blood sucking freaks are the best neighbours you can dream of. Isn't it sad? __No. __Dammit, __I feel sick. Wait. __Where di__d I heard that before? __Ugh. I hate being "__genetic__a__l__l__y modified crap drunk". __They __definitely __do not pay me enough for this job._

- Come on Ed, we've got no time to lose. I need to find a way to open that box, even if it means having to hack it open myself.

_- A baseball bat would be more appropriate for this,if I may say._

- Maybe.

_- Do you want me to do it?_

- Now way. Not now that I'm finally able to handle something all by myself. I'm most certainly NOT letting you take that away from me!

_Did I said that aloud? Really?_

_- Hold it straighter. It's about to fall._

- Well Sir, this is none of your business. But you're right, as any Super Artificial Intelligence should be -and is- when confronted to any stubborn organic life form.

_- You can say that again._

And it was. Dib felt his hardly earned prize slide away from his protective grip, before crashing hard on the floor.

...

_- That's one way of doing it. _

...

_I don't think I can allow myself to look right know. That thing. I actually fought for this. Let's blame exhaustion for this, and nothing more. It's the most honest mistake in the world._

_- Is it broken? _

_I don't know._

_- Is IT broken? _

_I don't want to know._

_- So, is it? _

- NO! It's been thrown all the way across space to crash on earth. I really don't think it's fragile!

It wasn't.

- Either way, I'm not getting it.

_I'm not checking if there's a chance I might be wrong._

_- I though there was no time to lose._

- I changed my mind.

Fortunately, the parcel itself was kind enough to go and get him. Six long legs extended from the box's body, trotting to Dib's feet.

_Ghu! What IS that. And why am I even surprised again._

It bumped blindly into his sleepers, falling on its metal belly.

_How cute. Just like a puppy, with its eyes popped. And I hate puppies. Especially metal ones that just won't get torn apart easily._

- It's moving.

Were Dib's only, and very flat words toward this -another- abnormality.

_- It is. _

- It HAD legs ALL ALONG. It could have followed me, not just waiting stupidly for me to drag it here at the expense of...

_- Some stranger's strength..._

- Yes! No! Actually, it's not the point!

Flop. With a nice little jump, it was on the human's legs. Not as heavy as it had seemed before.

- Well, what do we know. Looks like our new friend Formally Inanimate Object wants to be pet.

_- I wouldn't recommend it. _

The Thing silently agreed on this one, eager to get its job done. A sudden flash of red light followed, starting from head to toes.

_It's... scanning me?_

The exam was quick. Dib wasn't tall -at least at Universal standards- or immaterial, or in fusion, or anything. Not much to check there.

_- I don't like it. _

- It's harmless, Ed. Or so I guess. It's merely gathering basic informations.

This formality accomplished, it jumped off to the ground and rushed to the nearest wall, using its front legs to scratch at the cold surface.

- Aww. Isn't it precious.

- _Definit__e__ly not. _

_Is it trying to flee? Disgusted? Did I scare it away just by being... there? Should I take it out? Does it need to go ease itself?_

_- It's no use. You should get rid of it now. It's ruining your wallpaper. _

- I don't have any.

_Are you feeling endangered by this tiny weeny little thingy, Deep Thought?_

- You Sir, are far too eager to smash this thingy to bits. It's making you a little more predictable than usual.

Then without a warning, the box stabbed both its front claws into the wall...

- On the other hand...

... instantly locking one of Ed's many laser right on.

_You're panicking, Ed._

- NO!

Leaping before the small intruder, Dib tried as best as he could to make a protective shield out of his pathetic frame.

_Not really effective, but how dramatic._

- Leave it alone, Ed! It's not trying to damage you!

_Isn't it?_

- _This is a trap. I don't want any spy-bot wriggling its dirty virus__-filled__ feet in my central system. _

- It won't. Just hold on.

_- I DON'T WANT ANY IRKEN TECHNO-SCUM POLLUTING MY DATAS. _

_Okay. If I want to save the little guy, I have to act quick. Paranoia strikes deep._

- And just WHAT are you scared off? That me and the Intergalactic Morons somehow managed to plan a strategy to regain full control of you then share the benefices? Maybe I promised them I would send you back as soon as you're nothing more than some highly decorative sci-fi background? And all that somehow without you noticing? It THAT what you're thinking? Are you THIS crazy, Ed? Let it do its job! ONE sick metal brain is enough in this house.

Using basic psychology on machines. Guilt and trust. Heck, why not. It had worked before.

- Come on. He insisted softly. If it even begins to look remotely dangerous, I promise I'll shoot it before any damage can be done to you. Just trust me, Ed.

_I don't have a gun, and it's not working. Try another tactic, or you can kiss your supplies goodbye. Breathe deep. Try to sound heroic, Membrane._

- I won't let you get hurt.

_Glorious. Now for some bitter taste of reality._

- I need you too much. I... _we_ know I can't rely on myself.

_THERE. I said it. Happy now? Dude, where's my pride._

When he turned back to the thing, he was surprised to see that it had climbed all the way up to his height.

_Huh?..._

- What... what is it doing?

_- Matching your eyesight. Trying, anyway. It's conceived to __force__ its __presence__ on its owner. That's why __it's trying to get in your face right now__. _

- OH COME ON! There was a table there, RIGHT HERE! You didn't HAVE to ruin my wall!

- _It didn't match your size. _

_The Hell._

- My bones are _articulate! _

_- It doesn't care._

- I can _fold _my back! My eyes can turn!

_- It doesn't CARE. Consider yourself honored. This definitely Tallest material. _

_Tallest? Oh, right, maybe those guys CAN'T bend. I knew there was another reason for their arms to be so long other than continuously scratching their own ankles. _

- So it totally implies that I might just forget.

_- Tallest attention spans are reduced._

- As if I could not see it other way.

_- Still doesn't matter. _

_Guys..._

- Ed. I am still allowed to say that I'm becoming sick and tired of dealing with that kind of stupid s***! Advanced technology my small white bony butt! This is retarded!

*Pouff*

It stopped dead. Perfectly still. Dib frowned. Some more.

- Did.. did I managed to have a foreign machine kill itself in utter shame?

_- __Actually, no. It was __programmed__ to stop once its duty done._

_Oh. You had to take that single little bit of pride away, didn't you. Fine._

_*Clic*_

In a cloud of purple smoke, it opened.

_I don't know whether I should feel worried or relieved. Well now's a good time to end the suspense, and check out what's actually inside. HAHA. Hum. Anything should do, I guess. That's assuming it's not completely empty. Or in pieces. Or burnt. Or poisoned. Or else. Irkens have a great destructive creativity._

To his slight disappointment, there were nothing much inside to be amazed -or even deceived- about.

_No bomb, no trick, no trap. Okay._

A few strangely shaped bottles, all of them covered in hieroglyphic inscriptions. One other item looked like some generic space gun. Most likely to be used in any designed orifice to due its unholy duty.

Something in Dib's mind cliqued at the sight of this plastic(?) wonder. An old reflex, coming from the deep dark ages of his childhood, leaped back, leading to this single though: _"S__PA__CE__GAM__Z__ I__Z__ PHUUN__ "_

_Man I sure did love playing with those when I was a kid. __I think this calls for some mandatory regressive slip. Freeze space scum! I'll zap __away __you to kingdom come! __Enough._

He felt silly remembering. And he _hated _that. Hence the need to vocally justify himself.

- It does look like a toy.

_- __What doesn't, to you? Well, it's not. Careful._

_Ignore that. AGAIN._

- I wonder if those two beefheads are subtly enough trying to provide suicidal thoughts into my brains by sending me some kind of gun, so I don't bother them anymore.

- _Look closer. _

- I still see a gun.

_- You've got problems. Remind me to hit you with a standard Rorshack test as soon as can be. Anyway, what you're currently holding is a key, designed to disable the automatic defense system of the Irken PAK._

- Sounds... abnormally useful to me. Must be a trick. The Tallest wouldn't risk actually saving Zim's skin.

_- They sure would not. I think it's for you._

- I -still- have no PAK.

_- They don't know that. Why would they? _

_Peachy. Next!_

A screwdriver. A really earthly looking screwdriver.

_Tasty. Next!_

One small manual, cramped with foreign text. Impossible to read. After closer examination, Dib noticedsomeone had taken the time to write "_stric__t__ly in Irken only" _in about every languagesthey knew, including English.

_The irony. Next!_

Adhesive bands. Some bits of what looked like polystyrene to hold the lot together. And...

_A mini flames-thrower? "In case things go bad", in guess. So Men in blackish. _

Once those out, something else was found. Something bright yellow.

Don't tell me...

_..._

_They dared. They ACTUALLY dared. _

_They sent me the rubber ducky. Oh, well. There's still a very slim chance that its last agony squeak will amuse me for a second, when I'll throw it in the shredder. And what is that?_

There was a post it attached to the side of the toy. Hastily written, and with some visible difficulties.

_Two fingers __ar__en't the best to hold a pen, __are they__._

Amazingly enough, one of the two goofballs had succeeded in scribbling a few words in barely readable English.

_In hop zis will make yu feel a littel beter. Uz ze tape kerfully too fix yor head bak on fast so we can do buziness again. Pleaz dont be mad and yelll atus agan. You got Puprle so badli scared he almost cryd. Dont tellim I told you zis!_

- ... tape?...

He glared at the adhesive and smirked.

_Huh. Clever. I wish it was that simple. _

Then he idly wondered for a moment if answering something along the lines of "Please send me some thread and pins so I can stitch back my thoughts together as well" was a good idea. No. They were traumatized and confused enough.

_Purple almost cried, heh. For whom? Himself, me, or the snacks? Possibly the three of them at the same time?_

- I should have guessed, He couldn't help but thinking aloud, this would not bring all the help I would have expected.

_So you did expect any. How disappointing of you. Ah, might as well try to be positive. AGAIN._

- Fortunately, it's warm here. And possibly germ free. He should still be fine.

_Oh look, the manual, despite being mostly made of what looks like paper, has a USB port on its side. How convenient. And how convenient that Irken technology DOES still use USB ports. _

Turning it over, he soon realized the little book didn't even actually open.

_One sick attempt to look educated, or is it simply a patronizing way to make lesser species feel comfortable? What a joke. Anyway, it's old material you've given me here, Guys. Amazing how cheap you can be at times._

- Ed, I'm gonna connect this to you. Please don't freak out. And be nice enough to give me a comprehensible translation. And don't you dare telling me you can't understand, after all, it's kind of your... "birth" language or something.

_- No problem. _

_Click._

_- __It's a instruction manual._

- Yes, I know that. What I actually need is...

_- __But it's a __tech__ instruction manual. _

- ...

_- __It's also f__eaturing Irkens Paks. __F__or Dummies. Shut down your first aid kit, and open the tool box. You can fix the __worst__ wound__s__ with __this single__ screwdriver. That's what their genetic superiority has come up with. That IS the whole point of having a Pak._

- Damn. You're right. I had forgotten all about that.

_- Human._

- Give me a break, it's been a long time. I had plenty of time to forgot all about biology and center my attention around that dumb metal backpack. And I see nothing preventing you to tell me before.

_- You didn't ask. _

_..._

- ... right. Hey, here's something I've had on my mind for a while. Since those PAKS obviously are the source of Irken's strength, I often asked myself how old it could really let them become. That is some nice cheat they have there.

_- __I don't care __how long those scums live. A__nd you shouldn't either. Ask me about a way to obl_i_terate all of them for ever, and maybe this will get my attention._

- Harsh! I'm not asking you to care, I just want you to answer my question. _Please do_, Ed.

One reluctant silence later:

_- I have no idea. Are you happy? You made me say it. Would you like me to stay here and fall apart? Or stick my head into a bucket of water? I'll do it!_

- You don't have a head, Marvin. _Answer me._

Electronic sigh.

_- I told you, I don't know. Such statistics has never been released, or needed. Irkens can die whenever they have too, or live as much as they want I guess. Nobody ever bothered to make any generic Life Span. It varies from one scumbag to the other. No one knows. No one cares. They never wonder. You specie only cares about life spans for procreating reasons, to keep the race going. Irkens don't procreate. So they don't have to worry about those kind of things. "Am I too old?" "Am I too young? " "Will I die soon? " "Will I not? ". They have no reasons for minding. With the test-tube babies technology, whenever they die, either very young, or very old, there'll always be others Irkens to follow. So, why bother?_

- Bother, no. But minding a bit would be nice.

_- Yeah. They could hold their head in their hands and bawl until death happens._

- So Irken people aren't afraid of death?

_- Maybe__ when it lies just before their very eyes. __Like one second prior. __Then they're reminded of the very existence of life's limitations. They tend to forget, because they have no clue of when it might ha__ppens. It's easier__to __never think about it. __Easier to never think at all. __T__his is n__o__t __h__ar__d __to conce__iv__e. __Beside, d__o__n'__t you __h__a__v__e __any __o__t__h__e__r p__ro__ble__ms r__ig__h__t now?_

- Sure, yeah. The PAK. I shall repair it. Anyhow.

_- Here. I'll print you a basic scheme of the device you're going to dig in. And yes, it's complicated stuff. Very tricky. Can you still do mechanic? You'd better, if you want to risk messing with their twisted outer-space technology._

- Peu-lease. You dare doubt my capacities? Who's _always _in charge of repairing every defective technology at work, when the Repair Team is away doing who knows what, which is almost every time? And not always Earth material also! Tallest's engineers are the laziest folks I ever saw. Maybe they know their bosses will never notice what a bad job they are doing, and that somebody else will inevitably end up doing it. Like me. "

_- I must confess, you got the Morons out of troubles more than once. So many times even they ended up realizing it. _

- Yeah, that's pretty amazing. Come to think of it, how many time did they actually asked me to come work on their Massive?

_- E__very single time._

- Yeah. I won't go up there. I would not fit as another slave. I think those guys captured about one half of their galaxy. They've got enough servants they don't have to pay.

_- And still, you always find yourself doing non remunerated extra work for them, or one of their kind._

- True. They must have a way of just... looking and sounding stupid to fool you into helping them. But as for helping Zim, this is my own will. I'm free to chose. Leave me alone.

As Dib was heading to the alien's room, Eddie suddenly decided to nail the last nail to the coffin.

_- You REALLY don't have anything better to do with your life, have you?_

That was cruel, and it did realize it. But it made no difference to the machine. And it did achieve its goal. The words cut deep, signification striking harder than any metallic blow.

_Right. Before I go __bats*** crazy__ and __take the wise decision__ to destroy __E__ddie's terminals __using a cricket__ bat, __let's use our brain__s__ to distract us from our __traitorous nerves. Think, Membrane. __Okay. Before I do anything dangerous, let's go__ for a little sum-up of the situation. _

_I'm stuck, in a middle of a Nowhere which happens to be my home, with a mute, aggressive green mini slug with claws and teeth, who hates me, and wish me dead if not worst. Probably worst. _

_My human folks won't talk to me, probably again because I did not bother to actually act like one of them during the time we were forced by our common work to stand less than ten meters away, and the only help I'm supposed to have left lies in the -disabled- hands one two bulimics morons whom couldn't spell they name correctly, even with a piece of paper telling them how to. And whom, indeed, deceived me in the end._

_Oh, well. I guess it could be worst. As usual, am' gonna sort this out ye old fashioned way, all by myself, with my bare two hands, and I will succeed, with no one to congratulate me. Gosh I HAVE to stop spewing banalities like that. Jeez._

_Never mind, let's get back to business. Or absence of it. Yeah, I'm conducting a real charity here. To protect and serve! When sheer logic would told me to... not even try to figure whatever it could be. Hugh. Again._

_Zim. Do you still have that legendary thirst for power, fame, and most of all, recognition you used to have? Are you still as hostile as before? Toward Earth, I mean. And others. I know you hate me, but this hate, is it enough to fuel you anymore? I'll never be able to __nourish__ your burning anger much longer!_

_- Are you sure you want to do this? Looks rather useless to me! You could still let him die on his own, you know. No need to try, fail, then accuse yourself when the inevitable happens._

_Yes it IS. I'll prove you wrong. I WILL prove you wrong. Starting right NOW._

The room's door opened nicely. Despite any logic, Dib let the pitiful sight of his long lost enemy strike him again, loosing even more of his poorly restored composure. One disgusting blast of fake enthusiasm managed to creep out, and he heard himself joyfully claim:

- Hey, Zim! How are you doing? Guess what? I just figured out "Earth" was a anagram of "Heart"! Isn't that sic... cute? So, don't wipe us out, will you? Pretty please?...

_Hum. Maybe not the best way to make your presence acknowledged there, Membrane._

_Seems like you just managed to make yourself look stupid one more time. This piece of outer-space trash is in no state to wipe even his own mouth. And even if he was, I doubt he would still had any interest in Humanity. Just like his own, and the rest, he has given up on us. Hey, is giving up on destroying something the ultimate form of abandon? Where does the threat really lie? Alone, stupid and safe? Dead and recognized?_

_This is what we should call the Dragon Syndrome. Maybe the World's not focused on making us disappear. Maybe not ALL outer-space life form are plain incarnation of evil, waiting to savagely slaughter us in a dark corner of the Universe._

_Maybe the Dragon only kidnapped the Princess because it wanted a friend, and found her pretty. Never predicted the arrival of the Prince, and die protecting his pretty friend against this pighead bastard... _

_Where am I down there? Powerless pretty Princess? Lonely Monster? Ignorant self centered fun-spoiling Prince? I'd say a little from all. _

_"You REALLY don't have anything better to do, don't you?"_

_Eddie's words. A MACHINE's words. And it couldn't be closer from the truth. After all, isn't this what machines are good at? Being RIGHT?_

- I don't need you to judge me.

He muttered to himself.

_Sure you do. Don't be silly._

Raising his head, he shot one none too gentle glare at the defenseless alien.

- I don't need to be judged by anybody to exist.

_Denial is your greatest friend. A faithful one. The only one._

_-_ I've chosen to live my life this way. This is what I planned. This is what I wanted. And I got it. I won!

_Sure, everything is in control, or rather, was. You have it. It's yours. But is this what you WANTED? Definitely not the same. Yes, that is what I wanted. Some non evolving environment, as not to evolve the wrong way. As I said before, I'd rather be lost than wrong. Oh, you, silly, you. Don't you know that you easily can be both? Silence. I made my choice. It's way too late to back up now. _

_Oh Dib. You're so cute you almost make me puke. Face it, honeybum. You've done nothing of your life. You're dead, sweetie. You just haven't stopped moving yet. Nonsense._

- Beside, having or not having a so called "life", cannot be defined by the standardized actions you're supposed to perform in said life. I'm tired of that king of stupid classification. Their only purpose is to make you feel bad so you will spend money buying that "idle life" they're dangling before your eyes. As long as I'm breathing, even only breathing and nothing more, I AM alive!

He pointed at the awakened alien.

- And so are YOU!

- _Are you sure of this? _

Dib was clearly hesitating, about whether or going on a argument withhis own personal Comp. He knew all efforts to prove it wrong would be vain. But Dib always had been a tenacious little monkey, and to this day, only rarely bared not being for Eddie, it could take him down in less than two sentences. Its work and pride.

- _And please don't shout at me. I'm not the one who needs to be convinced. _

_Don't let it manipulate your mind, Membrane. Fight back._

- Life... Once and for all, Ed. It is about more than mating and dying!

- Is it?

- YES! I am sure of that!... "How many time do I have left to..." simply... be! Weather happy or not -ah, well preferably happy, but you're rarely given a choice- I _am_. I was born for no reason, and without any particular motive. Thrown into the Great Randomness of things, just like everyone else. Zim _is, _too. Both of us, we _are. _And I _want_ to keep just being, just be, keep going on to see what it's like, what it'll be like, simply_exist_... a little more time. I'm sure that's what Zim wants, too.

_Ouch. Don't make any hasty conclusion, there._

Keeping his eyes as far away as he could from the alien's face. Not wishing to really look at him while spewing his optimistic tamper tantrum.

_- So why bother with existential questions, if you're only wishing to simply "be"?_

False question, easily answered.

- Human Nature. Can't be helped. Can't fight it.

_Easy way out! I've think I've got a perfect name for you, Ed. You're the Hatcher. Expect this particular chicken is never going to see the light. Can you stay in your warm, protected egg shell forever? Do you want to?_

Putting his newly acquired material aside, he slid his arm under the alien's back, raising him in a sitting position, trying his best to ignore his feeble attempts to get away.

_Well, force it open and see what's next. _

He then sat facing Zim's back, hesitant to reach for that damned PAK. So much was at stake. The easiest solution was to pretend not to care. For now.

_First thing of all, deactivate this bloody automatic defense system. This should do the trick. _

Zim felt the human poking his at his precious device. He jerked forward, away from the intrusion. Dim just pulled him back in place, hard.

_You're not going anywhere. I'm here now. For you. Just for you! Aren't you glad? You should be! I'm the only one who still cares about you. As I told you before, I love you. __Well, kinda. I guess. __I won't go further than that, it should be more than enough._

- It was a dangerous game the two of us played togetherall those years, but strangely enough, what brings you closer to death also brought you closer to life. Because dying would mean the end of the game. It forced me to get a better grip on things. Like, taking a better care of my bodily functions, for a change. Just to defeat YOU. Gosh I wanted to play. I'm not sure I wanted to win all that bad, but just playing was SO fun!Ah, I'm only rumbling. It's all over now.

The young man took a moment to have a look at the printed schemes, comparing it to the real thing, while at the same time preventing a slightly panicking alien to escape.

- Ok. He stated, putting the paper down, I think I'm getting a hold of the system. Maybe it's not as complicated as it first looked. Maybe it is. I don't know, really. But it's even. I'll help you no matter what. Bend over.

He brandished his screwdriver, like some Holy Sword.

- I'm getting in.

_JUST WATCH YOURSELF LISTEN LOOK LISTEN HEY LISTEN HEY HEY_

_Gosh, Navi SHUT UP This is getting too messed up, even for me._

- Ah, maybe I should war... tell you first. Your Pak, Zim. I'm going to fix it, so you'll be all better and stuff. But there's not much I know about the damn thing, since you never really let me have a good look inside. Meaning: don't you dare move, or I might blow us both up. It's a fifty fifty bet.

That didn't make him feel any better. On the contrary, Zim's panic got a hell of a lot worse. He began trashing as much he could, which wasn't much, but Dib needed to concentrate.

_WATCH OUT. Oh, f*** that._

Without a single warning, he brutally shoved the alien on his belly, jumped on his back, crushing him onto the mattress, knees preventing him from moving his legs.

- Don't get in the way. If this is the only way to do it, then I won't hesitate.

_What do you know about love?_

- I said I'd never give you your hatred back! Don't you ever listen? EVER? Dammit, where's that opening plug of yours? How conveniently _Art Moderne _is that thing!

Despite the alien desperate squirming, Dib managed to slid his tool into the plastic opening, finally popping the little trap open. _There. _When the claw that attacked him before came out for a second round, he simply grabbed it, pulled and tore it away.

- Don't worry, I'll put it back later. It's not lost. I'll put it on the side.

_You bet I won't. This thing is dangerous. This is threat. It's never coming back. Hey, didn't I have some kind of key to do that? Oh, anyway, too late. The stupid screwdriver works just as well. Enough. I'm cutting away your claws for good. For your own good. My simple way of telling you I care. I care._

_- _I'm doing this because I care about your well being. Now stop moving and let me do my job! THIS IS THE ONLY THING I CAN COPE WITH HERE!

_What do you know about caring? Affection? Compassion? I'll tell you, NOTHING. Absolutely. Nothing. You see people caring and giving affection to each others -on TV- and you believe you understand, but you don't! And EVEN if you DO understand, it doesn't mean you are able to do the same! _

_As if it mattered, as long as I THINK I do. It's not like those so called "feelings" you see on TV were in ANY means realistic. They're basically cooked up to make you buy things, pulling at what's left of your heart strings to get to your wallet . They're mock-ups of Reality. Scripted and faked. Oh please do tell me more Mister Wise Guy, I'd be glad to hear what you have to say about this and other World Wide Conspiracies designed to suck up all of our hard-earned monnies! Let go already. This is not getting anywhere._

_You're missing the point. AGAIN. Feelings -might them be real or forced ones- are given things, Dib. Either you have them, or you don't. But you can't make them up._

_I'm sorry to inform you, you never had any. Or rather, you don't have any anymore. _

_You murdered them all! Strangled them with your own hands. Heart to the slaughter. Earth to the slaughter! You can be proud of yourself. Shut up. Those are hardly related, aren't they?..._

_Not many people were able to do such a thing. Some even dedicated their life into achieving what you did in only a few years! Be proud, I tell you._

_Look at him, Dib. He doesn't want you to do this, whatever you sick f*** are doing. He doesn't want anyone to save his life. And neither do you. None of you really want to save him here. Wrong. I DO want to save him, even if he fusses. Zim always fusses. Unfussing Zim wouldn't be Zim._

_No, you've got it all confused. This goes far over fusses. He's lost his will to survive. He's lost every reason he had to exist. You pretending to heal him only makes him even more miserable. You're extending his suffering. Abusing him when he cannot fight, to satisfy your own selfish reasons. _

_Do you like that, Dib? Does it make you feel better? Or are you just trying to prove you are still able to care at all?_

_I CARE. And I believe in him. He'll get over it. He'll get better. I trust him. There! Projecting yourself again! Gotcha!_

_But look at him for real! Forget about your petty search for inner truth, and open your eyes! Dare telling me you ever even remotely cared about HIM, and not yourself. Be honest. Who are you trying to save by doing what you're doing?_

- This thing is so confusing! It's like you're carrying some iron turtle shell on your back, that no one could fix if broken!

_This is hopeless, and you know it. You're instilling hope into thin air. Wasting your time and brain cells. Mocking his last remains of life with your hypocrisy. Making you both pointlessly suffer. Stop it. Just stop. This is no use. Give up. Give up and surrender. That is the most logical issue._

_Screw logic. I'm not buying any of your bluff. I didn't murder my own feelings FOR EARTH SAKE WON'T YOU OPEN YOUR BLOODY EYES AND TRULY LOOK AT HIM HE DOESN'T WANT YOU TO SAVE HIM_

Look at him. So much pain in each of his movement.

_Zim, you bastard. Now is time for some comic relief, but I just KNOW you WON'T talk. Pity, I would need your shrieking badly right now. I miss your gibberish. Maybe I even miss your voice. Which one of us two WAS the comic relief? None. We were like... a duo. Trio, counting poor little GIR. I need a joke. Something stupid. I can't laugh at my own stupidity, so it'll have to be yours. But staying silent is the worst. It makes ME feel stupid. Stupid and heartless. Just like... us? So much nothing in his eyes._

_Yeah well, he's never been such an expressive fellow before. Such empty round globs, not even finding strength to shine anymore. Sick! Who ever taught me to speak like that? And if you really want to go on with the sappiness... I never murdered my feelings. I only put them aside for a time. For work. FOR LIFE_

_Where are they right now? I KNOW they are still somewhere inside me. Remember. It is not because you can't see something that it doesn't exist. Wishful thinking, and nothing more, Dib. Self rightous kiddie movie moral. Not worth yourself. _

_Not worth me? But what's left of me to be worth anything anymore?_

_Believe me, Dib. Sometimes it is not worth to even try. You're not worth trying to pick up the pieces. Too many of them, far to distant from one to the others. Give it up! There'll be no Isis Goddess to put you back together. You'll stay apart, the rest of your pathetic life. Be stoic, Dib. That's all that's left for you._

_Wake up, and open your maladjusted eyes to the real world. You may be short-sighted, but you're no crazy moron. Are you? Am I not?_

_Stupid. In general Life, if YOU have something, it means somebody else won't have it. That means if you don't get it from the start, you have to take it... or give up._

_You and Zim lost everything that ever made you who you were. You're nothing anymore. Both of you. So why don't you die? Because the rules you settled before won't be erased that easily. The wisest thing would be mutual annihilation, but as you cannot do otherwise, one of you will have to destroy the other. Even to stand on Nothing, you have to step on people._

_Yeah, violence. On the screen, you always see random people with random super powers, destroying building, piercing walls with their bare hands, or wiping the World away at worst. But what's funnier that actually seeing some poor little flesh-covered weak meat-made muscles, poorly attached to crumbling bones get dismantled? What's more satisfying than watching those pathetic meat-balls crushing and exploding on anything than might have a greater density than them? Think in over. Human Weaknesses can be funny, too._

_Watch out, Dark Side of Myself. You're beginning to sound like Zim. That's because not EVERYTHING he said was worthless. I can't let you say that. Scratch it, I can't allow MYSELF to have such thoughts. Fine. Time to do something about it, then. Violence sure is always ugly, but it is not always wrong. He? What was that? The truth, you bloody puritan! Hey! You want to be able to think and say the same things as he he does, but at the same time without sounding like him? The answer is simple. Kill him. Old legends say that killing somebody is stealing his soul, and keep it for you with your own. Kill him, and you'll be able to take everything that he was. Kill him, and you'll be able to BE HIM. No one will know._

_I don't WANT to be him. I have always been a free spririt. I won't steal anyone's soul or thoughts. I have my own, and it is well enough for me. But thanks anyway._

_Still, you're avoiding the issue. NO I'M NOT WAIT am I? Of course you are. Surprised? Not really. I mean, SHUT UP. I am not running away! Violence is NEVER right. It is NEVER a solution to ANY problems. There is always a pacific answer to offer. Oh yeah. Are you sure? You've not always thought that way. I was a CHILD. Children do a lot of stupid things, only because they don't know any better. That's not their fault. THERE WE ARE DIB YOU SAID IT. Wha... do YOU know any better? What? DO YOU? DO YOU KNOW ANY BETTER, NOW THAT'S YOU'RE ALL GROWN UP AND WISE? COME ON, ANSWER come on, Dib, I'm waiting, be honest, answer, come on, answer me, do you..._

...

_I ..._

_You don't. That's a good boy, Dib. Knowing when you can't do something is the beginning of wisdom. Or is it the beginning of abandon? Silly. Of course it is not. But..._

_Enough. You don't know ANYTHING, and pretending that you do won't make anything better. The rules are simple: If you want to live, he'll have to die. No question asked. And he sure as Hell won't kill himself, and you nursing him -punk- will only make his strength and rage stronger. But at least you're fighting on almost equal grounds now. I mean, you're a nevrotic half schizophrenic insomniac freak, and he's..._

_He's a psychopath. So, what do you respond blind violence with?..._

_... Err, more blind violence? GOOD_

_..._

_Still... FOR EARTH'S SAKE DIB, DO YOU WANT TO LIVE? YES! OF COURSE I DO! Of course I do... but what kind of life do we have if it means taking other people's to go on? No more and no less that whats it's been from the Beginning of Time. That old refrain again? Screw the Beginning of Time. I weren't there to testify. I want to do as I please where I am NOW. Fair enough, Mr. Free-spirit guy. But does HE? I tell you the hidden Truth of your f***ing self pitying heart, boy. You actually WANT him to kill you, so you can play Victim again. WHAT? Come on, you LOVE playing the Victim. The Rejected, the Outcast. You always loved this game. You were begging for it. NO I DIDN'T. You still are. NO. So why won't you fight him? I WILL. I WILL FIGHT HIM... with the weapons I chose. Fine. What if the weapons YOU've chosen aren't matching the ones HE's chosen? Will you just give in, following your pathetic ethic, and let him kill you?_

...

_I... I..._

_It's alright. You don't have to answer this one, as I know you already know. In fact, you've already thought WAY too much. Stop thinking, Dib. Act. ACT. Forget about your old "clean violence" fantasms. Violence is never clean. It can only be in movies, children books and cheap video games. Violence is always dirty, otherwise it wouldn't be violence. Even non physical violence is as ugly as can be. So be it. _

_I've always been a terrible actor. So I guess acting only means resurrecting the past. Do what you've already done, coz' there's no other way round. Again. And again. Okay. Fine. I shall do as such then. Let the Pointless Beating resume. Let's have a fight, Zim. Our final. Right here, right now, in my own bed._

Letting the hand holding the screwdriver fall to his side, he crawled all to way to Zim's face, uncomfortably close.

- I wanna play.

_Oh how childish this sounded. Surely I have lost my mind, now. _

- I wanna play "Duck and Cover". Like before. Remember?

_Hum. How are you supposed to fight in a bed? No. Don't tell me. I don't wanna know. _

- But this time, I am the one who will have to hide.

_We settled the rules a long, long time ago. We've got everything we could ever need. All ready now. Even if you won't say anything, I know you understand. You were right, after all. The fight is not over. How could it be? _

The Alien graced him a long, unreadable glare, then shook his head up and down slowly.

_The last past years were nothing more than a pause, a brief moment to catch our breaths before leaping in again. My life is done, now. I've technically got no time playing Tom and Jerry with a psychotic ex-invader. But then again, I started the whole thing. I ran after him first. I wouldn't leave him in peace. Ruined his plans. Made his life here almost as miserable as mine was. Fair play. Want it or not, I originally created the link between us. I tied him to me. And now, I have to face the consequences of my old-time obsession. _

_You do not hold any interest to me anymore, Zim. Please go away. I've already taken everything I could from you, but if you insist, I could also take the rest. Don't come and blame me once it's done._

_Okay, then. I will. I'll put my new life aside for a while, and submit to the Bound. I'm not ready, but I'll rush in head first. I have to, do I? This is just the way it happened back then, when I first saw you sited on your desk, at the other side of the classroom. I felt so excited then. How did I managed to? Beside coming from another planet, you weren't that special. But just YOU being THERE made me feel so... useful. Or rather, relieved. I wasn't TOTALLY insane, and I actually found myself a purpose for my existence. You are here, now, but I no longer need you to exist. Does this mean I have to get rid of you? Must be. Please, give me back some of my old-time childish cruelty, hate and anger. I'll need it to sweep you away._

_No choice left for me! Didn't have time to practice, or catch up, so pardon me if the rules come out a little blurred. No room for races, fisting, boxing, shooting or anything explosive now. No screaming and threatening either. No more external assistance. His Alieness and my Humanity are all that is left for us to deal with. Humanity. It didn't sound like such a ugly word to my ears, before. What can a human do in this kind of situation? Listen carefully to what your guts are trying to tell you, Dib. Let your primal instinct do the talking. What should I do? I'm listening, please answer me... oh. _

_Tell me, my friend. If I kill you, do I win the Game? _

_I always hated to leave things unfinished. Who cares about the rightness of things, once they're settled and done? I might act wrong again, but I'd get this everlasting madness over once and for all. Just stop. No more! You can sealed a lock with the wrong key if you try hard enough, can you? I hope so._

_Tell me. If I do this to you, do I win for good? Answer me. I want to be sure. Tell me you'll crumble, and I could stomp in your ashes without the fear of getting burnt myself. Tell me I have the power of ending this. Or you. You or me doesn't matter. Just put a definitive end. Since neither of us has got the right answer, Solution lies within Annihilation. Which one holds no importance. Funny. I never thought dying in my bed sounded that bad before either. _

- Talk to me.

_I cannot convert you, so I have to brake you. You're in no state to do it for me, are you? So once more, you're leaving me alone with all the work to do. But it's okay. I'm used to it. With you broken and gone, everything will go as normal as it's always been. Yes. I have to fight will all I have. With the very little I have. Make the best out of the worst. Again. I do not want to. Don't feel like it, don't feel ready to. Even thinking about it make me want to puke. I wish there was another way. There is, Dib, you're just unable to find it, moron. So content yourself with what you have, and do what you have to do. _

_Zim is an alien, a monster. Something strange and unnatural. He should never have came here. Both of us were free to exist and live, as long as the other never hear of it. Ever. Too late, now. We met, although we technically, biologically, naturally and physically had no rights to. Time to make up for this dreadful mistake. He came to me. I didn't. If one of us has to pay for something that should never have happened, it is only fair that the initiator should be the one. Welcome Zim, let me introduce you to Humanity. It's not that different is the end, is it? _

_Still, I can't help wishing to come up with something better. I can't. You can't. I'm human, and humans always go for the easiest way. It's in their brain, in their blood, in their veins. No escape. But I'm afraid I cannot obey myself either. I am being wrong again? Am I the Monster? Who will tell me? I need advise. Anyone, please, tell me I'm doing something right for a change. Even a lie would do, telling me would be enough. Please, please, advise me. Pitiful. Can't you stop sinking lower and lower? Someone, please tell me..._

_Father? Who's the Natural Monster?_

- Say something. Anything. Tell me what I should do, what I should think. Tell me things could get worse. Tell me they could get better. I don't care. Your pick.

A faint growl followed this short display of denial.

_What are you doing, you twit? Begging a half-dead mute alien to take responsibilities for you? _

_I want to. I DO want to make things better. Oh no you don't. What? What did you say? I said: no you don't. If you really wanted to, you wouldn't keep saying it. You'd shut your big trap and just do it. AH-AH. FUNNY. Wait, no, it is not. Oh. I'm afraid you will have none of that mister._

_Do not run away again, Dib. You've got no other options. What, would you rather let yourself be killed? Why now? Why this particular night, why this particular moment? And why by HIM, the LAMEST green slug of ALL? Show a little self-esteem there, Membrane. Are you worth dying this way? Bastard! Since how has death became a privilege? _

_What about life, genius? Is this a privilege to be left alive? I guess so. Are you sure? Yes. No. You're missing the point. This is not a question of rewards or duties. It is pure, animal, survival instincts. I'd rather live than die. And I know I have to fight for it now. I can feel it in my nerves. Nature's screaming at me to look out for myself._

_Take a second look, boy. Is your oh-so-very-precious life REALLY threatened by THIS alien wreck? Have you become THIS paranoid? THIS freaked out by anything that might actually comes out this Holy Sanctuary of yours? You've got it all wrong. Zim came here for a reason, and only one. This reason is to kill me. He's got nothing else to hang on to. Nothing. MY death is the last remain of HIS life. And he's brave. Tenacious. Stupid. Whatever might come, he will see the end of it. He will never let go. I can't help admiring this._

_True, but he's sure as Hell in no state to pounce right now. He is badly damaged, and might never be able to recover. I don't mean to sound too fatalist, but he might not even stay alive for a long time. True again. That's why the fight has to come now. Whomever damned me, the Bulimics Retards were right. Zim and me fought on equal grounds and forces from the beginning. Attacks and defenses matching each other, consecutively ever canceling themselves. Losers making losers. Meant to never, ever win. Is that sad? Or funny? Humph. Yeah, it WAS funny. Why can't I laugh? Why won't you let me laugh? _

_And it's the same thing right now. I am what I am. A very tired, probably partially insane full-grown man. And he is there, as green as ever, wounded, with a dysfunctional PAK but determined to fulfill his goal at any cost, with was is left of his life. I had been wrong not to laugh. This WAS a game. This is OUR game. A game of sheer, utter, total, simple and not so clean destruction. And I'm not gonna let you win just like that. I can be evil, too. Eviler than you. Anything to stay alive. Nature calls... "you've got the point? I'm gonna burst your... " . Duh._

_Why should I feel ashamed. When an animal finds another animal dead, or dying, it either ignore it and passes his way, or eat it. This goes for human nature, too. No. Humans are different, from the feelings we have. Since when this is a good thing? Remember, Dib? "Caught red-handed showing feelings... showing feelings of an almost... human nature! This will not do! " Abandoned Rag Doll behind the Wall, Dib. Is that what you're wishing for? NO_

_Restart the war at last, under cover. Under the covers. The bed is the same as it was twelve years ago. Never bothered purchasing a new one. What for? Weird battlefield, though. Restrained area, absence of weapons, and very few strategy. Silly bet. Makes me hate myself for being so belligerent, so limited, and uninventive... _

_We're not playing anymore. Yes we are, in a different scale. Has things always been this way? This used to be amusing. Do YOU remember, too? When I was lying on my bed, reading, and you crawled under my chest between my elbows to read along, complaining I didn't go fast enough... We used to have fun crawling under the sheets like four-years old children. I know I did. You too, though you'd rather die than admitting it. How did something so innocent turned out to be so vile? Did we make it? How come we end up here to end it all? I don't feel that older, that different. Did I change? Was it my fault? Did I make all of this happen? I don't know, I don't know, I don't know..._

- I think I am going to kill you.

Zim didn't look interested. He hadn't move since Dib's hands got off his PAK. The alien just sat here, arms by his side, lost in his own thoughts, if conscious at all. The sound of his voice making his antennae perking gently from time to time. Eyelids falling down. Nothing more.

_I bet he doesn't even know what you're talking about.__Just you wait, Membrane. You can still end up the one screwed. This if he has no genitals at all, which is more than likely the case. __WHAT WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT SHUT UP this is gross shut up! __You're always so meticulous, Dib. Haven't you checked before? No. This is NOT the kind of place I like to stare at. Good boy. Would make Daddy proud of you. _

_Oh Father. You never gave my so much advises. You told me to not to steal. And brush my teeth. Is murdering an alien fine? ABSURDITY JUST LISTEN TO YOURSELF INSANITY LISTEN_

- You'll have to smother me, I guess.

Slight twitch of the appendages, but no further reaction. The Irken remained perfectly still. Waiting. Waiting for whatever may come, with the same detachment. Clearly, he wouldn't lift a muscle to approve, or reject any form of proposition coming from the Dib.

_How far away are you? _

_"You cannot reach me now... "_

He couldn't help it.

_"... no matter how you try... " _

Couldn't help Eddie's tunes playing in his head, over and over...

_"Goodbye, cruel world, it's over. Walk on by. "_

_Oh how I hate you for this, Ed. Okay. Let's get a grip. Focus. If he kills me, I am screwed. But if I do this to him... I am screwed, too. We both are. Ah-ah, Dib._

_My, this sucks. Face it. We are losers. Both losers. And tonight, through this pathetic parody of a fight, we will now decide which one will sink even lower. Murder versus thoughts. Oh we can be so proud. So much for superior species and intelligences. Reduced ourselves to pitiful animals, just because we are not able to come with anything better. Accept it, Dib, beautiful dream times of sharing and understanding are over. You tried your best to maintain the illusion, but reality shattered it all. Those hippie reveries of acceptance, forgiveness and peace were nothing but another denial of the truth, mingled with laziness, and a bit a fear. Rise up over the fallen, now. Crush his skull and wipe his ashes away before it happens to you. Do it. Just do. You're in luck, the beast is already wounded. His weakness is in sight. Make the best of it. Take your chance, "bite the hand that bleeds". Bring honor to the Human race. His PAK is open, come on, stab it with you screwdriver, make it symbolic and controversial, make it ugly and stupid. Don't you see? His bloody Irken Pride is unprotected. Leap on it. Leap on the rift. I can see it. If I pull on it now, he will crumble and dismantle without any effort... and that'll be it. End of troubles. Solution, at last. Preservation. You're right. I will. My instincts commends me to. But me... You? What about you? _

_Where will I find the strength to do such a dreadful thing, when the simple thought of it makes me sick to my stomach? No! No more! I will have no more of this feeble sympathetic crap! _

_The plan is NOT to murder an innocent wounded creature which came to you for support and comfort, only to satisfy some bestial instinct and personal frustration of yours! You've got it all wrong! The whole point of this is SAVING your SKIN! Taking over a psycho-rigid bastard who'll kill you the first chance he's got! Protecting your LIFE, Dib. Or has your life became meaningless to your own eyes, along with everything else? What if it has? Has it?... no. Of course, not. I want to live. I may not know why, and for how long, but I DO now I want to stay alive by all cost. This is... this is what makes me human, isn't it?... Yes, Dib, it is. Remember. It was all you were wishing for, all this time. Being human. Years of repressed, unconfessed doubts and fears... all wiped away by this single act. Flesh and blood again, instead of brain and wires. Help yourself. Take your chance, this is now or never. Yes, this IS what you wanted all along. So very human, hiding from the truth, resolving your problems with your d****... SHUT UP _

_I swear if shoving a cream pie in his face was enough, I'd do it, I'd even bake the pie myself, even if I'm unable to boil an egg without losing at least one finger or two! But it is just NOT enough. I have to go through it, to remain steady and calm all the way. Methodic and cold. Emotionless. Pragmatic. Like in this old movie... what was it like, again? A clock-work something... "Clock work orange". _

_... NO OH MY NO I CANNOT PICTURE MYSELF LIKE THIS_

_... doing... this... THIS... while SINGING! Makes me sick. Oh thanks Anyone I haven't had anything to eat tonight MEATHEAD you're missing the point again your LIFE is on the bet, singing or not. Not choice left for you, no time to lose pondering about the rightness or badness of things. Acts, Dib. ACTS. NOW. Yes. You are right. If I do... just that, the last remain of his bloody precious Pride will be destroyed. He'll be done for sure, and we'll both be at peace. _

_Oh the nice little reasoning excuses that was my boy, couldn't have found better if you had looked for it all day... yes, you'll wreck him. Torn him to pieces, for his own good and yours. And you know the best part? You'll like it. Yeah, Dib, it sure will feel good to play dominant at last WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT THIS IS SICK NEVER WOULD I ENJOY HURTING ANYBODY ESPECIALLY NOT... him. I DO like him. Shit. I'm not making any sense. I am losing my mind. I can feel it slipping away... sleeping away? Oh no, come back mister, this is too easy!_

_Sure, you like him. Like him so much you're already making up stories to properly kill him, without at least waiting for his wounds to heal, -WHAT- not even mentioning his approval WHAT. -NO- All for the better, eh, kiddo? No personal interests in there. All for the Benefit of the Nation. You're gonna destroy him fast and well, or the whole Universe will collapse on itself in a mega-giant planet eating black hole. YOU'RE MAD. LEAVE ME ALONE. THIS IS NOT ME. YOU'RE NOT ME. LEAVE ME ALONE... please. Shut up. Shut. UP. I don't want to hear any of this anymore. It hurts. Really hurts. Just you wait my dear, it's only gonna get worst. _

_If I followed this crap right, hurting him would mean hurting you, right? Yes. No. It's true, I'm not doing this for me, nor am I doing this for him. At least not ENTIRELY for me. I only wish for this __mathusalemic__ vendetta to be over once and for all. That also means taking decisions you might not like to take. Oh I salute you Dib Membrane, King of Contradiction and Hypocrisy. SHUT UP_

_... Have you considered it might fail? That you might just damage him, leave him agonizing for ages? Have you any idea of what you're going to put him through? Have you? Yes. If it doesn't instantaneously works, It'll at least scare him away for good. _

_Hurt him so much he'll never come close to Earth without putting at least one Universe between it and himself. He'll quickly get over it, but the memory will remain implanted in him for ever. He won't be back again. _

_Wait! Dib, are you even listening to what you're saying? Do you hear the horrors you're shamelessly proffering? Do you realize how LOW you're willing to sink, only to have YOUR little psycho reasonings right? ... oh, hello, Conscience. Joining us at last? Too late. My mind's already made. _

_No it is not. What did you say again? "Shameless" ? Are you kidding me! Shameless? Allow me to doubt so! I'm not sure I could even look at myself in a mirror again if I ever so much as TRY this plan. Thinking of it is enough to make me want to do penance for the rest of the month. Year. Fine. Don't then. _

_No. I have to. This has taken too long already. No more. NO. MORE. Let us sum this all up now, will we? Take out a line of action. This is getting more than a little confusing. You want Zim gone... and hurt NO. NO I don't want to hurt anybody, I don't WANT to hurt Zim, especially NOT Zim. _

_I want him safe and sound and happy and... Yeah, why not. There. _

_Like before. But this can't be. This can never be again. I have accepted it. So now, time to accept my new mission. Hell, Membrane. You're claiming to be human, but you're nothing more than a beast. No I'm not, I'm doing what I can with the little I have. The very little I have. If you have, as you claim, so very little for yourself, why bother putting yourself trough this mental Hell you're so delightfully masochistly floundering in, and just let him kill you? ..._

_... Leave me alone. You're giving me a headache. Rats. I cannot spot the back door exi..._

- Are you going to fight back?

_"Hey you, don't help them to bury the light... Don't give in without a fight! " _

_Damned you, Ed. Strong, Dib. Focus. Do not let yourself be distracted no more. I can do it. I know I am capable. Anyone is. Why not me? They say it is printed in our genes. Some say every criminal was born this way. And some at last, say that short-timed impulsions rules it all. Oh Daddy, how will I do this? _

_I have to feel the impulsion. Create it from my own will. Nonsense. How could I break him when my own body feels so weak? Humans are weak. I'm human. Time to prove it. Time to show this alien the full extent of mankind's bestiality. _

_Don't. Listen to me, Dib! You're not a beast, and you're not a bad guy! You could never do something as degrading as this. Believing in yourself also mean openly recognizing what you cannot do! ... Right. I cannot do this. I feel like... a dog. I am not a dog. Dogs, yes, Dib. That is what you both are. First fighting puppies, rolling over and pulling each other's ears, then adults, growling and baring teeth, barking and sniffing each other's... SHUT UP_

- Look at me, Zim. For Earth's sake, give me some strength there.

"_It was only a fantasy. The Wall was too high, as you can see. No matter how he tried, he could not brake free... and the worms ate into his brain. "_

_No. NO. Please, Ed, set the house on fire, blow us up, Zark let me go mad, please, please running away again, always running away..._

_- This sure does look interesting, from where I'm standing and the faces you're making. May I ask you to share a tiny bit with me and let me enjoy the mind battle aloud? It will be my pleasure. _

- ED!

Zim jumped, startled by the unexpected scream. His sudden move caught Dib's attention, lightening his already beaten nerves on fire.

- That's it? He spatted to the alien's incomprehensive -but not frightened in the least- stare, So the only moment you're afraid of me is when I scream, aren't you? No, don't answer, I know "Zim's never afraid of you pitiful pig-stink" o'something!

He didn't mean to sound funny.

Zim smiled. That was so unexpected and genuine that it stuck Dib's words up in his throat.

_See? I know you better than you thought._

- "Aren't you afraid? At least a bit? "

The Irken slowly shook his green head. Amused smile gone, replaced by a much less sympathetic one. He pulled the cover back to him, and managed to turn around. Dib prevented him from such contemptuous behavior, by non too gently grabbing his bony shoulder and dragging him back. The alien didn't fight, merely closing his eyes again.

- Look at me! Zim! I'm telling you to look at me!

Green head falling limply on Dib's chest, pretending to go back to sleep in this very place, in want of anything comfier. Mocking grin never leaving his absence of lips. Dib saw red.

- Ah, so you think I wouldn't do it, eh?

_- Totally. _

- I wasn't asking YOU!

_- Doesn't matter. Look at his expression. He's clearly thinking the same._

_..._

- I know what you're thinking, Ed!

_That would be something to remember._

- You think I'm not gonna do it, dont'ya? You think I'm too weak? Too moral? Too honest? You think I'm not capable of doing such a simple thing! Well, just you wait, Sir!

Eddie didn't have any eyes to roll. And in this situation, it was almost a pity.

_- Ooo-kay... so I guess now this is not the right time to tell you you've been playing doctor for nothing. _

_What?... _

_Meathead. What? Don't you see already? You're technically unable to mentally hurt him, and he's physically unable to hurt you. You know what happened? You DID submit to the Bound, both of you. You totally screwed it up, every plan you had. You both LOST. Again. Bound to. _

_- What I mean, Ed went out without pity, and you should know this more than anyone, is that Irken scums are literally indestructible. You can blow them up, throw them off windows, or anything you like, if you do not destroy at LEAST a hundred percent of them... or simply remove their paks for more then ten minutes, they will always be back. Those creatures are tenacious little bastards. Oh, sure, being confronted to people of his own race, with appropriate weapons and material, could have hurt more than usual, but in the end, ALL HE NEEDS IS A FEW TIME REST, and he'll be running, shouting and being generally unpleasant again. Him being particularly small and stupid doesn't change a thing. HE, JUST LIKE LIKE HIS OWN, IS SELF-REGENERATING. "_

_..._

_..._

_..._

_- You were so happy feeling heroic, needed and useful, that I couldn't find the heart to warn you it was all for nothing. I just left you with a reason to be self satisfied for a change. But rejoy! His pak may still need a few arrangements. Minor ones, since he's unfortunately been staying alive for the past hours. _

- Let me guess. Only so you could better take it back later. "The higher they jump..."

_- __"... the higher they climbed." It was nice of you to try. You didn't have to._

- I'm... sorry.

He didn't really know, was he apologizing for the lack of hurting or caring. Neither way, it didn't make many difference in the end.

- I can't do this. I can't do neither hurt you, nor save you. I'm just... unable to do anything. "

_... Shut the World?_

He gave up. Lifting both his hands up, he mimicked the surrender he had longed for for so long.

- Okay, you win. I admit it. You and Eddie. You both win. I _am _an animal. A very restricted one. I killed my instincts in favor of a world I can't even live in. I'm scared, and I want to hide, and cower for hours, huddled in a rabbit hole. With an internet connexion. _Yes, _it is in my veins. But I've done my best to ignore it until now. I can't. I need to relieve my _real_ instincts for a while. My own, and not any other ditacted pre-defined behavior. I will.

_- Master... _

- Shut up, _Machine_! I _know _your wires are working along against us with our traitrous neurones!

To this, Ed could do nothing but obey. His master stayed quiet for a moment, then sighted sadly.

- I've... I've made a terrible mistake.

_Just one?_

- I've let you deny me of my humanity.

_OH COME ON PLEASE NO NOT AGAIN SHUT UP I'M TALKING NOW I'M IN CONTROL I'M I_

- But this is what I ordered you to do.

_Shut up right now or your head will explode you wish_

- You're my Brain, Ed, and unconsciously, that's what I wanted from you all along. I thought I brought you along so you could help me think. But no. You were here to think in my place. And I did not want to see it, though I did WANT it. It must have been hard, Ed, to obey this selfish demand while not to letting it show too much. Accepting my disrespect, my insults, my rebellions. Wow. Outer-space technology truly IS amazing.

_- Okay. Admitting you're right, it could at least ease one thing. If I am your brain, as you state, you're not crazy. I am. _

_Please stop trying to make me feel better. You're... you're manipulating me again. Too bad it showed. I needed that. _

- But I MUST be crazy. You became me, as much as I wanted myself to live through you. And you Sir, are the craziest person I know... since I've isolated myself. Beside, lucidity is not a question of durability, it's all about where and when to show it.

_...Enter the Next._

... _I know who you are. Finally. I recognize you. _

_You are my Pride. Little arrogant self-esteem. Aggressive. Fearful._

Zim flinched.

- Sorry! Did I hurt you? Agh, this is more complicated than I though.

_You locked my feelings away. Hid them from me, pretending it was ME who had killed them. Pretending they weren't there anymore. You were scared. Scared of getting gotten to. Scared of being brutalized. Judged. No, scrap that. CONTRADICTED._

_So you had me believing all this crap about self-centered monsters. You teamed up with my vanity to make me believe myself beyond everything else. You told me life wasn't worth me, when it was I wich was gradually becoming more and more unworthy of living. You didn't only make me deny my own life. You made me deny the very existence of reality._

_"When I was a child, running in the night, I was afraid of what might be. Hiding in the dark and hiding on the street, and of what was following me." You fed me the lies you could hide under. But it is over, now_

_... So what? _

_What do you think will happen now? Now that you found out about me, do you think it will be enough for you to become the bold, tenacious, lively little boy you once were again? You fool. I gnawed at your mind. Ate it. Engulfed it. I became your mind. See? It's all that is left. Aceept it. No._

_"I've always been a coward, and I don't know what's good for me" Denying the denial. I'm caught in a vicious circle I created on my own. And look at you. You're no more than a walking, oozing open sore, eager to hide itself from the world, healing itself with itself._

_"Help me, someone, help me, please. The hounds of love are calling"_

_Lie. You're lying to me again. You didn't eat my mind. Damaged it for sure. But no damage cannot be undone. I'm still willing to fight. I'm still contradicting you. CONTRADICTING YOURSELF. DON'T. You couldn't bear it. You don't have the guts._

_My mind is mine. A fine load of crap, I have to admit, but still. It's mine and you can't have it. Of course, it may remain eternally sensitive from your evil doings, but it doesn't matter. Evil doings? What are you talking about? Who are you talking to? Inner talking never got you anywhere. You'll only spread your thoughts further appart into space._

_I would have tried. I would have prooved myself worthy. Careful there, you didn't try anything yet, and probably never will. _

_Wrong again. Having this very dialogue is a progress in itself. The first step is not always the hardest. I'll have to go and see for myself how far I can go. I know it will hurt, I know it won't ever be easy. I know I'll be tempted to turn back to you and the lies you shield me with, and probably will. But the difference is, I'll get out again. Again and again, one step backward, two steps forward. Until I'm no longer ashamed of the coward I am._

_..._

_... Imbecile utopist. Idealistic crap._

_Don't do anything foolish, Dib. You're not ready. Set a finger out of here, and it'll be the end of you. You'll crumbled at the first blow. "From nothing real, i just can't deal with this... I feel ashamed to be there" Now stop making up stories for yourself and acknowledge the Truth. What is the truth?_

_WHO CARES. I'll protect you, like I always did. You'll be safe from the World. I'm so much more powerful than you think, and I have many allies by my side. Irony. Sarcasm. Lucidity. Reason. Ed. Ed. ED. Shield of the body. Shield of the mind. I'm unreachable. Bow. Bow, please._

_Can't you see? None of them is on your side any longer ACCEPT THE TRUTH DIB -SHUT UP THERE IS NO TRUTH- YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE FUCK YOU SEE IF I DON'T_

Dib shook his head forcefully.

_Oooookay. That was even weirder than usual. _

Silence.

_Did... did I shut it up for good? What was "it"? Was "it" me? Of course it was. And of course I didn't shut it... fighting against yourself is a lost battle. Managing to get most along is hard enough. _

_"Among your hounds of loving" ... I knew where I was. Ah, at least it will make a change. It has to. Let's make it certain... for now. All in good times. THERE YOU GO PLAYING APATHETIC AGAIN OH MY GOSH I TOTALLY AM _

_And I don't care._

- Zim...

_"I found a fox, caught by dogs, he let me take him in my hands. His little heart, it beats so fast... and I'm ashamed to be running away. "_

He jumped to his feet, turning around to unexpectedly gather the light weight alien in his arms in a bridal fashion.

- Let's get out of here!

Unpredicted excitement building up his inside, coming from Zark knew where.

- Almost... there... ALMOST THERE!

Rushing through the door. Passing corridors without a glance, as is the whole house was about to explode in a matter of seconds. Sacrifying an arm to crush the door pad, then racing through the open pannel. Out. Out of the house, once again. Noctural darkness welcoming them in its natural shelter. He didn't seem as hesitant as he had been, only one hour ago.

_"It's coming at me through the trees" Or rather, through the stars. Geez, I'm such a poet I should kill myself. THAT would make my thinking valuable._

- ...HURRY UP! Hurry... before our brains catch us!


	7. Chapter 6

Guess again.

* * *

_Progressive Absurdity Part 6_

* * *

- A 3D projected hologram ! No, no, I've got it! You were never there, and I'm hallucinating from soda poisoning!

_That would be a good cop-out! I'll have to keep that in mind for later._

Smack. Zim's feeble hands, throwing a small rock at him, as hard as he could. It felt real.

- Ok, ok, I've got it this time ! You're a space ghost! Ouch! Not again, come on! Ok, ok, you're not fake! You're real! Real I tell you !

Offended snickering. _Of course I'm real._

Zim spat.  
How many times he had since they had been sited on this bench, he had no idea. But the weird green -what else?-, oozing liquid that had been pouring from his mouth was a perfectly natural reaction to Dib arbitrarily shoving most of his forearm up his throat.  
It kept flowing up to his absence of lips, dripping down his absence of chin, making him look like some kind of irradiated rabid dog. It made it a bit difficult to focus on the boy's stupid theories.

Despite a somewhat shaky start, some frantic running across the cold outsides, a few tree hitting and a some glowing eyes following them in the shadows, the crazy human hadn't shown any sign that he might actually flip out and act violent.  
He actually acted very tame for a while, when he finally hit the bench he was looking for. Literally.

Dib tripped, severely hurting his knees, while Zim was thrown off to the ground. The human panicked, which was to be expected. As if he had forgotten how many trips, falls, hits and generally painy hurty unpleasantness the Alien had gone trough.  
He probably had.  
It didn't stop him to rush to his "rescue" before he could get up by himself -which he totally could- to pick him up again.

A lonely wooden bench, partially covered in moss, left to decay in a corner. Despite all efforts, Dib did not remember buying, or even building it. It was just kind of there.  
After a quick check for salubrity and weight resistance, he was pleasantly surprise at how comfy the thing was.  
_Jeez, I just hope the Vampires did not hand sculpted it just for me. Of course they did. I'm not even surprised it was them who did it. Who else? Fishmen aren't that great carpenters._  
He was, nevertheless, surprised by the time he took him to catch his breath, after barely running a few hundred meters. Maybe he did need exercise after all?

As hard as he tried not to, he ended up plopping Zim clumsily onto the hard wood, before sitting by his side, a little closer than intended.

_Dammit Zim, not fair! You got heavier, and I didn't get any stronger._

And there they were.

Alone(?), at night, on this stupid bench. Drown in an uncomfortable silence, that Dib tried and failed to break here and there, using awkward sentences devoid of any meaning.

- I thought we wouldn't make it... dude, I can't breathe... how long since I actually ran? Oh yeah, there was that time when that guy from Zax confused me with food or a concubine or I don't know what, but really... I used to run like, ALL the time when I was a kid. After you, mainly. Man! I was so sure Ed wasn't going to let us out. You don't know him. Oops, sorry!... I mean... you don't know how he became. Terribly possessive. Hysterical. And so very patronizing. Good for you he isn't yours anymore. No! That's not what I meant! Damn it! Sheesh, it's so dark around here! Your eyes glow in the dark, did you know that? Of course you did.

Zim pretended not to hear, and the awkward silence was back with a vengeance.

The tall human looked uneasy, flinching and fidgeting, visibly thinking. He opened his mouth a few times, shut it, shook his large head, stayed still. He stayed silent for a while, face down, lost in thoughts.  
Zim was beginning to slowly drift into shallow slumber when, out of nowhere, Dib jumped on him.

One of his foot crashed against the wood, a few inches away from his green head. In a split second, Dib grabbed the alien's skull, forced his mouth open, and plunged his other hand inside, reaching as far as he could. Zim didn't really had time to fight back, soon the boy's hand found what it was looking for, caught it, rattled it all the way from his throat to his mouth. The rattling sensation was less than pleasing.

- ... found it.

Dib jerked away to his feet, stumbling a little, holding something squiggly in his tightly closed hand. He took a second to look at it, then threw it at the alien.

- Here. Problem effin' solved.

A centipede. At least it looked like one, made of pinkish metal, covered in green goo, writhing on the wood surface like an injured bird. The expression's on Zim's face disputed anger to surprise. He grabbed the weird bug, watching it squiggling around, observed it closely for a bit. Frowning deeply, he held it to Dib, gesturing with his other arm at the young man, who raised his hands in defeat.

- I have no idea.

This openly detached attitude feuded Zim's growing anger.

Without warning, he stood up, threw the centipede on the ground and proceeded to stomp on it, possessed with rage.  
His stomping was cut short, however, as a wave of green bile came flowing from his mouth. Surprise overtook anger as the vomiting continued, leaving no room to breathe, the alien desperately clasping his hands over his mouth in a vain effort to contain the flow.

It was too much for Dib. Too much at once.  
He had done it. He had taken his first real, meaningful decision.  
Not counting breaking his vow of not stooping down to violence.

And now he had to run away from it.

As expected when faced with actual consequences, Dib immediately defaulted back to his distant, uncaring, negating reality attitude.

To his credit, this was an incredible achievement, for him at least.

- No, no. I take it back. - He mumbled weakly- I take it all back. Forget everything I said. I never meant it.

_Lies. Lies everywhere._

Zim was clearly choking now, down on his knees, noisily gasping for air.

- I don't care if I hurt you or not.

Proving his point, he gratified his enemy with a solid kick in the back, which had him stop choking.

- Because. You are not real. You're some kind of trick from Ed or the Morons to get me to get on grip on my life. Or a robot.

A mop of dirt and a bit of grass hit him square in the face. He didn't care.

More importance matters where at stakes now.

It was time for Zim's voice to come back.

* * *

The decisive choice to help end this story actually appeared a few hours prior, while he was still in the woods, ready to come home and open his newfound parcel.

_- Incoming call!_

squeaked his very unique and very annoying cell phone.  
The human stopped, out of pure reflex, while the creature accompanying him cringe a little at the sound and light. Incoming calls were part of Dib's job, and he was a good, dedicated worker.  
But Heck, he did not expect it right now.

- Whut?!

_- Incoming call!_

Sadly only because there was little to nothing more going on in his life... until tonight.

- Hurr... no, I can't take it!

_- You should. It's anonymous. Those are the best kind!_

- ...

_Why do every piece of machinery I own insist on giving me their opinions?! I don't care about any calls. Yet you still took your cell phone out, didn't you? Can you say "desperate"?_  
_Shut up. I'm not going to answer anyway. I have no time to lose._  
_What if it's work. Maybe it's work. You need to work. You need that job. To earn monnies. To eat. To stay alive. Too OK I GET IT_  
_Frick. I do need to eat. Sometimes._  
_Dammit, Dib. Why must you now out of all time be sensible._

- I swear Ed, if it's YOU playing around, I'll reformat your hard drive with an axe.

Indeed. Despite himself, he took the tiny device out of his vest pocket, and gestured for the caller ID to come up.

_From... "unknown caller". Flashing green words on a purple background. Riight._  
_Good move guys, calling anonymously. No one will suspect a thing. A shame the Irken logo is still there and so huge, too._  
_Ok, as you wish. You want some of this? I'll give you a piece of my mind._

He was kind of tense like that. It was their fault. His trip outside in the cold woods had mellowed him out a little, but the reminder of those two's existence was enough to send him right back to grumpy.

Before answering, he shot a brief look at the person walking being him.

- Just a sec.

The other nodded, parcel in one hand. Vampires were patient people.

- Put them on.

_- On!_

The image flicked, and soon Purple was giving him a stupid smile...

- No, guys, give it up! I'm running away! I'm taking Zim with me and I'll never have to see you again!

Before he had time to say "hi", the human was already screaming in his face. But it was not like Purple to actually react properly to any non life threatning situation. His antenna briefly flattened against his head, eyes closing for a second, opening them right back, still smiling.

- Oh. And when will you be back?

This degree of apathy was enough for Dib's aggressive attitude to drop.

- ... I'm running away. -he insisted softly, trying to be as clear as possible- You'll never see me again. So I guess, never is your answer. I'll never be back.

- I see. But would you say, "never" as in, "half an hour", or maybe, "a day"?

- I...

Something unusual suddenly striked him.

- ... wait. Where is the other one?

Purple stiffened, shooting a panicked glare at his left, offscreen. "Someone" was trying to "whisper shout" some random instructions Dib couldn't get, and didn't care about.

- Hum, where is Red? Erm...

Another look.

- Oh, yeah!

Back to the human.

- Red slipped.

Silence.

- He what?

- Slipped! Broke his skull real bad. Had to remove it for a time. Cannot chat with you now!

More silence. Dib sighed.

- I can't believe it. He left you all alone to deal with the crazy human... what a drag!

_Dib, Dib, shuddup, you have no time for this, remember who they are... who HE is... FOCUS... you already were VERY lucky your last misadventure did not have Earth blown up... I can't... they're just ASKING for it... can't help myself... must regain control..._

Purple put on a pouting face, bringing his four claws on each side of nonexistent hips.

- Hey! Don't you talk like that of Red! He's got a good reason not to be there right now!

- Really? Like what?... you finally accepted the Truth and decided to actually act anorexic, instead of only looking like it?

_DIB, FOR THE LOVE OF TREK I BEG YOU SHUT UP THIS IS NOT WORKING OUT_  
_... look at him. He didn't understand a word of what you just said. His Thickness, saving your butt from YOURS._  
_But beware, Membrane. You won't always be THAT lucky._

- No! He... slipped... on a... pancake?

- Yeah, sure, slipped? While doing the Moonwalk I bet? Couldn't do it as good as you do, could he?

The vampire behind him was beginning to get annoyed. This conversation made no sense. Beside, he could do the Moonwalk better than anyone.

- Yeah! Exactly. Wait. No! How do YOU know about the Moondance?

- Moonwalk. And I... read a lot.

_Why must I ALWAYS be dragged into endless, pointless arguing with these retards?_

- Oh. Kay'! Oh, ah, I got it! He went to bed!

- You just told me he slipped on a pancake! At least be coherent in your lies!

- But I am! That's why he had to go to bed! He just couldn't think straight anymore.

- Without his head, no wonder.

- Yes. Sad, isn't it. Anyway. Can't be helped, can it?

_Tell me..._

- ... so he went to bed, and didn't even bother to wait for you to come?

_Okay. I think it's a great time to swallow a whole bunch of cyanide pills now. Seppuku yourself. I'm afraid "To seppuku oneself" does not yet exist. Reason more. Invent it._

- ... what do you mean?

...

_Noooo. Please, don't tell me this is real... saved again? Can't be. Can't be true. Can't believe it. Have to make sure NO_

He opened his mouth slightly.

_DIB FOR EVERYTHING THAT IS WORTH NOT DIRECTLY THROWING YOUR HEAD INTO THE MECHANICAL CRUSHER, DO NOT ASK, DO NOT ASK HIM ANYTHING, JUST DON'T NOT THE TIME NOT THE PLACE_

- ... I only wondered if he was alright. Seeing you alone like this makes me kinda sad. It's like you're not whole anymore.

_Yeah. Tallest need to be two to be one. Watching you alone like this, it's like there's no one in front of me._  
_Sad, but true. One Tallest is Nothing. Two Tallest is barely anything, but it at least means something._

- So you tell me Red is ... very sick.

Clear relief on Purple's face. The beast was finally buying it. He wasn't such a bad liar after all.

- Yeah... poor Red...

- Is that why you're calling me? Because I have no time for this now.

- Oh, no, no! No for that at all!

A light tap on the young man's shoulder from behind him. _What are you waiting for?!_ He gestured his companion to be just a little more patient.

- Poor Red indeed, but he's not the worst to pity. I mean, he even is the luckier of the two, if you want my advice.

- ... what do you mean?...

Doubt was beginning to show on the green face. Falling right into the trap, like the good little Tallest he was.

- What do I mean? -Dib went on- what about you? You're left here, alone, on your own to deal with all the duties and problems! Imagine... imagine if something really-really dirty falls on your mighty shoulders, how will you deal with it, all by yourself? Oh, of course, you're loaded with a whole court, slaves and servant who will do all the work for you, but in the end on the day, when you'll extend your... claws to grab some chips, you'll suddenly realize you've got no one to eat them with... when you'll be tired and fed up with your daily Tallest responsibility, there'll be none to share the annoyment with. "

Tallest Purple was greying. In his thick head, Red was already dead and buried, and the future this human was presenting him with was not made to please him.  
Anyway, the beast kept on talking.

- No one will ever understand again what a burden it is to be the Emperor of the Irken Empire... the heavy, heavy Burden of Power... with no one by your side to hold your arm.

It seemed like poor Purple had lost a few centimeters, somewhere along the speech. Fact was, he didn't seem that tall right now.  
Okay, time for the last blow.

- ... but you won't be sad, no, never. Because you are strong, because you are tall, and perfectly able to make it on your own. After all, who needs a co-ruler to deal with war matters? With food transaction? Even alone, at night, in your room... who needs someone by his side as long as he's got the Power?

Red leaped from behind the screen. Jumping to his sibling, grabbing him tightly, half-suffocating him against his praying mantis-like chest.

- Red! You've got better? I'm so glad!

- I never was sick in the first place, silly!

- Ah, yeah, that's true. The illusion. Silly me. I'm so glad anyway! *

*Squeeze*  
Awwwww...

- Did you see how well I lied?! Did you see?!

- Yeah, Pur. You lied reeeaal good. I'm proud of you. Next time, you get to do the peace-offering with Deadly Emperor Krypto.

- Guys!... -interrupted Dib, slightly angry from getting his butt cheek pinched by the annoyed vampire, pressing him to cut to the chase- I don't care. Whatever. I have no more time to lose. Just tell me what you want, and let's get over it. Please guys! Tell me what you want. I've got a lot of things to deal with Zim. He is not well at all.

- So what?

- He's dying.

- Gwah! Again! And what from, now?

- Please. Please. Just tell me what you want. Just that. You're going to do it! You're gonna to tell me NOW! Or I'll...

Silence.

- Or you?...

- Or I'll... do stuff to you!

More silence.

- "And what can you do, little human? "

_Hey, no fair, you were supposed to shout "no, not stuff!" and be terrified and whatnot. So you people are NOT all the same? Dammit._

- I... I can ask "pretty please"...

- That's what we thought.

_Grrrr. They got me here. Maybe a little butter would do the trick._

- Guys, listen. Since, I'm part of the Human Race (O really?) and therefore free of your control, I can allow myself to be respectful toward you of my own will. I might be the only one in that case. Should I bow before you?

Horrified glares.

- No! Please, please don't!

- Human, don't act silly! Think about the weight of your head! Once unbalanced, you might never be able to get up again!

_Now that I have them both on-screen, there's no telling who's who apart from the color scheme. Weird._  
_You'll never know how lucky you've been not to be born the same eyes color._

- ...you'll never know how lucky you've been not to be born the same eyes color.

_Wait. Did I just say that aloud?_

- Thanks, human! That was very nice of you to say!

...

_Insert a third entity in the Lucky Bastards Realm._

- WHAT. DID. YOU. WANT.

- Oh, that? Nothing.

...

- What?!

Red slowly pointed his finger to his colleague.

- Purple called you. I didn't want to. I don't know what he wants. But he didn't want to see you alone, you understand, since your brain broke down, no way to be sure if it's totally fixed and ready to work again, you know?

- Don't worry. I got burned, shocked and drowned. I should be fine.

- Very good. I shall leave you two alone. Pur? If the hu-man snaps again, call me, I'll end the call.

_This is the most coherent thing I've ever heard from those two. This is kinda amazing. I guess they really like each other._

- Later, Pur.

_The way they smile awkwardly at each other... the way he briefly squeezes his hand while leaving..._

- Later, Rrrr.

_It's just like some elderly couple, dammit, this is almost cu... WAIT._

- Your nickname is "Rrrr"?!

Red stopped in his track, to give the monkey man a superior look.

- Yes. His is "Pur", so mine is "Rrrr" logicall. Any more question?

_Oh Screw you guy, not even grasping the concept of a nickname._

- No.

- Later, then.

- Hey, no, wait, here's one, what's mine?

But Red was already gone.

Once left alone, Purple immediately started fidgeting, hesitated, quickly verified Red was really gone, then half turned toward Dib again.

- Human...

He slowly brought his two-clawed hand to his own throat, violet eyes fixated somewhere else. Looking somewhat worried and uncomfortable. He bent closer to the screen, muttering almost guiltily:

- Ask 376654447 AFTH about "Shud-o-matic"...

Dib frowned.

- Eh? Ask who?... about what?...

- Purple? Have you seen the tacos? I left them over there, but I forgot if those were the ones made with living things inside, anyway, it's gone, did you seen one run past you?

The leader jerked violently, antennae slapping against the back of his flat skull. Then enthusiastically waved to Dib, granting him with one of the worst fake toothy grin he's ever seen.

- Ah, HAPPY NEW YEAR, HUMAN! -He claimed forcefully Have fun catching the starry eggs-thingy in the rabbit-socks!

And with that, the screen went black.

A minute Later, Dib was asking Ed about the cryptic message. Another minute, and he had his response.

_God no. NO. _  
_I can't face this right now. _  
_Sorry Zim, this will have to wait._

* * *

And there they were. Again.

Dib did take a little while, after a rain of rocks, dirt, grass and everything Zim could grab and throw at him, to admit the alien was actually real. The aforementioned alien kept throwing stuff at him a good fives minutes after this admission.

- Oh that's it, you want it now? You want to duke it out for good? Bring it on! ... actually, don't. I'm way too tired and uninterested to have a fight with you.

Zim proceeded to burst out his usual hysterical fits of rage, jumping and throwing his fists in the air, blowing green goo everywhere, although the flow had drastically lessened.  
But only weird, frail screeching sounds were actually coming out… better than nothing.  
The alien was so engrossed in his anger that he didn't even noticed this prodigious progress in the recovery of his voice.  
It was like watching Zim, his good old Zim, on mostly mute.  
It should have been sad. But still...

Dib laughed out loud. He couldn't help himself. He never could stay serious whenever Zim threw a hissy fit. It was just so fricking funny. Even without words, the way he moved, the way his faced kept changing shapes... just hilarious.

- Ah... I'm sorry... haha... you're just... ha, oh man... I'm so sorry, I...

He stopped, taking a look at the Alien's face.

Zim didn't look angry anymore. His arms had fallen down, hanging stupidly to his sides. He kept his huge eyes fixated on the laughing young man, with a mix of surprise and fascination.

- Ah, you remembered, too... I used to... laugh at you when you did that... watching you go berserk was always such a blast...

Zim hit him.  
Harder than he would have expected, and when he showed no sign of stopping, he had no choice but to strike him back.

This was not a glorious fight. Tired, angry, scared, frustated. But not glorious.  
Both Zim and Dib had the shape and strength of a single match.  
At this point, the best they could do was scratch and poke each other slowly, clumsily.  
Zim managed to claw dib right under the eye, sending his glasses flying off.

Dib however, despite the pain of his open knees and elbows, -not counting the slight worry of never finding his glasses again- managed to get the alien on his back, sitting on his legs, preventing him from moving away AGAIN, trying to rain on the alien a bunch of sissy punches. Pummeling the green, plastic like skin him with inefficient hands.  
It went "spweek".  
Those comical sounds just served to enrage him even more.

- Stupid! Stupid monster! Your claws are worth nothing!

Punch.

- Your teeth are worth nothing!

Punch.

- Stupid lizard man! You're so stupid!

Punch.

- Where's your tail?! See if it grows back if I rip it off!

Zim finally found the strength to put a stop to this rambling by kicking him off, jumping to his feet.  
Dib fell flat on his back.  
And stayed there.

Briefly surprised by the sudden lack of motion of his adversary, Zim stood in place for a little while, waiting for Dib to get back on his feet, to strike back. It didn't happen.  
Wondering idly if his last shot had actually killed the retarded monkey, a stifled sob had him freeze.

Followed by another, louder one. And another one.

- I… I can't do this anymore… it's too… t-too much… I can't… I'm no-not st-strong enough...

The human let out an angsty yelp, openly bawling nom. Loudly, messyly, like an infant would. Nothing more than a child's despair, water flowing from his eyes, born from the deep, open gash he was feeling in his chest.

- Zim matters…

The voice was faint, cracked, hardly audible. But Zim did his very best.

The shock provided by this single sentence had Dib silent for a fews seconds.

Zim was breathing heavily, shoulders humped, his body slightly battered, but still standing strong on his feet. His face was a mix of determination and resentment.

- I…

He asserted much louder, pointing his finger to his chest.

- … MATTER!

* * *

Razputin in Psychonauts is dubbed by the same voice actor as Zim. He's a sweet and clever boy, this is so weird to me.

Also, I'm no longer listing my references, and have no idea how much longer it will get.

Oh and it turns out Zim and Dib canonly actually like each others, as "friends": watch?v=ebIlhBsTAtY&feature=related

I have to make Zim speak, now. Dammit, this is harder than I thought.


End file.
